Monday, March 28, 2011

Bronx Zoo Loses Poisonous Cobra, Don't Worry, They're Confident They Know Where It Is...

Just roaming the streets of NY, no big deal.


Fox News - Officials have closed the Reptile House at New York's Bronx Zoo after a poisonous Egyptian cobra disappeared from an enclosure that's separate from the animal exhibits. Zoo officials say the building was immediately closed and secured after staff learned that the adolescent snake was missing Friday afternoon. The zoo released a statement Saturday saying it's confident the 20-inch-long snake is in an area of the building that's not accessible to the public. Snakes usually seek closed-in spaces and aren't comfortable in open areas. Officials say they are informing the public out of an "abundance of caution and will continue to take whatever steps necessary to ensure public safety."

 I take zero confidence in your reassurance that the snake is just chilling in an area not accessible to the public. Zero. Maybe it's just me but if they were so sure, wouldn't they leave the zoo open for business.  I mean what's the harm if this serpent is just hanging out in a dark storage area? Shouldn't I still be able to view the baby pandas if that's the case?  

No, I think it's safe to say that they have no clue where it is and the workers are too terrified to go hunt it down, which I don't blame them for.  I like snakes, even owned one at one point, but there is no way in hell I'm hunting down a 20 inch Cobra in the middle of an urban jungle.  Just a general life plan I go by, WWIJD (What Would Indiana Jones Do), tells me that's a horrible idea.  

Because as a relative expert on Indy, I'm fairly certain he'd dramatically put on his hat, grab his satchel, whip, and that little Asian kid from Goonies, and high tail it the hell out of there.  It's a frigen 20 inch Cobra people.  The guy hates snakes. 

I'd be damn careful if I were walking the burroughs of New York until this demon animal is found dead.  I think the people of the Bronx have enough shit to worry about walking the streets with the drugs, hookers, hoodlums, and the Steinbrenner family.  Tossing a deadly snake into the mix pretty much seals the deal for the Bronx being the worst place in America to live.