Friday, January 14, 2011

Sega Unveils Greatest Video Game of All Time; Controlled By Urine

Sega have launched a new bathroom video game console – that is controlled by the player’s urine. Sensors on the novel device – named the ‘Toylet’ - measure the speed and intensity of the male player's water flow at the urinal. The bizarre consoles – which each have four video mini-games – will be installed at four metro stations across Tokyo, Japan. A pressure sensor in the urinal measure the strength and the location of the urine stream as it hits the basin. An LCD screen displays the graphics and rewards the strength, length and accuracy of the pee through a points system.  One of the games challenges players to blast graffiti off the wall with a high-pressure flow. Another title calculates exactly how much urine the player has produced while ‘Milk from Nose’ puts the toilet user up against the previous person in a challenge to see who has the strongest flow.n ‘The North Wind and Her’ the player lifts up a woman’s skirt with high-pressure blasts in their role as the wind. The bizarre consoles have been launched in Japan and will be installed at the first four metro stations in the next few weeks. The games are designed to make restrooms more fun – and also to keep the user’s eye on the target. Proud players are able to download their high scores onto a flash drive.  No one was available at Sega for comment.

I can see the advertising in the states now: "Move over Golden Tee, It's Time for Golden Pee."

These Toylet babies are going to sell themselves in the states, its just the logical next step in men's bathroom entertainment.  First there were newspaper clippings hung above the urinals, then they started piping in radio and music, a few years back they started putting TV's in there, and finally we have a full on Piss-Powered gaming system, the Toylet.  Brings tears to a young mans eyes.  

They'll have to update some of the game titles for the Toylet though, Americans aren't going to go for the same kinky shit that the Jap's love.  I'm not sure creating hurricane force winds with piss to blow up some girls skirt is going to keep your average male bar-goer entertained.  My first move is to replace that with the some form of an R. Kelly Role Playing-Piss Game.  That'll ensure the Toylets popularity with perverts and pop culture fanatics alike.