Boston Globe Answers Tough Question: What's the Difference Between Red and Black Licorice?

Ask Dr. Knowledge - Real licorice, which is in black licorice candy, is made from the roots of the licorice plant, which can also be spelled liquorice. Red licorice isn’t really licorice at all, except in name. It’s just a red candy, which can be made with many different flavorings, including strawberry, cherry, raspberry, and cinnamon. Despite similarities in taste, licorice is not related to anise or fennel. American, Chinese, and European varieties of the licorice plant are all slightly different but have many similarities.

Yea, what he said, and also, Black licorice is fucking disgusting. Are you kidding me Dr. Knowledge? You take the time to research an extremely well thought and scientific answer and you miss the most obvious difference (aside from actual color)?  I don't care what it's made out of, I'll eat that red rope candy by the pound, I will not go near black licorice or black jelly beans to save my life. That's the real difference.

Side note: How is it that candy companies even still make black licorice? I mean how many people actually like this stuff? 1-100? 1-500? It's gross. I know 2 people that like it. 2! Out of everyone I know and have met. I just can't see how that's a profitable business to be in.

I Have Nothing to Contribute to Small Talk

Consider the most common question: "How's it going?"

I hate that question. It's the bane of my existance, and I'm guessing most of yours. Seriously, unless you've got a really fulfilling job saving lives or working on something really interesting, you've never had a good answer for that question (and since you're reading this blog, your job can't be important or interesting). I avoid that question like the plague, you either know me well enough to know how I'm doing or I don't talk to you. Plain and simple, you're not going to get to ask me that question unless you've got me cornered in some awkward social situation and I've got no-where to go.

Like, what are people expecting here? Some kind of open diatribe on how the last 2 weeks  to a month have gone for me? I got news for you, it's pretty boring and simple. I wake up, I blog, I go to work, I come home, maybe jog/probably watch tv, eat, go to bed. Occasionally there's a wildcard thrown in there, but even then it's something mundane like, got a hair cut or, changed a flat tire.  It's nothing life altering, I'll assure you of that. Believe me I'll knock on the door of every person I know if something life altering happens, you'll know.

My standard answers run down to:


"The Same" - Translation: "You see me fairly regularly, you know I've got nothing going on, what are you hassling me for?" A fairly quick way to snuff out that conversation. Let's face it, I've got nothing going on, and neither do you or you would have already volunteered it.

"You know, the usual, working for the weekends" - Translation: "I haven't seen you for a while and/or don't really know you and don't really feel like reconnecting or getting to know you, and if you follow up and ask me what my job is all about, I'll probably blatantly walk away from you." This is really reserved for old schoolmates, friends you've lost touch with, or acquaintances you were never really friends with anyway but they feel obligated to talk to you when you randomly bump into each other in line at the supermarket.


"I Have a Blog Now" - Translation: "I'm desperately trying to divert attention away from the fact that I've had basically the same basic job for 5 years now, just with a few different titles, it's boring as all hell and I really don't like explaining it to people because that means I actually have to think about my job while I'm not working." You know me, we probably haven't spoken in a while but I actually am interested in reconnecting, I'm just not willing to talk about my obscenely boring life.

That's it. Those are my answers. I literally have nothing else to contribute to small talk beyond those three answers. You want to talk about sports, beer, politics, random forms of technology, I'm all for it, you want to shoot the shit about nothing, that's what you'll get. 

Obama Really Needs to Step His Celebrity Game Up if He Wants to Get Re-Elected

Where did Cool Barry go? I want Cool Barry Back!

And I say this because I just spent the week on vacation in the Vineyard and the POTUS was only 3rd on my list of celebrities I was hoping to run into during the week…and that’s only of celebs I knew were there, he could have been further down the list for all I know. I suppose its partially not his fault, it’s hard to compete for the attention the same week Larry David and Morgan Freeman are patrolling around town, but still, CW 3 years ago would have been salivating at the chance to bump into Barry, now…not. I mean yea if I saw him I’d say hi, not like I’d snub him on the golf course or anything. I just wouldn’t be enthused.

But here's the thing, he absolutely needs that rock star status to get re-elected. Let's face it, he's not going to get re-elected based on his policy or presidency to date...I mean he's not horrible, he's just not been very good either. Basically he's like a C+ student, right in the meaty part of the curve, which is fine for high school students, awful for Commander in Chiefs (though decidedly better than his predecessor who was like the kid who was so slow he stayed back in the 3rd grade). 

Bottom line, no one's ever gotten elected when his voters would rather bump into the dude who'll probably play him in the movie about his presidency (Freeman) over the actual guy, that's a weak look that will not fly with the voters (of course this all may be moot if every Republican candidate continues to quote Bible scripture and praise Biblical storms, those wackadoos are not getting elected anyway).

2011: The Year Technology Was Discovered By Parents and Became Uncool

Most Definitely Not a Scene from the Next Apple Commercial

Observation from Vacation: Babyboomers are starting to use modern technology and it's funny and horrifying all at the same time.

Case in point, first half of my vaca was spent down in South Carolina with my fathers extended family at a beach house. It’s an annual trip, and a simple one at that, beach during the day, Boston pub four blocks away at night. You can’t really mess it up.

Unless your parents and aunts and uncles decided this was the year they’d turn the corner to hip and all get Ipads. I don’t know if its some kind of weird technology based mid-life crisis or what but there were laptops fired up, Bluetooth connections everwhere, crazy questions about Facebook and profile security, phrases like “do you do the twittering”, and “how do I load-down this”, and the always present Ipad.

Just a bizarre scene, at one point I watched as my uncle and mother each walked their Ipads down to the bar for some free wifi and proceeded to “facetime” each other, just to see how it works. I’d have been laughing my ass off if I wasn’t keenly aware that our table with the middle aged geeks of the weeks was the center of attention. I wish I filmed it, as an avowed apple hater nothing would have made all those apple hipsters feel less cool than seeing these two awkwardly try to interact via webcam while sitting a foot away from each other in a bar, but alas. The 2011 family vaca will forever be the vacation I remember as the year technology became uncool.

Now excuse me while I go call my telephone company about getting a landline installed over here…I need some excuse as to why I haven’t accepted my parents facebook request yet.

Check Out This Bro's Where's Waldo Tattoo

Daily Mail - One Where's Wally fan will always be able to find his favourite stripy-shirted children's character - after having him tattooed on his back. Music producer John Mosley , 22, sat patiently for 24 hours while tattooist Rytch Soddy created a scene featuring150 characters and Wally hiding among them. The artwork was created in s studio in Norwich and raised £2,000 for charity.

Bro, 2000 quid for that shit? I think you got ripped off. This was like the equivalent of the first page or two of Where's Waldo, the easy ones that kids can solve themselves, for 2,000 pounds you should get one of the real difficult ones that you had to run and get your dad to help out with.

Plus, a quick google search reveals several people with Waldo tattoos, but you know what you can't find? Anyone with a 3D Art Tattoo. Now there's a challenge, you think strangers rolling up to you looking for a red and white hipster is weird, just wait until you've got throngs of people surrounding you squinting their eyes trying to get a glimpse of a sailboat silhouette. That'll get awkward real quick.

Re-Post Re-Minder: The Alt-Tab on Off-Broadway Tonight! A Match Made in Heaven

 THE ALT-TAB IS GOING TO BROADWAY! (Well, off broadway, but I felt the caps locks and Broadway would be more attention grabbing).  Yep, that's right, we've finally made it, Lively Productions, will be putting on a show titled "Blogologues: I Need a Vocation" on August 29th at Under St. Marks theater in New York.  The show will feature the performances of several different blogs, obviously including our very own "Office Etiquette: Washing Your Hands at Work" post (reading it back I hope they correct my grammatical errors, I'm not one to waste a lot of time on spell checking). I'm certain they just stumbled upon us one day and were taken a-back by the enormous writing talent and story telling ability that is CW. Frankly, I'm shocked producers aren't lined up around the corner bidding for my creative genius services, but it's a down economy, I get it.

So anyway, if you're in the NY area this coming Monday check out the show, its playing at 7:30, and 9:00 PM, tickets are $15 and include a beer (so its not like you're getting ripped off like if you bought one of my t-shirts). Personally, you're crazy if you're in the tri-state area and miss this...a chance to see the ground floor for an aspiring and sure to be historic writer. How can you pass?

Obligatory Hurricane Irene Post

Video from Universal Hub

Yesterday was the Summer Olympics for our local newsanchors(Nor'Easters being the winter version), the A-team for Fox 25 getting the call from the bullpen on their usual day off and leading the team through roughly 16 hours of storm coverage, including, but not limited to: Boats improbably bobbing in the harbor, reporters losing their favorite hats (watch the vid, I shit you not), wind as demonstrated by dramatic shots of trees, and the always classic, reporter standing by flood walls, warning others not to stand by the flood walls.

The thing is, you'd think these people would be bummed out about a storm. You're outside working in miserable conditions for like 12 hours. Camera men just standing their getting drenched, reporters forced to ad-lib storm conditions that they really know nothing about, oh yea, and standing out in the freaking rain all day long, but there they are, loving every minute of it.  Kinda makes me wish I followed up and took weather 102 in college, maybe there's something to this weather thing. I mean I loved Weather 101, filled my science requirement, didn't take much thinking. Maybe that's the secret here. It's a mindless job. Watch a radar map, stand out in the rain or snow a few times a year and babble about the conditions. I think I missed the boat on this one.

Are Pre-Schoolers Desiging Celebrities VMA Outfits?

I...I don't know what to think here. I mean is Nicki Minaj the black Katy Perry or is this just the evolutionary (or de-evolutionary, is that a thing?) Lil' Kim look? Either way, hollywood musicians have completely lost their collective minds.  I mean aside from this, we had Katy Perry wearing a Greenbay Packer Cheesehead for a hat, The Biebs a cross between Elton John and Ellen Degeneres (trying to tell us something Justin?), and Lady Gaga looking like the Eurythmics crossed with the kid from A Bronx Tale.  Just absolute bizarro shit. Nothing stylish about it. It honestly looked like a few of them showed up at a local kindegarten class, gave the kids one of those sweet jumbo boxes of 64 Crayola Crayons (you were a boss as a 5 year old if you had the big pack, even if it weighed almost as much as you did) and told them to go nuts. 

Whatever happened to looking like a normal human being? Like how is it that Russell Brand was borderline the most normal looking person in the room? It's almost to the point where you'd be counter culture if you dressed in a classical, tasteful outfit. Everyone would be like "oh my, that's so bold, what a risk taker." Even though you'd be wearing the same American Eagle Polo and khakis I'm wearing to work today.

The Alt-Tab is Back Baby!

Not really sure what the explanation point was for, I literally couldn't be more depressed about having to start up this blog again.  Going back to my every day normal routine is absolutely going to kill me after going on a two week, responsibility free vaca. I legit had nightmares last night...but anyway, enough with my problems, I'm back and I'll deal with it.  We'll be easing back into the blog these first couple of days, don't want to over do it or pull a muscle getting back into the swing of things.

How was my vacation? Well thanks for asking! It was fantastic, aside from my two return trips home, which I'm fairly certain were karmic paybacks for all of the people I poke fun at. I took two seperate trips on vacation and I shit you not I may have had the worst two return trips home of all time.

It started last Friday with what should have been a short 3 hour flight home with an hour layover...not so fast my friend. 12 hours later I rolled into my apartment and hit the hay...at 4 AM!  The cabby from the airport had the audacity to ask me if my flight was planned for that time or if I hit delays.  Yea buddy, I enjoy hanging out by luggage carousels at 4 fucking AM with the incompetent and inefficient overnight crew of Logan Airport. Are you freaking kidding me? 4 AM! Worst part is, it didn't even have to be that late...I hit my change over in Baltimore and the gate attendant told me the plane was here, they were just waiting for pilots to fly it. Again, are you freaking kidding me?!?! How did the plane get there, get those pilots back, I don't care if they're exhausted, tell them to take a quick nap when we hit our cruising altitude, just get me the hell home.  Long story short, we took off at 2:05 AM, needless to say everyone on that plane was borderline ready to kill someone for the simplest perceived flight.  There was a baby crying and I had to be restrained from pressing the flight attendant button to see if I could have the baby kicked off. That's how on edge everyone was at that point. 

Fast forward a week to the end of vacation number two, this time on the Vineyard, and that miserable cock-tease Irene. First off, I'd like to say that the Steamship Authority that operates between the Cape and the Islands is without question the biggest steaming pile of beurocratic shit in the state of Massachusetts. Just incompetent tards running a public transportation authority. At one point while I was sitting on standby for 4 hours on Saturday I realized that anyone with a highschool GED and half a bit of common sense could run the whole operation.  I mean it, just degenerates who would otherwise belong in a mail room sorting interoffice memo's running the show. It was an absolute joke.  

Anyway, my ferry was originally scheduled for Sunday, which we knew most likely wasn't happening, only problem was the clueless employees of the Steamship Authority just wouldn't come out and say it. And forget about updating their website with information, sending out daily e-mails, or god forbid, answering their phones. Nope, I had to drive over to the goddamn central office every time I wanted information. I'd legit look at the lady with the most miserable face and ask if they were going to start updating their website, and she'd cheerily say yes...They didn't. I was back in that office 14 hours later for an update.  Not that it was a good update, I went to the office twice, got two different answers, someone in our house actually got through on the phone, he got a 3rd response, and their website hadn't been updated since mid-week.  That's right 4 different sources of information, and all I wanted to know is if my puddle jump of a ferry was going to be operating and if not when the fuck I could get off the island.  Well, finally the simple folks of the authority assured me if my ferry was cancelled Sunday I'd be re-booked on Monday or I could go sit on standby for hours on end Saturday.  Well considering the media was trumping up this storm like a Mark Whalberg/George Clooney type once a century storm I decided to the get the hell out of there. To me it made sense that they'd evacutate the island before the storm, but then again I have half a brain and am not operating a mass transportation group. 

So yea, vacation was fun, but I'm still stressed as hell...not to mention the multiple 1000's of emails I'll be presumably clearing out at work today.