College taught me a few things, but "alcohol consumption is fun" was the most vital lesson I ever learned
As my commander in chief so kindly pointed out (edit: bluntly stated) my life is about to undergo a significant transformation. In only a few short hours, gone will be the days of playing Xbox with friends until the wee hours of the night fueled by nothing more than competitive drive to kill more people in Call of Duty and unhealthy levels of caffeine. No longer will I able to skip a class that I deem not important enough to my daily routine, since doing this in the real world apparently results in more severe repercussions beyond not learning whatever useless shit a professor slapped onto a hastily created PowerPoint presentation.
I had a rather cozy view of life beyond college, that I would be able to maintain my recklessly irresponsible lifestyle while maintaining a job that didn't suck the very soul from my body on a daily basis, but as CW aptly points out, as well as the rest of the 20 somethings I know who are festering in a cubicle based, Microsoft Outlook powered prison, this is idealistic to the point of insanity. Very shortly, I will be forced to complete tasks I don't want to do for people I don't like at a speed that is too fast for me. This goes against everything I was taught over the past 4 years, which was that you can do your work in whatever fashion you deemed most acceptable and if you choose to give a fuck about it, good for you. Hell, cracking a beer (or 10) while doing schoolwork wasn't just possible, it was openly encouraged.
Despite the inevitable stranglehold corporate America will have over every facet of my well being, and a blog entry dedicated to how much my life will blow in just a few short weeks/months (time span depends on my ability/luck in finding a real job) I would rather reflect in a positive manner on the good times that college gave me, because as I was told by my elders years ago, these most certainly were the greatest years of my life. I was able to lovingly adopt intramural sports as my competitive outlet, with each game pretending I was playing in a significant sports arena. Flag football became my proverbial situation for pretending I was in the NFL, juking and spinning like Adrian Peterson, only if AP were a white undergrad clumsily attempting athletic manuevers on teams fratboys and former high school "has beens".
People told me the "flexibility" of class schedules in college left you the time to pursue extra curricular activities that would help you in real life. "Flexibility" translated in Sean's language, was "doing whatever the fuck I felt like doing on a given day" 8 A.M. class I actually woke up for and went to? I rewarded myself with a nap. All those school clubs and organizations out in the quad asking me to do useful things for the school? Nah, I'd rather play pick up ball at the gym or snipe the evil Covenant bastards trying to invade Earth in Halo. Mid term tomorrow? Perfect time for a dorm floor war with Axe Body spray, and yes, this most definitely resulted in both the floor smelling like a high school locker room as well as our RA getting monumentally pissed off at everyone involved.
But most importantly, I learned about the immense social bonding power of a substance we all affectionately know as "alcohol." There was no better way to make friends or have a great time than with any variety of beverages. I learned how to play Beirut (and yes, its called fucking beirut. Beer Pong is played with paddles, the movie Beerfest proves this definitively. Jersey kids don't get this fact, and my school is infected with too many of them.) Alcohol was the great X factor that is the hallmark of a college experience. As a result of it, I have my fair share of stories that result in immense triumph and terrible, humiliating shame and you know what? It was all worth it, every single drunken, procrastinating, time wasting, academic slacking second I spent in college. If the rest of my life is going to be a mundane drag through monotonous adult tasks, then I will take solace in the fact that I had 4 awesome years of subsidized "higher education" to have the time of my life. Thank you college, You might be gone from my life, but I will never forget you. Well, I do forget significant portions of most weekends due to the over consumption of an aforementioned substance, but you get the point.
