TSA Downgrading Full Body Scanner to No Longer Show A Person's Naked Body, Giving Up on America's Safety

Fox News - Under fire from privacy advocates, the Transportation Security Administration is upgrading its full body scanners to eliminate the use of images that show a passenger’s naked body. Over the new few months, the agency will install new software known as Automated Target Recognition (ATR) that can auto-detect items that pose a potential threat using a generic outline of a person for all passengers. “This software upgrade enables us to continue providing a high level of security through advanced imaging technology screening, while improving the passenger experience at checkpoints,” he said. Under the current system, TSA screeners who watch travelers as they pass through the machines do not see the naked images. The screeners who see such images work in separate locations and don’t see the passengers. Travelers may choose not to go through the scanner, but they then receive an invasive pat-down, which many feel also violates privacy.

Well, that's it for me, will have to tell my girlfriend we're either driving or not going on our vacation later this summer because there is no way I'm hopping on the plane now, not when the TSA can't gaurantee to me that the plane is bomb free. 

You see what you did people? You've put us all in danger, instead of shutting up and accepting the fact that some guy in a security room like a half mile away is viewing silhouetted pictures of your body in the name of America, Freedom, and Safety, we're now stuck with this cartoon machine that's going to make everyone's body look like Cathy from the Sunday Funnies.  Does that sound safe to you?

PS: Love how they try to phrase it as an "upgrade." Umm, no, pretty sure it sounds like you'll be seeing less detail, sounds very much like a downgrade to me.

Kim Kardashian Now Suing Old Navy For Using Look-A-Like Melissa Molinaro

Daily Mail - They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. But Kim Kardashian has been left furious after clothing brand Old Navy used a lookalike in their new ad campaign. The 30-year-old reality star is now suing the clothing giant for somewhere in the region of $15 - $20 million. Perhaps adding to Kardashian's fury is the fact that the model and actress in the ad, Melissa Molinaro, is said to be currently dating 26-year-old NFL player Bush.

15-20 Million? Well that seems a bit outlandish...have you been to an Old Navy lately Kim (of course you haven't, it's rhetorical)? You can buy like 3 shirts and 2 pair of cargo shorts for like 8 bucks. Where do you think they're going to scratch $15-20 million from?  Seriously, look at their commercials? Aside from the one time they splurged and hired your look-a-like, when was the last time they actually hired a real live person? It's always those plastic mannequins, apparently they're able to sell their clothes at steep discounts because of all the cash they're saving on actors in their commercials.

As for the actual law suit, say she happens to win (she won't), does that leave the door open for her to also sue Reggie Bush? Isn't he benefitting from someone imitating her likeness just as much (if not more) than Old Navy.  I'm pretty sure if you asked an Old Navy exec and Reggie Bush who's enjoying the Melissa Molinaro era more, Reggie will be the one with the bigger grin.  I mean sure Old Navy is getting tons of publicity out of this, but Reggie is getting all the fun in plowing her twin without having that nagging thought in the back of his head about how everyone in the world has seen his girlfriend getting nailed by Ray-J. That's gotta be worth more than $15-20 mill, no?

Former Harvard Pres. Larry Summers Says What We're All Thinking...The Winklevii Are Assholes

LOS ANGELES (TheWrap) - Apparently, Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss really did double the displeasure for Larry Summers. The former Harvard president reaffirmed the perception created by the 2010 film "The Social Network" during an interview at Fortune's Brainstorm Tech conference, characterizing the button-down siblings as a pair of "a**holes." "Rarely, have I encountered such swagger, and I tried to respond in kind," Summers recalled. "One of the things you learn as a college president is that if an undergraduate is wearing a tie and jacket on Thursday afternoon at three o'clock, there are two possibilities. One is that they're looking for a job and have an interview; the other is that they are an a**hole. This was the latter case."

Watch out Larry Summers, I hear they're quite litigious...

I like this Larry Summers guy, I think with that sense of snarky wit he'd fit in perfectly here, probably provide some sound business guidance, considering his breadth of real world experience and our current leadership's (myself) absolute dearth.  Plus I figure he'd be good for a blog or two once in a while.

I mean look at that comment, he summed up everything we all think of the Winklevii's in one eloquent, yet straight to the point sentence.  And he's 100% right, on a college campus there is just no need to be marching around in a blazer and tie combo...it's college for godsakes.  Kids getting laid wearing cargo shorts and ironic t-shirts, no need to class it up, college girls literally could care less, buy them a cocktail or two and it's like they've found their soulmate. 

So Larry, in closing, if times ever get tough for you out there, just know that our door is always open. I'm thinking something along the lines of Senior Editor, but I'm sure we could work out an ombudsman title for someone of your stature.

PS: One of the twins (the one on the right above) looks exactly like my friend Shades...exactly like him.  And only that one. I know they're twins, I know that makes no sense, but that twin happens to capture his essence, I don't know why.

Mass Law Makers Considering Online Lottery Sales?

BOSTON (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - There is s a push on Beacon Hill to sell Lottery tickets online. Proponents of the plan – including U.S. Rep. Barney Frank – say it could eventually spike sales by 10 percent to 25 percent, boosting state coffers by as much as $1 billion a year. Lawmakers will mull a bill Tuesday requiring the state Lottery to launch a pilot program letting players use their credit cards to buy tickets on the Internet. But the proposal faces some opposition.

Barney frank is just fucking with us on purpose now, right? Like the man who put his name onto the biggest cop-out, piece of shit, anti-american, banking regulations law in the history of America is cool with absolute degenerates sitting at home plugging in their credit card information and playing scratch tickets and the through the convenience of the internet? Fucking kidding me?

The bright side is I’ll be able to swing into my local Tedeschi's without wading through the handful of boozehound degenerates who you know haven’t showered today, just woke up rolled over to the convenience store and started binging on beer and keno.  Not having to deal with that anymore will be a plus.

On the other hand, if you’re going to allow this then bring back online poker and gambling. I’m not going to look it up, but I can safely assume Barney Frank had a huge  hand in Black Friday for poker sites, and now he’s backing state sponsored online gambling? Huge shock.  Guy is becoming one of the biggest hacks this state has ever seen, and we’ve seen quite a few.

They're Back! 31 of the 33 Miners Too Dumb To Profit Off Their Story, Suing Chilean Government

Huliq - The lawsuit is not about the money, according to the miners. Instead, it is about setting a precedent so that such an incident does not happen again. It is also, the miners said, not made against the president, Sebastian Pinera, whose team coordinated the rescue, miner Omar Reygadas said, speaking for the group. Instead, it was a lawsuit aimed at the state in general, for allowing the conditions that led to the disaster. The lawsuit accuses the government agency that oversees mining of failing to ensure safety. "This lawsuit is only to set a precedent so this won't happen again. It's so that conditions improve." The miners are seeking $541,000 each. Some miners, however said they were unaware of the exact amount until they read about it in the media.

These guys again? Seriously suing for 500K a man? First of all if you were going to sue you should have done it right away, literally no one cares about you guys anymore. And second of all, if you couldn’t profit enough off of publicity and tours and motivational speaking (granted you’d have to learn English, but still) after getting stuck in a mine shaft for months, well then frankly you don’t deserve to be awarded. Like hey, congrats on living and suriving that ordeal, now go back to the real world because you were to dumb to capitalize on it.

Sorry if that’s harsh but I just don’t see how this can be possible. Like all those appearances and publicity I saw, running marathons, appearing on every late show under the sun, imitating elvis, was that all just the other two guys? Are they the only 2 who realized what a cash cow they were sitting on.  I’m betting they stay up late at night laughing at their fortune of getting stuck and nearly dying in a mine with 31 of the absolute dumbest people on earth.  Instead of having to share all the riches that come with their fame they’re capitalizing alone and probably making out like bandits.

How Fast Would You DVR This Maury Povich Sex Slave Show?

Thanks to WMD for the image.

Maury must have finally lost his damn mind. As much as this would absolutely be appointment television, who does this affect, like 2, 3 girls a decade? Maybe a dude once in a while? Unless we're talking about girls sold into the sex slave by Europeans and Asian Triads.  But that's a lot less interesting than what I assume Maury's going for here, the Elizabeth Smart, all American girl type. 

And either way, I'm guessing the hotline isn't flooded with calls for this one, I just get the feeling that someone that just escaped from sex slavery would prefer to talk to someone with journalistic integrity, like Regis, or Dr. Phil. Sorry Maury, stick to your bread and butter, hoodrat skanks who can't figure out which guy knocked 'em up during their most recent gang bang.

The Wienermobile is Hiring! I'd Drop This Blog So Fast to Drive that thing.

That Hotdog is about to do bad things to that cow.

Boston Globe - Oscar Meyer is taking resumes until the end of January for one-year spots as Hotdoggers. As an official company ambassador, you'll set up, publicize, and attend promotional and charity events in the oh-so-stylin' Wienermobile. And you may need to do radio interviews or make television appearances. What are they looking for? First, it helps to have an upbeat, bubbly personality. They'd also prefer that you have a BA or BS in communications, PR, journalism, advertising, marketing. But if you really think you're Hotdogger material they'll consider other majors. If you get hired, the gig comes with a "competitive'' salary (What does this mean? Are there legions of other Hotdoggers out there who might be making more or less than Oscar Meyer pays?), expenses, benefits, and clothing. They send you to Hot Dog High in lovely Madison, Wis., for training on Oscar Meyer's products, how to run your own PR operation, and, most importantly, how to drive the Wienermobile.

You're kidding yourself if you don't think I applied as soon as I saw this. I may not be in PR, but I have a blog and know how to twitter, that's gotta count, right? Who needs a marketing degree, I'm pretty sure the gigantic hotdog shaped car does the trick on that front, it's all personality from there.

I'd be perfect for the job, just live, eat, and breathe Oscar Meyer.  I'd be ruthless too, parking right in front of ice cream trucks to block them out, shelling out hotdogs and bologna on hot summer days, free ketchup and mustard for everyone. I'd be the hero of the neighborhood.

The only real downside I see is trying to park this thing inconspicuously during your down time. Like there's just no way you can roll up to shop for groceries or hit you local bar in this thing. You'd be mobbed like a celebrity in seconds, when all you want is to blow off a little steam and relax.  Wienermobile drivers are people too, they don't always want to be in the spot light.  

Woman Tries to Claim Gigantic Wart on Foot is a 3rd Nipple.

Daily Mail - Lily Allen proudly showed hers off on television, Mark Wahlberg's famous for his and just last week, Zac Efron was forced to deny he has two. But a 22-year-old woman has trumped them all - by growing a full-sized extra nipple on the sole of her foot. Although one in 50 women and one in 100 men have extra nipples, according to the California-based Dermatology Journal it's the first time one has ever been discovered so far down somebody's body. The woman told doctors she had had the unusual growth - which is almost two inches wide - all her life, and it had never caused her any pain.

 Oh come on lady, I know a disgusting bunion/wart when I see one and that's exactly what that is.  You know why doctors haven't ever seen a nipple on the bottom of someone's foot before? Because people don't have nipples on the bottoms of their feet! What the hell would it be doing down there? Looks like some doc just outright failed his anatomy class in med-school.

And I get it...this girls probably lost countless boyfriends because of that humongous wart (it looks like it has to be fed 3x a day), but you're not fooling anyone calling it a nipple, and frankly it doesn't help at all, its still disgusting as fuck.  It's not like some guys going to find it, freak out, and then calm down when you just explain that it's your third nipple, that's all. No freaking way. I'd snap a pic with my cellphone, send it to all my friends and then get the hell out of there. You'd never see me again.

Do yourself a gigantic favor, nipple, mole, carnivorous wart, whatever that hell that is, go to a real doctor and get that thing lanced off and move on with your life, never speak of this again.

15 Year Old At Modeling Camp Told To "Work on her Height"

Daily Mail - Perhaps justifiably, the modelling industry doesn’t have the sweetest reputation. Just ask 15-year-old Danielle Samuel, who has been told to ‘work on her height’ by a Wilhelmina modelling agency rep. Visiting New York from Saint Lucia, the youngster was given the sage advice by the international modelling agency as part of her $999 Modeling Camp.  Speaking to the New York Daily News, the teen said that the modelling agency rep had told her ‘she had really good facial expressions,’ but that her height needed some attention. ‘I just need to work on my height, because I'm a little short,’ said Ms Samuel.

You know who's not going to be the Next Top Model? This girl. Because if there is one thing I know about Tyra, its that she hates, hates, a tattle tale.  A little piece of advice for this 15 year old, if you go to a modeling camp and they tell you to work on your height, you work on your height. You don't go running to your local rag of a newspaper and complain about how they didn't tell you you're perfect and the prettiest girl ever.   This isn't self-esteem camp, this is modelling camp.  If they want you to look more like a gangly ostrich, you do it. 

By the way, what the hell goes on at modeling camp? Like what does the $999 cover? A bunch of teenage girls living out a fantasy that they are way too ugly to ever fulfill?  Aside from practicing walking and techniques for throwing up what else are they possibly doing with that $999? It certainly isn't covering meals, we know that, so where is the money going? Lessons on how best to attract a rich older man after your career doesn't work out?