25 Worst Internet Passwords...How Haven't People Gotten the Hang of this Yet?

If “password” is your password, chances are you’ve been the victim of a hack attack. “Password” is the least successful, according to SplashData’s annual list of worst Internet passwords. SplashData created the rankings based on millions of stolen passwords posted online by hackers. Here is the complete list:

1. password

2. 123456

3.12345678

4. qwerty

5. abc123

6. monkey

7. 1234567

8. letmein

9. trustno1

10. dragon

11. baseball

12. 111111

13. iloveyou

14. master

15. sunshine

16. ashley

17. bailey

18. passw0rd

19. shadow

20. 123123

21. 654321

22. superman

23. qazwsx

24. michael

25. football

Serious question, what the hell is wrong with people? We're a month away from 2012, we use the internet for everything. Legit, yesterday I ordered a burrito online from Chipotle...When its to the point that we're ordering Mexican delicacies online, I think it's fair to say that the internet has become ubiquitous with everyday life (I have no idea if ubiquitous makes sense there, just wanted to make the blog sound smart). 

And yet people are still having problems coming up with and remembering passwords. It blows my mind. Like at work, do you know much time is lost daily to tards who can't remember their log in passwords and lock themselves out of various applications? Or how much time is lost daily by me listenting to these people call the IT support people and furiously muttering under my breath about how much time these people waste? Like forget about my internet useage at work, cut down on people forgetting their passwords and we'd save a fucking fortune. No need for that outsourced call center in Bombay, and no need for me to take a lap around the building because my blood pressure is boiling due to my irrational hatred of listening to people try to unlock their accounts over the phone.  

It's really simple, if an employee has to call down to IT more than 3x in their first 6 months, they're fired. No questions asked. All other employees, if you call more than 3x in any 6 month span, you're deducted 1 week pay.  It is ludicrous to me to think people qualified for a job in my particular field, are somehow also incapable of remembering 3-4 log in passwords. Save them to your frigen desktop for all I care, just stop forgetting them.

And that's without even touching upon the simpletons that are using passwords like "password," or "123456", or "letmein."  Really? You couldn't just use your birth date, or the street you grew up on like 90% of all the other people? If you're using any of the above dickhead passwords then you deserve to get hacked...Like if you go through a case of stolen identity and the investigators find out that your Visa.com password was "password," then they should just drop the case and tell you you're an idiot.

PS: One funny story about "password," actually...Old friend of the blog, Penny Packer (@he_pennypacker1) used to use "password" as his Facebook password. I say used to, because one day, yours truly, logged in as Penny, changed his photo to a crane (a nickname derived from his Beirut playing style), changed all his hobbies to crane related stuff, changed his password, and changed the e-mail address associated with the account, and then set up a fan page for all our friends...A couple weeks later when he figured the whole thing out I gave him all the new log in information, but the damage was done, Penny was never seen on Facebook again...just deleted his account and set off into the sunset...The moral of the story? That's what you get when you use a ridiculously obvious password.

Florida Mom Upset after Hooters Waitress Presents at Son's School for Career Day

Fox News - A Florida mother complained to her son's school after a Hooters waitress was invited to speak to the students there about her job, The St. Petersburg Times reported Saturday. Brittany Morgan, 23, addressed students Thursday at the Calvin A. Hunsinger School for students with emotional and behavioral disabilities in Clearwater, Fla. She reportedly wore a sweater and sweatpants rather than her Hooters uniform, and discussed tipping, looking presentable at work and Hooters' charity work. Ashley Dominicci, whose son is in sixth grade at the school, said the presentation sent "the wrong message" to kids. "I feel like we're telling [the students] that you're the bad kids, and this is all you'll be in life," she explained. Bessette said in an email response to Dominicci that some women work as waitresses to pay for college, and teachers often work service jobs to supplement their incomes. "Working as a waiter or waitress in order to achieve higher goals should be commended," she wrote. Morgan was invited to the school as part of The Great American Teach-In, an annual event during which adults talk to students about their careers and hobbies.

Can you believe this women? All outraged over the school having a Hooters waitress speak at career day? The nerve. Come on lady, lets be serious for a second. Sure I could see being upset if you were one of those mom's with the "my student was an honor roll student" bumper stickers, then you'd expect a normal career day, with Dentists, Accountants, maybe a civil engineer...But that's not the case here. Your son is in one of those behavioral classes (aka the kids who get into trouble, light shit on fire, and shit like that), the odds are overwhelming that he's going to end up a line cook at Hooters and his girlfriend will be the head hostess. I'd say working at Hooters would be a pretty good step up in life, compared to say, car jacker, or juvenile detention center inmate number 25408.

And honestly, that's not that bad. I'd wager to say that Hooters waitresses probably get better tips than a normal waitress...Think about it, who am I going to tip more? The regular girl, in a regular waitresses outfit, giving me mediocre-to-bad service at TGIF's, or the hott, emotionally unstable girl, in a hooters outfit, giving me mediocre-to bad service at Hooters?  Yea, the Hooters girl is getting a bigger tip. 

Parents all in all need to take a step back and really think about how they're evaluating their kids...they're not all going to be winners, ya know? The world needs skanky waitresses, adult actresses, and teachers/porn webmasters too.

PS: That line about girls working their way through college at Hooters? Come on, we're smarter than that. College costs a fortune these days, even real life strippers these days can't afford 4 year universities, they're all working their way through junior colleges. So if you expect me to believe that a skimpy tank top and some spandex are paying for anything more than beauty school, well jokes on you.

How Did People Drive Anywhere Before the Portable GPS?

That's the question I ask myself anytime I drive anywhere more than 30 minutes away. Sometimes I show up at wherever I'm going without having paid a second of attention to the route because the whole time I've been pondering the logistics of how people got around prior to, like, 10 years ago, or whenever these things became wide spread.

Take this weekend for instance, The Alt-Tab's very own Dr. Jack, TVD (Television Doctor), went and got himself hitched down in Long Island (great wedding by the way, congrats Dr. Jack), I'm going to be completely honest, without the advent of the GPS, I wouldn't have been able to go.

Have you ever driven in and around NY? Its just a jumbled mess of parkways, expressways, thoroughfares, and any other highway euphemism you could think of. How on earth would I ever navigate that without some electronic, vaguely British women yelling at me constantly to stay on course? Would I take a map? Do I need a compass? Seriously, how did people do it...I'd imagine you have to stop at like every rest area on the way and just chart where you are on the map, right? That shit could get time consuming real fast, not to mention, expensive. Once you write on a map, that's it, it's ruined. You'd be going through dozens of maps a year. Granted I have no idea how much a map costs but I'm gonna go with $1.99? Multiplied by say 24 trips a year (twice a month for more than 30 mins), that's $48 a year in mapping budget...Do you know what my current map budget is? 0$ p/l (per life). That's right, I've never spent a nickel on maps. Parents gave me a GPS and that was it. I'm set. But even if they hadn't, I would have ponied up to buy one, at $48 a year for maps, the GPS would pay for its self in like 16 months. Its a bargain.

PS: hey New York, I know you're ridiculously over populated, you've got people all over the place, and you need like, 1,000 roads all to get to the same general area because of all the asshole cabs and commuters that flood your city on a daily basis, but I've got one request.  How about one outbound road to Connecticut and Massachusetts called the "Get The Fuck Out of NY Fast, Expressway." (GFONYFE). Seriously. When I'm just trying to get home and am facing a four hour ride, how about one main highway leaving the city/state. Like get me to the border of Connecticut and I'll be on my way. I don't want to have to listen to traffic reports and try and decipher your ridiculous code of acronyms for all the aforementioned parkways and expressways. Just one road. The GFONYFE, for those of us that don't feel like putting up with your traffic.

Thanks,

Every Masshole Ever...Double PS: Your drivers are far more insane. I'm not complaining, just pointing it out.

This Plywood to the Head Guy is Having the Worst Day Ever.

Hilarious! I've watched this 5 or 6 times in a row now and haven't stopped laughing, the live action, the remix, it's all gold. Gold, I tell ya.

Like here's this handyman dad just trying to teach his Gameboy Generation son how to take care of a few simple tasks around the house and the whole lesson plan goes right out the window (or stumbling down a hill), in hilarious fashion. 

Good luck trying to convince your son of the worth of hard days work now, after seeing you reenact a scene from the Three Stooges, scream like a wee-girl, and then stumble awkwardly down the hill...Your son's youtube page is gonna generate enough advertising cash to pay for that failed home improvement project itself, no chance he's lifting a finger for manual labor in the future.

South Carolina Copies Simpsons, Creates Tire Pile Visible from Space

COLUMBIA, S.C. (AP) — The sprawling pile of hundreds of thousands of tires isn't easy to spot from the ground, sitting in a rural South Carolina clearing accessible by only a circuitous dirt path that winds through thick patches of trees. No one knows how all those tires got there, or when. But, Calhoun County Council Chairman David Summers says of this giant rubber menace, "You can see it from space." Authorities have charged one person in connection with the mess of roughly 250,000 tires, which covers more than 50 acres on satellite images. And now a Florida company is helping haul it all away.Tire dumping has historically been a problem in Calhoun County and other rural areas, said Summers, who recalled another giant tire pile in the 1990s that would dwarf the current monstrosity. "This tire pile here is a baby compared to what that one was," said Summers, who previously worked for a company that ended up shredding those used tires.

Congratulations South Carolina! You've successfully recreated the Tire Pile from the Simpsons (though to complete the homage you'd really need to light the tires on fire), a feat so ridiculous that the creators of an outlandish cartoon made it for laughs thinking, surely humans would never actually replicate it. You showed them! I can't even imagine the diligence and time that had to be put in to build a monument of that size and scope...I mean the environmental impact report alone for a 50 acre field of tires must have taken a decade.

But now that you've got that done it got me thinking about what your next feat could be:

The Escalator to Nowhere and the Toothpick Empire State Building! Two Springfield folly classics...Honestly neither one would really take that long to complete, though I wouldn't advise people riding the escalator, or facing the over sized magnifying glass towards the toothpick tower. Other than that this shouldn't take more than 6 months or so to complete, and the environmental impact will be far less than 50 acres of rubber tires you've got...

Is This the Most Stereotypical Fortune Cookie Fortune of All Time?

That right there is borderline racist! I don't even think I could come up with a more stereotypical, offensive, and yet somewhat poignant fortune if I tried...I mean I guess I could write something where I get my R's and my L's all mixed up, but there's just no way I'd be able to make it come full circle and make sense, because for as little sense as that sentence makes, I still sat there and said "hmm," upon seeing it. 

That's the thing with the Chinese, they're always testing you...Just seeing how long you'll sit there and try and decipher mispronounced word after mispronounced word, and then, when they feel you've been patient enough, BAM...The slap wisdom on you, just like Confucius.

Puma Parkour?

I'm not quite sure what to make of this video, or what exactly their goal is here (is there some kind of big cat olympics I'm not aware of, because if there is, count me in), but I do know one thing for sure, that lady just standing in the background trying to coax her pet TIGER into running some kinda exercise ball based agility drill is seriously f'd.

GET OUT NOW LADY! Say what you want about Puma guy here, but at least he's got a distraction dangling from the stick. Plus the puma really just looks like an oversized house cat, I'm sure it can do some damage but it just doesn't look threatening, but that tiger? Granted we only get a limited glimpse but I get the feeling it has zero interest in running your little plyometrics routine, or foot fire drill you got set up...You're about one barking command away from getting straight up mauled.

The Puma's pretty legit though. Makes you wonder why more teams aren't named after Pumas...we got Jaguars, Panthers, Cougars, Tigers, Lions...No Pumas or Leopards that I know of though, which I find strange. 

Teacher In Trouble After Launching MySluttyTeacher.Com

 

"Ignorant People Will Do Ignorant Thing" - Girl at .38 second mark.

Ignorant people also don't know how to properly pluralize and conjugate, I see.

I feel like the list of things you can't do when you become a teacher is just getting outright crazy...Like how are you supposed to keep track of all this stuff? Don't fool around with your students, don't do drugs, don't post, tweet, email opinions on your bratty students that may some day become public, don't "like" your high school students drunk pictures on facebook, and now, apparently, don't run a side porn business in your spare time.

I mean, come on, what are they allowed to do? You might as well issue a 50 page summer reading book to all new teachers just so they're on the same page...Like I'm sure Heidi Kaeslin was never explicitly told she couldn't run a porn website in her spare time, just doesn't seem like the type to blatanly flaunt the rules. Sounds more like a big misunderstanding, that's all. Like she saw her students were interested in her jugs, figured out a way to keep her students interested in her lessons outside of school, and rolled with it. More teachers should be thinking out of the box like that. Misguided, maybe a little, but lets say she's doing education flash cards while flashing her assets, then is it ok? I feel like a slight tweak to the lesson plan is really all that's needed here, and its a shame because its the students who are missing out in the end...especially that one male student who said he was disgusted by all of this (don't worry bud, I know what was going on, your GF was standing right there, right? Couldn't go on camera raving about your teach's tits with your hunny watching, I get it.)

American Man Loses All His Money in Ukraine to Some Mail Order Bride Scheme

Fox News - Dolego, who ran for Arizona governor just last year, had traveled to Ukraine this spring to do research for an engineering project and look for a wife. He says he met a woman named Yulia online and, hoping to marry her, went to her hometown of Chernivtsi. She never showed up. With nowhere to go and no money left, Dolego spent days roaming the streets of Chernivtsi along with other homeless men until he was picked up by social workers and taken to a shelter... Yulia, a 29-year-old doctor by training, said that after she found out what happened to Dolego, she paid him a visit to express her sympathy. “I went to the hospital and he started hugging me: ’Oh Yulia, oh Yulia!’ I was shocked,” she said. “He thought we were getting married.” Dolego confirmed that she visited him and he believes they could still be together. “We seemed to hit it off,” Dolego said. “She wants to continue with the relationship.”

Wait a minute, wait a minute, putting aside the fact that Dolego here just plain seems confused about how mail order brides work (bro, the word mail is in the title, they ship 'em to you FedEx, 5-7 business days later, you got her, all in the comfort of your Arizona home, not walking around all homeless and drab in the Ukraine), lets talk about this little gem:

Passionate about engineering, he claims to have designed a “lifesaving” method to keep ships from sinking and aircraft from disintegrating during a crash. He says he sold his house, truck and motorbike and left for Ukraine to further study the method here.

That's gotta be Kramer's bladder system, right?

Say what you want about Kramer, the guy was an absolute idiot (I mean, if you're testing a bladder system, you drop a barrel of oil with the blader lining it inside, you don't just drop a giant ball of oil, everyone knows that), but at least he had the forsight to realize flying all the way over to Russia, getting his bank accounts frozen, and trevasing the barren lands of the Ukraine looking for an internet wife, was no way to go about testing his invention. You couldn't just find an office building in Phoenix to spill some oil out of?

PS: Things aren't going to work out between you and Yulia, she was just being nice...You're a fucking homeless man in the Ukraine with pneumonia, you're not exactly a catch.