Not the Wisest of Choices

Clubber Guenther Hart’s urinary actions short-circuited the electrics at Munich’s crowded Americanos club, forcing the club to throw all the clubgoers out and close down for the night.

Getting kicked out of the club was probably the least of this mans worries after the zap he undoubtedly experienced.  I've been there (electric cattle fence), and I can tell you this is one fool proof, yet foolish, way to test the conductivity of water.

Segway Founder Plummets to His Ironic Death

(CNN) -- The owner of the Segway company has died, apparently in an accident involving one of his upright two-wheeled vehicles, police in England said Monday.
The body of James Heselden, 62, was pulled from the River Wharfe in northern England on Sunday, police said.
A Segway-type vehicle was recovered from the river, police said.

They can claim it was an accident all they want.  Lets be honest, when the Segway was announced over a decade ago they told us it would revolutionize the way we get around.  Well I’d say its fallen (pun intended) far, far short of that goal, selling mainly to tourist guides and mall cops.  I’d say this was more like his last stand, his Thelma and Louise moment.

This Bothers Me

Next time you’re out in a mild drizzle take a look around.  You’re bound to see a similar picture.  Girls wearing standard issue DPW wading boots disguised with so-called “cute” designs or bold colors.  Ladies, it just looks ridiculous. I mean look at this picture.  Do you see rushing water, raw sewage or common street rats floating around? Do you even see rain?  The girl doesn’t even have an umbrella.  Was it misting a few hours prior? 

And looking ridiculous isn’t the only issue.  There’s now no question that girls are senseless trend consumers.  Uggs pushed that myth to a theory (at least they provide warmth) but these boots have confirmed it as an undeniable fact. You’ve basically made two statements; 1) You’re incapable of dressing yourself without a glossy magazine to guide you, and 2) Weather.com is too complicated for you to understand.  I will refuse to take you seriously as a human being with thoughts, ideas, and feelings if seen wearing these in weather short of monsoons, hurricanes or biblical floods. It’s your own fault.

PS: The final issue I missed the first time through deals with equality, because anyone that really knows me can tell you I'm all about fair but equal.  Men don't have such an option for utility.  Why is this an acceptable trend for women? Can you imagine the scene this would cause if men started showing up to the office or barista jobs wearing galoshes every time there was the slightest threat of a drizzle? Corporate meetings would be held, memo's would be e-mailed and new dress codes enforced.

American is Under Attack

I’d like to take a few minutes this morning to talk to you about what is the number one threat to our nation right now. Sinkholes.  Coast to coast, from California to Florida these subterranean scoundrels are wreaking havoc, taking lives, maiming our livestock (we’ll try and figure out what a Camel was doing wandering around suburban Oregon some other time, but I’m pretty sure its related to the polar bear from Lost), and raising insurance rates.  Rest assured, the good people of the internet are already actively working on possible defense systems.

Straight to the Tuna Aisle

 

Alt-Tabs of the Day

A few of the links that got me through the day.

Who's Delivering Your Mail - The headline drew me in, the quality of writing kept me (horrendous).  This person has an entire series on cnn.com and I'm stuck sneaking in posts between pouring over excel sheets.  A 9th grade journalism student could write a better series than this person.

Mom Robs Bank, Picks up Kids - I can't agree with this quote"Anderson reportedly appeared concerned about what might happen to her daughters following her arrest. “But I guess if she was really all that concerned about their welfare,” adds Ward, “she probably wouldn’t be committing bank robbery.” Sounds to me like this moms heart was in the right place, just making sure her children were provided for.

Gay Bashing Pastor, Accused of Gay Acts - So he's not a Pimp? The article is a bit lengthy but aside from the whole is he or isn't he a pedaphile issue it gives a pretty disturbing look into the big business side of the so called "megachurches", shopping sprees, luxury cars and homes, and political ties, and in all likelihood an impoverished base of followers.

Are Bed Bugs Ruining Your Work Week (Angry Rant)?

I’m pretty sure every office has one. You see all the tell tale signs, hand sanitizer posted at all four corners of their cube, handy wipes conveniently stashed in the upper left drawer, discarded boxes of tissues strewn about and a CVS gold member plaque hanging in the cube.  You know the person I’m talking about, the person everyone in the office runs to for Advil, Tylenol, cold meds, green tea and cough drops.  The office Hypochondriac.

Unfortunately for yours truly, I share a wall with our office’s walk by pharmacy.  As a result I’ve been on the front line of every possible health disaster his country has faced since 2008.  Bird Flu, Swine Flu, SARS, gingivitis, I’ve been through them all.  None of these have caused the level of hysteria that these pesky microscopic monsters of the mattress have brought to my cubicle pod.  For two weeks straight I’ve tried everything to block out the constant fear mongering campaign on any and all passerbys along with a call list that I’m sure was downloaded straight from the corporate directory.   Podcasts, Internet Radio, Mp3’s, I’ve even resorted to actual work. None of it has served to dull the ever present din.  The irony is the topic of bed bugs has become much more of a pest than actual bed bugs could ever be (I mean really, wash your sheets and this shouldn’t be a problem.  Last I checked this isn’t a third world country, the only people that should be worried about this are the cast and crew of Hoarders).  It’s enough to make me snap, and that’s the real danger.

Companies and those senders of the corporate e-mails need to be held accountable for the aggravation and elevated blood pressure these e-mails cause to the general, daily showering, non-psychotic work force brought by the professional Web-MDers amongst us.   

I Really Hate Eli Manning

Like more than Peyton. Seriously.

You can probably guess how the above left hand chest pass he through yesterday ended.

In hysterical failure, much like most of his career to date.

Sadly I cannot even enjoy his failures.  It’s Eli highlights like the ones he put up yesterday that leave me domestically abusing various furniture items each time I think back on Super Bowl XLII.  How could such a simpleton have beaten us? HOW?

Cure for the Mondays

It’s Monday again, and contrary to ESPN’s commercials, day dreaming about tonight’s Bears-Packers match-up doesn’t erase the grim reality of the upcoming 40 hours of fluorescent lights, nagging phone calls, and the personal space akin to a Japanese hotel room.  But you know what did bring a slight smile to my face this morning?  The little box of goodness pictured above. Far too many people are still walking around ignorant to the explosion of flavor hiding inside these golden brown nuggets of tater.  I challenge one of my 8 or so readers to go out and buy a box today.  If you hate the experience vote lame, if you love it, tell 5 people about this blog.

Alt-Tabs of the Day

Colbert Storms Capitol Hill – I’m not sure either side is 100% right, but I do know that allowing a comedy satirist to testify before congress and make a mockery of the issue is going to help as much as the politicians spouting off hyperbolic statements such as "Were it not for immigrant farm workers in this country, there would be no seasonal fresh fruit and vegetables," or “"would prefer the aroma of fresh dirt to that of the sewage of American elitists who disparage them even as they flush." The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle but what would be the point of politics if everyone started compromising for the sake of progress all of a sudden?

Facebook Outage! OMG! – Apparently this was big news yesterday. I wonder how many people attempted to complain about the outage in a status update only to put two and two together and realize that they couldn’t? I continue to be astonished that sites like Facebook and Twitter make news when they crash.  People are aware these sites are as relevant as someone’s old AOL Profile, right?

My Generation debuts – Despite the pretentious title I was pretty excited for this debut. The commercials however, brought a rush of nostalgia (the 30 seconds to mars song playing in the background certainly aided this feeling) that the show didn’t quite live up to.  It wasn’t a bad premiere, and I’ll certainly follow it a bit longer, but so far the characters and dialogue just don’t feel believable.  Two questions stood out, first, is the documentary (mockumentary) crew going to follow them the entire series, because they shot the first episode under the premise that this was just a temporary where are they now follow up?  Second, am I really supposed to believe that all of these classmates that had moved out of town/state years ago all randomly came back to their hometown on the one weekend that the film crew happened to be doing the where are they now special?

Some Disturbing News to Think About Before the Weekend – All this will mean is a few less bucks in my pocket for late night pizza and street meat. Seriously though, if we (Americans) didn’t stop drinking when it was outlawed and prices skyrocketed during prohibition, we certainly won’t slow down over $.50 per six packs. It’s going to take a lot more than that to deter our binge drinking, gluttonous ways.

NBA to Crack Down on Complaining...Again?

At the referees' annual meeting in Jersey City, N.J., on Thursday, the league announced the guidelines for technical fouls will expand to include "overt" player reactions to referee calls.
In addition, referees have been instructed to consider calling technicals on players who use body language to question or demonstrate displeasure, or say things like, "Come on!" They can also consider technicals for players who "take the long path to the official", walking across the court to make their case.





No, you're not experiencing de ja vu, the NBA made this same announcement back in 2006.
But don't worry, NBA officials "believe it will stick" this time around.  I'll believe it when I see it, and something tells me the league will be very flexible when it comes to certain super stars bitching and moaning.

Anyone Else Obsessed With Eggs?

So here I am googling around trying to learn new ways to make my favorite breakfast food (the egg) and I stumble across this illegal child labor shop.  Now I know plenty of Chinese Restauranteurs employ their children, but I was under the impression up until this point that this practice was frowned upon in most western cultures. 

And if the illegal sweat shop aspect of this video weren't enough here we have (3:15 mark) the proprietor of this whole operation coddling this kid as he completely botches an over easy egg, and tell him it's okay because "some people like their yolk cooked all the way through."  Bullshit lady, if I ask for an egg over easy I don't expect my plate to come back looking like one of your children blew his runny nose all over it.

Under Construction

Kind of makes you miss geocities and the rest of web 1.0 doesn't it?

This page will be under construction for the next few weeks with occasional posts.  Check in from time to time and find out what your fellow cube dwellers have deemed alt-tab worthy in their constant battle against the nine to five.