Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Seany Mo, Blogging Protege, Is About to Join the Real World...Sucks for You



Welcome to the real world Seany...The real, awful, not nearly as much fun as the life you're leaving world. 

Poor kid probably has no idea what he's getting himself into. Looking back I can't fathom why I would have left college, I saw Van Wilder, I saw how awesome his life was (I choose not to acknowledge the last 30 mins, preferring to believe he kept up his partying ways for the rest of his life), and I still made the mistake of assuming that chasing pay checks and health insurance would be more fun than sleeping late and beer funnels. HUGE mistake.  Literally every facet of life after graduating college is worse.

How You Measure Yourself - Grades vs. Raises. At least grades were based on your knowledge and amount of effort put in. If you believe raises and promotions are based solely on that you're A) Living in a fantasy land, and B) probably not going anywhere anytime soon. Its a rat race in the purest sense. It's not good enough to do good work, you have to point out that you did good work, and point out that others work, for lack of a better word, sucked. But you have to do it subtedly, less you become the office brown nose. 

Sleeping Habits - Basically breaks down to Sleeping a lot, versus not sleeping a lot. Guess which one is better? 

Clothing Attire - Sweat pants and hoodies, casual 98% of the time, vs. Shopping at Kohls or overpaying at Express for clothes  you wouldn't have even considered wearing 2 years ago. Look, dressing up and looking snazzy once in a while is fun. Wearing a corporate clone uniform day in and day out? Sucks balls. 

Living Conditions: Subsidized dorm/Apartment and deferred Tuition, vs. Rent, vs. Parents Basement. Again, guess which one wins? Rent and you'll be broke for at least 6 months while you figure out how to balance your budget like a big boy, live in you parents basement and, well, you're living in your parents basement...Probably commenting on message boards, and pirating copious amounts of porn. 

Video Game Situation - Playing Xbox (FIFA or COD) until 2 AM vs. Slowly phasing out Xbox all together. That's right, eventually you'll widdle yourself down to where I am, my Xbox has had the ring of death for 2 years now, don't even miss it anymore. It's sad, but I'm too busy doing things like buying gallons of milk, and balancing my checking account. Good god kill me now.

The Summer Situation - Kiss it goodbye. Summers working vs. Summers off is the definition of no contest. And having some crummy internship or summer job doesn't count, the difference between a summer job and a real job is literally the difference between training wheels and no training wheels. Once you take that job for real, things like showing up to work with a blinding hangover aren't laughed of because "he's just a college kid," anymore. You're instantly expected to transform your work/living habits to that of a 40 year old  who eats bran cereal for breakfast to keep himself regular. It's a lot of fun.

So good luck Seany, hope this little pep talk really got you excited about your changing life...