Tired of Holiday Car Commercials

So tired of these "Buy your spouse or significant other a luxury vehicle this holiday season" commercials.  Every frigen year, how do these ridiculous gift wrapped cars manage to live on each Christmas, yet a classic like the Salad Shooter hasn't been seen in years? Its just not right, because I can guarantee more Salad Shooters get sold during the Thanksgiving-Christmas shopping marathon than cars as Christmas presents, that's just unrealistic.  Give us a break will ya? Guys have a hard enough time measuring up to the expectations of woman without advertising execs promising them a $60,000 car, damn.  

PS: What is funny though, is companies like Hyundai getting in on the Christmas spirit.  Could there be a worse gift?  Your wife walks out blindfolded to find a compact economy car for Christmas, and looks next door to see Mrs. Jones' ribbon wrapped BMW?   The ink on the divorce papers would be dry by New Years Eve, because the odds are the only schmucks buying their women cars for Christmas are doing it as a last ditch effort to save the marriage, or because they're dating a gold digger wayyy younger than they are, either way a Hyundai aint cutting it..  Here's a hint Hyundai, if I'm going to do something ridiculous like sign up for a 5 year payment plan for a Christmas gift, I'm not springing for the practical car with good gas mileage.

Password Day At Work

Password day, the antithesis of pay day at work.  Just a miserable day of trying to synchronize all 83 or so of your log-on's you've accumulated on one single day per month (or in my case every 45 days, which makes no sense).  Perils abound at every turn.  

What if you forgot to change one of your passwords the previous month? That access is probably now locked, big decision to make there.  Do you call the help desk (India) and wait an hour to have your account unlocked? Or do you decide to go on with out it, you obviously didn't need it for the last month, maybe you won't this month either?

Then there is always that one access point that changed their security parameters on you to something ridiculous like "need two upper case, one lower case, three symbols, and a six digit number."  This always throws me off, especially when this happens after you've already changed a couple of passwords.  Now I've got to go back and change all of those again to match this phrase that I have no chance of remembering and will undoubtedly tack onto my cube wall, thus defeating the purpose.

Password day also leads to more lockouts than any other day.  Once I change my desktop's password for the day I'm guaranteed to lock myself out a minimum 2.6 times.  No one remembers on the first day.  I'll sit there punching in my old password a couple times then it'll dawn on me that I changed it, except I had to change it to some overly complicated Morse code like sequence and I miss type it on the third frigen time.  

Now I'm stuck calling India again, answering things like "what street did I grow up on" and "who was your childhood best friend."  Who came up with these standard security questions a pedophile?  Why not "do you like candy little boy?" or "do you want a ride in my windowless van"?  Before you know it I've wasted an entire day on the phone with Mumbai and haven't gotten to type one blog, never mind do my real work.  Exhausting. 

Color Terror Alerts Going Away?

WASHINGTON -- The Homeland Security Department is proposing to discontinue the color-coded terror alert system that became a symbol of the country's post-9/11 jitters and the butt of late-night talk show jokes. The 8-year-old system, with its rainbow of five colors -- from green, signifying a low threat, to red, meaning severe -- became a fixture in airports, government buildings and on newscasts.

Finally. We've been stuck at yellow for like a decade, yet every time I step in an airport they sound an alert letting us know the status and to be on the look out.  And every time there is that one jittery flier who starts freaking out in the terminal because they don't realize we've been living at threat level yellow basically since September 12th.  Causes more havoc and concern than anything.  

How about a new system, no colors, because really, unless you're trying to appeal to kindergarten teachers and their pupils there was never a need to color code this thing, just tell us the level and we're good.  And we can skip the basement level "low threat." I'm pretty sure we won't be needing that any time soon, with two wars on going and one about to break out.  Just three levels, A) Be on alert, B) Shit might be going down, C)GTFUG (Get The Fuck Underground).  Simple, to the point, no one will ever be confused.  Just another case of The Alt-Tab solving our countries problems. 

Antoine Walker Is Back!

Boston.com - Former Celtics All-Star Antoine Walker will attempt a comeback with the D-League's Idaho Stampede, sources close to the situation told ESPN's Marc Stein. All that stands in the way of the 34-year-old Walker's comeback is a routine background check all D-Leaguers are subject to.  Walker's background, of course, is littered with personal and financial trouble. The Globe's Shira Springer reported last year that Walker has squandered most of his $110 million-plus in career earnings and has been pursued by creditors. Walker was arrested on criminal charges in July 2009 in a case involving an $822,500 gambling debt.  According to the ESPN report, Walker showed up before the start of Bobcats training camp this season in the hopes of pursuing Michael Jordan to give him a shot with the team, but Walker couldn't convince Jordan -- his close friend -- to sign him. Last year, Walker lasted only eight games in the Puerto Rican league with the Guaynabo Mets, averaging 12.4 points and 8.6 rebounds. Walker is reportedly in better shape now, but he hasn't played in the NBA since the 2007-2008 season.  Scott Schroeder of AOL FanHouse first reported Walker's intention to sign with the D-League. The maximum salary for a player in the league is $25,500. The Stampede are affiliated with the NBA's Denver Nuggets and Portland Trailblazers.

Best news of the day, nay the year.  I loved Antoine growing up, still ranks as my favorite Celtic.  Let that sink in for a second.

Yes 'Toine basically represented everything that sucked about the NBA from the early-mid nineties to 2002ish.  No defense, submarined close games with poor 3 point shooting, got about 65% out of his talent because he didn't need to play for a living after the outrageous contracts he was given, somehow blew well over $100 million on a size-able posse, and was always willing to celebrate a highlight even if the team was down 15 and losing for its 5th straight night.  But I loved him, he was the fans player and that's all that mattered. 

You only get a few sports heroes growing up, the window is brief (have to be old enough to know whats going on but young enough not to understand the business side of sports), my list included Antoine, Nomar, Pedro, and Curtis Martin (even if his stay was way too short).  That's really it.  Those were my idols during the 10 years old-15 year old stretch. 

I wasn't quite old enough to really enjoy Bird or any of the other greats of the 80's, they're more legends to me than anything, passed on to me by my Dad and gushing Boston sports writers.  And while I love that the current crop of Celts has made the Celts relevant again I'm a bit past the age where you can idolize players.  If I was a 12 year old I'm sure I'd love Rondo, but once you hit your 20's you're a bit to jaded to love a player. One too many contract negotiations gone bad, you come to realize that you're rooting for laundry and that's it. 

Really my two Celtics choices growing up where Toine or Pierce.  And I hated Paul Pierce up until the first day of the 2007 season, and I won't apologize for it.  It's frowned upon for sports media to talk about it now, but Toine was "the Celtic" from all those horrible teams. Toine was definitely the guy that won the building over during the few good times of the mid 90's-early 00's.  He'd shimmy, smile, and relish the good games.  Pierce seemed to have a constant scowl and his game consisted of nothing more than running into the lane, throwing his hands up and hoping to be bailed out.  Countless isolation plays from the top of the key wore me down and turned me against him.  I'm not sure if I was wrong all along about him, or if winning just finally changed him, but he has changed and for that I'm glad.  He's still fairly ugly to watch but at least for the last few years I've known that he gives a shit, but he'll always be behind Antoine Walker to me.

PS: What kind of background check could the NBA or its affiliates possibly be running? Have you seen some of the people in this league?  You're telling me some of the Euros aren't human traffickers? 

Working from Home Today

So the CW (no thats not me, I wouldn't be caught dead with a mustache, and my hair is much better looking, the rest is pretty accurate though) decided to take his talents home today around lunch time and work the rest of the day from the couch.  Being that I've never done this before (seems impossible but I was always too lazy to get the access set up, which when I explain it that way doesn't seem so impossible), I had no idea what to expect.  Early review? AWESOME.

I have two laptops going, sportscenter on  a 50 inch HiDef TV, and all the Turkey Day leftovers you can imagine for lunch.  Hard as it is to believe I think I actually did more real work today than I did all of last week.  I sort of felt motivated to prove that I could (that and I love technology, so the idea of trying out all the work related functions that I usually ignore really appealed to me).  I'm sure that feeling would eventually go away.

I can definitely understand why people that work at home set up offices with desks and shit.  I've almost taken a nap 3 times in the last two hours.  With Sportscenter on and my laptop open it feels distinctly like a Sunday watching football over here (except work e-mail subbed for my fantasy football page).  I think I'd need a pet if I did this full time too.  Its driving me crazy not being able to talk to anyone.  I could easily become a crazy cat-person if I worked from home.  I haven't spoken in 3 hours.  I've gone to speak several times but realized it would be pointless.  Its at the point now where I'm holding back from talking to myself just to see how long I can go without hearing my own voice. 

Has anyone else worked at home before? Any advice on working through the boredom?

Is Wikipedia Broke?

Wikipedia is literally begging its users for money these days (no really, look). Web sites can do that? Just ask people to make a donation?  If I put up a paypal request for cash would you guys even give me a nickel? It can't be that easy.  I think at this point the 'Tabs (thats us for short) is more likely to be paying people to visit the site than the other way around.


 So can the people who own wikipedia really be that terrible as businessmen, it is the 5th most popular site on the entire internet.  If these guys can't spin a profit how can an underdog like The Alt-Tab survive (we probably can't be we're riding this out for all its worth)?  No, clearly that can't be it.  I know they stubbornly don't use advertising (why not? just have some of your more popular searched items sponsored) but they must have some venture capitalists contributing something. 


I have a feeling they're just crying poor like the guy who pan handles and then drives home in his Mercedes at the end of the night, just bullshit (though I will be saddened if they go under, thats like 1/3 of my daily browsing). 

Weekend Musings

A quick insight into the musings of the curious mind of CW:

 Has anyone actually been a snake oil salesman? - I'd never understood this phrase.  I got that it was a term for a sleazeball salesman but I wasn't sure what to make of the origin.  Was there some Oil salesman back in the 1800's that would pull the old switcheroo on his customers and give them snake oil instead of real oil? And just how many snakes would he need to pull this feat off? How much oil can one snake possibly produce?  Well turns out I was way off, and yes there were actual snake oil salesman back in the day. It was sold presumably by  gypsies and schemers as a sort of Robitussin of the day.

Why is February so short? - It took me 26 years to get to pondering this but how come no one has rectified this situation yet?  The only explanation I can find is it had something to do with the Caesars shortening the month of February because of some unpleasant religious holiday, but that clearly has no bearing today, or for that matter for the past 2000-3000 years.  There are more than enough months that have an extra day that we could redistribute evenly.  It just seems odd that the whole world has been willing to go along with this fairly bizarre system for so long.  Remember the debate between the Metric System and the US system of measurement? How is that a more pressing issue that the way we keep track of time?  February needs to have 30 days if only so it fits into that song we all learn as kids (30 Days has September, April, June, and November, all the rest have 31, except for February which has 28), the February line doesn't rhyme or fit in at all, it has no rhythm. 

Remember when George Bush changed Day Light Savings Time - All by himself.  Probably the single biggest feat of his Presidency. In 2005 Bush and his Republican government were so unwilling to accept global warming and the need for green initiatives, carbon caps, and stricter emissions laws (not to mention all of these initiatives would have presumably harmed their deep pocketed supporters) that they decided it would be easier to appease us by changing time!  Read that again, they'd rather have changed the way we keep time, than push laws and agendas that would create a healthier planet (and incidentally the whole time change thing did nothing to help conserve energy according to recent studies, so failure all around).  Couldn't they have at least addressed the whole February issue while they were at it?

Longest Rube Goldberg Machine

Amazing Rube Goldberg - Watch more Funny Videos

Don't these things usually have a point?  Like I kept expecting the perfect pot of coffee to be made at the end of the ruse or something.  A frigen curtain opening to your credits rolling? Wow, good one.

What's more amazing, I went back and watched it again and you literally can't see dead hookers anywhere in the apartment.  I have no idea where they're hiding them but that might be their biggest accomplishment, because guys that have enough time to set up an overly complicated pat-myself-on-the-back machine definitely have dead hookers somewhere in their apartment.  I'd love to see the apparatus they used to hide the bodies.

Alt-Tabs

Bush on Family, "We're no Political Dynasty" -In the hour-long interview, Bush and his wife, Barbara, discussed their lives and their relationship with another son -- former President George W. Bush. While the Bushes spoke with obvious pride of their family and accomplishments, they rejected talk of a Bush political dynasty, even when reminded that they are one of only two father-son presidential families in American history.


Well thanks for clearing that up, I didn't know people were debating this.  If the 2000's Patriots can't definitively be called a dynasty then I don't think the Bush's are even in the discussion.  No offense to the first Bush, but your son's Presidency comes down to the assasination of Saddam (which you couldn't handle on your own), two lingering wars, and whole scale invasion of US citizens privacy.  Yeah, we'll have to get back to you on that whole dynasty thing.


Under Takers Offering Coffins with Gay Flair - Two undertakers in the northwestern German city of Cologne are trying to tap into the gay market by selling coffins adorned with images of male nudes.
The prize piece in their display window is a coffin decorated with images of mostly naked, muscular young men in athletic poses inspired by Italian Renaissance paintings.


Imagine if someone came out to their family this way, posthumously?  That would be wild. Poor grieving family reading through their sons Last Will and Testament only to find out that he wished to be buried in a Versace styled Paisley coffin and he'd never told anyone he was into dudes? At the very least this needs to be an episode of Punk'd


Mark Whalberg says "The Happening Was Pretty Bad" - Again, thanks for clearing that up, but we knew that once M Night Sham-ICantTellAStoryWithoutAGiganticTwistThatDoesn'tReallyMakeSense-alan was named the director. 


Axl Rose Sues Guitar Hero - Guns N’ Roses lead singer Axl Rose is suing video game maker Activision Blizzard Inc. for $20 million over the company’s use of the song "Welcome to the Jungle" in the game "Guitar Hero III." In a lawsuit filed in Los Angeles on Tuesday, the singer rails against Activision executives for guaranteeing the song would not be used alongside anything to do with estranged former band mate Slash — and then putting the guitar player’s likeness in the game anyway.


Because you've done so well since leaving the band?  Sad thing is you know Axl is probably holding livingroom concerts every night using Guitar Hero with his neighbors, trying to convince them that he was a famous rockstar once upon a time.  No ones buying it.


FDA's Caffeine and Alcohol Ban Forces Local Brewer Off the Shelves - A Hingham brewer is fighting the abrupt ban on caffeinated malt beverages, saying her low-caffeine craft beer Moonshot 69 was unfairly lumped in with turbo-charged, high-booze drinks aimed at young partiers.Moonshot 69, brewed in Pennsylvania by the Hingham-based New Century, has been out since 2004, has 69 milligrams of caffeine and a 4 percent alcohol content, and comes in 12-ounce bottles.


Spare me the high and mighty act lady, you're just lucky Drew Carey isn't as litigious as Axl Rose and didn't sue you years ago for ripping off Buzz Beer.


South Korea on High Alert, But Ultimately Doing Nothing - South Korea vowed massive retaliation should North Korea attack again, and said Wednesday it would strengthen military forces in the disputed western waters near the island of Yeonpyeong and halt aid to the communist North. The North warned of more military strikes if the South encroaches on the maritime border by "even 0.001 millimeter."


Show some self respect South Korea, in the past 6 months the North has sunk one of your ships and fired on your land killing civilians.  Barrack better not give these panzy's an ounce of support until they at least throw a punch of something.  How defenseless are you? S. Korea is like the little redheaded kid on the playground telling the bullies to watch out if they pick on him one more time, except they all know he's just going to run to the principals office like a little bitch. I wish we weren't their allies.  I'll take a country like the North that has the gumption to take what they think is theirs any day of the week.

The Nanny To Run For Congress

Fox News - Drescher is even considering running for elected office herself.  “I think that this show might be a nice bridge towards that ultimate goal, but I think that I may find that this is a great forum to be able to share my passion and patriotism and desire to do things for the greater good,” she said. “(If I was to run) I would really make education a very big platform of mine because at the end of the day, all roads lead there, and if we think education is expensive, just stop and think what ignorance costs us.”

Everyone can relax, world peace is now within reach, America has a new secret weapon. I don't know how we didn't think of this before.  Forget Nuke's and other artillery, you want a real deterrent to global conflict?  You spring an overly opinionated woman with a thick Queens accent on the world. 

Israel and Palestine can't resolve that conflict? How about we send Fran Drescher over to mediate the problem.  The Jews and Arabs would have to forget about what the problem was and settle just so her voice doesn't cause an aneurysm. North Korea won't play nice without single party talks with the US, meet our new Korean ambassador.  

Domestically I can't think of a situation that would create a quicker bi-partisan resolution than the threat of a filibuster from the Nanny.  A day in session in Congress has to be boring enough, never mind having to listen to the schrill perturbing accent of a know-it-all day care worker blabbering on about womans health issues, and the best spot to get a pedicure in DC.

In short, I support Fran Drescher, and so should you.

This blog was paid for by The Nanny For Congress Committee 2012

Skinheaded Redneck Knocks Out Own Teeth

Gun Recoil Knocks Out Man's Tooth - Watch more Funny Videos


Question, did this guy some how find the one white Dentist in America? Or does he have to go to a Korean/Indian dentist like the rest of us?  That must kill the supremacist inside of him just a little bit, right? 

Have to Work on Black Friday?

That pretty much sums up what my office will look like today, just a barren wasteland, with a few suckers renegade workers willing to forge on and take care of business.  

But you know what? I secretly don't mind working Black Friday, and you shouldn't either.  It's the single slowest day of the year in the office (The day after Christmas would be in contention if you didn't have to worry about the unusually high amount of work place shootings that seem to take place Dec 26th. You really have to wonder just how awful some peoples gifts are that they come in the next day and raise Armageddon).  

Sure I'd rather be sleeping, or watching Alabama-Auburn, polishing off some left overs in my boxers on the couch, or watching news stories about all the bat-shit crazy people who lined up sometime before 5 am, all to save 20% store wide (its called Amazon.com, ever heard of it people?). But today is that special day, no bosses to speak of, most of  the clients have the day off because we're the only company in our industry cruel enough to make people work today, and the majority of the co-workers I attempt to pretend don't exist most days won't be around to bother me either.  

Should be a good day to catch up on work I've been putting off...yea right.  Just a day of surfing the internet, e-mail chains with my friends (if any of them are actually at their jobs), long lunch breaks (yes plural, I mentioned there are no bosses today, right?), and office wandering to pass the time.  Yes, that's not that much different than any other day for CW but it just feels better knowing that no one really has any expectations for me to do anything else today.  I'm fairly certain I could show up in a robe with no pants and not be disciplined as long as I've manned my station.

So here's to the rest of you who are in work reading this today (toasting you with coffee in my 32 oz. Legends of Nascar Cup, and no, I don't watch Nascar), for recognizing that an extra day off in the sunny, warm summer, beats a day off in miserable cold November, battling mental patients and stampeding mothers for Silly Bandz and Tickle Me Elmos. 

The Office Dress Code

Anyone who works in an office setting can relate to the annoying semi-annual company memos on dress codes, for the most part its just the same old common sense message, don't look like a homeless person, slut, beach dude, or hungover drunk. Pretty straight forward, but I'm still always shocked at the diversity of peoples choices in my office.  This may not apply to everyone's work place, I work in a large setting and as a result am exposed to a larger group of workers than most of you, but here is the run down of our business casual choices I see on a consistent basis.

The Fresh Out of College - Couple of different ways this person can go. First, and usually for guys only, you see alot of cargo pant type khakis and questionably acceptable collared shirts.  It takes about 6 months to a year on the job for the average prep/frat type graduate to purge their warddrobe of these fringe acceptable clothing syltes.  The second fresh out of college option is for the guys and girls who are so eager to impress that they hit the job running with an over the top, GQ-esque warddrobe.  This also takes 6 months to a year to disappear, because thats how long it takes grads to realize their entry level salary won't support drinking 3-4x a week and dressing like an Express cover model.  The lesson as always, drinking always wins out. 

Girls in Club Wear - To a lesser extent this applies to guys as well, though typical guy club wear of some douchey designer T-shirt will get you sent home in most places.  Girls can get by on the fringe a bit more.  You know the girls, clothes a bit too tight, too short, too revealing to be appropriate.  Other girls hate these girls, and the single alpha males of the office try to walk the fine line between sexual harrasment and harmless flirting (then there is always that creepy older guy trying to mix it up too...don't do that dude).  One of two things going on here, 1) This girl is a shoot off of fresh out of college girl, stubbornly trying to hold on to her party days and not blow the budget on two sets of wardrobes, or 2) They're not really interested in working here, just looking to catch the attention of an upper level manager and then quit to pursue their real passion, gold diggery and whoring. 

The Consumate Professional - Just a well dressed guy or gal.  Not much to say here, whether or not the person actually is professional on the job is another question,  but it really doesn't matter. They look like they fit in, and for the most part thats all that counts.

The Slacker - Likes to push the casual level without really dipping too far into our next category (we'll get there in a minute).  Matches the professionals when necessary but shies away from kissing too much corporate ass by pushing the limits other days.  Typically can be found with the occasional untucked shirt, frayed or faded jeans when the company says only clean blue jeans with no signs of wear, shirts not quite buttoned to the top, or at all in the case of polos, maybe a few wrinkles here and there, wouldn't want to give the impression that he knows how to work an iron or anything.  Also easily identified by the unorganized and messy cube, or as the guy blogging from his cube at work.  It may be a double standard but there just aren't many girls that can pull this category off, they tend to end up looking like...

The Scrub - You pushed it a bit too far.  Stains, overly baggy clothing, just an all out haggard appearance.  Shoes with holes in the soles, brown belts with black pants, black belts with brown shoes, you name it.  Girls who decide its ok for them to wear T-shirts because they can get away with anything, and $1.99 flip-flops from Old Navy.  At least give some kind of effort here.

Thats all for today, Happy Turkey Day, check back Friday if you're as unfortunate as myself and have to work...or check back from home I guess if you really like the site (Though that sounds fairly unrealistic).

TSA Pops Urine Bag

NPR - During a pat-down by Transportation Security Administration personnel at the airport, Sawyer's urostomy bag opened. As the Detroit News writes, that "caused his urine bag to leak onto his clothing." Sawyer couldn't change until after his flight to Orlando.

I've been avoiding posting about the TSA as much as possible. I think its a ridiculous topic and am slowly coming to the realization that this country is far too prudish.  Just walk through the scanners people, not a big deal and much better than being raped by a minimum wage worker.   This story caught my eye though.  

Yes I feel bad for all parties involved, this poor guy had to sit on a plane covered in urine, a situation we're not supposed to have to deal with once we're past the age of infancy.  And this poor TSA agent is being overlooked as well. Having to feel peoples pee bags and God knows what else through out the day.  It's probably hard enough grabbing another mans junk or groping all the overweight/obese people we have in this country, never mind soiling your hands in the process.  I certainly couldn't do it.  

But here is my question on the whole matter.  Why was this guy thinking he was going to be allowed to wear his bag of urine on the plane when I can't sneak a bottle of Poland Springs water through a security checkpoint without getting my name thrown on the no-fly list?  

I literally watched one of my roommates be sexually assaulted at a check point because he had a bottle of water in his pocket and a belt buckle that couldn't be removed from his shorts (thus setting off the medal detector).  He was already a sun burned irishmen but his face hit a whole new level of crimson during these proceedings.  Are you telling me that his bottle of poland spring and brass belt buckle were more of a threat than yellow/orange tinged (I don't know how hydrated this guy keeps himself) bag of liquid strapped to some guys stomach?  I'm giving the bottle of water the benefit of the doubt most days of the week, not the bag of "piss."  Just opening up a whole new door for any terrorist with a doctors note if you ask me (not that anyone is asking me).

Rescue Attempt Goes Horribly Wrong (FW to 1 minute mark)

Rescue Attempt Fail - Watch more Funny Videos

Hey, thanks for coming out guys, but I think they could have handled it better themselves.  I guess thanks for breaking their fall though?

They couldn't have possibly bungled the rescue attempt this badly, so was this a real emergency? Or were they making a modern day silent movie spoof?  I feel like I've seen this before, black and white, grainy image, bunch of fireman running around frantically but not really accomplishing anything. Two helpless people hanging from the side of a burning building (one appears to be naked fwiw).  When the firemen finally get their shit together hilariousness ensues as they fall like dominoes.  Looked more like an old Charlie Chaplin era comedy movie or one of those old Mickey Mouse cartoons, I was half expecting them to bring out a trampoline shaped canvas for them to drop down on to, only to find out that under the canvas is a big tub of whipped cream. I swear those two idiots were laughing at the end while they were rolling on the ground together too.  Nope, can't pull this one over on me, this has to be fake. 

PS: If it was a real emergency, why was the guy with the cellphone camera recording this and not evacuating. Dude, there is a fire right next door to your apartment, you might want to put down the flip phone and get the hell out.

A Worthy Cause

This Holiday Season please visit Keep Lebron Out.  Follow the page instructions to vote early and often and vote for anyone but Lebron at the forward position.  Sure he's still a talented player, but he's also a Grade-A Douche-Lord, and that is not the kind of behavior we as a society should be rewarding and celebrating this holiday season.  So please, in the spirit of giving and kindness, vote to Keep Lebron Out (in case the instruction page disappears please vote at the NBA's site for all-star balloting.

Love, Hate, or Tolerate Your Job?

Which category do you fit into?  I work for a very large company, in a particularly large department.  I can't help but notice the a-typical bell curve distribution in our office for people who either love, hate or tolerate their jobs.  I'd say just by observation (because we here at the Alt-Tab do not support the scientific method in any form) there is a very meaty mid-section of employees who tolerate their jobs, but are ultimately indifferent towards their status as an employee (aside from the pay check and benefits), I'm talking like +80%.  Is this the usual breakdown though? Are all jobs/careers this way, or are the people who work for Google all infinitely happier than the rest of us? Here's the breakdown as I see it.

Group 1 -People Who Love Their Jobs (7%) - There can be a number of factors for why someone loves their job, but I'd guess the most common is how rewarding they find it.  Certainly not the case at this cube farm.  Its actually a very good place to work, I'd just stop short of calling it rewarding.  I've never went home feeling like I did some good in the world after a long day of scrolling through excell sheets and deleting countless e-mails.  No, the people who happen to love their jobs love it for different reasons.  Some for money (at the higher up level anyway), fresh out of college and haven't been beaten down by the realities of adult life, foreigners who came to America for a better opportunity (and haven't realized that this isn't it yet), and the small fraction of people amongst us that are just blissfull no matter what is going on in their lives.  Safe to say I'm not any of those people and do not fit into this category.

Group 2 - People who hate their jobs (11%, and growing) - I wish I was one of these people (its true, I'm not, we'll get to that in a bit). These are the people who quit when they realize they don't like something, they'll go on their way and find something that they love, most of them will end up in group 1, they should be congratulated.  Not everyone has the stones to take a chance and move on in search of something better.  I'd do it, but bloggers without any advertising tend not to get paid well, and sadly, I'm a consumer first and foremost, I need my paycheck.  Also, I mention growing because less and less of these miserable bastards are quitting their jobs as a result of the economy. The result is actually quite depressing.  Less people realizing their dreams, plus you have more assholes at work who don't give a shit about their job, making it more miserable for the rest of who are just punching in and out every week.  Really harshing the whole "working for the weekend" mood around here.

Group 3 - People who tolerate their jobs (82%) - The meaty middle, this is where the CW lands. Content to have a decent job, not happy, not miserable, just going about my usual business.  Some of us are here because you're still in school and haven't moved on yet, some gave up their dreams long ago and took a practical job, some got knocked up too young and are now stuck where they are because of the flexible schedule and good benefits, some of you lucked into a job you had no business deserving but can't go elsewhere because you're not capable of getting a job on par with your current one, but most just haven't figured out what they want to do with their life (cough/ahem). They go out, have fun, get drunk, make a mistake or two, laugh it over with their friends later.

So in a roundabout way that is my "What I'm thankful for" Thanksgiving Blog.  Happy to have a decent job and do fairly well, but happier realizing that life is made up of so much more than the place you spend 40 hours a week to collect a paycheck. 

Lady Pees In Store

Look, I don't blame the lady here, frankly she didn't even do anything that out of the ordinary.  Sometimes you just have to go, it's happened to me before and when the situation arises you don't think you just act.  I'm not proud of it (actually I am, they're still funny stories whenever they're told, except for one that's not true) but desperate situations call for desperate actions and this lady was desperate.  Sure the store probably had a bathroom, and sure given the relatively small amount of piss involved here she in all likelihood could have held it but that's beside the point, and who are we to judge?

I do have a problem with her partner in crime here.  What the fuck is he doing?  Touching and sniffing the pee.  That's way out side the responsibilities of a Public Pissing Decoy.  Dude, your job is to get in, run a distraction and get out.  You don't have to wallow, smell, and taste the piss.  That's just disgusting.  

Plus if the store owner wasn't sure it was piss before he is now.  You're just working too hard to sell it.  No stranger would bench down and run their hand in any liquid and sniff and taste it.  Like when is the last time you walked into a convenience store and gave a puddle on the ground the old taste test? Just a dead give away.

PS: Yes I know this is like a week late, it got stuck at the bottom of my topics list.

Congrats to the Miz?

So Mike "The Miz" from back in the day on the Real World is the new WWE champion (that's the WWF Moniker for any of those who stopped watching wrestling way back in the 4th grade in attempt to make something of your life like I did)?  

I'm not sure what is the sadder state of affairs here; a once proud wrestling franchise crowning a reality tv member as champion? Or the fact that The Miz has to be the most successful post Real World member yet. I'm leaning towards more embarrassing for wrestling.

I think its a given going in that most of the cast members of the Real World know that the show will be the high point of their lives.  Sure some will move on to a semi-lucrative career on the Challenge circuit but deep inside they all know people are only tuning in to see their drunk antics, hook-ups and fights.  It's really no different than the Jersey Shore, and no one will ever confuse any of those cast members for anything but degenerates.  So The Miz breaking out and finding success in something other than an established MTV franchise is a mild accomplishment.  Even if the only real difference between what he does now and what they do on challenges involves a little less alcohol, and a little more body oil.  Really, both require the wearing of spandex, the using of steroids, and both shows are heavily produced and scripted despite what most people believe.

As for the WWFE, come on really? A reality star, has it really gotten that low?  I knew it was getting bad when J-WOWW (aforementioned Jersey Shore Fame, I know most of you know who she is, I have one friend who refuses to keep up with anything pop-culture related) made an appearance but this is just a new low.  

Back in my day Wrestling Champions were real men.  Hulk Hogan, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Randy Savage, and my favorite, The Ultimate Warrior.  These guys were beasts put on the earth for two reasons; to eat steroids and kick ass.  They didn't become famous for drunkenly marching around on reality TV pretending to live out some childhood fantasy.  That can't be all it takes these days.  There's probably 1000's of 10-12year olds who do the same thing everyday (minus the booze hopefully), just because an adult does it doesn't make him a wrestler.  Good to see I made the right choice ditching wrestling back in the 4th grade.  Knew it wasn't headed in the right direction way back then.  Guess I'm just a visionary. 

Thanksgiving Family Rituals

Ah, Thanksgiving, right around the corner.  Food, drinks, football, all the ingredients that make up CW's favorite holiday (and by ownership, the official holiday of The Alt-Tab).  No real surprise there, all three when mixed properly allow a catatonic like zoning out affect that magically comes around once a year.  Conversation grinds to a halt, everyone fades in and out of naps, communication consists of grunts towards the television during the football games and the occasional lazy hand gesture when another helping of food is required to be passed around.  Heaven.

But that's all post-meal bliss.  Leading up to this once yearly state of nirvana is the family gathering, a staple of the holiday season.  Most families will share traditions, recipes, exchanging of children's Christmas wish lists (there's always that one kid who aims a bit too high with their wish list much to the annoyance of family members.  I can only assume in hindsight that it was me as a child, so to my immediate family I apologize), and carving of the turkey honors.  

My families Thanksgiving tradition is a bit different than most I would assume.  To us the holidays are a chance to get together and compete in one-upping one another with regards to medical ailments and health issues.  Conversations run the gamut from pace-makers, cholesterol levels, blood sugar, hearing aids, vision, an array of surgeries, vision complaints, back pain, psoriasis, eczema, leprosy, and gingivitis.  You need a medical dictionary just to get through it.  The competition is for the head of the table.  The worse your affliction or collection of ailments the better your seat at the table.  My Grandfather has had a firm grasp on the title for years now with the aforementioned hearing aid and pace-maker, though my Mom has mounted a serious challenge this year that could make it an interesting race for the first time in as long as I can remember.  

As for me, I've been stuck at the children's table long past the regularly acceptable age.  Just haven't been able to crack the big leagues and gain entrance to the adult table.  Sure every few years I come in with stitches or a pulled groin, but that's just child's play with this group.  Nothing short of major surgery or threatening illness is going to get me to the big show.  Same for the CW's brother.  Biggest hypochondriac I know, comes up with a wild array of imagined illnesses and injuries each year, none of them are good enough.  The adults in our family are a savvy, veteran group of the walking wounded, they see right through his fictional complaints and chuckle at his efforts.

Sadly all has been well on the health front once again this year for your fearless leader.  Just one more year of eating off unstable fold up tables with chairs so short I might as well be kneeling.  There's always next year though.

Pope Ok's Male Prostitution, WTF?

CNN - Pope Benedict XVI said in comments released Saturday that the use of condoms may be morally acceptable in some cases to prevent the spread of AIDS, possibly foreshadowing a shift in the Roman Catholic Church's stance on the issue..."There could be single cases that can be justified, for instance when a prostitute uses a condom, and this can be a first step towards a moralization, a first assumption of responsibility, to develop again the awareness of the fact that not all is allowed and that one cannot do everything one wants," Benedict said..."I think the point he was trying to make, when somebody is using a condom, not so much to prevent new life, which has always been the Catholic Church's big concern, but to prevent the transmission of disease than it would be OK,"

Umm, what? Is the Pope pimping male prostitution? Sounds like it right? The whole "when somebody is using a condom, not so much to prevent new life...but to prevent the transmission of disease than it would be ok" quote really threw me for a loop for a minute.  Then it hit me, when would the use of a condom prevent disease but not new life?  Male on Male prostitution that's when.  

A huge change in stance from El Padre, I just hope its not some round about way for the church to avoid having to condemn their own priests and clergy members.  Wouldn't want the Pope confusing male on male prostitution with pedophilia (but hey, way to weigh in on everyone's private lives once again while still blatantly ignoring on going problems in your own house).

Morning News Fail

You just hafta feel bad here.  This is obviously some 3rd rate morning news show, in some podunk, backwoods area.  They'd probably hyped this segment for weeks in hopes of boosting their viewer ship.  Just an awful turn of events for these people.  And I know you just failed miserably and all, but Jesus ladies, hold it together will you?  Yea you suck at your jobs and all but at least try and blame it on your production crew instead of selling yourselves out with that "This is a metaphor for our show, another crash and burn quote."  Way to keep a united front.

PS: Am I crazy or would "Are You Kidding Me?!" make a great title for a sitcom centered on three love-able losers who work on a poorly produced morning news show.  I smell a hit. 

Mena Suvari Was Gross

I'm not the only one that thought Mena Suvari was ugly from the very beginning, right?  Not even Hollywood ugly, but just plain old, regular life ugly.  I'm up late with a case of Sunday night insomnia watching American Pie 2 and I still can't figure out what producers and directors saw in her, and this is like 10 years later.  I was 15 when American Pie came out.  At that age boys will find just about any girl under 200 pounds attractive, so to say  I found her ugly from the get go is really saying something, yet here she was landing roles in coming of age type movies.

I'm just glad everyone smartened up fairly quickly.  I took a quick peek at her IMDB page, which much to my relief, confirmed that here career has severely stagnated since 2001 (seriously, in 2005 it got so low that she took a role as a character just titled as "whore").  Ironically enough it was probably her most critically acclaimed movie that did her in.  The scene in American Beauty where Ricky (the creepy kid next door) called her out on being ugly sealed her fate.  The blinders were lifted and everyone took a good close look, the verdict was in...ugly as charged. 

Alt-Tabs

Asians Pass Out Drunk on Job Interview - Last week, 4 young men – 2 of whom are due to graduate from university next year – in China’s southwestern metropolis of Chongqing were found passed out drunk on a popular city square after a boozy lunch with their leader-to-be...Eager to impress the boss, they competed in drinking more alcohol. In the end they were wasted. At first, they just sat on the ground chatting, but soon three of them lied down and passed out. The fourth guy leaned against a telephone pole, standing unsteadily, occasionally muttered some words out his mouth [sic] and shivered non-stop.

Typical Stereotypical asians.  Do they have 4 Loko over there as well?  If not then what the hell did these guys drink?
I also love how everyone stopped to gather around and look at these guys.  Shit like that just does not happen here.  There's probably 10-15 passed out people in or around Fanueil hall at any given time Thurs night through Sunday afternoon and no one ever stops to stare at them.


Tiger on Twitter - Yesterday, the voice of Tiger Woods hit Twitter for the first time and a flock of followers came to make sure everything Tiger says appears in their timeline. Woods told Mike & Mike on ESPN Radio and ESPN2 this morning that his interview, his piece in Newsweek and his Twitter feed was about reconnecting with his fans.

Yea, "reconnecting with his fans."  More like reconnecting with all the hoochies whose phone numbers he had to delete when Elin put his life and bank account in danger.  He was also quoted as saying he's "happier than ever" yesterday, I'm sure it has nothing to do with all the top shelf hookers that he's surely got following him.  The Alt-Tab is strongly considering breaking it's Twitter boycott just to follow Tigers hook-up trail.


HR Rep Loses His Shit - When the president of a company began e-mailing a prospective employee, neither of them thought it would end in a war of words...But when he looked over her resume he encountered what he told MyFoxDetroit.com was a ‘glaring misspelling.’ Otto sent her an e-mail suggesting she check her resume for spelling errors...Sinclair continued: "I still don't know who you are…your tag says that you're a president. You're a president of what? 'When I went to his website, there were no openings posted...Otto responded "Well, well. I do have several opportunities in human resources due to the fact that I've acquired several of my competitors. It is of no surprise why you're unemployed and your resume has misspellings. I'm confident it's representative of the shoddy work you put out. You come across as a spoiled, snotty little ‘bitch’ and I believe you probably needed to hear that for a long time."

Umm, what did this guy expect her reaction to be? You can't just go out of your way, make time in your presumably busy day and try and help someone get a job in a brutal job market without expecting them to come back at you with a bitchy attitude. Dude should've seen it coming.  Who does he think he is trying to give her job advice? Shes got plenty of experience applying for jobs, probably applied and got turned down 10 times in the past month, she knows what shes doing...Bitch.

Idaho Women Fall for the Old Breast Exam Scam - An Idaho judge has set bond at $100,000 for a Boise woman police say posed as a physician and duped at least two other women into having their breasts examined by her at Boise-area nightclubs...


Talk about a judge who is out of touch.  I know women are easily gullible and will believe just about anything after a drink or two but this is a bit too much. This isn't a guy lying about his profession, or telling them he's shipping off to war or to the Peace Corps to try and get laid.  There is just no way these women believed a Doctor set up shop at their local dive bar (yes it had to  be a dive bar, its Idaho, there isn't any other kind) and was performing breast examples in between slippery nipple shots.  Plus it was a woman doing the exams anyway.  Everyone knows women are allowed to grope other women at bars.  Its one of those unwritten rules of society.

Gripes of the Week

This was one of my favorite blogs to write, I'm bringing it back again this week. Basically I just keep track of things I'd usually gripe about to my friends and co-workers, spare them the agony, and share it with all of you.

Stories about 4 Loko - Got it, they're "dangerous." Except they're not.  I think its pretty clear at this point that college kids of today just can't hang with the college kids of my years.  Caffeinated alcohol has been around forever, these aren't anything new.  I used to pregame with a can of Sparks and a 40 oz of malt liquor, never saw me dying or crying that I needed to go to the hospital. Maybe we were just more hardcore, or maybe this next generation is made up of a bunch of sissy's.  Either way they've ruined it for the rest of us and future generations to come as Massachusetts is now banning all caffeinated alcoholic beverages (which won't stop me from enjoying a few VRB's this weekend (Vodka Redbulls, catchy right? Don't know how that isn't the accepted abbreviation yet). 

The Morning News - I'm watching it now.  It's 97.8% weather and traffic.  The other 2.2 is plugs for local businesses/musicians and some kind of public advisory piece (usually exercise or health food related).  I'm sure something had to have happened over night, its when all the criminals come out.  This is your chance to be fresh and keep me interested.  By the time I get home tonight at 7pm I'm going to have read all of the happenings from the previous day on the internet.  No need to watch your night time telecasts, they're not relevant.  If anything you should be doing puff pieces at night to help me forget about my day.  Leave the hardcore stories of murder, robbery and foreclosures in the morning when I'm still fresh and optimistic.  

Stories about Airport Scanners - Quit your bitching everyone. Travelers and TSA agents just STFU and go about your day.  Travelers- You don't want to be scanned, enjoy being groped, because you know what? I'd rather see you get molested than my ass blown up midair, but I'm funny that way.  TSA agents, stop poking the public with a stick, just take the complaints and go about your day. Every time you put out a press release you get the public more upset. Oh, and cut the shit about the images not being saved, its obviously not true, they're showing up online.  Just be honest.  I really don't care if people see a clear, silhouetted image of my body. Go for it, feel free.  There's plenty of porn out there on the internet that I can assume skeevy pervs would rather be looking at.

Three Vending Machine Related Gripes

1. Vending Machine Doesn't Drop- I'd say this happens to me at work 2 out of every 10 times leading to a rage on par with any driving experience.  Shake, kick, grab the office anorexic and see if their arm can reach high enough to grab my peanut m&m's, I've tried it all. None of it works. This is like the frigen bear trap of vending machines.  And obviously the maintence and cafe people don't maintain the vending machine, its an outside supplier.  Great, so my only option is feeding the machine more money and buying two items, because there's no way in hell I'm letting some other schmuck get a 2 for 1 deal.  Ruins my day every time.
2. Selecting the Wrong Item from The Vending Machine - Rare but when it happens you just have to slump your shoulders and mope back to your cube (or waiting room I guess, depending on where you are).  About twice a year I select a MilkyWay by mistake when going for a Snickers.  How about stop putting these two next to each other, they look too similar, a quick look without a double take and its easy to confuse them...until you bite into them.  MilkyWay's are like the welfare version of Snickers.  Were Peanuts just too costly? Unless there's a food allergy reason I can't believe anyone ever willingly buys a MilkWay. In fact I'd venture to say that 75-80% of their global sales are due to Snickers confusion (By the way to take the welfare analogy one step further, the 3 Musketeers bar is the homeless person of the candy bar community, just awful, and I feel like giving people my spare change whenever I see them somberly eating one of these minimalist treats).
3. When Vending Machine Prices Get Jacked Up - In the past two years the average candy in my office has gone from $.60 to one dollar with chips going for $1.10.  Look, I was upset when prices jumped up to a dollar for a non-king size candy bar, it just seemed odd that the vending industry is facing 45% inflation rates.  But $1.10 for chips and crackers?  What the fuck? Who brings an extra dime to the break room.  Don't we all just grab a dollar and make our way over?  Now I have to decide between whether to walk back, grab a dime and then have everyone see me go back to the machine and think I'm getting two things, Or, hang around and try and mooch a dime off someone I go out of my way to avoid and ignore every other day of the week.  This pisses me off to no end.

Super Hipster

Some how this isn't the outfit I'd expect for this big of an asshole. I was looking for something like exaggerated flood pants, suspenders, a corn cob pipe, white t-shirt, and a scaly cap to boot.  Maybe throw in a handle bar mustache for kicks.  This douche just looks like a Bono impersonator.  Much too modern and mainstream, probably wants to kill himself when he looked in mirror for conforming too close to societies ideals. 

Indoor Soccer Wrap-up Week 3: VICTORY

Pretty much what the opposition must have felt like last night. Yep, just all out domination from B8. Aggressive defense, sure handed goal keeping and timely offensive attacks. Never before has the pitch seen such a complete team game. 


This one included some chippiness from both sides.  B8 displayed an aggressiveness not yet seen, and the opposition was none too pleased about it.  Playing up the stereotypical panzy soccer player roles to perfection, the opposition cried foul and wet themselves at the slightest physical contact, led by their whining goal keeper and Bieber like striker.


Highlights included a breathtaking aerial strike off the curly haired head of captain Ross (assist Pascal), a text book give and go break by yours truly and the one and only Mazz.  Ross once again putting a shot on his own net, miraculously saved by The Huz (probably the toughest shot he had to save all night), and finally an open net goal by Andrea as the malcontent goalie from the other team was caught out of his net for the 100th time of the night. 


Mazz suggested this weeks game  ball go to The Team , we here at the Alt-Tab think ceremonial game balls are for 5 year olds playing Tee ball, and adult losers.  Andrea was going to receive game ball due to the look of utter disdain her open net goal put on the face of the goalie, but unfortunately will have to accept honorable mention because of breaking news (literally, you'll understand in a second) brought to my attention.  The game ball goes to Amanda, who un-announced until last night, suffered a broken nose in our first game yet has not missed a game.  A true warrior who embodies the B8 (seriously I hate this name someone please make a suggestion) team spirit. Congrats Amanda.

How Awesome is the Merchant of Death

BANGKOK -- Accused Russian arms merchant Viktor Bout was flown from Bangkok toward New York Tuesday in a chartered U.S. plane, extradited in manacles despite a final outraged push by Russian diplomats to persuade Thailand to release him instead, current and former American officials said.  A former Soviet military officer and air cargo executive nicknamed the "Merchant of Death" by critics, Bout had been accused of arming failed states and insurgents across the Third World since the 1990s, but he had never previously been arrested. Thailand's government ordered Bout, 43, placed in American custody Tuesday, 20 months after his March 2008 arrest in a sting operation led by U.S. narcotics agents. Since then, the wealthy businessman -- estimated by the U.S. to be worth $6 billion -- has been in a Thai jail...Bout has been accused of supplying weapons that fueled civil wars in South America, the Middle East and Africa, with clients ranging from Liberia's Charles Taylor and Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi to the Taliban government that once ran Afghanistan. He was an inspiration for an arms dealer character played by Nicolas Cage in the 2005 film "Lord of War."

Say what you want about his ethics or business model but this man has two great things going for him.  One, the Merchant of Death nickname.  Probably the best nickname in history since Vlad the Impaler.  People probably just running for cover any time he visits their village and showering him with whatever gifts their impoverished lifestyles can provide at his demand.  Daughters and wives wanting to be with him, husbands and fathers wishing they could be him. Probably the most bad ass dude on the planet.  

Secondly, a hall of fame worthy mustache.  Just says "cross me, and bombs will rain down on your village for a week."  Nothing more, nothing less. A good mustache should fit a mans demeanor and personality, and this one nails it.  Actually that's probably why Hitler's 'stache is looked upon so poorly. Has to the the least fitting facial hair in history.  Evil genius, attempting to kill off an entire religion while taking over a continent, paired with a previously love-able comic mustache made popular by Charlie Chaplin.  Odd choice, probably one of the factors in his ultimate failure.

By the way if he is convicted is his nickname up for grabs?  Will warlords everywhere be competing for this title or is he allowed to take it to the can with him?  I hope he doesn't have to give it up.  I'm not sure the world can handle a bunch of lunatic arms dealers showing off and creating chaos all to earn the vacated title (though I'd totally throw my hat in the ring).  

Recently Watched A Tyler Perry Movie

So I'd never bothered to watch any of this Tyler Perry junk prior to this past week (the picture above had a lot to do with it.  All the shows just look loud and corny).  In fact I've never known anyone that has watched any of his movies or tv shows, so I think I may be the first.  Anyway, I didn't intend to watch the movie, it was one of those dvr crap-shoot situations where you exit a show/movie you had recorded and you're at the mercy of whatever is showing on the channel you were previously watching.  9 times out of 10 you crap out.  But this was that 10th time, and    it    was     Awesome.  

The movie wasn't one of the corny Meet the Brown sequels, it was one of the darker dramas (no pun intended, seriously), Diary of Angry Black People or Why Did I Marry My Baby Momma II or some shit.  Well let me tell you, Tyler Perry brings it hard in those movies.  I happened to tune in right in the middle of some kind of Holiday dinner scene with a bunch of couples and they just let loose and dropped bombs on each other for the entire scene like;  "Why don't you tell your wife about your mistress", "Well why don't you tell him who the daddy really is", "Why doesn't he tell you that he got tested for VD", "How about you blaming your wife for the death of your son."

Seriously, none of those are made up or exagerrations.  Just film history being made left and right at that dinner table.  I was riveted for the next 15-20 minutes.  Sat right in front of the tv like a little kid, right up until all the drama wore down and the couples started making up.  The movie lost me there, felt too unrealistic, no one is making up with their spouse after having an A-Bomb dropped right in the middle of their turkey dinner.  I also noticed that all the characters continued to wear Cosby sweaters after the holiday dinner, and they all drove around in black Ranger Rovers, Escalades, and Denali's, just didn't ring true.  

Bottom line is I still wouldn't recommend these movies to anyone, they're still really corny,  and I feel a bit embarrassed for even admitting I watched 20 minutes of one.  But I will say next time you happen to land on one of these movies give it 10-15 minutes.  You won't be let down. 

El Diablo Attacks Trinidad and Tobago

Fox News - Panic broke out at Trinidad and Tobago high school after students fell mysteriously ill, began rolling on the ground and blabbering in a strange tongue, triggering fears of a demon attack, the Guardian Trinidad and Tobago reported. Seventeen female students at Moruga Composite School began the strange behavior after suffering from nausea and headaches. Two of the students reportedly tried to throw themselves off a railing and had to be physically restrained. Teachers took the students into the multi-purpose hall where some of them fell into a semi-conscious state. One student, Kern Mollinea, told the paper that the girls were unusually strong, and many of them had bruises. Mollineau also claimed he communicated with the “Devil” who had possessed the girl. “I asked the Devil what he wanted with the girls and the voice said he wanted a life. He kept saying to send the girls in the toilet and to leave them alone.” Roman Catholic priests and pastors from nearby churches visited the school to shower the children with holy water and prayers. Authorities said that there was nothing in the environment to trigger fainting spells, nausea and headaches among the students. A teacher told authorities the school was constructed on a burial site, but neighbors who live around the school denied such claims.

Frigen Trinidadians and Tobogans.  When will these third world countries learn? I know they don't have the benefit of Hollywood cinema like we do here in the civilized world but shouldn't they have learned not to build on ancient burial grounds by now?  Like no shit your female students were attacked by the devil.  Everyone knows El Diablo needs virgin blood every now and again.  You were just asking for trouble building a school there. Smarten up.  

I will call bull shit on the whole "send them to the toilet" thing. That seems out of place. More likely the girls just had to go to the bathroom and didn't want some creep-o professor watching them pee. Even the devil has the decency to afflict people after they've taken care of their business. 

PS: I've always wanted to see someone break down and speak in tongues.  Are these real languages? Or do we just use this term now when people start babbling incoherently or slurring their words.  I saw a guy have a seizure once (true story) and you could definitely say he was making babbling noises, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't speaking in tongues.  More like he was choking on his tongue and that was the sound it was making.