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| Yes life on the cube farm sucks, but its my life and far be it for you to take it from me. |
GlaxoSmithKline (GSK) has a slightly insane plan to install a free-form, open-space office environment at its HQ in which no one has an assigned desk, chair or computer. Employees will just show up at the Research Triangle Park, N.C., building with their laptops and sit wherever they want...This trendy new program seems guaranteed to make everyone crazy: Employees will be unable to personalize their workspaces with family photos or memorabilia. Instead, they will be given a storage locker in which they can keep files and keyboards. Welcome back to high school, GSK! About 40 GSK employees have already made the switch; 1,500 will follow shortly. Among the other changes:
- Offices will be divided into flexible “neighborhoods” in which groups of employees can work on projects together.
- Employees will receive etiquette classes to teach them to leave the space they used pristine for the next worker.
- GSK expects the system will increase collaboration, and lessen use of email and phones.
- Workstations will be adjustable for tall and short employees.
Oh, well at least they'll make the work stations adjustable for tall and short employees, that'll solve all the other headaches this was sure to cause...
Like, where am I supposed to hang my cube basketball hoop? And now I have to walk all the way over to my locker to dig out a take out menu that used to be tacked to my wall? You guys understand I'm lazy as all hell right? That's why I'm ordering take out? I can't be bothered to have to walk across the office to retrieve a menu, that shit is insane.
And I'm sure these "neighborhoods" will work out swell. As the original author points out, as in real life with neighborhoods you get class stratification. After a few weeks you'll have all the cubes by the windows thumbing their noses and hurling racial slurs at those unfortunate enough to have to sit near the bathroom or the bosses office. As if promotions, salary, and recognition awards weren't enough for employees to compete over now there's going to be tensions over who gets the best desk location. Won't be long until you'll see the true crazies sleeping out side the office at night like its Black Friday or something.
Look, I may hate life in a cube, the fluorescent lights, the half walls that everyone can look over when I'm just trying to slack off and read the internet or take a nap, the fact that if you fart the people in the cubes surrounding you have to deal with it, and the overall monotony of work. I hate it all. But at least its mine. For whatever little its worth, I know that little shit hole is mine and I can do basically whatever I want in it.
I don't want to take ettiquette classes on cleanliness. I like my current system. I hoard old Tupperware like I'm starting a science project, half drank bottles of water littered around the desk, my sony stereo pumping out phat beats, random cheat sheets with valuable passwords just tacked on the wall for all to see. All of that is what makes my job tolerable. You take that away and I'm 2 minutes away from making this blog a full time gig, even if barely enough people have clicked the advertising to afford a large sub at D'Angelos. I'll take poverty over a loose-leaf desk and a storage locker any day, that's just uncivilized.
PS: Thanks to Dillinger for the tip. Dillinger contacted The Alt-Tab through our Contact Us tab at the top right. If you've got a tip, video, or topic you'd like to see blogged about please do the same or e-mail us at TheAltTab@gmail.com
