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| CW's Ultimate Tailgate Fantasy...Note the TV |
Yep, that's right a group of extreme terrorists from Spain (the Basque's) stole my grill this weekend. You'd think an international act of terror along those lines would be met with calls for war...you'd think. But as of yet no one from the State Department has called me to authorize any predator drone strikes or ask if I wanted to press charges against Spain or some shit.
The day started out innocent enough, even lucky if you will. Blatantly ran a stop sign right in front of a cop first thing in the morning and was given a warning due to the proximity of my birthday (more on that later this week). A fortuitous sign, I thought at the time (couldn't have been more wrong, USA got slaughtered, the Bruins choked, and the aforementioned terrorist strike happened).
We got to the parking lot, set up shop, shared a few beers and jokes with the guys next to us, made fun of Guatemalans and Mexicans for a while (serious question, why do Mexicans and Guatemalans root for Spain? Aren't they like snobs to Latin America? They use the Vosotros form for christsakes, you don't even share a language, grow a pair of nuts and stop grovelling to your former oppressors). Late in the day as we packed up our shit to head into the game I tucked my grill under my car as I've done dozens of times before. Thought nothing of it, there's a code amongst tailgaters, and it's pretty simple: "Don't steal shit that people leave outside their car." That's it, real easy to follow.
Well apparently not when there are Spanish terrorist groups present in the parking lot. Returned to my car late after the Bruins game only to find that someone had crawled under my car and stole the grill. SACRELIG! Mind you the thing is useless as I had the starter and propane hook up in the car, but that's aside the point. Some lawless group of terrorist motherfuckers broke the code. Is there no honor amongst tailgaters anymore?
The tailgate community is a harmonious, borderline utopian society, this kind of shit is not supposed to happen. Shit, right after making fun of some guys for presumably being Guatemalan we shared shots out of their camel pouches. That's the kind of society the tailgate is supposed to be about.
Or at least it was, until someone invited the Basque Separatists to come piss on our party and steal my goddamn grill.
