Mom Shows Children Pics of Herself Getting Banged

OCALA, Fla., April 14 (UPI) -- A Florida woman accused of showing her 11- and 12-year-old sons photos of herself having sex was charged with lewd and lustful molestation, authorities said.  During the investigation, one of the boys told a DCF investigator his mother had shown him photographs on the computer of her engaged in sex acts with men, the arrest report said. The boy alleged his mother then rubbed his inner thigh and asked him, "Do you want to try this when you get older?" the arrest report said. The boy's brother told the investigator a similar story, the report said. Marion County Sheriff's Inspector Mike Mongeluzzo later searched the home and seized CDs, DVDs and other electronics, but found the alleged photos were deleted during the earlier DCB investigation, the newspaper said. Holloman called the accusations "absurd" creations from the woman's "overly possessive former spouse" and said the boys admitted their father had told them what to say.

These poor kids, sorry to say this but they are in for a life of crime.  And not like they just stole a snickers bar from the convenience store or anything.  I'm talking heavy drug use and probable rape/murder.  There's just no getting around it at this point.  Put these kids on a watch list today and spare the rest of society.  I feel terrible saying it but they literally have no chance.

This isn't like they just stumbled onto mom and dad's sex tape or polaroid collection.  This mom legit opened up some .jpeg files or her getting plowed by "men," implying that their Dad wasn't the only dude getting in on the fun.  And not only did she show them it, but she encouraged a sexual response rubbing their thighs while showing them. I've seen enough horror films and thrillers to know that this is exactly how a crazed killer gets their start and I'm legit scared for the residents of Ocala, Fla because of these kids now.

Drive-Thru Casket Viewings Are the New Hot Thing in Compton, California

Can I also get a Couple Ketchups, and do you have Uncle Larry in there?

COMPTON, Calif. - There are drive-thru burger joints and drive-thru banks but now one California city offers the ultimate in drive-thru convenience: drive-thru casket viewing. Yes, at the Robert L. Adams Mortuary in Compton, south of Los Angeles, it is possible to view the deceased resting in a casket display window while cruising past in your car, the Los Angeles Times reported Sunday. "It's a unique feature that sets us aside from other funeral parlors," said owner Peggy Scott Adams. "You can come by after work, you don't need to deal with parking, you can sign the book outside and the family knows that you paid your respects," Scott Adams explained. "It's a convenience thing." Plus, Adams pointed out, the drive-thru glass partition is bulletproof - a consideration after cemetery shootouts broke out at gang funerals in the 1980s. The drive-thru is 12 feet wide, with the glass display window visible from the street. "I think it's wonderful, "said one woman quoted by the Times as she cruised past a casket last month. "It's nice to be able to drive through. You don't have to go inside. It's real convenient."

Before I tackle the convenience of drive-thru casket viewings, let me get this straight...gang violence has gotten so bad in Southern California that caskets now need bullet proof glass built into them?  Look, I don't want to tell you bangers how to go about your business, but it seems to me you might be wasting your bullets shooting at already dead rivals.  This is a down economy, those bullets aint free. Maybe you want to save those live rounds for live targets?

Ok back to the drive-thru casket viewings/wakes.  Love it.  It's just like the woman said, wonderful and convenient.  Yea, sorry for your loss, but some of us just don't have time to dress up and loiter in a funeral home for the appropriate amount of time (30 mins or so?) in the afternoon as to not offend the surviving family members.  Especially in a high death rate area like Compton.  You have to figure one young banger a day is probably being burried, that time spent at the funeral parlor adds up and burger flippers at McD's aren't exactly rolling in vacation days.  Drive-thru showings offer a quick alternative, pay your respects, maybe pick up a milkshake and be on your way.  Plus you only have to dress from the waste up.  It's hot in So-Cal. Wearing a full suit, pants and everything can be a bitch.  At least now you can just throw on a jacket and nice shirt and just cruise through wearing Jinco shorts in your low rider.

Break Up HOF Inductee: Woman Has Children Piss on Ex's Bed and Smear Crap on His Walls

FLINT, Michigan — A Flint man claims his ex-girlfriend and her two sons peed on his bed and spread feces on the walls of his Clinton Street home April 14. The man said they'd recently broken up and before he had a chance to change his locks the woman and her sons came into his residence and destroyed the home, according to a police report. He said the ex-girlfriend then called his mother and told her she'd done the damage to the home. She then allegedly called the man and told him she was not through yet. The victim told police he has not been home since the incident, because she lives around the corner and he's afraid she'll come over and harm him. He will see personal protection orders against the woman and her sons.

Wow, this broad should literally write a book about how you to win a break up because she may have just revolutionized the game.  Just sheer brilliance here.

Some people will tell you it's wrong to bring your kids into the middle of a divorce or separation, but that's only when you're causing pyschological trauma to the child.  What's the harm in having a little Poo & Pee Party with your kids?  The little runts probably had a ball and bragged to all their kindegarten friends about their new found use for caca.  

She would have been in the hall of fame if she just left it at pissing on his bed and drawing wall murals with feces, but what makes her a true revolutionary was the call to the dudes mother.  Not only has the guy been broken up with and had his apartment used as a training toilet for two toddlers, now his mom is going to be on his case about being such a frigen loser that he can't even defend his home or keep his children in line. 

Dude if she comes around again, I'm fairly certain you have the legal right to smack a broad around.  I've never condoned violence against woman (actually, I once did based on weight classes), but I'm pretty sure the laws of decent society go out the window when the woman has your kids doing finger paintings on your wall with their post lunch diarheaa. 

The Last Two Speakers of a Dying Language Are Grumpy Old Men Who Refuse To Speak To Each Other

Neatorama - The Ayapaneco language is dying – it’s down to the last two speakers, and in a twist worthy of a Hollywood treatment (can we say a linguistic "Grumpy Old Men"?) they’re not talking to each other!

There are just two people left who can speak it fluently – but they refuse to talk to each other. Manuel Segovia, 75, and Isidro Velazquez, 69, live 500 metres apart in the village of Ayapa in the tropical lowlands of the southern state of Tabasco. It is not clear whether there is a long-buried argument behind their mutual avoidance, but people who know them say they have never really enjoyed each other’s company.
"They don’t have a lot in common," says Daniel Suslak, a linguistic anthropologist from Indiana University, who is involved with a project to produce a dictionary of Ayapaneco. Segovia, he says, can be "a little prickly" and Velazquez, who is "more stoic," rarely likes to leave his home.

I hate this kind of shit.  Like these two people just straight don't like each other. Leave it alone.  Why should we mettle with their affairs? Just because they're the last two people on earth who can speak this dying pig latin-like language? Who cares?

If I'm old and retired the last thing I want to do is be forced to hang out with some guy down the street I've been avoiding the better part of my life.  He's old and entitled to his opinions at this point.  It's like how old people are allowed to be racists and crotchety towards everyone.  It's an unwritten rule, they've earned it, plus they're so old at this point that their racist rants aren't really a threat to anyone. Ignorant? Sure. Posing any real danger? Nah. 

Plus, what is the upside of getting these two to talk to eachother? Some dorky linguistic scientist gets to complete his pocket dictionary for a language that no one on earth will speak in 5-10 years once these geezers kick the bucket? Whoopdee-fricken-doo.  What's the sense in saving it? Are kids all of a sudden going to start taking Ayapaneco in the 6th grade instead of Spanish or French? No, so how about we just let these two old men live out their golden years in peace.

Stadium's Kiss Cam Gets Pretty Steamy with Two Chics

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Guy was either fired or attained the rightful position of national hero after the game.  Depends on how many ugly feminists reside in Canada, but I feel like feminism probably skipped Canada, so he's probably in the clear.  This is after all the land that gave us Puck Sluts.  

Something tells me this aint the girl on the rights first rodeo, she's mixed it up for the entertainment of the boys several times before, just craves the attention.  And something about the girl on the left's expressions tells me she's secretly in love with girl on the right and has been for years.  This kiss cam was probably her dream come true.

Vietnamese Robin Hood Lady Steals From "Greedy Chinese" In NY's China Town to Give to the Poor

Daily Mail - It may not be exactly what the legendary bandit had in mind - but this Vietnamese woman does not seem to care. Ha Vasko, 68, is accused of pickpocketing. But not just any pickpocketing: Vasko is accused of flying all the way from her $400,000 home in Florida, where she lives with her wealthy husband, to New York's Chinatown, where she then allegedly robs only the Chinese - and gives her ill-gotten gains to the needy.  Vasko apparently hates the Chinese. 'They cheat, and they are greedy and are on welfare,' she told the New York Post.  Vasko's pickpocketing rampage through New York is believed to have begun last June, when she allegedly stole $500 from a Chinese woman. Over the next nine months she was arrested four times, the last time on March 21. Vasko admitted that she herself has Chinese blood, and told the Post she does not know why she hates them so much. At least three times she allegedly walked from appearing in a Manhattan court straight back out on the street to pickpocket again. There are fears she has struck more than 100 times. After one arrest, apparently worried she would miss her Delta flight home, Vasko allegedly told a police officer she would give him $1,000 to let her get on the plane. Bribery was promptly added to the list of charges against her.

You have to love her blunt honesty, she doesn't know why she hates the Chinese, but she's damn sure they're doing something wrong.  I have one question for her though, how does she know they're Chinese? Can Asians tell other Asians apart? Seems unreasonable.  I mean if you line up a hick from Oklahoma and a dude from like Florida, I'm not going to be able to tell them apart.

I'll tell you why she hates them though, its because they're the only racial group that get's their own designated towns these days.  Like I get that there is a billion of you and you're busting out the seams in your own country, but don't you think that the Vietnamese would like to have a "Vietnamese Town" or the Laoseans and Cambodians would like their own towns (I mean, yea they have Lowell, but its not like town officials are going to let them up and change the name). 

China Town is bullshit.  Greedy bastards taking the naming rights to their few blocks of squalor. You aren't the only orientals in town guys.

I think we should ease up on the Robin Hood comparisons though.  As far as I know Robin Hood never got caught, and certainly didn't get caught like every other week for a year. I don't even think that can be referred to as pickpocketing.  Pickpockets are sneaky.  This lady is just out and out mugging people.  Respectable, but Robin Hood she aint.

Huge Milestone for Icelands Penis Museum, They're Finally Getting A Human Specimen!

Yep, That's a Whale Dick

LONDON –  In life, Pall Arason sought attention. In death, he is getting it: The 95-year-old Icelander's pickled penis will be the main attraction in one of his country's most bizarre museums. Sigurdur Hjartarson, who runs the Phallological Museum in the tiny Icelandic fishing town of Husavik, said Arason's organ will help round out the unusual institution's extensive collection of phalluses from whales, seals, bears and other mammals. "I have just been waiting for this guy for 15 years," he told The Associated Press in a brief telephone interview.  Highlights of the museum's collection include a 170-centimeter (67-inch) sperm whale penis preserved in formaldehyde, lampshades made from bull testicles and what the museum described as an "unusually big" penis bone from a Canadian walrus. Hjartarson, 69, said his interest in what he calls "phallology" began when, as a youngster in rural Iceland, he was given a whip made from a bull's penis to help him herd cattle. Later, when he worked at a school near a whaling station, colleagues brought him whale penises as gifts. "That was how it started. I opened this museum 15 years ago with 62 specimens," he said. Now, with the addition of Arason's organ, he has 276, many suspended in formaldehyde or dried and mounted on the walls. Photos posted to the museum's website show small army of ghostly, whitish penises stuffed into jars, tall glass cylinders and large aquariums. There are sculptures, molds and other penis-related craft items. Outside, the museum has a large tree trunk carved into the shape of an erect phallus.

What a quirky little culture they got up there, just giving out different species' of penis as gifts. Like, hey thanks, but maybe next time just a gift card to Applebees or something will do fine?

Perhaps you want to re-word that quote about waiting for this guy's dick for 15 years bro?  I don't know what's creepier, the fact that you've been waiting out this guys death, or the fact that you're excited about getting your hands on his lifeless schlong, when it's all phallic.

This is the kind of guy the Icelandic FBI 100% needs to have their eyes on 24 hours a day.  Dried up dicks hanging on his wall, unusually long penis bones (yea penis bones) just collecting dust mounted on walls, and a fucking 5 1/2 foot whale cock suspended in fluid...I can't imagine this guy's ever made it to the second date with a girl, or dude for that matter.  "Hey what do you do for a living?" "Oh, I mount cocks on the wall."  Yea that'll play over real well.

PS: I dare you not to chuckle at the phrase, "Pickled Penis."

Ashton Kutcher's Anti Sex Slavery PSA's Make Me Laugh, Which I'm Guessing is not the Intended Result

So I guess I should probably blog about these Demi Moore/Ashton Kutcher, anti child sex slavery commercials that are all the rage this week.  To be honest I was just trying to ignore it, I didn't care at all, but Ashton seems to have some kind of hypnotic pull on mainstream media and his shit appears everywhere all the time, it's ridiculous.  

The problem with these advertisements? Ashton just can't help but be a hipster.  Can't help it.  Like am I supposed to laugh at the above video? Is the child sex trade all of a sudden a goofy matter that the folks at Break! or FunnyorDie should be mocking up videos for?  Are Hipsters out there buying and selling underage girls for sex? Is that the target here? 

Who out there didn't laugh when you saw a framed picture of Kaka with the caption "real man."  Feathery bangs, soccer player, named Kaka (like poop if you're not as juvenile as me and aren't following). It's clearly aimed to making me laugh, right?  It's a ridiculously bizarre video.

So while I support the cause, it's great, maybe someone a bit more mature should be leading the cause?  Not a guy that spends his days twittering pics of his wife's granny-pantied ass and scheming ways to prank his butt buddy Justin? Really, no offense, it's just that the hardened sex trade King Pins in Eastern Europe aren't exactly going to be quaking in their boots after these videos.  I'm not even sure they're going to understand that it's pointed at them to be honest.

Trump: "I have a great relationship with the blacks." Well, There Goes The Presidency.

Great Photoshop job, b/c there is no way these two like eachother

Fox News - "I have a great relationship with the blacks," Donald Trump said on an Albany, N.Y. radio station Thursday morning. "I've always had a very great relationship with the blacks. But unfortunately, it seems the numbers that you cite are very, very frightening numbers."  The numbers Trump is referring to are part of a Quinnipiac poll released Wednesday. It shows 95 percent of black voters in New York State approve of how Barack Obama is handling his job as president. Only 4 percent do not. In sharp contrast, of white voters polled, 42 percent approve of the job the president is doing, while 53 percent do not.   "I think it's a pretty sad poll when you see that," Trump said, pointing to the 2008 election outcome. "When you look at Hillary Clinton, Hillary Clinton did so much for the black population, so much, and she got very few votes." "One would always hope that votes are on the basis of merit," Dicker responded, "Not on race or anything."

Oh Donald, no, no no. I really wanted this to work out, I did. But you can't go around calling attention to your biggest weakness (aside from a lack of political correctness and an appealing hairstyle) like that and expect to run a country, just isn't going to happen.

Take me for example.  I'm not running around work trying to convince my bosses that I'm not on the internet all the time.  That would be foolish, next thing you know they'd be creeping on my cube randomly just to try and verify my facts.  That's the last thing I need.  I'm on the net from the minute I step in the office. Sometimes even earlier, I just leave ESPN open so I don't need to waste time double clicking and typing in the address the next morning.  

Similarly, you shouldn't be calling your relationship with blacks into the limelight.  People are going to check your facts, they're going to notice all the low income housing neighborhoods your casinos and high rises have bull dozed and gentrified.  And they're certainly going to notice the fact that just last week you were calling into question the citizenship of our nation's first black president. 

And don't think that thinly veiled shot at blacks being racist for supporting Obama over Hillary is going to go unnoticed now either. 

Freaking A', Donald.  It's almost like you have no political training or experience whatsoever...oh wait, you don't.