McDonalds Commercial Blatantly Stereotyping Irish During the 1980's

I'm just shocked to see that McDonald's made a commercial at some point that wasn't all black people. I just assumed that's the way they've advertised since the beginning of time.

It's amazing to think that McDonald's made it out of this alive. Sure it helped that it was made in the 1980's before Twitter came around and everyone had a forum to bitch about all their injustices, but I think it's more than just that.  It's the way the Irish are, they don't take offense and flip out about every little political injustice. 

Characterize them as alcoholics, leprechauns, a bunch of funny looking gingers, hobbits, potato eaters, doesn't matter, they'll laugh with you, probably curse you under your breath and share a pint with you.  Life's too short to care. 

The rest of the world could take a lesson here, like can you imagine if this footage was McDonald's throwing a yarmulke as a lid on a soft-drink? Or some kid finding a dradel in his Happy Meal?  You'd hear outrage from Manhattan to Hollywood all day until the ad was pulled.   

Or how about if the voice over was speaking in an Italian Mob accent over a cup of McDonald's Coffee?  Every guinea politician would be up in arms crying foul more than they already do over the Jersey Shore. 

No excuse me while I go get my Irish on and find a seat at the bar, big day off for the CW, basketball and pints starting at noon. 

Woman Thought Her 9 Pound Baby Was "Just A Stomach Ache"

Fox News - A 35-year-old mother-of-two – who had no idea that she was pregnant with her third child – delivered a healthy 9-pound baby boy after going to the hospital with a severe stomachache, The Daily Mail reported.  Lesley Nicholl from England said she was amazed when she was told she was carrying a baby who was already a few days overdue. Hours later, she gave birth via cesarean section at Homerton Hospital, in East London.  “I have seen this before. There are many women who may have irregular periods, and they don’t realize it when they become pregnant. Some of these women are overweight, and therefore do not perceive movement as the fetus grows,” he said. “Because of this, many of these women do not see a doctor. I remember 20 years ago, a patient came into the emergency room complaining of cramps. Upon examining her, I realized that she was pregnant and about to give birth.”

I'm trying to give you ladies the benefit of the doubt, I really am.  But you've got to get a handle on your weakest 10% here because they're making you all look bad.

I'm sorry, I don't care how fat you are, unless you're clinically retarded you should notice a living human being growing inside of you.  Maybe it's just me, but I find it hard to believe a woman would walk around for 9 months feeling like she had a stomach ache or had to take a monster shit without questioning what was going on inside of her.  

It's not like this one hasn't had a kid before and wasn't familiar, it's her third one.  Like when you felt the kid kicking, what did you think that was?  Just the bad batch of chili-cheese dogs you polished off at lunch? What the hell ladies? 

And how bad do you feel for the kid here?  Growing up all he's going to hear is how his mom just thought he was a bad case of food poisoning.  Kids have a hard enough time fitting in without a mom who mistook carrying him as a baby for having an extended case of diarrhea.  

Glaxo Loves Musical Chairs A Bit Too Much, Abolishes Personal Desks and Cubes

Yes life on the cube farm sucks, but its my life and far be it for you to take it from me.

GlaxoSmithKline (GSK) has a slightly insane plan to install a free-form, open-space office environment at its HQ in which no one has an assigned desk, chair or computer. Employees will just show up at the Research Triangle Park, N.C., building with their laptops and sit wherever they want...This trendy new program seems guaranteed to make everyone crazy: Employees will be unable to personalize their workspaces with family photos or memorabilia. Instead, they will be given a storage locker in which they can keep files and keyboards. Welcome back to high school, GSK! About 40 GSK employees have already made the switch; 1,500 will follow shortly. Among the other changes:

• Offices will be divided into flexible “neighborhoods” in which groups of employees can work on projects together.
• Employees will receive etiquette classes to teach them to leave the space they used pristine for the next worker.
• GSK expects the system will increase collaboration, and lessen use of email and phones.
• Workstations will be adjustable for tall and short employees.

Oh, well at least they'll make the work stations adjustable for tall and short employees, that'll solve all the other headaches this was sure to cause... 

Like, where am I supposed to hang my cube basketball hoop? And now I have to walk all the way over to my locker to dig out a take out menu that used to be tacked to my wall? You guys understand I'm lazy as all hell right? That's why I'm ordering take out? I can't be bothered to have to walk across the office to retrieve a menu, that shit is insane.

And I'm sure these "neighborhoods" will work out swell.  As the original author points out, as in real life with neighborhoods you get class stratification.  After a few weeks you'll have all the cubes by the windows thumbing their noses and hurling racial slurs at those unfortunate enough to have to sit near the bathroom or the bosses office.  As if promotions, salary, and recognition awards weren't enough for employees to compete over now there's going to be tensions over who gets the best desk location.  Won't be long until you'll see the true crazies sleeping out side the office at night like its Black Friday or something. 

Look, I may hate life in a cube, the fluorescent lights, the half walls that everyone can look over when I'm just trying to slack off and read the internet or take a nap, the fact that if you fart the people in the cubes surrounding you have to deal with it, and the overall monotony of work.  I hate it all.  But at least its mine.  For whatever little its worth, I know that little shit hole is mine and I can do basically whatever I want in it.

I don't want to take ettiquette classes on cleanliness.  I like my current system.  I hoard old Tupperware like I'm starting a science project, half drank bottles of water littered around the desk, my sony stereo pumping out phat beats, random cheat sheets with valuable passwords just tacked on the wall for all to see. All of that is what makes my job tolerable.  You take that away and I'm 2 minutes away from making this blog a full time gig, even if barely enough people have clicked the advertising to afford a large sub at D'Angelos. I'll take poverty over a loose-leaf desk and a storage locker any day, that's just uncivilized.  

PS: Thanks to Dillinger for the tip.  Dillinger contacted The Alt-Tab through our Contact Us tab at the top right.  If you've got a tip, video, or topic you'd like to see blogged about please do the same or e-mail us at TheAltTab@gmail.com

March Madness Bracket Update, Day 1: I'm Screwed

Allright, maybe I'm not that bad off, but under no circumstances am I in good shape, just middle of the pack by any measure you choose, but it just feels worse.  Why?  Because of frigen Morehead St and their delightfully entertaining school shirts (pictured above). 

Despite the Maestro's warnings I liked what I saw from Louisville in the Big East Tourney and decided I was going to ride them all the way to the Elite 8, including an upset over Kansas.  What do they do? They go out and pull a Choke-Job on MoreHead State.  A sloppy, humiliating choke job. 

On the plus side I am still leading both of the Maestro's brackets (because he's the kind of guy who does multiple entries in one pool).  In his defense he pretty much locked himself into Belmont with his Pre-Pre NCAA prediction a couple of weeks ago, at least I hope that's the reason he chose them over a poorly seeded Wisconsin team.   At any rate he's sure to hear an ear full in a couple of hours as a meeting of the minds for this blog convenes at Game On for today's tables slate of action.

Kids Prank Mom Into Thinking House is on Fire

What the hell lady? Get the Dog? This is exactly why this Dad didn't give a shit about his kids pranking your ass.  Probably deals with this kind of shit all the time, wife just belittling and taking him for granted at every turn.  Meanwhile this Dad should probably be up for a Father of the Year award.

This is exactly what people are talking about when they say kids need more parental vision.  You see a dad just chilling out, browsing the net, crushing some peanuts, and watching the TV. I see a Dad acting as project manager for one of the greatest home pranks of all time.   Do you really think these kids could have came up with and executed all this on their own?  Doubt it.  Probably would have just ended up with a smoky living room and the fire alarm going off.  Then the rest of the day you've got to air out the house to get all the god damned fog out. 

What's With Sports Personalities Picking All the 1 Seeds for March Madness?

Way to go out on a limb Mr. President.

Like the rest of you, I've spent the last few days feverishly scowering the depths of the net for any edge I could find in filling out my March Madness bracket. Yes, odds are a random girl who doesn't follow sports will end up winning despite all this research, and yes, I could have just taken my in house gambling experts advice, but honestly I don't trust the Maestro.  How do I know he wasn't just floating those picks out there to throw me off his scent so he can take down the pool?

During my research I noticed a disturbing trend amongst so-called college basketball analysts and sports personalities.  Everyone is playing it safe and taking the favorites.  I couldn't even keep count with how many loud mouth personalities, who express their opinion on anything and everything daily, were taking the easy road and taking all four No. 1's to the Final Four. Hell, even the Commander in Chief, the most powerful man in the free world, President Obama, whose decisions affect millions of lives every single day couldn't stomach the risk of selecting anything other than chalk for the Final Four. 

What is the fun in that people? That's boring as hell.  Any idiot with a pen could minimize risk and pick all favorites throughout the bracket, but what would be the point?  If I'm searching for expert opinions I'm not looking for the safe play.  I'm looking for the guy with some insider information or some stats I've never heard of thats going to enlighten me about the 7 seed that may have what it takes to march it's way through the bracket.  Or how about a tip on which favorite is most likely to get their dicks stomped on first?  This isn't a frigen accounting lesson, loosen up and pick an upset or two for godsakes.  When did all these talking heads grow vaginas?

So what does all this mean? It means CW winged it.  Picked some schools based on personal biases, dated information from when I followed College Basketball more closely a few years ago (Gonzaga's still a top team right?), and conciously picked a few  upsets for fun. 

The results? A Final Four of OSU, Texas, Pitt, and Notre Dame, with OSU over Pitt in the finals.  What's that sound? Oh yea, just CW...#Winning.

3 Things I Hate Most About Calling Your Customer Service Number

The mere fact that you're calling a customer service number probably means you're already in terrible mood. No one has ever called up customer support to tell them how wonderful their product is operating, so they're behind the 8 ball from the get go.  Add in these three factors, and well, now you've got CW's blood pressure elevated to the point of homicidal rage, which is exactly the predicament he found himself in while he was stuck working late at the office last night on hold waiting for tech support.  Without further ado, the 3 Things I Hate Most about Calling Your Customer Service Number


First off, there is no phrase in the English language that gets my blood boiling quicker than the dreaded automation of: "Please Hold, Your Call is Important to Us." Bull shit. I would rather listen to 20 minutes straight of that garbage Kenny G's greatest hits elevator music than have some annoyingly cheery operator interrupt every minute and a half to lie straight to my ear.  No, my call isn't imporant to you, I know that, I accept that, If I'm sticking on the line for 30 straight minutes on hold, I think its safe to say that this call is wayyyy more fucking important to me than it is to your incompetent, slow asses. 


Secondly, I know you're not experiencing "higher than normal call volumes." Higher call volumes compared to what exactly? 0 calls? That trick stopped working 3 years ago when companies just decided to leave that disclaimer on full time. Oh I'm wrong? Then how come when I've called at 9 am, 2pm and 8:30 pm I've received the same god damned message? At least be honest with me and just tell me you've all gone home for the night at 8:30, don't make me sit here with my thumbs up my ass listening to your recorded message over and over again on speaker phone while I mindlessly attempt to set the all time record on minesweeper.  Have some decency.

And Finally, the inevitably frustrating conversation you end up having with some guy in a call center 4,500 miles on the other side of the earth.  Look, it's not the fact that the guy barely speaks acceptable english and I have to have him repeat everything 4 times before I understand it, I accept that at this point.  It's the fact that the asshole on the other end of the line decides he's going to give me an attitude because I can't understand him. Oh, you don't like when I have to say "what?" or "can you repeat that?" 15 times? Well I don't like talking to someone who can't enunciate their frigen vowels.  What kind of crazy world are we living in where companies farm out their work to employees who lack a basic 2nd grade understanding of the English language and then in turn get upset at their customers because we can understand the jumbled garble of consonants their mouth just vomited up.  Maybe if your employees could speak proper English, they'd get their calls done faster and I wouldn't have just been on hold for 45 freaking minutes.

That's the final straw for CW.  That's when I snap from cordial and understanding to "put your goddamn supervisor on the phone now before I buy a one way plane ticket to come visit your hell hole and strangle your ass."  Lie to me about how important I am to you, Lie to me about how busy you are, and make it nearly impossible to communicate with you, fine. But the second you start throwing attitude back at me is the second I'm going to jump through the receiver of that phone and ram it home up your ass. Good Day Sir, Thank you for calling.

Is Today The Worst Day In History To be At Work?

This has to be the single worst day in modern history to be stuck in the office, right?  What the hell was I thinking not taking today off? It's probably only the biggest triple threat in Greater Boston history.  You've got March Madness kicking off as I type this, St. Patricks day in full gear, just a bunch of micks and pretend micks polishing off pints for brunch, and on top of that today is absolutely the most beautiful day of the year so far, 50+ degrees and sunny. God Damnit.

To make matters worse this is the first time since senior year in high school that I've been in work or in class on St. Pattys day.  I haven't missed one of the National Drinking Holiday (Marh 17th, May 5th, July 4th, and The Day Before Thanksgiving) in years.  I'm usually half in the bag, swindling beers from tourists in downtown Boston by now, not anxiously looking over my shoulder hoping the boss doesn't walk by while I'm in the middle of this bitchfest of a blog.

Yet here I am blogging away and pretending to work, trying to not think about what a collossal blunder of a decision I've made today.  Rival bloggers at home eating pizza and watching sports, friends and family out and about drinking enough green beer to fill a kiddie pool, people rocking shorts and tank tops for the first time this year, and good old CW, frying under fluorescent lights and dying inside with each score update on ESPN.  I thought I'd feel mature and better about myself, not chugging beer at 10:30 am with a side of Corned Beef, turns out having a beer for breakfast is far less depressing than coming to work and twiddling your thumbs while you pretend to look at excell sheets. Shit is lame as hell around here today.

So Happy St. Patricks Day and March Madness kick off for whatever its worth to the rest of you schmucks stuck inside your office and home today.  The mere fact that I know some of you are reading this brings me some hope, at least I'm not the  biggest loser in the crowd today...

Chinese Stores Selling Out of Salt, China Believes Salt Protects You From Radiation

BEIJING — Worried shoppers stripped stores of salt in Beijing, Shanghai and other parts of China on Thursday in the false belief it can guard against radiation exposure, even though any fallout from a crippled Japanese nuclear power plant is unlikely to reach the country...The panic shopping was triggered by rumours that iodized salt can help ward off radiation poisoning -- part of the swirl of misinformation crisscrossing the region in the wake of Japan's nuclear emergency. The rumours have flown widely. Text messages on mobile phones have circulated about nuclear plumes spreading from Japan throughout Asia. Rumours also spread that salt was adequate protection for radiation sickness. Supermarkets in the capital of Beijing and many cities across the country have run out of salt in the last several days as a wave of panic buying spread across provinces from eastern Zhejiang to southern Guangdong to western Sichuan. Prices of salt jumped five or 10-fold in southern Guangdong, the Internet portal sina.com reported.


I guess I can stop worrying about China's impending global dominance for a while, huh? Every time I really start to fear the day where I'm forced to bow and kiss the feet of some Chinese world ruler, something like this comes a long and I realize I'm just being ridiculous.


Like I totally forgot how absolutely nuts Chinese citizens area about health fears.  Chugging Green Tea and Ginsing by the swimming pool, spurning western medicine and it's scientific basis. 

 Just look at those people above with the face masks, thats a regular occurence on the morning and evening commutes on the Boston subway.  These guys are just out of their mind, still fearing the bird and swine flu's years after the fact. Remember SARS? Everyone freaking out wearing those purple sterilized gloves because the world was going to end if you came in contact with another human being?  I found some Chinese woman at a check out counter last week, still wearing those same gloves, SARS was like 10 years ago at this point, time to move on.

So yes, we can table the fears of China's global dominance for now until they get over their crippling fear of breathing fresh air.  Worst case scenario we just cut off their supply of Tea, Salt and medical masks and watch them self destruct.