Facebook Changing the Way We Breakup, Some Can't Handle It

AOL - A Florida couple went from Facebook to central booking after a squabble over the popular social networking site. Thomas Gannon, 35, told Brooksville authorities that the couple's troubles began when his 31-year-old girlfriend, Tina Cash, "unfriended" him on Facebook, the St. Petersburg Times reports. According to the Hernando County Sheriff's Office, Gannon claims Cash not only nixed their online friendship -- she also changed her relationship status on her Facebook page.Gannon reportedly stated that when he asked Cash about the Internet break-up, she started throwing things at him, hitting him in the face with a framed flag that once belonged to his great-grandfather. Cash told officials that she wasn't the only person throwing things, stating that Gannon also hurled objects at her and punched her in the head, UPI reports. Both have been charged with misdemeanor domestic battery.

Simple case of a dude just not understanding  a 21st century breakup. She gave you all the clear signs bro, changed her status and unfriended you, that's as clear cut of a breakup as you can get in today's Facebook age.  That is today's equivalent to "breaking up in a public restaurant or place" move.  You do it out on Facebook so everyone sees it, it's public, and if you go around throwing things at your significant others head they'll know why you're doing it and you'll be arrested. No need to go over there and nag her about the status changes, if you have to ask you already know.

Your next move to "win" the breakup is equally important though.  Where guys used to just rally around their friend, take him to a strip club or two, things have changed a bit.  It's no longer enough to just hope a story floats back to your ex about how well you're doing. You need visual proof.  You need to arm your friends with a digital camera and start staging some pics. Toss that stripper an extra $20 so you can take a picture, get plastered and take a pic of yourself licking some drunk broads face at the bar, and the icing on the cake, photoshop a photo just right to make it look like you're jumping in the cab with some hot broad at the end of the night that you couldn't possibly hook-up with otherwise.

Boom, you've just won the Facebook breakup.  And you didn't go to jail for throwing coffee mugs at your ex's grill. Win-win situation.

NCAA Tournament Pre-preview

That’s right folks, The Maestro is back from his Sheenesque bender after picking the Super Bowl within 2 points, winning his season-long picks pool, then taking down an Accenture Match Play pool for good measure. After I woke up in the corner of the Champagne Room at Centerfolds this morning, I realized its almost time for March Madness. I fucking love March Madness, so I had to pop back over to The Alt Tab and check in. Now you’re probably thinking, “Hey Maestro, you don’t even know the matchups, how are you writing a pre-preview?” Well my goal here is to beat the analysts to the punch. Once the bracket is released, everyone has the same sexy upset picks and same teams that they like to go down early. Oh you like a 12 seed to beat a 5 seed? Congratulations, I watch Sportscenter too. You don’t see that weak 2 seed making it to Houston? Yeah, no one does. I’m going to give you these teams a week early so you can become more familiar with them as they play their conference tournaments and see how smart I am. Here we go:

Belmont – Belmont? Really? Yes, really. Now you probably haven’t heard shit about this team all season, but they’re going to end up getting a 13 seed, and as soon as Belmont’s name pops up on the CBS Selection Show you’ll hear Seth Davis say something to the effect of, “That’s a tough draw for St. John’s, and I actually like Belmont to pull the upset in Round 1”, after he hasn’t mentioned them once all year…he ALWAYS does something like that. And don’t be shocked when you see the team they’re matched up against only laying about 4 points when the lines come out. For example, as of this posting, Ken Pomeroy’s rankings have Belmont as the #20 team, and St. John’s as the 31st ranked team, while SI and ESPN have that projected as a 4/13 matchup. I feel like you should know these things.

Syracuse – I know this isn’t going to make Dr. Jack happy, but I don’t trust the ‘Cuse in the tourney. After starting off 18-0, the Orange have been largely mediocre, aside from two road wins in a row against Villanova and Georgetown. Now you can’t really poo-poo any road wins in the Big East (which is good this year, I don’t know if you’ve heard), but I’m going to do just that. Villanova isn’t as strong as people thought, and the Hoyas were playing their first game without Chris Wright. And there’s always that pesky FT shooting issue that the Orange’s three most frequently used players have. Depending on how the Big East Tournament goes, Syracuse probably lands a 3 or 4 seed, but I won’t have them in the Sweet 16 in many brackets and may have them going down in the 1st round in one or two.

George Mason – If you’re tired of people making the “Who will be this year’s George Mason? Could it be George Mason???” joke, then I’m sorry, you’re going to have to hear it again this year. The Patriots will end up with a seed in the 7-10 range and will be a tough out for whatever 1 or 2 seed they face in the 2nd round. They’ve won 15 straight in the CAA, which is arguably the best mid-major conference in the country. The likes of VCU and Old Dominion could be dangerous in the conference tourney, but George Mason should be safely in the field of 68 and a team to watch once it kicks off.

BYU – I know, I know, real original, huh? I’ve actually liked BYU all year, but all the “experts” who have been S-ing The Jimmer’s D were just waiting for an excuse to turn around and pick against his team in the tournament and now they have one. The Cougs just had starting forward Brandon Davies kicked off the team for violating the school’s “honor code”, whatever that means…only the Mormons! You think Coach Cal does that at Kentucky? Me neither. At any rate, BYU loses Davies’ solid 11 and 6 per game and are now nearly fully perimeter oriented. This should make it easier for a lockdown D to shut down their high powered offense and advance out of their region. Depending on how BYU does in their conference tourney (held on UNLV’s home court), they’ll end up with at worst a 2 seed, but I could see the right 3-10 seed (UNC? West Virginia? Not Syracuse?) that matches up with them in the 2nd round or Sweet 16 knocking them off. (By the way, this entry was a hell of a lot better when I had written it before the Davies story blew up and BYU got waxed at home by New Mexico, but I waited an extra day to post it. As CW always tells me, you snooze you lose, in the blogging world)

Check back in at The Alt Tab once the bracket is released so I can win you your pool…as long as you’re not in mine.

Overweight Flight Attendants Appeal Airline Weight Restrictions

(CNNGo) -- Thai Airways International is catching heat for imposing weight restrictions on its 6,000 flight attendants. Those who don't shape up face the risk of being kept out of the sky. According to a story in the Bangkok Post, flight attendants who don't meet the airline's body mass index and waistline controls, imposed last year, have been limited to service on domestic and same-day-return flights. If they don't comply after a year, they will be transferred to ground services. The 41 flight attendants affected -- 28 of them male -- recently complained to the Labour Protection and Welfare Department that the regulation violated their human rights and decreased their incomes. They were told the regulation is not illegal and falls within the authority of management, which was concerned about customer service.

You're goddamn right there better not be an fatties serving me my peanuts and 6.5 ounces of soda on my planes.  If the airlines have the balls to weigh my luggage at the terminal and set specific size guidelines for carry-on's due to fuel concerns they sure as shit better be measuring the waste lines of their stewards and stewardesses.  

Not to mention that a Land Monster of a flight attendant would single handedly defeat the sole benefit of the aisle seat.  I don't know about the rest of you but I'll take the aisle over the window every time, let that leg dangle out in the aisle a bit, hang the elbow over the armrest.  Any time you have a chance to occupy space on a plane that you didn't pay for you have a moral obligation to take advantage.  Heffer-Stewards would kind of ruin that.  I don't need male muffin tops nudging my elbow as the pass, or waking me up by mistakenly crushing my foot as they bomb down the aisle.

Weightlifting, Russian Style (Video)

They have Planet Fitness over in Russia too? Because I've seen guys doing that same routine at the one in Government Center in Boston because of the lack of weights in that dungeon of the gym.  Apparently for $9.99 a month, you get what you pay for, a musty basement, a few dumbbells, no barbells, no benches, couple of homeless guys (where else can you find lodging with showers for $10/month), oh and 3 tanning booths! That's why everyone signs up for the gym.

This guys friends must not be full blooded Ruskies though, bailing out like that at the end.  The guy is probably just trying to get in a few sets after work and the pussbags can't even chill on the bar for him for more than one rep, that's weak bros.

Another Attempt, Another Failed Robbery This Time In Lynn (vid inside)

It started out so promising, the guy just rolled in all nonchalantly and started in on his routine, perfect start. I don't know why I expected it to end any other way than it did, in abject failure. I've chronicled it many times before, but today's robbers just don't have it in them.


Dude, its a chic with an aluminum pole. Just take the thing from her and go on with your business.  No need to back up and runaway like a panzy.  You either want the cash or you don't, you can't half ass it in this game, its like the rappers always say, "there aint no such thang as half way crooks." CW is about 30 seconds away from hopping over his cube wall and marching down to the Gulf Station just to prove a point.


PS: If the fate Gods had any sense of humor they'd have given us a matchup between this store owner broad and the robber to attempted to stick up a convenience store with an entire birch tree.

Has Everyone Heard of Turtle Calls?

And the internet continues to amaze and entertain.  TurtleCalls.  Just some guy pretending to be a turtle (or occasionally Don Cheadle?) calling up your friends for a charge of anywhere between $2-$20, it's so simple, its beautiful.

And maddening, because here I am rising early every frigen day trying to come up with thoughts and snarky comments on a variety of news stories and I haven't made two cents.  Meanwhile this guy figured out a way to A)Make money off prank phone calls without releasing a cassette tape a la the Jerky Boys, and B)Some how people aren't pissed they're being pranked.  I listened to about 15 calls, not one person was aggravated or upset.  What gives?

Are turtles just that loveable, or does this guy just have the gift of a loveable voice? I feel like if I called someone they'd be pissed at me even if it wasn't a prank.  Just be totally irritated about having to hear my voice.  Would go something like:

CW: "Oh hey Maestro, just calling to say hi. What's going on with you these days?

Maestro: Is this about me not writing a blog lately? Because if it is, I'm working on it.

CW: No, no just a friendly call to catch up.

Maestro: Well then why are you using that tone of voice with me? I can't tell if you're angry

CW: This is just my normal voice.

Maestro: Oh, my bad, well do you need something or can I go now?

And that would pretty much be it. 

MBTA Apologizes for 4 Hour Trip from Boston to Worcester

Boston Globe - Commuter rail officials today apologized and admitted they had made a mistake after trains traveling Monday on the Boston-Worcester line experienced major delays. They also said they would reimburse people for their cost of travel and provide free rides on two trains this evening...
Train 523 left South Station at 5 p.m. Monday and was supposed to arrive at Worcester at 6:20 p.m. Due to an engine failure, it arrived at 9:04 p.m., said Scott Farmelant, an MBCR spokesman.

Yea, I don't think an "I'm sorry" and a $4 refund is going to cut it here. 4 frigen hours? You can drive to Worcester in 45 minutes.  I mean, at some point weren't people just considering hopping off and finding a bus schedule or a cab? At what point does the misery outweight the additional cost?  I get aggravated if the orange line takes more than 10 minutes to pick me up, nevermind 4 frigen hours stuck on a train with the kinds of people that have to ride trains (and please, if you're arguing convenience right now just kick your own ass, how is a 4 hour commute convenient? Hell, how is the normal 1:20 convenient, again you can drive from South Station to Worcester faster than that). 

Kind of makes me rethink my original stance on Obama's crazy "Highspeed Rail" ideas.  At first I just laughed it off like, Oh there is a great idea, we'll improve the economy by dedicating more funding to building out a mode of transportation that was popular in the 1800's.  But at the point where a 44 mile commute takes 4 hours I suppose you should consider just about anything.  Hell, if we're dredging up ideas from centuries past, how about a lane on the highway for horseback riders? Or oxen driven wagons? Because somewhere around the 3 hour mark those start becoming relatively efficient, not to mention they'd break our dependance on foreign oil. 

Seattle News Reporter Jumps Into Street Fight On-Air

Video from The Daily Weekly

Look, Shomari Stone (the reporter) deserves his props for having the stones to run over and jump in to try and break this up, he does. We should all do our part as citizens to make our neighborhoods cleaner.  That said, I can't help but think that we'd probably be better off from a comedic stand point if he'd just stayed out of this and told the camera to keep rolling. 

These guys are bum, bro. Conducting low level pot deals at the waterfront at 6 AM! Who gives a shit if he hurts his face.  Plus you tackled the wrong guy.  Other dude is trying to rob him. If their aint honor amongst homeless junkies and dope fiends than what hope does the rest of society have. This guy deserved to have his ass beat. 

The 1:10 minute mark is what I'm talking about, guy just rolls up, steals the dudes keys and clubs him in the head with a retractable stick.  Hysterical! So nonchalant, and then just walks away.  That's what you robbed us, the viewers, of Shomari.  Instead of 10 seconds of brilliance we could have seen 3-4 minutes of breathtaking bum fighting.

PS: How outrageous is it that this was all over weed? I would have bet my life this was a bunch of heroine fiends fighting over the last fix.  Am I the only one that assumed that if guys are up at 6 AM in a public park they're probably conducting deals for something a bit more serious than pot? 

Columbian Soccer Player Kicks Owls, Everyone Freaks Out (vid inside)

CNN - A professional soccer player in Colombia faces up to three months in jail for kicking an opposing team's lucky owl, which had been been hit by a ball after landing on the field Sunday. The owl died Tuesday. The owl was considered a good luck charm for the Atlético Junior squad in Barranquilla and lived in its Metropolitan Stadium...The referee stops play, and Moreno trots over and kicks the bird off the field, a distance of about three yards. The incident was aired on national television and prompted widespread outrage, and not just from Junior fans. Environmental groups urged sanctions against Moreno and called for protests at the National Soccer building in Bogota. Moreno apologized, saying it was not his intention to harm the bird. "I did it to see if the owl could fly," the Daily Mail quoted him as saying.

Everyone can calm the hell down here. Spare me the hyperbole of  saying he "kicked" the bird or calling him a "murderer."  People just love a good chance to show how politically correct they can be and its frigen nauseating. And to the environmental groups urging sanctions on Moreno, the guy isn't Libya. He's a person not a country. Who is going to sanction him? The local hot dog vendor isn't going to serve him when he rolls up hungry after the game. What a joke. Not to mention that this is Columbia we're talking about. Maybe they have more important things to be worried about? Like not scoring in your own goal and getting killed after the game? I'm sure animal safety is the last thing on their minds.

Moreno has nothing to apologize for, watch the video. He doesn't kick or boot the bird, he puts his foot under it and tries to get it to fly. That's it people. Nothing malicious here, guys not the Mike Vick of executing owls.  The thing was DOA, dead on arrival.  The poor bird has no one to blame but itself either, landing in the middle of the field of play and not having the wherewithal to get the hell out of the way when the ball was flying at its head.  But no one wants to mention that part. 

Blaming Moreno here is like blaming the public works crews that come along and scrape up the dead squirrel and skunk carcasses after they've been flattened by cars during the morning commute.  They're just clearing the road doing their job and Moreno was just clearing the field so the game could go on.  What should he have done called the team stretcher out? Hook the dumb bird up to a ventillator? It's an Owl people.  They'll have a new one trained and ready for the games next week.