Would you Buy A Conterfeit Condoms To Save A Few Bucks

Slate - More than 700,000 ultra-thin condoms disappeared on their way from Malaysia to Japan last week. When the freighter arrived in Japan, the condom containers were empty, and the locks had been changed. Cargo theft is relatively common in Malaysia, but why would anyone steal that many condoms? How much might the thieves get for them? A few thousand dollars, if they're really lucky. Although the stolen ultra-thin condoms would have retailed for $1.5 million, the thief will have a hard time getting that kind of cash in a black market transaction. The going wholesale rate for condoms in Asia is just a few cents per unit, and that's among legitimate businessmen. People who buy condoms on the black market are accustomed to getting them for much less. Counterfeiters have been known to sell a couple hundred untested condoms in brand-name packaging for a dollar, and the knockoffs have popped up in shops all over the world.

Honestly, I would have never thought this was a problem.  I mean who are the asshole store keepers buying thousands of condoms from some shady individual in a trench coat? These guys get it in too, right?  Us men have to stick together here on this issue. No one wants to hook-up with a cheap knock off condom only to end up on an upcoming Paternity Test Special on Maury.  Like toilet paper, there are just somethings you can't skimp and get away with. 

And apparently America no longer manufactures condoms, they're basically all shipped in from seedy plants in Thailand from what I'm getting out of this article.  Say what you want about our dependence on foreign oil, but I think this may be an even bigger threat to our national security. Look at China, they presumably import their condoms from Thailand and look how big their population is.  That's no accident, just a shit load of counterfeit condoms. In the US people are already getting pregnant left and right in the "hood" just for free food stamps and welfare checks.  Do we really need to add to the national deficit by risking these people coming across faulty, counterfeit condoms (assuming they know where to buy a condom in the first place)? 

This has financial terrorism disaster written all over it.

Guest Blog: The TV Doctor is Back for More. Friday Night Lights and Justified

Two things happened last night that the good Dr. probably should have wrote about “before” and not “after”. But in the ironies of all ironies, I was sick yesterday and so weak and feeble the mere idea of writing on a keyboard made me sleepy. After some healthy doses of CVS brand NyQuil and a long night of sleep I am back and ready to review some big tube news.

 

 

Item #1: Last night was the series finale of “Friday Night Lights”. It’s always a sad time when one of my favorite all-time shows ends. However, I’ve chosen to spend the fortune from my medical practice on other things besides a Direct TV package. So I have yet to see an episode of FNL’s final season. For those who don’t know, over the last three seasons of the show, new episodes have premiered on Direct TV in the fall, and then the show has premiered the same episodes later in the year on NBC. In an even weirder twist, this year the DVD of season 5 will be released days before the first episode appears on NBC. My expert opinion advises all of you to watch this show, and not only the final season. Don’t worry if you didn’t like the movie, don’t worry if you don’t like football, don’t worry if you’re still upset they cancelled “Early Edition” and can’t bear the thought of seeing Kyle Chandler in a new show. The football scenes become less frequent as the show goes on, and the overall themes of the show have very little to do with football. It’s actually closer to a higher quality “Gossip Girl” if it took place in Texas, was about middle class people, dealt with real issues to normal people and the male teenage characters didn’t seem like total fucking pussies who are completely undeserving of the upper echelon snatch they reel in. Basically it’s only similar to GG in that many of the main characters are high school students. I would say this show is probably the best show I recommend that literally almost no one watches. The show’s over so I’m not steering you to watch just to improve ratings. I’m telling you to watch this show to improve your lives.

Item #2: The second season of “Justified” premiered on FX last night. I was fairly disinterested in this show in the beginning of its first season. As you can tell by my pseudonym, I like shows that are more serialized. “Justified” started off to seem more like a procedural show. That all changed around the mid point of the season and I became hooked. Timothy Olyphant has always been a favorite of mine and he does a great job playing Federal Marshall Raylan Givens. A much better job than he did as Danny on “The Office” this year. Speaking of which, what the hell ever happened to that? That show sucks. Walton Goggins from “The Shield” plays Raylan’s childhood friend Boyd who went from bad guy to good guy, and I’m assuming back to bad guy this season. The relationship between these two enemies/allies is the highlight of the show for me. FX will play this first episode a few times this week so you should be able to catch it, and I wouldn’t say seeing the first season is necessary for tuning in now.

That’s all I have for you today. For everyone who chooses to take my advice and watch FNL from the beginning, I am truly jealous of your getting to watch it all for the first time. You will not be disappointed.

-Dr. Jack Shephard

Michael Jackson Haunting Walmart

Walmart comes back comes back big after last week's "People Who Shop At Walmart" debacle. 

It's almost to the point where if Walmart offered WiFi in their little cafe area I'd feel obligated to go live blog on site for the day just to see what happens next. 

Guitar Hero Being Discontinued

(Mashable) -- The premiere plastic guitar game just flamed out. Activision, beset by falling sales, has decided to shutter the division that created "Guitar Hero" and its sequels...Activision posted a $233 million net loss for the fourth quarter. Its decision to lay off the 500-person "Guitar Hero" division was, Activision said in a press release today, "due to continued declines in the music genre."

Terrible, terrible day for mouth breathers, people who live in their mothers basements, and stoners everywhere. 

Now what are geeky, overweight college kids going to have to take pride in?  What pathetic talent are they going to try and show off to drunk college chics in hopes of luring one of them back to their lair rather than watching porn for the 62nd straight night when they get home?

And what now will become of the countless delusional basement rock stars who foolishly believe that being coordinated enough to press 5 color coded buttons on cue would some day lead to fame, fortune, groupies, and a home not located below their mothers kitchen? What of their dream, it just dies? This seems tragically anti-climactic.

Terrible day indeed.

What Is With Everyone Getting Offended By Super Bowl Ad's?

 

E! Online - While some Super Bowl commercials are destined to become classics for all the right reasons, just as many go viral because they've managed to offend massive swaths of the population (or, a few people who tweet really fast). So far, the dishonors in 2011 are going to PepsiCo, Homeaway.com and Groupon, though there's probably some Star Wars fanatic out there who thinks George Lucas sold out big-time...

That's a pretty good summary and vid's of the three most complained about commercials from this past week.

Who are these people sitting around their TV's waiting to get offended by commercials? You have nothing better to do than find things to be offended by? 

Take the smushed baby above? Who exactly was offended by this?  Its a frigen doll people. It's not real. If you're offended by this you should just as easily be offended by the on-going plight of crash test dummies. Its the same thing.  There is something seriously wrong with the people who felt the need to be all self-righteous over this instead of sitting back and laughing as intended.

And for the people saying the pepsi commercial is racist? Grow up!  There is absolutely nothing suggesting the black woman throwing the soda can accidentally at the white womans head is racially motivated.  Have we seriously come to the point where we can't have a mix of racial characters in a commercial without having some jackasses run around afterwards shouting racism? Shit is pathetic.  

And don't even get me started about Groupon.  90% of American's can't even find Tibet on a map, spare me the pretend indignation about using the tiny oppressed nation as comic fodder in a 30 second commercial.  That commercial was more air time and got more American's attention to the on-going situation in Tibet than all news stories have in the past 10 years combined.  If anyone should have been offended it should have been the Chinese government.  Now instead of just having hippy American liberals, and empty American political support, every uneducated American too dumb to watch the evening news or read a magazine article once in a while is at least semi-aware of what is going on between China and Tibet. 

I Guess God is an Apple Fanboy?

(FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - The Catholic Church has given its seal of approval approval of an iPhone application called Confession. The BBC reports the app was developed by a US technology company and takes information from the user, including age, gender and time elapsed since their last confession to create a personalized examination of conscience.  The launch comes shortly after Pope Benedict XVI gave urging to Christians to embrace digital communication and make their presence felt online. In his World Communications Address on 24 January, he said it was not a sin to use social networking sites - and particularly encouraged young Catholics to share important information with each other online.

Well Apple has officially won, you can't get a better endorsement than the official smartphone of God. Just can't be out done.  From this day forth Catholics will bless themselves , "The father, The son, The Holy iOS. The first and second readings of the Apostles (these are segments during Mass for the heathens amongst my readers) will now be referred to as the iReading 1.0 and iReading2.0. Instead of shaking hands during the peace offering, church goers will be required to send out a quick iChat message.

For those of you who think I'm too cynical, notice I didn't make one reference to Catholic priests just using the app to gather age/sex/location info on younger church goers...well until now anyway. 

Pussification of America Part 67: Mom in Legal Trouble for Rooting Her Child on in Fight

FEBRUARY 4--Despite videotaped evidence to the contrary, a Florida mother claims that she did not egg her daughter on during a public brawl with a fellow high school classmate, according to a new court motion...In her Circuit Court motion, Newcomb claims that a video of the fisticuffs only shows her saying “get up” to her child. She also argues that her “mere presence at the location of the consensual altercation, coupled with the statement ‘get up,’ does not constitute” the crime charged. Newcomb apparently has overlooked several video clips showing her yelling encouragements with the brio of Bundini Brown. The 39-year-old Newcomb loudly advised her daughter to “punch her in the fucking body” and “kick her ass” as the teen was getting throttled by her larger opponent. A 15-year-old spectator interviewed by police said that Newcomb yelled at her to “back the fuck up” when she apparently got too close to the teen fighters. The girl added that Newcomb was telling her daughter “where to hit” her adversary.

As clear cut of a case of damned if you do, damned if you don't as I've ever seen.  How many stories do you read these days lamenting parents lack of interest in their children's extra curricular activities?  And then this mom comes out to support her teen and she gets a court date out of it?

And for what? Shouting words of encouragement and advice? Please that's parenting 101.  She's not just going to sit back and watcher her daughter get her ass beat. "Punch her in the fucking body" is a classic boxing technique. Everyone knows body shots tire out your opponent.  Plus they're more humane than face shots, it's not like she's cheering for the other girl to be mutilated, just for her own daughter to come out victorious. 

And the 15-year-old's testimony can be thrown out as far as I'm concerned.  Is a judge really supposed to trust someone who tried to jump into a fight and  make it uneven? The mom was just making sure it was a fair fight. Refereeing if you will. 

Guy Gropes Chic While Fleeing Police for Assaulting His Mother

A Jersey City felon being sought for allegedly punching is mother and sister in their faces was being chased by police when he stopped to grope a 24-year-old woman and the cops had to pull him off the victim to arrest him, officials said. Sutton's 54-year-old mother told police they were sitting in their home when he grabbed the phone and broke it, reports said, adding that when she confronted him he punched her in the face and she fell to the ground. Sutton's sister saw their mother on the kitchen floor and asked him what happened but his only response was to punch her in the face too before running away, reports said...Police spotted Sutton sitting on a porch on Duncan Avenue but when they approached him he ran away yelling "Get the (blank) away from me," reports said. As police chased him, Sutton "continued to scream and ran toward pedestrians," reports said. Finally, he grabbed the girl by the neck and they fell to the ground where he was "performing sexual acts on top of the victim," groping her and trying to kiss her, reports said. When police pulled Sutton off of the woman he began punching the officers who took him into custody after a scuffle, reports said.

How hot was that 24 year old chic? Girl must have rivaled Helen of Troy.  I mean this guy just went from full on rage to sexual arousal in a split second.  One second he's lambing it from the cops, yelling in tongues after putting his mom and sister in their places. The next second he's Rico Suave laying down timeless moves right there on the side of the street. 

And for the record, the only thing this guy is guilty of is sexual assault.  As far as I'm concerned his mom and sister had it coming. Dude just broke his phone, I'm sure he was pissed enough about having to go out and buy a new $500 phone off contract, nevermind the fact that he still lives at home with his mom and sister, reminding him of just how miserable his life has turned out.  And the officers should have known you never pull a guy out mid grope, I thought everyone knew that, kinda like how you're not supposed to wake someone that's sleep walking.

Mexican's Protest Bull Fighting Due To It's Violence

FunnyDoom - About 750 activists  undressed in underwear in Mexico City in protest against bullfights. Protesters  demanding a ban to bullfighting in Mexico. They noted the authorities because the fighting bulls is legal in Mexico and because it used public money for special schools for training of matadors and museums dedicated to the sport. Bullfights however, are considered a popular sport in Mexico, and the number of fights in this country is second in the world, behind Spain.

Is it just me or do Mexicans have a really messed up value system?  People are being offed, beheaded, shanked, shot, hung and mutilated at alarming rates in Tijuana and other cities across Mexico. Are people staging mass protests to end the violence, nope. 

I even saw one article (in Time Magazine I think, but honestly I'm too tired to look right now) where a Mexican cab driver didn't understand why American tourists stopped coming, his logic was the drug lords only attack other Mexicans not American Tourists. OH! Good to know!

Maybe it's just the xenophobia (fancy, negative word for Patriotism) in me but if the people of my country were being slaughtered in public in humiliating ways at a genocidal pace I'd like to think I'd choose to protest that, over the killing of a few bulls that would have been killed for Taco night anyway.  But maybe that makes too much sense? 

Ah screw it, let them keep killing themselves off, America's beaches are too crowded these days, we can juts annex Mexico's coast line once the last of the natives have killed themselves.