Fox Sports -A Chilean miner ran, walked and hobbled his way to the finish line of the New York City Marathon on Sunday, showing the passionate grit that helped him survive more than two months trapped underground. Edison Pena crossed the Central Park finish line at 3:24 p.m., with a time of 5 hours, 40 minutes, 51 seconds. He was draped in a Chilean flag as Elvis music played over the speakers...The miner cut his steel-tipped electrician's boots down to ankle height so he could train each morning and afternoon along the rocky, muddy 1,000-yard corridor where the men were trapped. He built up strength by dragging a large wooden pallet that was attached to a cord tied to his waist.
Oh come on people! We're still believing this? Really? If you jogged around your apartment hallway each day in sawed off steel toed boots do you think that would prepare you for running 26.5 miles? That's an outrageous claim. It's like these guys are testing just how much we'll believe at this point. If any gringo made a claim half as preposterous there'd be an ESPN Outside the Lines report on cheating and lying amongst American Distance Runners. This is an outrage. I could settle for a few "celebrity" appearances here and there, that's fine. But when you start showing just how dumb my fellow country men (not to mention our media outlets who continue to fall for this story) are that's where I draw the line. Frigen Chile, you've made an enemy for life.
You can stop the balloting, it's not even a contest (here's the link if the video goes dead on my site). The best part about it, it's not even the least bit subtle yet there is really nothing the tight-wads at the FCC can do about it. But my question, why don't they put this baby on prime-time? Really push their luck. I've only caught this commercial after midnight while I'm falling asleep (which is why I kept forgetting to blog it). I wonder if that dork Kevin Nealon can even include this in his funniest commercials of the year show. They always seem to make him tone it down and pick the safe commercials. Guy must hate what his career has turned into.
PS: How many cuts do you think this took to film? 20? I can tell you for sure I would have been kicked off the set. Would have just kept saying Nuts instead of Balls just to mess with everyone. Probably would have been funny the first 3 or 4 times but I'm pretty sure they'd escort me out after that.
Fox News - An adult bookstore in Michigan that offers pornographic movies and sex toys has also sold a winning lottery ticket worth $128 million, MyFoxDetroit.com reports...The winner has not yet come forward. According to Powerball rules in Michigan, winners cannot remain anonymous when they claim their win. Residents in the area say the ticket sale will likely boost sales at the shop. "Maybe it's a lucky spot," one resident told the station.
There are going to be a couple of very lucky divorce laywers in Michigan very soon. Make no mistake about it, the winner hasn't come forward because he's married and trying to figure out a way not to give his wife half after she divorces his ass for hanging out down at the porn shop. I mean this is just the break I'd imagine any unhappy housewife is looking for. Chance to split with deadbeat, skeevy husband (presumably) and come away with millions and self-respect. Smells like another Lifetime Original!
Only question is which way they'll go when casting the husband. Is he the up-tight, church going, t-shirt tucking in guy who you'd never expect is some kind of closet perv? Or the sloppy, alcoholic, wife abusing degenerate that's kept his wife living in fear for years? I'd go with the up-tight guy. Probably cast Kip from Napoleon Dynamite.
There's a lot of shit going on here, but first and foremost this guy just got his ass straight beat. This was no bitch slap and then retreat, this woman brought the ruckus, just came right at him throwing punches and straight leg kicks like she was a character in the old Street Fighter arcade game. Moving on, a few questions at play now that the video is out.
First, and most obvious, why on earth would he draw attention to the fact that he couldn't defend himself against a women? This wasn't even a close fight, I was actually rooting for him to get a shot in just so it would be fair, didn't even matter that it was a woman. I'm not one to condone a man beating a women but this clearly was not your typical situation. Hey guy, put down your precious I-phone roll up the sleeves on your mock turtleneck (yea you can't tell what he's wearing in the video, but lets be honest, he looks like the kinda guy that would wear mock turtle neck ensembles...and he would call them ensembles, are you catching my drift?), and do some work. Wrap this bitch up in a bear hug or something. You're embarrassing yourself.
Secondly, and this is the big one, what do you think he said? Had to be racial right? Like a standard Bitch or C-word wouldn't have got this kinda response, would it? Stuart Wilkerson can cut the shit that he was just trying to take a picture of her (of course his name is Stuart, it all makes sense now, the odds of your child loving the ballet and art galleries increase at least 300% when you name them Stuart). I've had my fair share of run-ins with MBTA workers, I've called them plenty of names and been belligerent on numerous occasions. They put up with a lot of shit, he had to have said something really outrageous.
Finally, isn't it just a general rule of thumb that if you ask for directions from an MBTA worker they'll lie to you? There are wall sized maps every 15 feet at these train stations, gigantic signs that state in-bound or out-bound, and announcements in Spanish and English alerting you to train arrivals. I have no pity on you if the workers play a practical joke and send you in the wrong direction, at that point you're just asking for it.
Sorry about the lame day today, the picture pretty much sums up my state of being today. Just a washed up bloated whale. One thing is abundantly clear, I just can't hang like I used to. Once upon a time back in my rookie year my friends and I thought nothing of going to work hungover a minimum of 3x a week. Mondays were just an excuse to put in some face time at our favorite local pub for Monday Night Football, Wednesday was trivia night, and everyone went out on Thursdays.
Now? I went out last night and woke up today with a throbbing head, a body that felt like it got hit by a train, throat so hoarse there was no voice to speak of and bleary red eyes that looked like they'd been soaked in chlorine over night. I used to just laugh it off when people at work took notice of my ragged morning after looks. I wondered why none of the older workers felt like coming out much for drinks after work. What a difference a couple of years makes. Now when people comment on my appearance I can only muster grunts and groans. I've drank so many poisonous cans of Monster on hungover mornings that I now gag at the smell or sight of a can. I spend most mornings just squinting at the computer screen hoping it makes me appear busy until noon time or so.
Time to retire my week night partying, save for only the rarest of occasions. You've won mother nature. I couldn't stay young forever. I'm no longer a toys R us kid. Sad, sad day.
Don't expect too much today, this may be the only post you get. I'm exhausted, hungover, curious as to why I thought I'd be able to work today, and a bit pissed off because I shattered my phone to cap off the night. Shockingly all of these factors seemed to have sucked the wit and charm right out of me (that and I'm literally having a hard time forming sentences). I'm sure they're still hanging out in my bed getting those extra couple hours of sleep I so desparately need.
If we get lucky and I have a slow day at work, and the midget inside my head stops hammering at my brain, maybe I'll muster the strength to throw up a blog or two but I just wouldn't count on it. Most likely we'll just be having a Thursday Bonanza here at the Tabs, I've got a back load of topics that will take us right through to the weekend.
US and Australia Strengthen Military Ties - The United States and Australia will step up their military cooperation, with Canberra offering U.S. forces increased access to Australian bases, according to news reports from Australia...Military hardware and supplies will be positioned at Australian bases, "including large amounts of combat equipment for the typical U.S. Marine task force," the Herald reported.
You'd think stepping up military efforts on an Island location, literally in the middle of no where with no real threats of attack wouldn't make any sense right? Well you've obviously never played the game of Risk before (a game of world domination). Because if you had you'd recognize immediately that this is the old "blossoming onion" strategy popularized by Kramer on Seinfeld.
Make no mistake, the US will rule Asia with in one year. First we'll stack all our cannons, horsemen, and infantry in the down under, and then we'll funnel outward one nation at a time, first taking Jakarta, then all the smaller nations in Indonesia, then make our way through South East Asia (that's right N. Korea, your time is coming) setting up for the final show down with China.
That is unless our troops get soft realizing there is nothing else to do in Australia except get drunk off tall boys of Fosters and do Crocodile Dundee impressions to irritate the locals.
Fox News -In her latest drama “Love & Other Drugs,” Anne Hathaway portrays free-spirited Maggie Murdock, who suddenly finds herself under the “drug” of love when she is charmed by Viagra salesman Jamie Randall, played by Jake Gyllenhaal...“It’s racy – very racy. I keep asking people if it is too sexy for them. However it is just part of the job,” Hathaway told Pop Tarts at the film’s Hollywood premiere last week. “That being said, it is intensely mortifying taking your clothes off in front of other people, but it is also intensely mortifying doing a lot of things in front of people and I’ve learned how to deal with that. Who knows if I will ever do it again, it depends on the material.”
Anne Hathaway knows how to play the Hollywood game better than most A-listers and this just proves it. Her movies and roles have bombed since 2005 (Devil Wears Prada) and she had to do something about it. Girly wedding comedies just weren't bringing home the bacon anymore, and now she's making a veteran move, doing the nude scene.
And if that weren't enough, she's playing the media like a fiddle. Spreading the word about her nude scene to just about any publication or media outlet that will listen, all the while maintaining her princess bride "good girl" image by playing up being "mortified" about being seen naked on film. Bravo. It's a tough line to walk and she's doing it brilliantly. There will be case studies on how to resurrect your career by showing your cans while maintaining your respectable image done in the future, as a guide for all mediocre actresses who want to break through.
PS: I see she even mentioned to keep the media from mentioning that she's previously done nude scenes in the movie Havoc. We need to get her PR person working over here at The Alt-Tabs. This blog would be nationally recognized tomorrow. Just amazing.
Ahhh, the bittersweet half day. Such a love/hate relationship. Ultimately though, love wins out for me. I hate it for one reason and one reason only, having to wake up and go to work. And while having to go to work is my greatest complaint in life, it doesn't outweigh the multiple things I love about half days.
You get out of work early. This one seems pretty obvious. Yeah you still have to wake up to that outrageously loud alarm clock, guzzle coffee that is way to hot to be consumed but you have to drink it immediately because you can't keep your eyes open, and carry out your normal routine for about 4 hours. But just knowing that you're only there for 4 hours seems to make it bearable. Brings me back to feeling like a kid again on half days during the school year, when I knew I'd be dominating a game of kick the can, man hunt, or home run derby as soon as they released us.
It saves time off for later in the year. If I don't need the vacation days for an actual vacation, then I see no harm in spreading the love and taking multiple half days for every full day that I otherwise would have been doing nothing. Just simple math, more days partially out of the office is greater than the occasional full day in my mind. Probably the only reason I've made it for this long at my job. I need these breaks.
And finally, the biggest reason I love half days, you get to rub it into co-workers (lesson as always, I live for spite). Sure they're jealous the Friday before you have a week off but that's nothing compared to half day envy. On a regular day off they don't have to see you, sure they may gripe about you not being there (I gripe with the best of them) but there is nothing to be jealous of. On a half day they have to see that smirk on your face knowing you'll be leaving those suckers in a few short hours. They have to hear the sarcastic "have fun the rest of the day" just to remind them that you'll be out having fun and they'll be living their same unchanging life. And the kicker...(drum roll)...You get to give them the rest of your work that you didn't finish on your way out the door! The look on their face is always priceless at this point. And that's what separates a half day from a regular day. You actually have to see someone looking forward to their day and having more fun than you could ever have on a full day of work. Well that's me today. Deal with it.
(no I won't be blogging from home today, I've got better things to do)
