Man Who Went Solo and Flushed Osama Out of Pakistani Mountains Not Getting Enough Credit

The Poster of Osama that Faulkner used for Knife Taret Practice...I'm not making that up.

Denver Post - Gary Faulkner, Greeley's famed Osama bin Laden hunter, is overjoyed about the death of the terrorist leader and said it means he won't have to return to Pakistan. Last June, Faulkner was arrested in Pakistan, on a quest to hunt down and kill or capture bin Laden. He was armed with a pistol, sword and night-vision equipment when arrested in the mountains near Islamabad. It was in the foothills north of Islamabad where Navy Seals hit bin Laden's million-dollar compound Sunday and killed him..."I was in those mountains when I was arrested," Faulkner said at his Greeley apartment Monday. "I think maybe I flushed him down out of the mountains into the foothills."

You know who's just not getting enough credit for the Osama Bin Laden Kill?  This guy. This frigen guy did all the leg work, at least give him a shout on national TV or something.  Willingly spending his free time trapesing about the lonely mountains of Pakistan, just miles from Osama's final hideaway, hot on his heels with a pistol and a hunting knife.

The guy flushed bin Laden right out of his mountainous cave and into the warm hospitable palace he was found in.  I have to believe Osama caught wind of some American loon tracking his ass through the mountains and headed for safer shelter with the aid of the Pakistani government.  With out Gary Faulkner this monster may have never been caught, would have been content to just live out his days up in the safe altitude of the mountains.

Gary, you're a true American hero.

Congress Weighing Not Sending Further Aid to Pakistan. They Must've Noticed We're Getting Bent Over Finally

WASHINGTON — Congress may consider cutting the almost $1.3 billion in annual aid to Pakistan if it turns out the Islamabad government knew where Osama bin Laden was hiding, the head of the Senate Intelligence Committee said today...Incredulous lawmakers are pressing Pakistan for answers to two simple questions: What did its army and intelligence agents know of bin Laden’s whereabouts and when did they know it?...

"I think this tells us once again that, unfortunately, Pakistan at times is playing a double game," said Sen. Susan Collins, R-Maine, a Senate Armed Services Committee member who indicated that Congress could put limits on funds for Pakistan. But another GOP member of the panel dismissed that idea. "For those who want to cut off aid to Pakistan, I understand your frustration," said Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C. "But at the end of the day, if you want to create a failed state in Pakistan, one of the best things to do is sever relationships. It is not in our national security interest to let this one event destroy what is a difficult partnership but a partnership nonetheless."

We're really debating this? May dock Pakistan aid? How about absolutely will dock Pakistan aid until they come up with some god damn proof.  And who gives a damn how upset they are or aren't that we went in and did this on our own? Tough shit, tell you what, next time we find out you're harboring our number one fugitive we'll fill you in and we can make a joint take down, ok? Do you guys have Whitey over there too?  That would be a decent start.

The simple fact that these asshats complained about this should be immediate grounds to cut their funding.  Look, if we're going to have to do the work of taking down international terrorists within your own borders for you then what the hell are we funding you for?  Good luck explaining to your mountain dwelling citizens that they'll just have to hold out one more year for things like electricity and indoor plumbing because we are flat out not cutting that check this year. 

Sen. Graham can shove it as well.  Let that State fail like no other state has failed before.  Partnership my ass.  Partnership would imply that we're getting something out of this, like them telling us if the worlds most famous fucking terrorist has been living it up in the Magic Kingdom for 5 years.  The guy was so at ease he didn't even have a security force or body guards on campus.  We're getting shit out of this relationship as is, we're like the boyfriend who buys the fancy dinner and expensive bottle of wine over and over again but still goes home with blue balls each night because his girl doesn't put out.  That shit has got to end now, its not a good look for that loser boyfriend, and its certainly not a good look for America.

Kid Arrested for Skating In Mall and Playing with Fantasy Sword...Mugshot is Rather Surprising

Police said a sword-wielding Iowa City man fought with police officers in the Pedestrian Mall Friday afternoon. According to a criminal complaint, Deandre L. Irby, 19, of Iowa City, was observed skating through the Pedestrian Mall with a large sword attached to his backpack at 2:33 p.m. Police said the “fantasy sword” had a 26-inch blade...When officers caught up with Irby, he allegedly refused to identify himself or provide identification. Police said Irby also made an attempt to grab his sword. Police said they were forced to use their Tasers to subdue Irby when he tried to flee and fight with the officers. Irby told officers he did not have a concealed weapons permit to carry the sword. Irby was charged with going armed with a knife blade greater than 8 inches long, carrying firearms or weapons into a city park and interference with official acts. A phone number for Irby could not be found and he could not be reached for comment.

Someone must have mixed up the mugshots, right?  Black people don't skateboard or play with fantasy words...and they certainly don't go mixing it up with mall security guards for fun, that shit is strictly a white person hobby.  Blacks got enough problems with the real thing with actual cops hassling them and giving them the stink eye, they don't need to go teasing rent-a-cops for cheap fun with all that going on.  

And why on earth do you need a concealed weapons permit to carry a sword? How the hell can you conceal a sword?  Thing is the size of my leg, where am I going to hide that? 

Match the Evil Genius Terrorist to His Lair - A Fun Game for Kids of All Ages

Slate - On Sunday, American operatives found and killed Osama Bin Laden outside of Islamabad, Pakistan. Bin Laden, who was nearly cornered in the caves of Tora Bora in 2001, sought shelter indoors 10 years later. The terrorist leader was killed in the three-story compound he shared with family members and followers in the town of Abbottabad.summer resort. Bin Laden isn't the first infamous figure to seek shelter in a secluded lair. Think you know who went where? Test your knowledge of famous hide-outs with this interactive game. 

Awesome game, can't reccommend it enough for a quick 5-10 minute time kill.  Has everyone from Saddam to the Unabomber, to Pablo Escobar, a virtual Mount Rushmore of this centuries bad guys.

I personally got 6/9 correct. A solid, knowledgeable showing, without getting 100% correct and admitting that you're into some freaky, and quite frankly, probably dangerous shit.  I have to believe if you get them all correct you're autmatically entered on to some kind of terrorist or no-fly list?  Seems like if you're that up to date on all the criminal masterminds hideaways you're definitely prepping for your own.  Up to no good for sure.

Man Slaughters Neighbors Goat While in Drag and High on Bathsalts in West Virginia...Carry on.

CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- A West Virginia man found wearing women's underwear and standing over a goat's carcass told police he was high on bath salts. Mark L. Thompson of Alum Creek was arrested at his home Monday. A criminal complaint in Kanawha County Magistrate Court charges the 19-year-old with cruelty to animals. Sheriff's Deputy J.S. Shackelford says witnesses reported Thompson standing near a neighbor's pygmy goat in a bedroom. He was wearing a bra and female underwear. The goat had at least one stab wound. Cpl. Sean Snuffer says Thompson indicated he had been high and "wasn't in his right mind."

Look, everyone has the right to react in their own way to 9/11 and Osama's death.  This guy decided to celebrate a great day in American history by offering up an animal sacrifice while in drag, high as a kite after sniffing bath salts, and who are we to judge.  Sure he could have gone the traditional route, ran down to some drunk gathering of college kids waving flags, but he chose to do it in his own, quiet and simple way and I think we all owe it to him to respect  his privacy at a time like this.

In all seriousness though, the police realize they're in West Virginia, right? Isn't this sort of thing common place?

Breaking News: Tom Brady's Hair Officially Goes Euro, Signs 3 Year Deal with English Premier League

For anyone wondering why the Pats drafted QB Ryan Mallet in the 3rd round, exhibit A. 

I was ok when Brady was content to play up the Bieber look, yea there was something a bit weird about a football star imitating a teenage youtube hit, but at the end of the day I could get by it. 

But this? The Sasha Vujocic look? Hell no. Not on my team. The Krafts need a team grooming code, stat.

Make no mistake, it's only a matter of time before that Eurotrash thing on his head inks a deal with a Euro "futbol" club to keep the Misses happy.  It's either that or he's aiming to be the next Juan Pablo Montoya in the racing circuit.  Belichick must want to throw up everytime he sees this guy that's replaced Tom Brady. 

Either way I feel very relieved knowing that we may have an hair heir apparent in house in the event that Giselle asks Tom to "girl it up" any more than he already has. 

Teacher Vowed Not To Shave Beard Until Osama Caught Finally Free

EAST WENATCHEE, Wash. - A teacher who vowed nearly 10 years ago not to cut his beard until Osama bin Laden was captured or proven dead said he cried Sunday night upon hearing of the terrorist's death. "I spent my first five minutes crying and then I couldn't get it off fast enough," said Gary Weddle, 50, who lives in East Wenatchee but teaches middle school science in Ephrata. Weddle has wanted to cut his beard for years. His wife, Donita, has wanted him to cut it, too. But for Weddle a vow is a vow and so he hadn't even trimmed it until Sunday night. At the start of each school year, Weddle told his students the beard was a reminder of the attack. He frequently said he didn't understand how anyone could use the name of his God to justify murder.  He cut the beard and was shaving the stubble even before President Obama addressed the nation about bin Laden's demise. Friends and neighbors celebrated with him, watching him cut his beard. He got a little bloodied, having become somewhat inexperienced in shaving. He expressed amazement at feel of his face. Weddle was 41 when he made his vow. The Weddle's daughter was 13 and their twin daughters were 12. Now they're 23 and 22. "I wanted him to get rid of it, but it was his vow," Donita said. "I respected his passion and keeping a vow. I was willing to look past the beard because I love him." "He looks 10 years younger," she said. "It's a very happy moment for us. It's a very happy moment for the whole nation."


Most relieved? His wife. Lady probably didn’t leave the house with him for years, dude, you look like one of them. 

I’m not claiming to be the most patriotic person on earth here, so I applaud you for doing something, but why this?  Immitation is the greatest form of flattery, you want to remind people wear an arm patch or become a weekend warrior.  Don’t alter your appearance to win your local terrorist look alike contests, that shit makes no sense.  I mean what school district kept this guy employed sporting his jihad beard?


PS: It totally would have been hilarious if his wife or daughters walked in on him at home fully shaven and thought he was an intruder or rapist.  I mean how can you recognize the guy before and after?

Al Qaeda's Bloggers and Message Board Trolls are Pissed...Wait, Terrorists Have Blogs?

ABC - A top al-Qaida ideologue vowed revenge Monday for the killing of Osama bin Laden by U.S. forces, in the first jihadist admission of the militant leader's death...The prominent commentator, going by the online name "Assad al-Jihad2," posted on extremist websites a long eulogy for bin Laden and said the Islamic holy war against the West was far from over. "Woe to his enemies. By God, we will avenge the killing of the Sheik of Islam," he wrote. "Those who wish that jihad has ended or weakened, I tell them: Let us wait a little bit." Militant websites with links to al-Qaida regularly post long interviews with al-Jihad2 on the protocols of waging holy war. He is also often used to resolve questions of doctrine... Hussein bin Mahmoud, a prominent and respected writer for the militant web forums wrote a long article Monday, entitled "Osama is not dead ... he is alive with his message." He said Americans would be allowed to celebrate a few days and then "we will resume the Islamic war ... wait for the worst to come for you and the agents in Pakistan, Afghanistan and Europe." Any revenge attacks should be well planned because "individual and random operations lead to negative results," he cautioned.

So hold on, these guys have blogs too?  Are they more popular than mine? What about WESPN? Shouldn’t they be easier to track down if they’re just spending all day blogging and posting shit to their message boards? Probably just living in their mothers basements, no? Trolling for message board infidels, waging holy wars in AOL chat rooms. 

Who do they advertise with?  I mean I imagine they are indeed farily popular, lot of nut jobs out there, so someone's got to be supporting them, bandwith overages are a bitch. But what company is lining up to handle this? Groupon? Daily AK 47 or RPG sales in terrorist neighborhoods? Zip cars? Never know when you'll need a compact set of wheels to navigate the narrow mountain roads of Afghanistan.

These are questions I need answers to.

Unkind Reviews on Google for Osama's Compound, Might Not be the Luxury Compound it's Played up to Be

Reviews for Osama's compound are in, apparently you’ll want to check for a motel 6 or howard Johnson if you’re in the area.  Apparently a million dollar compound in the middle of a semi- third world country doesn't get you all that you thought it would.  I mean drafty?  Come guys, how about installing some Energy Star efficient windows. 

As my friend the Maestro commented yesterday, if this is what passes for a million dollar property in Pakistan then I'll just assume Abbottabad's real estate market rivals that of the OC or Beacon Hill.