Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Jessica Simpson May be Pregnant, But She's Also Hell-a Fat


Boston Herald - Pop singer Jessica Simpson yesterday confirmed the world’s worst-kept secret: She and Needham homey Eric Johnson are having a baby. “It’s True! I am going to be a mummy!” the 31-year-old said in a statement posted on her website yesterday alongside a photo of her in her Halloween costume — a mummy — cradling her tummy. The confirmation came after weeks of speculation about the singer, who had been seen in scores of paparazzi shots with what appeared to be an ever-expanding baby bump.



I'm not sure what the rules are about calling pregnant lady fat, but Jessica Simpson is FAT.  I mean, yea there might be a baby in there somewhere, but it sort of looks like there's a couple honey-hams and a Christmas Turkey too. Look at her! She's built like a brick shit house...you can't tell which one of them used to play in the NFL and which one was a pop star, they've got the same physique!

I'll be honest, this is the first time I looked into this story, like for 2 weeks Jess had been all coy about whether or  not she was pregnant, hinting at it but not fully confirming, and all the while I was a bit puzzled about how there could be any confusion, like you know when a woman is pregnant, she sprouts a beach ball under her shirt...but now I get it, I understand the confusion. She looks like a frigen long haul trucker who's been eating at roadside diners for 15 years, just pounding cheese steaks and fries all day. Plus, now that she's apparently wearing moo-moo's in public  you really can't tell if its a baby bump or just her natural gut. 
PS: How the hell do her legs work? What in gods name is up with those cartoon like sticks that are improbably holding up her girth? Can we get some physicists to explain how that's happening?