Half Day Today

Ahhh, the bittersweet half day.  Such a love/hate relationship.  Ultimately though, love wins out for me.  I hate it for one reason and one reason only, having to wake up and go to work.  And while having to go to work is my greatest complaint in life, it doesn't outweigh the multiple things I love about half days.

You get out of work early.  This one seems pretty obvious.  Yeah you still have to wake up to that outrageously loud alarm clock, guzzle coffee that is way to hot to be consumed but you have to drink it immediately because you can't keep your eyes open, and carry out your normal routine for about 4 hours.  But just knowing that you're only there for 4 hours seems to make it bearable.  Brings me back to feeling like a kid again on half days during the school year, when I knew I'd be dominating a game of kick the can, man hunt, or home run derby as soon as they released us.

It saves time off for later in the year.  If I don't need the vacation days for an actual vacation, then I see no harm in spreading the love and taking multiple half days for every full day that I otherwise would have been doing nothing.  Just simple math, more days partially out of the office is greater than the occasional full day in my mind.  Probably the only reason I've made it for this long at my job.  I need these breaks.

And finally, the biggest reason I love half days, you get to rub it into co-workers (lesson as always, I live for spite).  Sure they're jealous the Friday before you have a week off but that's nothing compared to half day envy.  On a regular day off they don't have to see you, sure they may gripe about you not being there (I gripe with the best of them) but there is nothing to be jealous of.  On a half day they have to see that smirk on your face knowing  you'll be leaving those suckers in a few short hours.  They have to hear the sarcastic "have fun the rest of the day" just to remind them that you'll be out having fun and they'll be living their same unchanging life.  And the kicker...(drum roll)...You get to give them the rest of your work that you didn't finish on your way out the door!  The look on their face is always priceless at this point.  And that's what separates a half day from a regular day.  You actually have to see someone looking forward to their day and having more fun than you could ever have on a full day of work.  Well that's me today. Deal with it. 

(no I won't be blogging from home today, I've got better things to do)

Comment Sections Is Officially Fixed

I swear, this time it works.  I can give no guarantees that the comment section on previous posts will work but I can guarantee it'll work going forward, honest to blog.  Gentleman, Ladies (the few of you I haven't offended away yet), our long national nightmare is over. 

Consider this my gift to all of you for reading and putting up my requests for comments despite the fact that my comment section didn't work all this time.  Who knew the joke was on me.  Here is an edited version of Florida Gators Great Tim Tebow's legendary speech (pictured above):

To the fans and everyone in Alt-Tab Nation (all 60 or so of you), I'm sorry. I'm extremely sorry (I'm not really). I was hoping for a working comment section, that was my goal, something The Alt Tabs has never had.

I promise you one thing, a lot of good will come of this (depends on your definition of a lot, and good). You will never see another blogger blog as hard as I will (for the remainder of the 5 year lease I have on this site).  You will never see another blogger shamelessly beg for guest blogs and comments the way I will beg all of you.

You will never find another blog that will bring your joy the way Alt-Tabs will (just blatantly not true).

God Bless.

Feel free to pop in and drop a comment letting me know how much of an idiot I am (or bash Tim Tebow).

Quick Rant: Are People Really This Clueless?

So I was on a pub crawl this past weekend, and once again (like every pub crawl I've been on or witnessed) there were morons at every other bar who would see the streams of people pouring into bars mid-day, all dressed in similar fashion and have the audacity to ask "whats going on?" or my favorite "am I missing something?". 

Yea you're missing something, common sense.  Yea, me and 700 or so of my closest friends (its a very large and long running pub crawl) all coincidentally wore the same ugly yellow shirt and brought pirate themed accessories out to the bar today.  Oh and that guy over there leading us around looking like Captain Hook? Well he's just a really big fan of his favorite college football team.  Ass bag.  Use your head. If there is one thing I just cannot stand it's peoples blatant displays of ignorance. I just can't fathom why anyone would publicly advertise their general lack of intelligence to a total stranger in such completely obvious situations.

Figures, two white guys on the court and one of them is involved in this disaster. We can't keep blowing chances like this guys.  If you're lucky enough to be offered a chance at an interracial handshake you've got to bring your A-game.  I'm talking full-bodied, minimum of 5 steps, ending with a kiss of your fingers to the sky.  Do you guys want to keep hanging out with just the one or two other white guys on the team, filing tax returns while watching the news in your hotel rooms? Or do you want to be invited to the after game parties, with the Crystal and pimp cups?  Because you just blew that chance for this season.  Probably set race relations back another 10 years in the process.

First Day Back From Vacaction

Yep, that picture pretty much sums up how the first half of my day is about to go.  Monday's after vacation almost make the whole vacation not worth it...Ok that may be a bit of an exaggeration but there is no denying its by far the worst work day you face.  Whether you're fresh off a relaxing long weekend or a fun week off there is no more dreadful feeling than going to bed the night before you're first day back, knowing that on top of the usual annoyances of fluorescent lights, nagging phone calls, and un-ending excel sheets, you'll face two additional perturbances.  1. The full e-mail box, 2. Questions from co-workers you work hard to avoid most weeks asking you what you did.

The Full Email box- Nothing I look forward to more than wasting two hours sorting through emails I'll never need or use.  It's like company spam, except there is no filter for it, and they're not promising me riches from Nigeria or Russian mail order brides.  Just corporate mission statements and questions addressed to everyone at the office because the sender was too stupid and lazy to figure out exactly who they should be emailing.  And what is with people who ignore or don't understand the out of office message?  Without fail I'll receive 5 or 6 client requests while I'm out, with a follow up the next day asking why the task hasn't been completed. WTF? Did you think the out of office response was some sort of elaborate practical joke? Or are you really too dumb to read and comprehend the meaning of the message?

Questions From Co-Workers- Look, there are very few co-workers who I let in and accept as friends, to the rest, I try to be polite and respectful, but ultimately I don't give a shit about your life outside of work as I hope you don't give a shit about mine.  Who has time for all that caring? I have a circle of family and friends that I'm interested in and its at capacity right now.  If someone is cut for one reason or another I'll let every one know and we can have some sort of try out to see who I let in next.  But until then lets just stick to the niceties and leave our non-work lives out of it.  My typical responses to how my weekend was range from "good", "pretty good", or "the usual".  Non-descriptive yet friendly enough that the conversation ends amicably shortly thereafter.  The problem with vacations are everyone wants to pry just a little deeper, but I'm not on board.  So I end up looking like a snob or an asshole because I don't feel like sharing any of the details of my personal life.  The most you're going to get out of me is that I watched football on Sunday. Thats it.  Lets just move on, pretend it was a normal weekend off for me and go about our days.  Leave all the blabbing to girls or guys who like to hear their own voice.

Alt-Tabs

Didn't think I'd let you go a whole week without a new addition of Alt-Tabs did you?

Man Wins Right to Give Cops Middle Finger - An Oregon man has settled a federal lawsuit over what he says was his First Amendment right to express himself by giving the finger to sheriff's deputies...In his lawsuit, Ekas said that in July 2007, he flipped off a Clackamas County deputy while driving, and the deputy gave him tickets for illegal lane change and improper display of license plates.  Ekas was acquitted on the citations. A month later, he gave the finger to another deputy, who detained him but wrote no tickets.

Finally someone stands up to these corrupt assholes.  Too many of us have been victimized (yours truly included) for flipping off these punks (I was coming back from a concert, some asshole was tail gating me on an otherwise empty highway, I turned on my cars interior light and flipped him off so he could see, he turned on his lights and rode me to the shoulder  and then sped off, needless to say I was furious).  Most of these guys, especially the young ones, are assholes like the ones pictured above, jerk offs from high school who had to find a profession that allowed them to continue to be jerk offs. 

Teachers Warned Not To "Friend" Students - In the hazy realm of cyberspace, one school district is drawing a sharp line: Virtual friendships between teachers and their students are a bad idea. Worried about the potential risks of online interactions, the school board in Norton last week urged teachers not to become friends with their students on Facebook and other social media sites and advised them to avoid friendships with former students as well.

Bad move in an economic recession. This is sure to cut employment for defense attorneys specializing in Teacher-Student affairs in half.  We need to focus on cultivating jobs, not destroying entire industries.  If anything "Friending" should be encouraged.

Facebook Knows When You'll Break Up - Worried about when you might get dumped? Facebook knows.

That's according to a graphic making the rounds online that uses Facebook status updates to chart what time of year people are splitting up...They found two big spikes on the calendar for breakups. The first was after Valentine's Day -- that holiday has a way of defining relationships, for better or worse -- and in the weeks leading up to spring break. Maybe spring fever makes people restless, or maybe college students just don't want to be tied down when they're partying in Cancun.

The chart looks real scientific and all, but Facebook could provide an even more accurate measure.  Just track how often someone's significant other is creeping on members of the opposite sex? Just seems obvious.

Mom In Spain Happy Her 10 Year Old Daughter Gave Birth - MADRID -- A Romanian Gypsy woman whose 10-year-old daughter just gave birth in Spain says she's delighted to have a new granddaughter and doesn't understand why the birth has shocked anyone -- let alone become an international sensation...But in comments published Wednesday, her mother told reporters the baby's father is a 13-year-old boy who is still in Romania and is no longer going out with her daughter.

What is everyone so upset about? They're Gypsies.  I just thought it was commonly accepted that gypsies were allowed to live by their own set of rules, sort of like the lost amazonian tribes in Brazil.  Love the maturity shown by the 13 year old though, ran off as soon as the girl was knocked up.  I have a feeling we'll be seeing these two on a paternity show on Maury real soon.

That's all for this week.  I'm going to enjoy the rest of my day off.  My mind feels lazy right now and the blogs are going to start suffering as a result.  As usual feel free to tell a friend or two this weekend.

I Knew These Miners Were Full of Shit

I try to avoid throwing up multiple videos in one day, but I stumbled upon this and what was I supposed to do, not post it?

Look as most of you know I've been keeping a very close eye on these Chilean Miners ever since their purported "rescue."  Well I'll be filing this little bit of evidence in the "Full of Shit File."  My alerts are already raised any time these guys are seen in public (I believe they staged this whole thing to reap the benefits of the fame and fortune that come with a world wide televised rescue from certain death) so you can imagine my interest when I found out one of them was on Letterman recently.  Everything seem to be go according to script until the 4 minute mark.  After conducting the entire interview with a translator this guy breaks character and sings Elvis in perfect English, body gyrations and everything.  If I didn't know any better I'd swear this guy wasn't even Chilean, probably grew up in Tennessee working as an Elvis impersonator for theme parks and old ladies at nursing homes.  

I'm now more sure than ever that these guys pulled one over on the world, I'm not even mad, its brilliant, but I still have one question. How did they get the Chilean government to go along with this? What is in it for them? They're still leading a poor underdeveloped country, as far as I know this isn't raising tourism (though I think one week trips to live in that hole, if the hole really exists, would be an awesome adventure tourism draw), and they're not on the receiving end of any more national aid than before.  What gives? I just want to know what they're getting out of this.  Would someone please tell me?

Has anyone ever told you that you sound just like Whitney Houston?

Don't worry too much about your voice, you're not going to have the looks to become a famous singer anyway. The best part for me was when you covered the camera up so we didn't have to see your jowels struggle to hit the notes. 

Best you can hope for is the National Anthem at a high school homecoming game, and even that would be partially due to pity because I'm assuming you take the special bus for that mean case of tourettes you're developing.  You'll will presumably have a long career on the church choir though, so you've got that to look forward to.

New Comments Section

Crisis averted.  I don't want to say the old comment section sucked, but it sucked.  A new system was uploaded today (new posts only, old ones are still stuck with the shitty default option) that should allow anyone to post, using any name they'd like, without registering or logging in.

A part of me is a bit nervous about this new development.  Before when I looked and saw that only 3 or 4 comments were posting a week despite the 75 or so views a day I could blame it on the set up.  No more, its all on me now, if no one's posting I'm just going to take it as a personal insult.  It also opens up the floodgates to those of you who may have previously wanted to mock or criticize me.  So there ya go, give it a shot. 

If anyone runs into any issues please send me an e-mail to let me know, my HTML skills are worth dick so there's a good chance there may be a bug or two at first.