Boston Globe- We compiled the best and most ridiculous coworker etiquette offenses that were submitted. There are a ton of complaints, from smelly fish in the microwave, to inappropriate work attire, to people obsessed with the speaker phone option. Read on for some more.
Boston.Com took it upon themselves to help me out by researching a the worst and most annoying in office habits, I was hoping they'd just go ahead and write this column for me, but after inquiring turns out they didn't even know I existed, apparently they did this research all on their own without even knowing I was sitting over here compiling my own list. Oh well, I'll still take it.
And while they did a pretty good job compiling the list (they missed a couple) they didn't do nearly a good enough job shaming the offenders of these habits, so without further ado, a few of my favorites and a couple of extras they missed:
The Nail Clipper - This extends beyond just clipping nails, it goes to the makeup appliers, the mouth washers (yes I've seen it in cube) and anyone else who thinks their 5x7 cubicle is a personal bathroom. You're fucking gross. There I said it. I feel like these people should be publicly shamed with badges adhered to their cube right beneath their name tags. "Here sits Diane Smith, public nail clipper and eye brow tweezer, feel free to ridicule."
Speaker Freaker - Unless you have an office with a door that closes, or you're sure no one is around you, just don't do it. No one wants to hear your mundane conference call. Hell, I don't even want to hear the conference calls I'm invited to, never mind all of my cube neighbors' calls as well. In reality there are very few occasions when the speaker phone is necessary.
Microwave Stinker - While the microwave stinker is a despised person, I'll go one further. In my office we have what is known as the Asian Microwave Mafia. It's pretty much exactly as it sounds. A group of Asians who lunch together and dominate the cafeteria microwaves mercilessly. Armed with a seemingly endless supply of Chinese food leftover filled Tupperware these thugs stake out the table closest to the microwaves each day and proceed to hog the microwaves for a solid 10-15 minutes each lunch hour. Newsflash, you can put in more than one Tupperware container at a time, and I suggest you do it lest you want me to go Godzilla on your asses one of these days while I'm patiently waiting to zap my chicken and rice.
Cube Vulture - All right, I don't hate this person, I'm just jealous. I'm never the first person to get to someones cube after they're fired or have quit, and therefore I never get any of the good shit. I'm always stuck with a leftover ruler or felt tip pen, while Johnny Vulture over here makes off with a carpel tunnel wrist protector and a fancy new printer. Mean while I'm stuck over here with a printer that jams every 3rd sheet of paper because it's rollers are flat and I can't get anyone up here to fix it. By about 4 pm every day I just give up and don't print anything for the remainder of the day.
And a couple of extra submissions from CW:
The Eternal Optimist - You know this person, whenever shit is going down, the system is crashing, you're stuck working late, your boss just reamed you and your entire team out, they've always got to add their bright and cheery two cents of "Oh, it could always be worse." Of course it could be fucking worse. The building could have collapsed, we could have been fired, the streets could be overrun by genocidal maniacs, I know it could be worse you dolt. But you know what? This situation, right now, not some dream hypothetical in your fucked up head, is real, and it sucks. So don't tell me it could be worse like I'm not aware that there are worse scenarios. How about I kick you in the shin and then you tell me things could be worse.
The Eternal Pessimist - Equally annoying in their own right as the optimist. I have a client who's an eternal pessimist. Never had a pleasant conversation with them. It could be 5 pm on a Friday, just banged out all the reports needed, call them to tell them the good news and this person will still treat my call like I'm the Grim Reaper notifying them that all their families have just been killed. Cheer the hell up. Life is way to short and trivial to be that glum all the time, and frankly your mood is bringing down that of your co-workers. It's hard enough coming to work every day doing the same old repetitive shit for the same old pay without having to face Debbie Downer reminding you just how much your job sucks.
I know it's odd to hear coming from a guy who gripes and rants on his blog all day long but I'm a fairly upbeat person day to day. I do this for fun, all in all I tend to enjoy my life. There's hardly anything in the world worth being miserable over day after day, and your 9-5 certainly isn't in that minuscule group. Just do your job take your pay check and enjoy your time away from the office.
