One Giant Step into Adult Hood

If you're around my age, or even a few years younger with a couple of naive and dumb friends, you've undoubtedly noticed a growing trend on Facebook lately, Engagement announcements. Scary, right? It was just a couple years ago that we were barhopping around Boston, eating strangers food off a stick outside the Hong Kong, and polishing off boxes of cheese fries from Kelly's because we couldn't just fall asleep at 2 AM because of the clinically dangerous amount of Red Bull Vodkas we put down in a couple hour span.  Now we're all worried about diversifying our portfolios, 401k's, yearly doctor visits, and comparison shopping between various supermarkets. Things have really changed, fast.

And in keeping with the changing times, CW took the plunge this weekend, and let me tell you, it is a NERVE WRACKING experience. It doesn't matter if you're 100% sure of the answer, it is all in all one of the most anxiety riddled processes you'll ever experience, starting with the jewelry store. 

I'm not sure I've ever felt less comfortable than I did in picking out the hardware, just you and one of the Maccabi tribesman in some small office backroom squinting at stones and discussing the 4 C's, as if a 20 minute lesson is going to bring me up to speed and give me enough knowledge to haggle with this guy who's probably been slinging rocks since he was like 5 and spinning his first dradel. Just sweating in a backroom, while this guy lays out various options, I mean, can I get some background music, I'd even take a heating duct or something, just anything kind of white noise would do.

And then...Picking up the ring, my god. I felt like a CIA foreign asset walking out of that store. I walked out at the same time as some other guy, and legit stopped once I got outside and just loitered to see which way he was going just so I knew he wasn't tailing me. I must have turned and looked back 30 times over a two block span. Getting on the subway was no peach either, I've never gotten mugged, but just my luck that would be the day. Luckily nothing happened, I got to work and locked that thing away in my filing cabinet, and then didn't leave my cube again the rest of the afternoon. 

And finally, there's the big day, the day of the proposal. If you're like me, you want it to be a surprise, which is easier said than done when you're dealing with a significant other who likes to plan everything out. Try explaining that you want to go out for the day with no real plan, just dinner later in the evening and a day spent gallivanting around town leading up to it. Let's just say I eventually got us to where I wanted to, but the day was not without a few changes in plans (seriously Frog Pond, there was like 1 million people in line Monday afternoon, 1 million. No exaggeration), and she said yes (!!!), and then we went on a spree of asking strangers to take pictures of us that put just about every tourist in the city to shame that night (and there were ALOT of tourists around for the holidays). 

Now, apparently, we have to do this whole planning of the wedding thing, which needless to say, is not my strong suit. I'm a much more, "let's just wing it" kind of guy, which I've been told is not really an option when it comes to weddings. To my shock, just about the first thing everyone asked after we announced it was "so have you set a date?" This really boggled me. Felt like I was inadequately prepared to propose, like I should have had a date, venue and caterer lined up before asking. I've now been introduced to a whole other universe of the internet, the bridal and wedding planning stratosphere, which I guess in terms of popularity is like ESPN meets playboy for guys? Only I didn't even know this whole other side of the Internet existed until yesterday...Wedding bloggers, wedding planners, wedding message boards, its insane. Needless to say this is going to be an interesting experience for us from here on out, especially considering we're trying to plan a day over a year in advance, and I can hardly keep straight what our plans are supposed to be for next weekend. 

So yea, that's where I'm at, happily engaged (I swear I'm not a crank in real life, this is just my outlet), and nervously peeking at the road to come.

PS: More people react to engagement news on Facebook than Birthdays, which I found shocking.

Boston.Com May Need to Edit Their 25 Things to do in Boston for Under $25 Piece

1. Slip and slide - You're never too old for sledding. Check out 40 great hills around Boston and unleash your inner child. In need of a sled? Head to your local hardware store — or just flip over your trash can lid.

2. Rise to the Top after a snowfall - You'll want to time it before the snowplows do their thing in the city streets, but what better view of Boston might there be following a snowstorm than at the Top of the Hub? You can either do the skywalk observatory ($12 adults/$8 children/$10 students and seniors) or you can warm up with the restaurant's warm chocolate cake ($10) and a cup of coffee or tea.

10. Ski the night away at Blue Hills - OK, so it's not exactly buckling up and facing the terrain at Jay Peak, but a mere 20 miles from downtown Boston, Blue Hills Ski Area in Canton offers a close alternative for those nights when you can't resist fresh powder, yet can't blow off work either for a trip up north. Ski from 5-9 p.m. Monday through Friday for just $16, and 5-9 p.m. weekends and holidays for $24. Buy online for these prices. Now that's not a bad commute home at all. 

Uhhh...Guys, I was in Boston this weekend, and looking for things to do, and this was not a help, at all. Literally 3 of your first 10 suggestions, are apparently for a climate located several hundred miles north of here. Don't know if you guys have noticed or not yet, but Boston has seemingly changed latitudes to a much warmer locale. I very much came into town after reading this and expected to see some kind of a sledding, skiing, majestic, winter wonderland...not so much. The geese and ducks on the Common haven't even left for the winter, pretty sure they think this is South.

And this is not to say that I'm complaining about the weather, I'll take no snow over having snow any day, my aunt from South Carolina is up for the holidays and she's all disappointed there was no snow for Christmas...Yea, says the person who's going to fly back south once the heavy shoveling begins, no thanks, we like it just the way it is right now. 

But I am saying, that maybe, instead of just running your pre-scheduled pieces like you do for Parking in Southie after a snow storm, Best Pizza Spot in Boston, Fun Drinks for the Season, Parking in Southie after a Snow Storm, Best Al-Fresco Dining, Best Rooftops in the City, Parking in Southie after a snow storm (it's got to be killing you that you haven't been able to write that one yet), Moving day for College Students etc, etc.. You could just roll back to the October version of 25 things to do in Boston for under $25, as it would probably be more climate appropriate.

PS: This reminds me, I've been hanging on to this screenshot I took on Boston.com for like 3 months, if it included a parking in Southie link it would have been about as complete a summary of Boston.com as you can get, less Meridith Goldstein: Out door dining, best pizza, cheap eats, Boston Dining, all in one shot!

British Guy Shows Girlfriend A "Magic Trick" Prank

British people just operate on a whole other level as far as comedy goes (for the sake of this blog I'm considering Kiwi's, Australians, Irish, Scottish, and English as British people, as I have no idea where they're from). I'm 100% positive if this happens stateside you're seeing a mugshot of this broad on Fox 25 Nightly News at 10 after she viciously beat him into a coma with that pool stick. But this girl? Just laughs it off, sure she just got doused by a bucket of water, hit on the head with the same bucket, slipped, fell and hurt her foot, and her back is for sure going to be sore tomorrow, but "crikey, that was a jolly good joke."

PS: Is anyone else wondering what goes on in that kitchen when they're not filming "magic tricks?" The guy's got multiple stationary cameras trained on the kitchen...I'm going to go out on a limb and say he didn't take a couple hours to wire his kitchen for sound and mount a couple of video cameras just for a 30 second prank...

On Second Thought....

Did I say see you Tuesday? I meant Wednesday. Sorry guys, still trying to come down from the weekend, much like this little savage down here. We'll be back tomorrow full time, with big news and bigger blogs (unless of course one of the many talented staff writers accredited to this site pitch something in today...)

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and Happy Chanukah Too

There's not many Christmas songs that CW endorses, but Conan's "Minty Fell on the Ground" is one of the select few. It's got everything you need, a holiday symbol, a few wise cracks, a reference to excrement, and the word Christmas, that's it, that's the formula for Christmas Carol success...It's so damn catchy I may have to revise my recent blog about things I'm compelled to yell or sing when they pop in my head, because I've been belting out this number for the past 24 hours, with no end in sight...should be an interesting day at work.

I've also begun re-thinking Seany-Mo's definitive blog in which it was decided that Thanksgiving narrowly beats out Christmas in the Battle of the Holiday Heavyweights. I'm not saying I'm quite ready to overturn his decision, I'm just saying these last few days have made me realize its probably not as clear cut as previously thought. Note for my Yiddish followers, though your Holiday may not be in the running of the Battle of the Holiday Heavyweights, I promise there's a section just for you at the end of this blog...But please read the whole blog.

When it comes down to the actual day of the Holiday, I personally think Thanksgiving takes it in a landslide, you have 3 main objectives, eat, watch football, and finding a relaxed, comfortable position on the couch for maximum digestion. The actual day of Christmas is a bit more hectic than that, there's kids with new toys, wrapping paper everywhere, that random fruitcake or odd desert that no one really wants to eat but you feel compelled to take a bite, lest anyone feel bad on Christmas, only then you end up feeling like a hypochondriac the rest of the day wondering if your stomach is rumbling because of that half bite of fruitcake you had, or the 3.5 pounds of turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, and cheese cake. There's just a lot going on Christmas day, and frankly it's too much for me.

But here's where it gets interesting, in weighing Christmas, I really think you have consider the lead up to the day, almost as much as the day. And Christmas smokes Turkey Day in that regard. Sure the week leading up to Thanksgiving I'm mildly excited about the eating and drinking and football, but that's nothing compared to Christmas. For like 3 straight weeks I'm actively thinking, excitedly, about A) What I'm getting for Christmas, and B) What I'm giving for Christmas (here's a hint, gift cards), but mainly A.

There's nothing like chilling on the couch a few feet away from your tree with a couple of wrapped presents underneath it for building anticipation, or knowing that gifts specifically earmarked for you are probably in the closet right next to your bed while you're trying to go to sleep. It keeps me up nightly. I turn into a quasi Brad Pitt in the critically acclaimed SE7EN, only in a good, " I wonder what Santa brought me this year!" kind of way, not in a, is my dead wife's going to pop out of there like a jack-in-the-box kind of way.

Call me crazy, but I just think you have to count that level of anticipation into the overall ranking of the holiday. I've been giddy like a kid all week just waiting for this weekend to get here, I mean, I took the day off this past Monday and this has still easily been the lonnnngeestt week I think I've ever worked. I spent the better part of Wednesday afternoon, assuming it was Friday, so you can imagine how Thursday felt, and I how I'm bordering on a manic breakdown as I prepare for work right now (I'm sitting in my bathrobe debating whether I could skate through today by logging on from home and pretending to do work but really watching a marathon of Home Alone, HA2, Christmas Vacation, and Bad Santa)...and that's the other thing about the lead up to Christmas, the movies. Thanksgiving's got shit for movies unless you count that depressing as hell Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving special, which I don't. And the thing about Christmas movies is they have something for everyone's genre, no matter what your taste in movies. You want an action movie complete with dead European hostage takers? Bam, Lethal Weapon. You want a boring as hell black and white movie that only your grandparents can relate to? It's a Wonderful Life. Want to remember the simpler days as a kid when all you wanted was the coolest toy so you could fit in with all the other kids? Christmas Story. A kid or delusional adult who still likes cartoons? Disney's got ya covered. Have a weird affinity for seeing Will Ferrel run around in bright yellow tights with his bulge exposed for an hour and a half? Merry Christmas, here's your own personal copy of Elf. We've even got movies for those of you who are somehow depressed this time of the year, hope you enjoy A Christmas Carol(scroll like midway down). There's something for everyone (except Jews and Kwanzans), and that's something to be considered.

All that said, I'm not quite ready to dethrone Thanksgiving, but this new line of thought has probably made the contest closer than ever in my mind, but there is still just something to be said for a Holiday where it is socially acceptable, if not outright encouraged, for you to unbutton your pants and sit in the company of your siblings, parents, grandparents, and even aunts and uncles, in front of the warm glow of a plasma TV, with all of your pants opened. It's Magic.

Now, as promised for loyal Jewish following (do I have a Jewish following? It would really help to know my demographic, go a head and toss me an interesting at the end of this if you're Jewish, that way I'll know to cater to you in the future), I give you, Conan O'Briens "Human Centipede Menorah"

A couple of observations here, 1) There must have been all out, royal rumble style, fist fights backstage to decide who got to be the head in this ridiculous costume...I wouldn't be surprised if a one or two people gave their life trying to win the right to be the lead. And 2) One thing I've always been confused about, Chanukah (I prefer the "Ch" spelling, it seems more traditional, though this is coming from a devoutly non-Jewish person) is eight days long, yet there are nine candles on the Menorah. What gives? If ya'll were worried about the oil lasting eight days, maybe just blow out the huge overshadowing candle in the middle? I've just always found that strange, and I'm sure I'm not the first to ask, probably every wise-ass 2nd grader in Hebrew school has asked that throughout time, but that's the thing about me, I have the same inquisitive, smart-alecky mind of a Yiddish 8 year old. So along with throwing me an "interesting" after this blog, if you could leave a message detailing the reasoning behind the 9th light which overshadows all other lights, that would be fantastic.

Thanks to everyone who read this post in it's entirety, I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, and whatever else you're celebrating...for the rest of you who just skimmed, for shame.

Just kidding, thanks for everyones support, see ya'll Tuesday.

Happy Festivus, You're Gonna See the Pole

"I find tinsel...distracting"

Happy Festivus everyone! I hope everyone has a fulfilling day, carrying out the feats of strength and the airing of grievances. 

$1 Million Cocaine Bust at Hotel in Peabody...How Come Drug Dealers Don't Stay At Nice Hotels?

Stock Photo for Cocaine, Hilariously Simple

PEABODY (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Three men from out of state were arrested in Peabody on Wednesday for allegedly carrying an estimated $1.1 million worth of cocaine. Peabody Police tell FOX 25 they arrested 38-year-old Jason Grilli, of Laval, Puerto Rico, Valentine Torres, 33, of Juarez, New Mexico, and 27-year-old Gerardo Rodriguez Florez, of Tuscon, Arizona on Wednesday afternoon at the Holiday Inn.

You know what I never understand about these stories? Why the criminals always stay in such mediocre, to sometimes downright shitty, hotels? It doesn't make sense. Every time you hear one of these stories about some unfathomable amount of cocaine or pot being found, with street values in the millions, the drug dealers are always, without question busted in some kind of accommodation that in no way is fitting of such a large scale drug operation.  Like, hey guys, we've got a Park Plaza hotel, right down town. I mean, odds are you're going to be killed or arrested, might as well splurge while you can, right?

Plus, aren't you basically asking for it, staying in these kinds of places? I mean 3-4 Federali's check into some out of the way or run down hotel/motel with way more baggage than they'll need kind of brings to mind the stereotype, you know? Like, I doubt anyone would bat an eye at you guys if you threw on some stunner shades and a designer shirt and checked into the Plaza, or the Omni Parker House, probably think you're some kind of crossover Country-Mexican musical act, breaking through in the States, not a rag-tag bunch of hoodlums peddling copious amounts of cocaine.  I don't know, just a thought, keep it in mind anyway next time you come through.

PS: It really bothers me how we continue to use the metric system for drugs. It just doesn't make sense. We defy all other countries in the world with our American system when it comes to everything but illegal narcotics, catering to drug lords and strongmen because they don't want to do the conversions themselves. Like for once I'd like to read one of these stories and understand just how much drugs we're talking about...11 Kilos? What is that? Like 10 pounds? Help me out.

Occupy Boston Dropping Law Suit Due to Time and Effort Required...There's a Shock

BOSTON (FOX25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Residents of the Occupy Boston encampment have dropped their lawsuit against the city. They say slow-moving litigation wasn't the best way to meet their goals. Earlier this month Occupy Boston sued the city to stop it from dismantling their camp in Dewey Square.

Shock of the year, huh? Who'd have thunk these guys would abandon their grand plans at the FIRST road block that required some actual commitment to doing work? Just blows my mind, I really thought these guys had it in them.

But I guess the warning signs were there, it is the same group of people who were protesting things like, the amount of time it takes to pay down college debt, and the fact that their entry level jobs hadn't given them a pay raise and promotion to the level of CEO after a couple of years. Actually, the more that I think about it, the more I guess this makes total sense.

Of course the other factor could be that after camping out in a tent on a public street for over a month, a couple weeks of indoor heating and showers that aren't shared by the local homeless have softened their stance. I'm guessing a fair amount of them forgot what they were arguing for after experiencing luxury's like Microwaves, hot showers, and television for the first time in a month. Living in their parent's basements probably never seemed so awesome, and all it took was pretending they were homeless for a month to appreciate it.

So long Occupy Boston, and thanks for the blog material, it had been a great couple of months.

Westborough Neighbors Complain About Tacky Christmas Display

WESTBOROUGH (FOX 25/ MyFoxBoston.com) - A Westborough couple is receiving anonymous backlash for having such a large display of Christmas lights. Earlier this week, they found an anonymous letter on their door condemning the lights display. “Do you have any idea how ridiculous, ornate, and tacky all your outside decorations are??” the letter reads. The letter continues by claiming that in this economy the display is a slap in the face to those without jobs or financial stability. It also contains a threatening conclusion, "Please remove a significant amount of decorations, enough to be tasteful and respectful as our other neighbors are. Please do not force us to remove them for you."

First off, there's nothing particularly tacky about that display, I mean, they used white lights, the new standard for the new millenium, couple of trees decorated, a few reindeer, and most importantly of all, only one inflatable light up character. I say most importantly of all, as that's where you should start to draw the line on tacky, if the dispaly is overly weight towards inflatable characters and Santa's that look like lawn gnomes then you've hit tacky, but as far as I'm concerned that's not the case here.

The bigger issue on hand though, is it cool for neighbors to leave notes and be pissed off, if the display is actually tacky, has had me up all night pondering my stance. I've legit lost sleep over it.  On the one hand, I love the houses that go overboard, just load up every piece of junk they've found at the Christmas Tree shop for the last decade and anchor it to the lawn, the front porch, the windows, etc... Sure your house ends up with  glowing haze similar to a Las Vegas, rent by the hour brothel motel, but I really see nothing wrong with being a bit tacky during the Christmas season.  

A Christmas Carol: The Holocaust Meets the Holidays

The last thing I want is a boring Christmas like our forefathers used to put up with...Have you ever seen "A Christmas Carol?" That Christmas was a travashammockery, just dull as shit. People walking around in Top Hats, Tiny Tim walking around with one leg because his peg leg did double duty as the fourth leg of the dinner table, people eating chestnuts, Scrooge sitting infront of some awful soot producing coal furnace making general ledger entries with paper and pencil. Awful. If I were Tiny Tim and the life I had to look forward to looked like that, I'd have off'd myself. Hell, I'd have off'd myself if I were Scrooge, rich as hell or not. No one likes you, again, you have to eat Chestnuts, because that was the thing back then, and you're making accounting entries by hand on Christmas Eve. No Fucking Thanks. Give me tacky, light hearted, 2 fully functional legs and a bowl full of Walnuts any Christmas over that depressing stuff. I'd rather watch Schindlers List on Christmas Eve than ever see A Christmas Carol again.

Right down the street from yours truly.

Now, with all that said, I have to believe that given my nature, if I lived next to an overly tacky display, I'd 100% hate my neighbors guts. Yes, I'd think its cool on Nov 26th, right after they put it up, probably through the first weekend, and yes on the actual day of Christmas, I'd probably appreciate it. But all that time in between? Hate it. Try sleeping off a holiday party hangover with your neighbors glowing lights coming through your window, making you think you're Kramer living next to a Kenny Rogers Roasters. 30 or so days of that is enough to make someone snap...Actually, I'd probably make it through the holidays, I'm not saying I wouldn't be festering some serious anger, I would, but in the spirit of being neighborly and not trying to make things too awkward, I think I could hold it together through Dec 25. But that's it, no more after that. Like, the day after Christmas, if I don't see you making progress in toning down the display, I'd make progress for you. 

So where do I stand? Well, approximately the same place I stood last night at 12 AM when I was trying to go to bed. I like the tacky displays as long as you're not my neighbor, but for this specific case, I think the note writers were way out of line, as there's nothing particularly hokey or Ned Flanders-esqe going on in that yard.