Happy 1000th Post to The Alt-Tab

That's right, I'm congratulating myself, figured I'm the only one keeping count. But I wouldn't have kept going if you hadn't kept reading, anyone that actually knows me is aware that I lose interest in things pretty fast, the fact that I've made it this far a direct testament to my audience, whoever you people are. If anything has kept me going its my undying curiosity to see just how much people are willing to waste their time tooling around the internet, and I think this blog is a perfect testament to that.  Special thanks to the 4 or 5 of you who've followed the entire time, I thank you and pity you, because if you had anything better to be doing at all, you probably wouldn't be reading this.

A few stats:

1000 Posts. 

About 972 by CW, a workhorse in the truest sense. 

10 or so from The Maestro (@mazz33) Remember him? My gambling Guru, guy still gambles on the reg, its just to difficult to write about apparently, despite the evidence of thousands of websites dedicated to doing exactly that.

15 or so from the TV Doctor (@reallyrlreviews), always well thought out and well written pieces, clearly the only person with any real writing experience on this site. 

2 from Milosh, both hysterical, yet he's unwilling to contribute more, he's like the White Whale.

And 1 from that bastard Pennypacker (@HE_Pennypacker1), came out of the gates hot, tossing jokes, promising riches for everyone, ended up being the biggest dud in internet history.  In full disclosure I thought about deleting his one post so he wouldn't have contributed to the 1,000 count, but I realized that would be stooping to his level, and frankly, I'm better than that.

So thank you everyone for reading and for continuing to check in day to day.  If you like killing time with me please spread the word, tweet us, like us on Facebook, e-mail a few friends, or buy an overpriced Alt-Tab T-shirt.

Thanks,

CW

US Govt Spends $300 Million To Create Billion Dollars Worth of Dollar Coins that No One Wants

NPR - Politicians in Washington hardly let a few minutes go by without mentioning how broke the government is. So, it's a little surprising that they've created a stash of more than $1 billion that almost no one wants. Unused dollar coins have been quietly piling up in Federal Reserve vaults in breathtaking numbers, thanks to a government program that has required their production since 2007. And even though the neglected mountain of money recently grew past the $1 billion mark, the U.S. Mint will keep making more and more of the coins under a congressional mandate. The pile of idle coins, which so far cost $300 million to manufacture, could double by the time the program ends in 2016, the Federal Reserve told Congress last year. So, there are now about 1.2 billion dollar-coin "assets" chilling in Federal Reserve vaults, unloved and bearing no interest. By the time the presidential coin series finishes, and there are coins honoring all past presidents, there could be 2 billion... "Destroy them," he said. "People will not accept these coins. Nobody in America wants to use them. As long as they have a paper currency, they will use that." Of using coins to save money, Weatherford says that in an era of electronic financial transactions, "the argument is about 50 years too late. Coins have rapidly become less and less important in our society — like paper money itself is becoming less and less important."

So, the US government, in all their wisdom, thought that not only will people want to continue to carry around money, but we'd want the convenience of a pocket full of coins jangling around in our pockets.

Come on, this is America, we're better than this! Dollar coins are for weirdo Canadians.

And who carries cash anymore anyway? I have cash on me 1x per week, the night I'm going out to the bar, that's it. The rest of the week I have whatever was leftover from my bar tab.  And that's just paper bills, the only people coins are helping is the homeless, people would be constantly emptying their pockets and ashtrays with these useless and annoying dollar coins hanging around.

Seriously guys, what the hell are you thinking? Cut this shit out right now.  We've got credit cards so small they fit on key chains, the guy from Twitter inventing a new device to allow payments made and received from your cell phone, and the US Government still thinks people want to go back to carrying around gold scheckels like Scrooge McDuck? Are you insane?

I'm just glad we're at least not in the middle of a financial recession. I mean could you imagine the political fallout if the people found out the government was literally spending 100's of millions of dollars to press billions of dollars worth of gold coins that are just sitting in a vault unused, never to see the light of day? That would be a nightmare and a real slap in the face...oh wait a minute!

PYONGYANG, North Korea - North Korea's heir apparent, Kim Jong Eun, underwent plastic surgery six times to look more like his grandfather, the Communist state's "eternal president" Kim Il Sung, South Korea's Yonhap news agency reported Tuesday. The mysterious Kim Jong Eun, the youngest son of despot Kim Jong Il, underwent the operations between 2007 and 2010 before he was unveiled as the next-in-line to rule the nuclear-armed rogue nation, the report quoted an activist as saying.

In the words of Kramer, "You Got Butchered."

North Korea is a seriously dicked up country huh? I mean say what you want about the plastic surgery freaks in this country, at least their goal is to look good or emmulate a beautiful movie star.  This guys goal was to emmulate a 5'2 Charicature of a dictator?

Are stocky, plump dudes with round faces in hot demand in Korea? Asian girls got fetishes for the humpty-dumpty look or something?

No offense bro, but maybe you wanna try and not look like a bloated Asian who just sucked down a bottle of soy sauce and one too many scorpion bowls? Exactly how much water can your face retain? You look like me after a weekend bender, face plump with leftover alcohol and Gatorade waging battle in my cheeks and gullet.  Not a good look at all.

The Pope Sends Out His First Tweet, Sadly His Handle is not @ThePope

(NewsCore) - Pope Benedict XVI sent his first tweet Tuesday, typing it himself on an iPad. The Vatican had confirmed the pope's inaugural tweet, announcing the launch of news.va, a Vatican news and information site. He added, "Praised be our Lord Jesus Christ! With my prayers and blessings, Benedictus XVI."

Great, like there aren't enough Christian Zealots on the internet and twitter already, whats one more.

On the bright side I'm fully looking forward to seeing who the Pope follows.  What an honor that would be huh? Unless he does the Christian thing and just follows everyone that follows him.  I'd totally get it, but it would still be a little disappointing.

Being followed by the Pope should be an exclusive thing, like VIP status with the big guy upstairs.  Name dropping that in coversation should be a status symbol. Like right after making a Priest and a Pedophile joke, while everyone is uncomfortably deciding whether or not to laugh or shoot you dirty looks you just drop, "it's cool, the Pope follows me on twitter." Boom, joke lands, everyone laughs, no one is uncomfortable.

Plus there's no question where you're going when you croak either. If God even hesitated for a second you just pull up your twitter feed and show him the latest retweet @thepope gave you. You'll be hobknobbing with the first class people of heaven in no time.

PS: Totally not following The Pope until two things happen: 1) Get your own handle. None of this shared crap, you're the fricken Pope. 2) Follow someone, anyone. You have 38k followers. Show some love (I do think its hysterical that Charlie sheen had like 2 million followers over night, The Pope can't even crack 50k in his first 24 hours).

Wake Up With: Real World Twitter: Celebrity Tweets

"Do Ants Have Dicks?"

Anyone still think Twitter doesn't have long term potential?

Should Tweet Breaks at Work be the New Cigarette Break?

My current Twitter Lounge: The handicap stall in the office bathroom.

For real, I'm so tired of having to hide my leisurely twitter breaks at work, it's like I'm a pariah or outcast no matter how discreetly or where I try to get my fix in.  Meanwhile you got a bunch of cancer stick smoking people wearing out a path from their cube to the designated smoking area outside, every hour and fifteen minutes like clock work. 

And frankly it's not fair. The company will get on you about internet use, they'll get on  you about cellphone use, they'll get on you for long lunch breaks, but God forbid they tell these unhealthy idiots with a deathwish not to leave their desk for 15 minutes at time to light a piece of paper and some leaves on fire and inhale.  Its just plain insanity.

And I've tried everything, I tweet in the bathroom stall, get dirty looks when I exit, I've gone and chilled in the lobby, bosses give me odd looks like I'm conducting a phone interview or something, I've thought about going to hang out in the smoking section, but the risk of cancer and emphysema is just too much for me. 

All I'm looking for is a designated, judgement free social networking lounge or area where employees can go and catch up on whats going on for like 5 minutes at a time every few hours. It's really not that much to ask.  I've got one woman who burns up 2-3 hours a day on her phone just making personal calls, bossing her husband around, or checking in with her mother. How is that any worse than me wanting the latest updates from @oldhossradbourn?  How? 

It's times like these that I wish work was like high school with some sort of employee government, I'd run for office president so fast it would make your head spin, cruising to victory with my social media lounge campaign promises.

World's Strongest Redneck Making Me Question Everything I Believe About Darwinism and Evolution

Maybe the creationists are right after all? Because I've never doubted Darwinism for one second of my life, until now that is. 

By all accounts this overweight redneck (you're not the strongest, you're just kinda fat) should be dead, or at the very least a bleeding stump of a man with no legs.  The fact that this guy can go on living un-maimed has just shook my beliefs on evolution to the core.

After Trying to Kill him for 3 Months, International Court Issues Arrest Warrant for Gadhafi

(CNN) -- The International Criminal Court issued arrest warrants Monday for Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi and two of his relatives. ICC Judge Sanji Mmasenono Monageng read aloud the decision to issue warrants for Gadhafi, his son Saif al-Islam Gadhafi, and his brother-in-law Abdullah al-Sanussi. The warrants are "for crimes against humanity," including murder and persecution, "allegedly committed across Libya" from February 15 through "at least" February 28, "through the state apparatus and security forces," the court said in a news release.

Does this look like the face of a guy who's going to be arrested? Looks more to me like someone who delusionally believes that he's the Terminator...and maybe it's not even that delusional.  I mean as I've previously chronicled, we've supposedly been bombing this guys compound for something like 185 straight days, and here the dude is, looking as bad ass as ever.  Putin himself couldn't have pulled off this all black renegade look.

I'm not sure I get the plan here, is this some kind of last ditch appeal to his morals? Like he'd turn himself in and face trial out of the goodness of his heart? Firing on unarmed citizens and other atrocities against humanity aside? I guess it's plausible he'd just turn himself in. 

And if he doesn't, we've got just the guy to track him down, probably the only person on earth that can match him looks wise...America's own, Dog the Bounty Hunter.

PS: I wonder how they spelled his name on the arrest warrant?  You have to get that correct right? Otherwise he'd get off on a technicality? They must have printed up like 8 different versions just to cover their bases.

A Projectionists Mocking Letter to Michael Bay, Saying Everything You Ever Wanted to.

Indie Wire - We’d always assumed the humble projectionist had next-to-no contact with the people who actually made the movies, but recent weeks have shown that that’s not true at all; the recent disclosure that Terrence Malick had personally written to theaters across the country with certain specifications for The Tree of Life” has unleashed a sea of similar memos, including Stanley Kubrick on “Barry Lyndon” and David Lynch on “Mulholland Drive.” And it’s not surprising, considering that all filmmakers worth their salt would want their film to be displayed in the best possible manner. The latest to join them? Michael Bay. Hot on the heels of last week’s announcement that “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” has been specially graded, at almost twice the brightness of most films, to adjust for complaints about dimly-projected 3D films, Deadline has acquired a letter written by Bay to projectionists across the country before they unspool the film tomorrow, emphasizing the need for brightness in the projection of the film, and telling his new friends that they’re “all in this together.” 

I don't get why everyone gets on Michael Bay. Like, yea the studios could have just given any moron off the street +$150 million for a budget and unlimited access to Hollywood's finest pyrotechnics and come up with the same results, and yea just about any high school grad could cobble together a better and more coherent plot, but none of that is Michael's fault.

I think the man should be celebrated.  Here's a guy with a proven track record of next to nothing talent who's still churning out summer blockbuster after summer blockbuster.  And yea, most of his films are widely panned by critics and only supported by the dumbest and most easily entertained people in our society, but there is still something to be said for that.

I'm not going to go as far as to say he's some sort of idiot savant who's figured out how to appeal to the lowest common denominator for what the American movie goer wants to see, frankly I think he's just that horrible of a film maker, but sometimes it's better just to have dumb luck than skill.  I mean this is a guy who's fooled studio execs time and time again.  

I'd love to be in on just one of his pitch meetings, I see it going down one of two ways: 1)The execs are the same kind of simpleton idiots that love movies with lots of explosions and virtually no story line, perfect for never having to actually think. Or, 2) He goes with the abusive husband pitch. Promising to be different this time, promising to actually work on a story and plot that makes sense and doesn't disappear for large chunks of the movie. And the execs take him back just like all the other battered wives.

Either that or the studios realized its summer, you could literally film a man taking a shit for an hour and people would watch it (which I'm sure the guys of Jackass have done by now).  All the good movies are released in October anyway.