The mere fact that you're calling a customer service number probably means you're already in terrible mood. No one has ever called up customer support to tell them how wonderful their product is operating, so they're behind the 8 ball from the get go. Add in these three factors, and well, now you've got CW's blood pressure elevated to the point of homicidal rage, which is exactly the predicament he found himself in while he was stuck working late at the office last night on hold waiting for tech support. Without further ado, the 3 Things I Hate Most about Calling Your Customer Service Number
First off, there is no phrase in the English language that gets my blood boiling quicker than the dreaded automation of: "Please Hold, Your Call is Important to Us." Bull shit. I would rather listen to 20 minutes straight of that garbage Kenny G's greatest hits elevator music than have some annoyingly cheery operator interrupt every minute and a half to lie straight to my ear. No, my call isn't imporant to you, I know that, I accept that, If I'm sticking on the line for 30 straight minutes on hold, I think its safe to say that this call is wayyyy more fucking important to me than it is to your incompetent, slow asses.
Secondly, I know you're not experiencing "higher than normal call volumes." Higher call volumes compared to what exactly? 0 calls? That trick stopped working 3 years ago when companies just decided to leave that disclaimer on full time. Oh I'm wrong? Then how come when I've called at 9 am, 2pm and 8:30 pm I've received the same god damned message? At least be honest with me and just tell me you've all gone home for the night at 8:30, don't make me sit here with my thumbs up my ass listening to your recorded message over and over again on speaker phone while I mindlessly attempt to set the all time record on minesweeper. Have some decency.
And Finally, the inevitably frustrating conversation you end up having with some guy in a call center 4,500 miles on the other side of the earth. Look, it's not the fact that the guy barely speaks acceptable english and I have to have him repeat everything 4 times before I understand it, I accept that at this point. It's the fact that the asshole on the other end of the line decides he's going to give me an attitude because I can't understand him. Oh, you don't like when I have to say "what?" or "can you repeat that?" 15 times? Well I don't like talking to someone who can't enunciate their frigen vowels. What kind of crazy world are we living in where companies farm out their work to employees who lack a basic 2nd grade understanding of the English language and then in turn get upset at their customers because we can understand the jumbled garble of consonants their mouth just vomited up. Maybe if your employees could speak proper English, they'd get their calls done faster and I wouldn't have just been on hold for 45 freaking minutes.
That's the final straw for CW. That's when I snap from cordial and understanding to "put your goddamn supervisor on the phone now before I buy a one way plane ticket to come visit your hell hole and strangle your ass." Lie to me about how important I am to you, Lie to me about how busy you are, and make it nearly impossible to communicate with you, fine. But the second you start throwing attitude back at me is the second I'm going to jump through the receiver of that phone and ram it home up your ass. Good Day Sir, Thank you for calling.
