Mediaite - On Monday night, the world was shocked, shocked when, after all the hand-wringing over Chaz Bono’s fiendish insistence on existing, it actually seemed that HLN’s Nancy Grace was the one to plunge our nation’s children into depravity. The worst depravity of all in fact, the depravity of a briefly viewed human female breast! However, Grace has spoken out, denying that that slightly different shade of pink that we saw for a second was actually her nipple. Thank God. I guess my children won’t be going to Hell after all. “‘When I got dressed, I was wearing Petals (nipple covers) and an industrial strength bra … my dancing dress also had a bra sewn into it.’ Nancy adds, ‘I have been judged guilty without a trial … I will go to my grave denying the nip slip.’”
While Nancy Grace is all horrified, running around lying her tits off (pun completely intended) trying to pretend like this didn’t happen, I’v been sitting back and wondering what the big fucking deal is? It’s just a little nip slip for god sakes.
This happens every single time there’s a nip slip in this country, media outlets run around dissecting the evidence like they just got their hands on the Zapruder film for the first time. Guys, it’s not that outrageous. It’s a little brown protuberance in the center of a breast. BFD.
There is absolutely nothing more disappointing than a nip slip. I’ve never once been aroused or offended by one. It’s half a second of a dime-to-half dollar sized freckle. Unless you’re an 8 year old kid and have never set eyes on a boob before, this is a non-event. I’d rather stare at some well styled side boob any day. Side boob can be hot. A nip slip, not. A nip slip from Nancy Grace, negative hot. Like so negative hot that I temporarily inverted. It’s not a huge deal. No need for a special on Ted Koppel tonight, tell Bill O'reilly to cancel his rant on declining American values tonight. It’s a nipple people. It’s the definition of nothing to see here.
