Should Tweet Breaks at Work be the New Cigarette Break?

My current Twitter Lounge: The handicap stall in the office bathroom.

For real, I'm so tired of having to hide my leisurely twitter breaks at work, it's like I'm a pariah or outcast no matter how discreetly or where I try to get my fix in.  Meanwhile you got a bunch of cancer stick smoking people wearing out a path from their cube to the designated smoking area outside, every hour and fifteen minutes like clock work. 

And frankly it's not fair. The company will get on you about internet use, they'll get on  you about cellphone use, they'll get on you for long lunch breaks, but God forbid they tell these unhealthy idiots with a deathwish not to leave their desk for 15 minutes at time to light a piece of paper and some leaves on fire and inhale.  Its just plain insanity.

And I've tried everything, I tweet in the bathroom stall, get dirty looks when I exit, I've gone and chilled in the lobby, bosses give me odd looks like I'm conducting a phone interview or something, I've thought about going to hang out in the smoking section, but the risk of cancer and emphysema is just too much for me. 

All I'm looking for is a designated, judgement free social networking lounge or area where employees can go and catch up on whats going on for like 5 minutes at a time every few hours. It's really not that much to ask.  I've got one woman who burns up 2-3 hours a day on her phone just making personal calls, bossing her husband around, or checking in with her mother. How is that any worse than me wanting the latest updates from @oldhossradbourn?  How? 

It's times like these that I wish work was like high school with some sort of employee government, I'd run for office president so fast it would make your head spin, cruising to victory with my social media lounge campaign promises.

World's Strongest Redneck Making Me Question Everything I Believe About Darwinism and Evolution

Maybe the creationists are right after all? Because I've never doubted Darwinism for one second of my life, until now that is. 

By all accounts this overweight redneck (you're not the strongest, you're just kinda fat) should be dead, or at the very least a bleeding stump of a man with no legs.  The fact that this guy can go on living un-maimed has just shook my beliefs on evolution to the core.

After Trying to Kill him for 3 Months, International Court Issues Arrest Warrant for Gadhafi

(CNN) -- The International Criminal Court issued arrest warrants Monday for Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi and two of his relatives. ICC Judge Sanji Mmasenono Monageng read aloud the decision to issue warrants for Gadhafi, his son Saif al-Islam Gadhafi, and his brother-in-law Abdullah al-Sanussi. The warrants are "for crimes against humanity," including murder and persecution, "allegedly committed across Libya" from February 15 through "at least" February 28, "through the state apparatus and security forces," the court said in a news release.

Does this look like the face of a guy who's going to be arrested? Looks more to me like someone who delusionally believes that he's the Terminator...and maybe it's not even that delusional.  I mean as I've previously chronicled, we've supposedly been bombing this guys compound for something like 185 straight days, and here the dude is, looking as bad ass as ever.  Putin himself couldn't have pulled off this all black renegade look.

I'm not sure I get the plan here, is this some kind of last ditch appeal to his morals? Like he'd turn himself in and face trial out of the goodness of his heart? Firing on unarmed citizens and other atrocities against humanity aside? I guess it's plausible he'd just turn himself in. 

And if he doesn't, we've got just the guy to track him down, probably the only person on earth that can match him looks wise...America's own, Dog the Bounty Hunter.

PS: I wonder how they spelled his name on the arrest warrant?  You have to get that correct right? Otherwise he'd get off on a technicality? They must have printed up like 8 different versions just to cover their bases.

A Projectionists Mocking Letter to Michael Bay, Saying Everything You Ever Wanted to.

Indie Wire - We’d always assumed the humble projectionist had next-to-no contact with the people who actually made the movies, but recent weeks have shown that that’s not true at all; the recent disclosure that Terrence Malick had personally written to theaters across the country with certain specifications for The Tree of Life” has unleashed a sea of similar memos, including Stanley Kubrick on “Barry Lyndon” and David Lynch on “Mulholland Drive.” And it’s not surprising, considering that all filmmakers worth their salt would want their film to be displayed in the best possible manner. The latest to join them? Michael Bay. Hot on the heels of last week’s announcement that “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” has been specially graded, at almost twice the brightness of most films, to adjust for complaints about dimly-projected 3D films, Deadline has acquired a letter written by Bay to projectionists across the country before they unspool the film tomorrow, emphasizing the need for brightness in the projection of the film, and telling his new friends that they’re “all in this together.” 

I don't get why everyone gets on Michael Bay. Like, yea the studios could have just given any moron off the street +$150 million for a budget and unlimited access to Hollywood's finest pyrotechnics and come up with the same results, and yea just about any high school grad could cobble together a better and more coherent plot, but none of that is Michael's fault.

I think the man should be celebrated.  Here's a guy with a proven track record of next to nothing talent who's still churning out summer blockbuster after summer blockbuster.  And yea, most of his films are widely panned by critics and only supported by the dumbest and most easily entertained people in our society, but there is still something to be said for that.

I'm not going to go as far as to say he's some sort of idiot savant who's figured out how to appeal to the lowest common denominator for what the American movie goer wants to see, frankly I think he's just that horrible of a film maker, but sometimes it's better just to have dumb luck than skill.  I mean this is a guy who's fooled studio execs time and time again.  

I'd love to be in on just one of his pitch meetings, I see it going down one of two ways: 1)The execs are the same kind of simpleton idiots that love movies with lots of explosions and virtually no story line, perfect for never having to actually think. Or, 2) He goes with the abusive husband pitch. Promising to be different this time, promising to actually work on a story and plot that makes sense and doesn't disappear for large chunks of the movie. And the execs take him back just like all the other battered wives.

Either that or the studios realized its summer, you could literally film a man taking a shit for an hour and people would watch it (which I'm sure the guys of Jackass have done by now).  All the good movies are released in October anyway.

Boston Trains and MBTA to Institute "Quiet Cars"...Which Should Go Over Like a Lead Balloon.

Boston - Starting today, the MBTA’s “Quiet Car” program will be extended to all 13 Massachusetts commuter rail lines. The cars, where passengers are asked to refrain from cellphone use or conversations above a whisper, received rave reviews from commuter rail passengers during a three-month trial on the Fitchburg and Franklin lines this spring. The Massachusetts Bay Commuter Railroad Co. runs the commuter lines for the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority. When the MBTA surveyed commuters during the trial run, 90 percent said they hoped the program would become permanent. Mimes hired by the MBCR will make an appearance at North and South stations this evening to distribute cards listing the dos and don’ts of quiet car decorum. Each train’s quiet zone is located on the car nearest the locomotive. The mandatory quiet on those cars will only be imposed during peak commuting hours, from 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. on weekdays.

This has disaster written all over it. I mean can you imagine the first time some Mime or Conductor lady in a pantsuit hands a "please be quiet" card to an obnoxiously loud passenger? I'd pay upwards of $50 to watch that go down.  Just have a flip-cam ready to capture the whole youtube-worthy scene go down, gauranteed a million hits...because if there is one thing that outrages people more than loud and obnoxious neighbors in public places, it's being told you're being too loud. 

It's just about the worst thing you can say to someone from what I can tell.  I'm not sure why, but it sets people off like you wouldn't believe, you'd think someone just insinuated that they'd been fornicating their grandmother 3 nights a week or something. Just an irrational trigger, a force of nature.

PS: Just curious, will this only pertain to cell phones and loud conversations? Because that's not even my biggest pet peeve on trains. That title goes to the asshole with headphones so loud that I can literally rap  along with them, word for word.  It's obnoxious enough watching you do your stupid little "rap hand movements" but the fact that everyone on the train can hear the lyrics word for word is fucking intolerable.

Former Stand Up Comic Running for Office In Kentucky, Which Offends Those He Used to Joke About

LOUISVILLE, Ky. — The Democrat running for Kentucky agriculture commissioner says he has no intention of getting out of the race after Republicans criticized him for comments he made during his comedy show. Democrat Bob Farmer, who is a comedian and writer, said Wednesday it is "ridiculous" for Republicans to call for his withdrawal because of his jokes about eastern Kentucky during a comedy performance years ago. He also repeated his apology, saying he was sorry if he offended anyone. Democratic Party Chairman Dan Logsdon has said Farmer's apology was the right thing to do. In a video clip, Farmer jokes that eastern Kentucky is a place where "cars are on blocks and houses are on wheels," among other things.

You know who else isn't getting elected? The guy who edited that video, seriously, what decade are you from bro? Doogie Howser had better editing skills back in 1988. It's like the folks in Eastern Kentucky are stuck in some sort of time warp, frankly I'm surprised they even knew about this "Youtube" thing. 

As far as I'm concerned this man has nothing to apologize for, calling out fellow statesman for their fairly obvious flaws and stereotypes is apology worthy these days? It's not like he made things up, everything he said could be proved out, Kentuckyans (and I wouldn't have even made the distinction from those from "the big city" to those from the eastern side of the state, but that's because I'm from a real civilized state) are a bunch of inbred hillbillies, by and large anyway.  

The fact that this guy recognizes the flaws of his state, and instead of wanting to move away to a better, more educated state, wants to lead you out of the middle ages and into modernity should be celebrated. 

I mean this guy is promising you a better life. Homes with foundations and maybe even basements, cars with 4 tires and a carburetor, indoor plumbing, and dental care for all.  These are good things, these are things you should want. Don't complain about how he delivers the message, he was blunt and honest...there's too much ass kissing and double talk in politics these days, this was rather refreshing. 

I wish some politician would come up to me and say, CW, you're borderline overweight, you take the elevator up 2 floor instead of taking the stairs everyday, and you may be spending a bit too much time with your dvr. Instead no one has the stones to say that to me, so here I sit, continuing my sedentary lifestyle.

It's about time candidates started being real and honest, and who better to do it than the most brutally honest people on earth, stand-up comedians. 

Boston Sports Hall of Fame to Induct Boston Legends like Larry Bird, Mike Lowell, and Ty Law...What?

Reds Army - The Sports Museum is proud to announce this year's honorees for 'The Tradition'. Celebrating its 10th year, 'The Tradition' is the annual summer event that honors distinguished New England athletes and will be held on Tuesday, June 28 at the TD Garden.

Larry's gotta be a little pissed about this, right? I mean how is it that this thing has been going on for 10 years now and Larry is just now getting inducted? And along side Boston luminaries like Willie O'ree and Bobbi Gibb, not to mention the legendary Mike Lowell and Ty Law.  I mean is Ty Law even retired yet? We sure his bloated ass isn't going to be in training camp for some team this year?

And yea, while this is just the Boston Hall of Fame, it might  not be as important as Cooperstown or Springfield, but at the same time, it kind of is. I mean we've had an embarrassment of legendary players pass through town, we're not some podunk sports town like Cleveland or Houston or something.

All due respect to Ty Law and Mike Lowell, and whoever those other two guys are, I'm sure they were great too, but this is Larry Bird we're talking about.  He should be inducted along side no one short of Bobby Orr and Ted Williams (posthumously obviously). I mean have these guys been elected yet? I'm just puzzled how Larry wasn't a first balloter, is there voting, or is this just some guys empty studio apartment where he throws Hall of Fame parties every year.

Thoroughly confused. I'm going to have to spend the afternoon figuring out who's in this hall of fame and who's yet to be inducted. Mike Lowell was good and all, but he spend what, 4, 5 years here? A professional hitter and one of the nicest guys to take the field, but then again so were Bill Mueller and Troy O'leary, and I'll be damned if I find their names in this Boston Hall of Fame.

Whining Bitch of a Man Blames Seinfeld and the Marriage Ref for his Divorce

Fox News - A heartbroken Manhattan divorcé blames Jerry Seinfeld and his NBC reality show, "The Marriage Ref," for tearing him and his now-ex-wife apart -- claiming their appearance as contestants on an episode led to her dumping him. Howie Kohlenberg, 47, charged that after getting their 15 minutes of fame bickering on the March 4, 2010, premiere episode, his wife, Christine, became so obsessed with becoming a star it busted up their 14-year marriage. Not only does the beauty-products salesman claim his sexy 37-year-old wife ditched him and their 4½-year-old son to chase a dream of starring in a "Real Housewives"-style reality show, he also says he went bankrupt and is now facing eviction. Kohlenberg insists their marital bliss turned into a blistering nightmare during preshow filming. "The people on the show were pumping us up, saying, 'You're going to wake up and be stars. You're going to be famous and make money.' The producer kept saying her lips looked great, and all of a sudden she was getting a lot of Botox," he recalled. "Now she's getting this huge head. She wants to do Playboy. We almost got kicked off the show because she was putting racy photos on Facebook. "I'm not saying our marriage was perfect, but it put it in a whole new direction. It was the nail in the coffin. "She had all these ideas that 'I have to live my life and be an actress.' "

Suck it up man. Jesus Christ, no wonder this broad left you. You're an insufferable, whining snit of a man. "Oh waaahhhh, my wife wants to be a star. Poor me, my wife is sexy enough to do playboy. Can you believe my bad luck, everyone keeps commenting on how hot of a wife I have on facebook."  Bro, shut up and enjoy it.

Encourage the girl, movie careers pay pretty decent money, reality shows too.  I've never heard someone bitch and moan more after being given the shot of a lifetime. Like you've basically came out and admitted that your marriage didn't have that many problems and you were only doing the show for publicity, then you go and bitch and moan after getting that publicity? What the hell guy?

Did you really think your wife was going to come back and work at some lame, small time spa after appearing on reality tv? She's doing exactly what she's supposed to after being on this show, meanwhile you're at home changing your tampon and crying to anyone who'll listen about how you're going through menopause and your wife left you.  Grow a sack and get out there man. You're semi-famous, you were on tv. That's the American dream.

Middle School Teacher Sends Students 100's of Texts, Parents Apparently Upset

ABC - A middle school teacher has been charged with cyberstalking one of her 13-year-old students, and the boy's mother claims that her son isn't the only one receiving inappropriate text messages from the female teacher. Megan Mantooth, 26, is a popular eighth grade math teacher in Burgaw Middle School, a tiny town of 4,000 people in southern North Carolina where her husband is a deputy sheriff. Mantooth has been charged with cybertalking, allegedly sending "hundreds" of text messages to her student, which included "a lot of sexual innuendos," according to the boy's mother, Elizabeth Graham. The "hundreds" of texts that Graham said Mantooth sent her child included one that Graham read to ABCNews.com: "I wish you were home by yourself right now because I don't have the kids," and "More how? As in see ME more or less clothes more, or both." Mantooth allegedly compared herself to the middle school female students telling the boy that she would "look better in a bikini," Graham said. She also allegedly made plans to meet the student at his beach house, texting him, "I cannot wait 8 more days to see you." "I asked [my son], 'Why is she texting you?' He said, 'It's OK she's not my teacher anymore.' And I said, 'No it's not OK." 

MEGAN MANTOOTH IS A SAINT! YOU HEAR ME, MEGAN MANTOOTH IS A SAINT! (Anchorman reference because I fell asleep to the movie last night).

Maybe I'm just a bit confused, but what exactly did Megan do wrong here? Did she send this kid any inappropriate pictures for a 14 year old? Nope. Was she still his teacher, capable of influencing his grades? Nope. Did she ever meet up with him for special tutoring? Nope. Did the kid seem to mind or feel uncomfortable? Nope.

So what exactly is she being charged with? Being friendly? Flirting and innuendo? Is that a crime these days? Is that the message we want to send to kids? Don't flirt or you'll go to jail? What better way to raise a generation of repressed creeps and uptight homicidal maniacs.  

And unless they're holding back the really juicy texts, I don't see the innuendo here, you ask me these parents have a bit of a twisted mind if they're reading anything into these:

"More how? As in see ME more or less clothes more, or both." - I believe they were talking about seeing each other at the beach in a week, all she's doing here is presenting the facts, when you see someone on the beach they tend to be wearing less clothes than say, in the classroom at school. Just a fact.

" Mantooth allegedly compared herself to the middle school female students telling the boy that she would "look better in a bikini" - Well, facts are facts.  Grown, mature women do tend to look better in bikini's than 8th grade children.  She's got a bit of a biological advantage here, wouldn't you say? Again, nothing but the facts here. 

So this is what it's come to in our school system? Punishing the teachers who really care about the kids? Would you rather she just stop caring about her students the second she leaves the classroom for the summer? There's a reason she's popular with the kids, she takes an interest in their lives and realizes education doesn't stop at the end of the day or the end of the year. Education is a life-long process, a virtue she is trying to instill into her students heads anyway she can.