15 Weirdest Excuse for Calling Out Sick, Decoded by CW

This is the exact method I use when calling out "sick." I get in the mental state of being sick, and call in and say I'm sick. Nothing over the top, just a simple, Oscar worthy, performance.

The Work Buzz - In our annual survey, one-third of employers reported that workers call in sick more often during the winter holidays than any other time of the year. While cold and flu season has much to do with the abundance of absences, some people are using up those sick days to spend more time with their families, get in some last-minute shopping or just relax in bed when the weather outside looks too bleak to even deal with.

This is a gigantic pet peeve of mine, I've never understood why people try to be so creative with their hooky excuses, it makes no sense whatsoever. It's like I'm the only one that learned that the simplest lie is always the best one. If I want to bang out of work, I just call in and say I'm sick...unless my boss is going to call me out and insinuate that I'm a liar, that's all that needs to be done. Yet I still see others around the office who'll go to extreme measures to cover their tracks when playing hooky, I've seen people ham it up all week long with "cold symptoms" (after admitting they're acting) just to get an extra Friday off, I've seen or heard just about every excuse imaginable as a middle manager and gossiper with fellow middle managers, and guess what, they're all horse shit. HORSE SHIT. I know it, you know it, lets stop playing games. You're lying, your boss knows you're probably lying, it's going to be awkward when you come back in tomorrow no matter what you say on the phone, you might as well just say something simple and have less to explain...and that's another thing, don't explain yourself the next day.

Everyone does it, feel like they have to come up with some rich back story for their day off, like they spent the whole day brainstorming ideas for things they could add on to their initial excuse the day prior, stop, it's not necessary, you got your day off, it's over. I don't need to hear about fake sickness conditions, catalytic converters, etc... You needed a day on the couch, its cool, I do the same thing from time to time. Lets not make this more complicated than it needs to be...Like look at this list of the 15 Weirdest Excuses, followed by my comments decoding the excuse:

1. Employee’s 12-year-old daughter stole his car and he had no other way to work. Employee didn’t want to report it to the police. - You're hungover
2. Employee said bats got in her hair. - You're hungover
3. Employee said a refrigerator fell on him. - You just want to watch junk tv in your underwear.
4. Employee was in line at a coffee shop when a truck carrying flour backed up and dumped the flour into her convertible. - A truck dumped flour into your convertible (come on, that's impossible to make up, plus it would be in the news).
5. Employee said a deer bit him during hunting season. - You're sleeping in.
6. Employee ate too much at a party. - You're hungover
7. Employee fell out of bed and broke his nose. - You're hungover, and did something stupid the night before, like got in a fight.
8. Employee got a cold from a puppy. - Eww...
9. Employee’s child stuck a mint up his nose and had to go to the ER to remove it. - Your kid is at school, you're catching up on the DVR for the day, good for you.
10. Employee hurt his back chasing a beaver. - You're hungover
11. Employee got his toe caught in a vent cover. - You're a fucking idiot
12. Employee had a headache after going to too many garage sales. - You were up way too late playing Call of Duty and want to sleep in.
13. Employee’s brother-in-law was kidnapped by a drug cartel while in Mexico. - You had a bit too much Tequilla and missed your flight...and you're hungover.
14. Employee drank anti-freeze by mistake and had to go to the hospital. - Bull Shit...No one has ever drank anti-freeze, ever. You're hungover
15. Employee was at a bowling alley and a bucket filled with water (due to a leak) crashed through the ceiling and hit her on the head. - Come on...why would that cause you to miss work, just admit it, you're sleeping in.

As you can see, like 90% of the time, your boss knows, you're just hungover or want to sleep in...It's cool, your boss has been there. Just come out simple and say, "hey, I'm sick today."  That's all, don't over abuse it, don't get to clever, just keep it simple. You get one bang out per quarter in my opinion, no need to go all over the top with tales of Mexican Drug Cartels and Bowling Alley buckets of water.