Irony: Chopsticks in China With Made In USA Stamp

IN YO FACE, CHINA! USA, USA, USA!

Boom, economists have been talking about how we have to level out the trade defecit with China for years, well what better way than cornering the market on the number 1, most essential product in all of China...the chopstick.  Sure 1,000 of these probably costs like $3.43 but with over a billion people over there, that shit will add up real fast.  Now all we have to do is continue to make sure they don't discover the magic of the fork.

PS: Most shocking bit of info from this video, China is running out of trees? Seems like a big problem, no? Guy just kinda tossed it out there like it was no big thing.

Mass Lawmakers Continue Crusade To get Sex Offenders Involved in Social Networking

(FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Local lawmakers are hoping a proposed new bill will protect kids against sexual predators on websites such as Facebook and Twitter. Under the new bill, level three sex offenders would have to register their email addresses, Facebook names, Twitter handles and other online aliases with the Sex Offender Registry Board. Failure to register would result in both fines and jail time. According to the Boston Herald, the bill has 12 co-sponsors and could be up for debate as soon as lawmakers return from their August break.

Well this just seems ass backwards, like basically encouraging sex offenders to join Facebook and Twitter? What if you arrest a high profile diddler and he doesn't have a twitter handle? Are you making him sign up for one? What's the check in policy? Do the offenders have to friend and follow the Mass State Police? Poke their parole officer once a day? 

And that's before you even get into defining what creepy or questionable activities online would even constitute. The internet is a fucked up place...what would get you arrested and publicly shamed in real life is just an every day activity online for a lot of people. Like if some registered sex offender creeps on some local college girls facebook, is that a violation of parole, or is that just like every other lonely loser that stalks chicks on facebook?

What seems like common sense to me would be just removing all internet access from level 3 homes.  Spare me the bullshit about constitutional rights, you should probaby be in jail, you wanna use the internet? We can send you back, I hear they get like 1 hour of access a day.

FDA Rules Lazy Cakes Unsafe, Huge Blow to Recovering Stoners and Lazy Parents Alike

BOSTON (AP) - The Food and Drug Administration has warned the manufacturer of melatonin-laced brownies called "Lazy Larry" that the government considers them unsafe and could seize them from store shelves. The warning letter obtained by The Associated Press was sent to the company last week. "Lazy Larry" was until July known as "Lazy Cakes," but the Memphis-based company that makes them, HBB LLC, changed the name after some lawmakers and public officials expressed concerns about the brownies. The product's marketing evokes images of illegal substances. On the Lazy Larry website, the company promises that the brownies will help customers relax. "All this magic is baked in to put a smile on your face," the site reads. "This is living, my friend." On the official Lazy Larry Facebook page - still operating under the "Lazy Cakes" name - the company interacts with enthusiastic consumers. On Friday, the day the FDA sent the company its letter, the company posted this status update: "Thinking about putting on some tunes and relaxing with a Lazy Larry tonight ... what is your favorite music to chill to?"

Parents of overactive kids everywhere are going to be bullshit about this one...I'd somehow never heard of these lazy cakes, but I can guarantee that if I had kids they'd be on a steady after dinner diet of lazy cakes. Kid thinks I'm the best parent in the world just rewarding them with chocolate treats night after night, meanwhile I'm drugging my kid to sleep without the social stigma of force feeding them nyquil...so, win, win.   Kid doesn't want to eat his broccoli? That's fine bud, go grab a brownie and play in your room for a while...last you'll hear from the kid for the night.

PS: It's a brownie that puts you to sleep, of course the fucking thing is unhealthy...You're eating baked chocolate and sugar and then passing out while the calories rot in your stomach.

Man Had to Listen to His Own Eyeballs Moving for 6 Years!

BANBURY, England – Doctors were baffled when a British man told them, "I can hear my eyeballs moving." But they finally diagnosed that Stephen Mabbutt had a rare ear condition in which sounds inside the body are heard very loudly, The Sun reported Monday. Mabbutt, 57, could also hear his heart beating -- and when he chewed food, the noise was deafening to him. The dad of two was experiencing autophony, one of the symptoms of superior canal dehiscence syndrome, an illness that was unknown until 10 years ago. At first, he noticed that the internal sound of his own voice was beginning to drown out everything else around him. Over six years, the condition worsened as other bodily noises joined in. "I was sitting quietly alone in the house one evening, and I suddenly heard this quite loud scratchy noise, like sandpaper being rubbed on wood," Mabbutt said. "I was quite alarmed and looked around, wondering what it was. Then I noticed the noise came every time I moved my eyes. I started to think I was going mad." He added, "The first symptoms appeared around 2005. I found if I raised my voice, I'd get a vibration in my head. If I was eating a bag of crisps, the crunching noise drowned out people speaking. Then I found I would be hearing my heartbeat." But this year, a CT scan showed a tiny hole in the temporal bone in Mabbutt's skull, which meant that fluid from the semicircular canals of the inner ear was leaking into his brain and conducting internal sounds. Mabbutt, a company training coordinator from Banbury in Oxfordshire, southern England, underwent an operation that cured the problem. Richard Irving, the consultant physician who treated Mabbutt, said, "It is a very unusual condition and difficult to spot."

I can say with 100% certainty that if I'm this guy, I'm not here blogging today...I would have lasted about 3 weeks before looking up assisted suicide options. No joke.

This would drive me fucken nuts.  Like when you get irritated at a co-worker tapping their pen, or a leaky faucet, only x30 worse because the sound is coming from your own frigen eye balls. How the hell did this bro deal with this for 6 years! Like what the hell do you resort to when trying to tune out the sound of your eye balls just doing their job. 

The worst part about this is it sounds like it didn't extend to super human hearing for everything else, just annoying as fuck internal bodily functions. It'd be one thing putting up with this if you all of a sudden had better hearing than  your pet dog, hearing the neighbors getting their freak on next door, overhearing peoples drama when you're out at the mall...running the bar pick-up circuit, just eavesdropping on groups of chicks conversations and then making your move based on your inquired intel (pretty sure this could be the basis for a Ryan Reynolds movie).  But it's another thing entirely when it just applies to eye balls moving, ear hair growth, and booger production.  That's the worst special talent I've ever heard of.

Dad Life Rap...Soul Crushing.

Looks real appealing...

Worst church propaganda ever. Sure its hysterical, but I'm not really sure making fun of families is the route you wanna take when you're trying to bring them together. Seems like an odd choice.

Father Arrested for Teaching Son to Drive...His 8 Year Old Son, While Passed out Drunk in the Passenger Seat

LIVINGSTON PARISH, La. — A Missississippi man let his 8-year-old son drive on Interstate 12 while he slept, Louisiana State Police reported Saturday. State police said they received a call shortly after 6:30 a.m. Saturday about a green Chevrolet pickup truck driving erratically on the interstate in Livingston Parish. The caller told police that a child appeared to be the driver of the pickup. Troopers stopped the vehicle, and they said a boy was driving the truck while his father, Billy Joe Madden, 28, of Hattiesburg, Miss., slept in the passenger seat. Police said that Madden's 4-year-old daughter was riding in the backseat.

Everyone relax, it's not like he did something irresponsible and let the girl drive, he had shit under control...

It’s called teaching your son responsibility. Everyone laments the fact that fathers don’t spend enough quality time with their sons these days, and then when one does they’re all over him like he’s a villain. What is more quality time than teaching your kid to drive? Sure most learn when they’re 15-16, but we don’t know the cirucmstances behind this kid, maybe he’s got exceptional motor skills? Probably knew how to color between the lines before he even got to kindergarten, just walked in the first day and blew his classmates minds…little kindergarten girls hanging on his every stroke of the crayon. Teaching him to drive at 8 makes perfect sense if that’s the case.

Plus, I learned young and I turned out fine. My grandfather had me out in the driveway toggling between Drive and Reverse when I was like 3 or 4, just out of huggies parking cars like a boss. No one called the cops on us, a kid learning how to drive, nothing to see here.

If There's One Disease I don't Want to Get Based on Name Alone, It's The Gout

Even the Gout commercials are funny

(BOSTON) -- Gout, a type of inflammatory arthritis that is caused by the formation of uric acid crystals in the joints, causing pain and swelling, appears to be on the rise, according to a new study published Thursday in Arthritis & Rheumatism. By comparing data from two national surveys -- one from 1988-1994 and the other from 2007-2008, researchers at Boston University School of Medicine found that about 4 percent of the U.S. population, or some 8.3 million adults, now suffer from gout, with the condition being more common in men than in women. This latest rate is a 1.2 percent increase from 20 years ago. The authors of the study also found that this rise in gout rates is linked to the rise in obesity and hypertension among U.S. adults, and so they conclude that “improvements in managing modifiable risk factors, such as obesity and hypertension, could help prevent further escalation of gout...among Americans.”

Ya, I don’t want any diseases or cancers or shit, but I especially don’t want one that caters to juvenile jokes. I'm sure it's a horrible thing to deal with, but I cannot help but chuckle just a little, even if its to myself, whenever I hear someone refer to "The Gout."  I mean come on, it's a funny name. 

It's not my fault, I don't even think I'm being an asshole, I'm pretty sure whoever came up with the name was going for comedy...Use the name as a way to diffuse the usual pity and sad stares people give you when you tell them you have some kind of affliction...Like you're not getting any sympathetic eyes, or get well cards with the Gout..."Guys I have some bad news, I've been diagnosed today...I have the Gout."  The room would be in hysterics, yes they'd feel bad for you, but mostly they'd be laughing and thinking of Gout related jokes...Probably get a gigantic beaker of green fluid on your next birthday so you can be just like my man the Gout tv commercial guy above.

PS: Chrones would be a close second...not because of the name but more because of the implications.

Double PS: WHOA! Do not goole image search gout...you will throw up whatever you just ate guaranteed.

Debt Ceiling Compromise Reached, Government Cube Workers and Staffers Held Hostage During Debate Released

Fox News - President Obama announced Sunday night that leaders of both parties in both chambers have reached an agreement on a debt-reduction deal that will "lift the cloud of uncertainty that hangs over our economy" and prevent the nation from potentially defaulting on the nation's financial obligations.

Thank god. To the relief of hundreds, if not thousands of fellow common people, our long national nighmare is over...I'm of course talking about the poor interns and congressional office staffers who were basically held hostage over this debt ceiling issue. Cube life at its absolute worst, working non-stop through the weekends, developing carpel tunnel typing, and re-typing dozens of drafts of the same 1,000 + page bill, all to come to the conclusion that any sane minded person could have come to last week.

Talk about government waste and inefficiency...you mean to tell me they couldn't have struck that compromise Friday afternoon and let these people go home for the weekend, enjoy a BBQ or two, maybe play a little Polish horseshoes? I mean have you read the details? They agreed to basically: A) Raise the debt ceiling, ending fear of default, and B) Agreed to deal with issues like spending cuts and revenue increases at a later date...So it took them all freaking weekend to agree to procrastinate some more? And then they wanna get up on tv and pat each others backs? An outrage and a travesty for the common cube worker.  And I thought I had it bad eating at my desk every day.

Dozens of Bikes Create Traffic Jam in Boston: Reason 1A Why Normal People Hate Cyclists

Universal Hub - BostonTweet captured a little corking or something this evening at Harvard and Brighton in Allston. Via Allston Rat City, who wonders: Was anyone there at the corner of Comm and Harvard when some dude in a Honda got pissed off at the people on bikes blocking traffic and literally drove through them? UPDATE: JC tweets: Yep, gray Civic plowed right through them. Don't think anyone was seriously hurt.

This is why normal people hate bicyclists, and by association, hipsters.

While everyone’s all outraged about some dude in a Honda plowing through some cyclists pulling a stunt this weekend, I applaud him.  How about instead of the cops wasting their time to chase down one practical minded person in a car they round up some of these assholes, starting with this guy:

I see you bro, and I hate you.

Week 1 of the Hubway's Bike Sharing Program going well...