Mexican Actress Gets Away With Citizenship Marriage Scam, Something Tells Me It's Because of Her Looks

Fox News - Fernanda Romero did the crime, but she won't do any time. That's the deal the Mexican-born actress agreed to when she admitted lying to immigration officials about her bogus marriage. Romero, who had bit roles in American films but is perhaps best known for her role in the Mexican soap opera "Eternamente Tuya," confessed to entering into a sham marriage with Kent Ross so that she could remain in the United States.  The pair was charged in April 2010 for the fake marriage, but a jury deadlocked on the case last year. The pair eventually entered a plea agreement that calls for probation but no jail time. U.S. District Judge Manuel Real is scheduled to sentence the couple on Monday.

No shit she's not doing jail time.  While she may have entered into the marriage for the benefit of US citenship you can bet your ass he did it for love, or at the very least lust.  I can tell you one thing for sure, this wasn't a cash for citizenship marriage.  This was a straight, "damn you're a smoking hot Mexican Senorita and I want you to share a marital bed with me" type of marriage.  Guy didn't care if it was a sham on her end, it was real for him.

Something tells me the justice system wouldn't have been as lenient if the girl looked like your averaged rented burro.  I guess the illegal immigration game is just like every other walk of life, the beautiful people get all the perks.

Not News: 16 Year old Kid Gets Laid on Spring Break... News: By a 33 Year Old MILF

Orlando Sentinel - A 33-year-old Apopka woman and a 16-year-old boy exchanged hundreds of text messages and had a sexual relationship over spring break, police said Friday. Cindy Rotarius was arrested Thursday on three counts of sexual assault of a 16- or 17-year-old victim by a person 24 or older, a second-degree felony. Rotarius told officers her relationship with the boy began March 26 and ended April 5, a report states. Rotarius contacted the boy on Facebook, and his sister saw them meet several times, police said. They went bowling, and he came over to play Playstation 3 and watch movies, according to the report. She and the boy separately told police that they had sex, officers said.In text messages, Rotarius asked the boy not to tell anyone because she was afraid she would lose her children, the report says. 

 Smart move by the MILF, PS3 is like the roofies of teenage boys, just total mind control after they've zoned out for an hour or so. Something tells me this isn't her first, she's a veteran all right.

And to Cindy Rotarius, you may lose your children, but you're definitely about to gain a whole lot more Facebook friends from your local high schools.  Going to be the most popular middle age woman in South Florida, that's for sure.  Kids just booking Spring Break getaways based on your prison release schedule, grocery store bagger boys lining up to walk your groceries to the car, local kids bidding there yard work services for you. 

So yea you may be going to jail for a felony, but that's nothing compared to the lifetime of niceties you're about to incur from horny teenagers.

Aetheists Saying Judgement Day on May 21st is "Nonsense," Which is Good News I Guess

(CNN) – We've told you about the caravan of RVs touring the country to warn people about the end of the world, which they say will begin on May 21. Now, the American Atheists are mounting a counter-campaign. The group has posted a billboard in Oakland, California - home to Family Radio, which is spreading the "awesome news" that Judgment Day is near - declaring that such messages are "nonsense." "The Rapture: You KNOW it's Nonsense," the American Atheists' billboard announces. "2000 Years of 'Any Day Now.'" The billboard - which cost $27,000, according to the group's website - invites passers-by to "Learn the Truth" at the group's "Rapture Party" on May 21-22 in Oakland. The atheists also plan to hold parties in Houston, Texas, and Fort Lauderdale, Florida, the website says. "This is how religion hurts people, one of the many ways religion hurts people," American Atheists President David Silverman told CNN Oakland, California, affiliate KGO. "Our hope is that those who are not suckered in will learn from the people who are."

Well now I'm just confused. Do I need to get my affairs in order or not?

I guess I'm inclined to go with the Aetheists on this one.  I mean they've been correct for the last 2000 years or so, so they definitely have history on their side.  Plus they readily took up my idea for throwing a bash of a party on May 21st and 22nd just to spite the repentence fools.  

My only request in all of this is if the rapture doesn't come May 21st, would the End of the World nut jobs at least give me a heads up on there next proposed Armageddon date?  I mean 2 months was really short notice.  One minute I'm out celebrating, day drinking on St. Pattys Day, the next I'm stuck trying to figure out what I'm going to do with the last 2 months of my life.  That shit wasn't cool.  How about a bit more lead time this time around, it is the end of the world after all, kind of a big event.  Most people can't just throw on any outfit and be ready to go, it takes some planning.

Is There Any Holiday Mascot Creepier Than The Easter Bunny?

Well that's just bad parenting.  Like of course these kids damn near shit their pants.  The Easter Bunny is a creepy enough character when it's just a pedophile dressed up taking pictures with kids on his lap at the mall.  That's scary enough.

But to invite that perverted rabbit to your home and have him creep on your kids like a registered Peeping Tom? Would you really expect any other reaction.  

What are the kids supposed to do? Be excited that the human size bunny with huge buck teeth is stalking them in the night.  Shit is scary as hell and I'm an adult. To this day I avoid the mall during the whole Easter season, too many repressed memories I don't feel like digging up.  Someone needs to call Social Services on these parents, stat!

Sinister looking bastard

White Girl Raps "Look At Me Know," Kills It. Not in the White Person Way, but in the Black, "dope" way.

Chris Brown is going to be pissed, I don't know if you've heard hunny, but he's got a temper when it comes to chicks, I assume that extends to white girls ripping his songs too.

There is still something so disturbing about watching white people rap, isn't there? It's just not our natural setting. I feel like Andy Samberg is the only one who legit pulls it off. Guy's got street cred for days from his SNL gig. 

This girl absolutely killed this song, sounded perfect, just as annoying as the real Nikki Minaj, which is saying something.  But the whole time I kept thinking, why isn't she singing a song like Skater Boi? 

I guess when it comes to pop music CW is as racist as everyone else?

Typical Lawrence, Stabbing Party Breaks Out at Baby Shower

LAWRENCE - Two people have been stabbed in a Lawrence apartment after what the police chief calls a "baby shower that went awry." Officers responding to a report of a stabbing late Saturday found between 50 and 100 people at the apartment. Police Chief John Romero tells the Eagle-Tribune that the stabbing was proceeded by a fight that apparently began when someone threw a bottle that struck a woman. Romero says the woman's husband then pulled out a knife. Romero says the victims' injuries weren't life-threatening. Two men were arrested on charges including assault and battery. Romero says there was alcohol at the party. He says the two men who were arrested appeared to have been under the influence.

Ah life in Lawrence.  This really takes me back to childhood.  A young CW running around reaking  havoc, a young "banger" in the making.  Fortunately for everyone we moved before anything disastrous happened.

See this is why guys dont go to baby showers.  One minute everyone's having a great time playing guess the poop with everyone's favorite candy bars and huggies, the next Enrique is getting bottled and shanked by Ernesto after being accused of cheating after scoring an impossible clean sweep on all chocolate loaded diapers.  Guya are just too competitive for those girly "we're just doing this for fun games." We're either going to win and be poor sports about it, or lose and stab our competitors out of spite, its just our nature.

Senior Citizen STD's on the Rise...Gross

You'd Wipe that Smirk off Your Face If You Knew She'd Just Given you the Clap

Sun Sentinel - Across the nation, and especially in the Sunshine State, the free-love generation is continuing to enjoy an active — if not always healthy — sex life. At a stage in life when many would expect sexually transmitted diseases to be waning, seniors are noticeably ahead of the national curve. In the five years from 2005 to 2009, the number of reported cases of syphilis and chlamydia among those 55 and older increased 43 percent, according to the Centers for Disease Control.  In Central Florida, the rise is even more dramatic. Among those 55 and older, the reported cases of syphilis and chlamydia increased 71 percent in that same five-year period. That puts Central Florida ahead of the state, which saw a 62 percent rise in those two sexually transmitted infections among the same age group.  As a result of the national trend among seniors, Medicare is considering providing coverage for STD screenings for seniors. Last month, the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid office announced that it was looking into adding STD exams to the national health insurance program, which already pays for HIV screenings. Medicare also is weighing the benefits of paying for behavioral counseling for sexually active seniors.

Gross.  By far the worst side effect of the viagra age is all these free love hippies that are now all senior citizens just skanking it up in their nursing homes like its a college dormatory.  Really when you think about it, not much has changed for them from when they were in there 20's.  Still living in a communal housing setting still getting their rocks off via pharmaceuticals (just substituting shrooms and acid for various pill cocktails) and still sleeping around with as many partners as they can. 

Who wants to go visit gramp and grandma in the nursing home knowing that you may walk in on the middle of one of their hipster swinging key parties and seeing grandpa getting a ride in his wheel chair from Gertrude down the hall in 4E?

Just as nasty as it gets.

Alligator Makes Pitstop in Florida Woman's Bathroom, Entered Through the Doggy Door

PALMETTO, FL - A Florida homeowner was left tentatively checking every inch of her property Sunday after returning home to find a six-foot alligator in one of her bedrooms, according to local broadcaster Bay News 9. Alexis Dunbar recalled the moment she came face to face with the most unwelcome of visitors, saying, "I look to the right, and there's an alligator in my guest bedroom." The deadly animal found its way from a nearby pond into the empty house in Palmetto, Fla., through a doggie door and left its mark Saturday, with the floors covered in blood. Dunbar managed to get out but was left certain that the gator devoured one of her beloved pets. "I thought my cat was eaten," she said. "There was blood everywhere." Fortunately, the cats were later safely recovered, and it was determined that the blood was seeping from the gator.

You have to move when this happens, right? I mean, doggy door or no doggy door, I cannot possibly live in a dwelling that alligators can easily access.  The thought scares the shit out of me.  Like what if this lady was just getting up for a midnight piss and stumbled upon this alligator chilling out in her bathtub?  Shit would not have ended so peacefully, you can believe that. 

The cynnical side of me thinks too bad it didn't really eat the cat, would have been one less crazy cat lady, right?  At least at that point she could have broke down and got the dog that she really wanted anyway.  That had to be what she was going for when she cut a doggy door in her house for her cat.  Cats should be either outdoor or indoor, not both.  Roaming free fending for themselves killing small varmint or ruling the roost indoors annoying the shit out of non-cat people who may be visiting.  Can't have it both ways though.  So yea, secretly, deep inside, I'm sure this lady was a bit upset when Whiskers showed up later that night and decided to sleep right on top of her head in his claimed territory.

The Burning Bush in the 10 Commandments Movie is the Strangest Thing in Film History, Right?

Sat down and watched the 10 Commandments on cable in it's entirety the other night (yea from 7-11:45).  First let me say, so that I'm not risking being smoten on the spot here, that this is an absolute classic film, and now that it's been digitally remastered the colors have never looked so vibrant.  

That said, each and every time I see this movie I really get thrown trying to decide between which is the odder sequence of events; Moses chatting it up with a burning bush that isn't really on fire, that is purportedly the voice of God. Or, Moses just straight up parting a gigantic ocean sized sea with a wave of his magic staff, with all his 1000's of followers racing across the presumably miles long sea bed in a matter of a few minutes.  

Now don't get me wrong, there are plenty of odd happenings in this film, without even touching upon the fact that these people just blindly followed him for 40 years while the dude was lost in the desert, just kept taking wrong turn after wrong turn and apparently no one had the balls to step up and suggest they may be traveling in circles.  

But without a doubt, I've decided that the whole burning bush phenomenon is the weirdest event in film history. For a pretty simple reason, no one else but Moses was witness to this.  When he parted the sea there were 1000's of witnesses, that seems like a reliable sample size to say he somehow got that job done.  But the whole burning bush thing, really? No one questioned him when he came down from the mountain side? No one felt like climbing up there to take a peak themselves? It just seems odd that so many people would be willing to take the advice of a crazy bearded man who spends his time trapsing through the desert with nothing but sandals and a walking stick, preaching about burning shrubberies communicating the word of God. 

Call me a heathen or whatever else you want, I think I'd definitely be on the Egyptians side if I heard this guys ramblings back then.