What Would Really Happen If We Tried to Dig to China?

Long way to go kid.

If I Fell Through the Center of Earth, What Would Happen in the Center - Actually beyond addressing the fact that you'd be weightless, they never really answer the question that I've been pondering for as long as I could ponder: If you're digging a hole to China, would you come up feet first?


I know, this is a strange blog, and a strange thing to be curious about.  Like, obviously this isn't possible, you'd clearly have to pass through Hell, and from what I understand of him, I doubt the Devil would just let you pass through the other side.  So yes, it's an impractical question.  But still, let's put that aside and just ponder because I really want to get to the bottom of this once and for all, or top? I'm not sure.

I've honestly thought about this more times than I care to admit, and I've never been able to wrap my brain around it.  On the one hand you'd obviously think if you start digging your way to China, you're going to end up exiting feet first. Seems logical, but here is the issue.  If you're upside down coming out of the earth feet first, what is stopping  you from falling head first out the gigantic hole you just created? At some point after you pass through the center of the earth gravity has to pull you back the other way.  So what does that mean? Is it truly impossible (again Hell, Fire, Brimstone and the Devil aside)? Is the dream of every 5-10 year old digging in the sandbox just a sham along with the Easter Bunny, Santa, and Elvis? And finally, do Chinese people waste time contemplating ways to dig to New York, or is this exclusively a "white person" time waster?  I'm guessing its just a white person thing, they're probably too busy figuring out ways to get ahead in the world, playing clarinets and buying digital cameras.

By the way, has everyone been spreading the word about The Alt-Tab's hole digging contest?

Blogging is Dead? Seems Like A Good Time To Advertise For Help Wanted

Gigaom - Blogging is on the decline, according to a New York Times story published this weekend — citing research from the Pew Center’s Internet and American Life Project — and it is declining particularly among young people, who are using social networks such as Facebook instead...The NYT story notes that blogging among those aged 12 to 17 fell by half between 2006 and 2009 according to the Pew report, but among 18 to 33-year-olds it only dropped by two percentage points in 2010 from two years earlier — which isn’t exactly a huge decline. And among 34 to 45-year-olds, blogging activity rose by six percentage points. The story also admits that the Blogger platform, which is owned by Google, had fewer unique visitors in the U.S. in December than it had a year earlier (a 2-percent decline), but globally its traffic climbed by 9 percent to 323 million.


So what does this all mean? Pretty simple really, CW won the war.  Word got out once I entered the blogging scene and inferior bloggers have been packing up shop left and right, don't even want to bother competing for hits with The Alt-Tab.


And you know what else this means?  Less competition baby! BAM.  I've been sitting around trying to think of ways to drum up more interest around here the last couple of months and then this story just falls right in my lap.  Turns out I don't have to do squat, here I am busting my ass like 4 hours a day (allright like 3 of those are just me browsing the same sites I'd be browsing anyway, but it feels like work when you know you have to do it), while everyone else is just giving up. 


And as I assume they've factored Pennypacker and The Maestro into those figures, deadbeats.  The Maestro has a valid excuse, gambling columns are a bit easier to write during football season, he's going to contribute here and there for a few random occasions.  Pennypacker on the other hand, came in talking all that smack and then never followed up once.  What a pathetic loser. The mere fact that 50 Cent contributed more financial advice to this blog than he did should put him to shame. Thank god for the TV Doctor I guess.


With that said, I'd like to throw out the opportunity for others that may be intersted in becoming an Alt-Tab contributor.  Serious applicants only, I don't need any Pennypackers promising the world and then coming up with excuse after excuse for not blogging.  It takes like 15 minutes to write a decent blog, anyone interested should be willing to do so at least once a week.  The pay is non-existant, and your boss will be insufferable, but since all the other blogs are apparently shutting their doors, I'm pretty much the only option you got.  Feel free to e-mail me potential ideas you have for yourself or a sample blog you'd like me to run at TheAltTab@Gmail.com.

If A Girl at the Club is Eager for a 1 Night Stand, She's Probably Going to Rob You

AOL - It's becoming a familiar story: Boy meets girl. Boy brings girl home. Boy wakes up feeling dizzy and disoriented. And his apartment has been cleaned out.  At least three young men in Malmo in southern Sweden have reported being drugged and robbed after meeting a comely woman in a nightclub, according to TheLocal.se, a website publishing Swedish news in England..."An attractive girl came over and flirted with me. She was very forward. I just thought to myself that she found me attractive," Tim Ogren, 25, told the show, according to TheLocal.se...He said he brought the woman back to his apartment in an upscale neighborhood. She offered him a drink from a bottle of vodka she had in her purse. He accepted but soon felt ill and then blacked out. When he awoke several hours later, the woman was gone -- and so was his television, computer and other valuables.

So I guess a simple rule of thumb here to remember is that if you're a dude and a chic that appears out of your normal league starts laying it on heavy, she's going to rob you. Don't be fooled into thinking it's your lucky night.  Hot chics at bars fight off countless bro's who want nothing better than to rub their junk on the girls bum and buy her a drink.  If she's approaching you, she's got an ulteriour motive. From there you have to make the decision, do the valuables in my apartment outweight this smoking hot chic? 

If you have insurance the answer is quick and easy. Yes, yes going home with that smoking hot chic outweighs the valueables in  your apartment.  While you might not have a tv or computer for a couple weeks while you wait for the insurance check, you'll still be able to bask in the glow of "scoring up" to your friends.

Without insurance it becomes a little more difficult, several factors have to come into play.  How old is your stuff? If you were looking to upgrade soon this may be a way to slay two birds with one stone.  How long has it been? The longer its been the more acceptable letting yourself get robbed becomes.  Have you been on a string of fatties and uggo's? If the answer is yes then you definitely need to go through with this, if only to bring your cred back up with your circle of friends. No one wants to be known as the guy with the lowest standards.  Lower standards may equal a higher batting average, but really the psychological toll will catch up with you.

No matter what you decide, always remember to seal the deal before you let her drug you.  Make her work for your Ipad. Don't be a schmuck like poor Tim Ogren above, the guy definitely got liquored up and blacked out before the transaction was consumated.  That's the lose-lose situation that everyone should be striving to avoid. 

"I Won't Pay Movement" in Greece is a Genius Idea

ATHENS, Greece — They blockade highway toll booths to give drivers free passage. They cover subway ticket machines with plastic bags so commuters can't pay. Even doctors are joining in, preventing patients from paying fees at state hospitals. Some call it civil disobedience. Others a freeloading spirit. Either way, Greece's "I Won't Pay" movement has sparked heated debate in a nation reeling from a debt crisis that's forced the government to take drastic austerity measures — including higher taxes, wage and pension cuts, and price spikes in public services.

Say no more, I'm on board.  Who are we to argue with the Greeks on this one?  These are the people that founded political thought and philosophy, I'm fairly certain they're operating on a higher plane of existance than the rest of us. Playing chess while we're all playing checkers. Think about it, in other civilized countries people bitch and moan about taxes and fees but ultimately, except for a few law breakers, everyone ends up paying them.  Not in Greece. These guys form entire movements with awesome names dedicated to stiffing the man.  And it aint just your average crumb-bum scrub either, they've even got Doctors joining the fray so their patients don't have to pay the $5 co-pay. 

I wish some group of radical protesters would have had my back when I staged this movement myself a couple of weeks ago out on the Mass Turnpike.  CW inadvertently ended up in the Fastpass lane (whatever the hell its called) only to realize it too late to move over.  From there I just did what any sane person would do, gunned it as fast as I could, hoped the camera wouldn't catch my plate, and let out a string of profanities so vulgar that even the ragiest of road-ragers would have applauded.  

The camera caught my plate though. So now, instead of paying $1.25 to use a public road I'm paying a $50 for a simple mistake. Seems fair right? Never mind the fact that if I stayed on the pike until the absolute last exit my toll would have only been $7 or so.  But it's all good, I'll just pay my outrageous $50 ticket so Toll-Booth Willy, who's job requires less skill than the cashier position at Walgreens, can keep banking $18 an hour.  Gotta love turnpike corruption.

Minor League Hockey Coach Strips on Bench In Protest

The Puck Doctors  - An assistant coach for the CHL Colorado Eagles decided to protest a bad call by the ref by doing the most logical thing anyone could think of, stripping and tossing the articles of clothing onto the ice.

Hey Guy, if you're going to do it,  do it.  At least have the courage to follow through with what you started and give all these PuckSluts the show they came for.  Drop Trow or don't strip at all.

By the way, this is why I consider hockey a fringe sport at best.  This is the kinda shit you only see in fledgling sports, sideshows to keep the fans attention and keep their minds from wandering and realizing that the sport they're watching is just one big jumbled mess.

And spare me the minor league baseball comparisons.  At least when something funny happens in those games it ends up on Sportscenter.  This guy stripped and walked the backboard of the bench and the only place I've seen it is on some guys hockey blog. 

Chubby Asian Kid Lip Synching Puts Keenan Cahill To Shame (VID inside)

Chubby Asian Kid's Awesome Lipdub - Watch more Funny Videos

Boom, eat that Keenan Cahill.  Anyone can bob their head and pretend to know the lyrics to a few english songs, and get by on their devilish good looks, dredging up a few million hits with celebrity background appearances mixed in.

This kids got you beat for days.  Bare chested, full bodied dance moves, while lip synching some gibberish foreign song to the T? That takes real talent.  And the kid broke a viral hit without having to drop David Guetta or 50 Cent in the background of his video. 

As best I can tell that's just his little brother eating his lunch back there, initially uninterested as shit just enjoying his Chinese Bok Choi, until about the halfway point when he catches the spirit and becomes a side show of his own.  Mark my words, these kids will own the Web Cam Lip Synch industry within a month.

PS: Is that wicker thing off the left of the screen a human birds nest?

Stop Boating off the Coast of Somalia

Next time just drop Anchor on their Dinghy

LA Weekly - Jean and Scott Adam, two outdoorsy Orange County missionaries who belong to Saint Monica Catholic Church in Santa Monica and the Del Rey Yacht Club in Marina Del Rey, decided in 2001 to take the Holy Word to the open seas, sailing to foreign lands on their custom-built "S/V Quest" and handing out Bibles to the natives. But on February 18, their mission took a turn into darkness. An adventurous detour through the Indian Ocean led the SoCal couple (and their passengers, Seattle couple Phyllis Macay and Bob Riggle) straight into skull-and-crossbones territory:  Update: Jean and Scott Adam were fatally shot on their boat by pirates, authorities said today -- even as U.S. Navy ships trailed the vessel. Two pirates were then killed and 13 were captured, according to reports. Phyllis Macay and Bob Riggle, fellow voyagers from Seattle, were also killed.

To the Navy, what hell man? What good does "trailing the vessell" do? These guys have them at gun point.  We don't have any sharp shooters or Navy SEALS that can just go and take back the frigen boat? All the technology in the world and all we can do is trail the boats from a safe distance.  That is insane.  These people were going to end up dead anyway, how about sending a message to the next pirate ship and just blowing it up as soon as it crosses international waters? Who's going to slap us on the wrist for that? These guys are lawless animals just raping and pillaging harmless millionaires at will, I don't think anyone's going to care if you blow up 2 or 3 pirates that used to be the Fly-babies you'd see on the Catholic Charities commercials. 

I mean look at that picture above, we're not exactly dealing with international criminal masterminds, its a couple of morons in a motor powered dinghy.  Look at the weapons, they got one rocket launcher and a fucking stick.  That's what they're hi-jacking mofo's with, one grenade and a stick, unless that's a magical Staff from the Lord of the Rings, I'd think your average Navy Cruiser could take them.

And note to rich people, stop boating off the coast of Somalia, in fact just stay away from East Africa altogether.  I know this is a bit tasteless given how fresh this story is, but what the hell is the matter with people.  Why are ships still navigating these waters?

That article above goes on to detail that as many as 685 sailors on 30 ships are currently being held hostage off the coast of Somalia.  Doesn't take a genius to realize that this might be an area to avoid. The earth is something like 75% water guys, you can sail anywhere you want except about a 1000 sq mile radius off East Africa and the middle east. Most sane people thank god every day that they aren't within 1,000 miles of that hell hole of an area.   Go be like normal rich people and float around in the Mediterranean for a while, or the South Pacific near Tahiti.  

Don't get me wrong, what happened to the Adam's is a horrible thing and in no way are they to blame for the actions of a few swashbucklers, but at the same time this was completely avoidable.  For starters, how about not Bible Thumping in the heart of Jihadist land. Seems like it would increase your safety 10 fold on its own.

But I'm sure we'll be hearing about the next couple who thinks they're Richard Branson in a month or so, lets just hope they have something on board they can fend off a vicious stick attack with.

Girl Scout Cookies Leading to Assaults All Over the Place

Same face CW has when he runs out of Carmel Delights

Fight Over Girl Scout Cookies Leads to Woman in Jail - First of all, everyone has to click this link. The story reads like one of those epic fights between Peter Griffin and the Chicken, just all out mayhem spilling from the bedroom, down stairs, and then outside, with various props used in the beating along the way, so lets take a second to appreciate a few of the highlights I've clipped together:

The brawl began when the 31-year-old cookie monster confronted her sleeping roommate and accused her of eating the box of treats, police said. The roommate told Howard she'd given the cookies to Howard's kids, who were awake and hungry around 1 a.m...According to a police report, Howard grabbed a pair of scissors and threatened the woman. When the woman started to run down some stairs, Howard allegedly dropped the scissors, picked up a board and hit the woman as she ran down the stairs...Howard caught up to the woman again and knocked her to the ground and started to hit her. When the roommate managed to get outside the house, Howard grabbed a sign and started hitting her again, police said.

Allright, moving on. The blame for this has to fall squarely with the Girl Scouts for running the absolute worst business model in the world.  You have a product that customers froth at the mouth over, and are literally willing to go to jail for assault with a deadly weapon over, yet you don't think it would be a good idea to sell these cookies year round? Like why hold out? 2 months of the year is not enough.  I want my mom to offer to buy me cookies every time I go home, not just January-March. WTF girls?

If you think this was just some isolated case of a crazy, you couldn't be more wrong.  Just this past weekend I was home to pick up my yearly supply of cookies and my brother and I nearly came to blows because my mother wasn't home and we didn't know how many boxes of each we were supposed to get (long story short I got screwed out of 4 boxes, and I'll get my revenge in the next couple of weeks). 

Beyond that, still the funniest altercation I've ever seen at work arose over a box of thin mints.  Two chics, each who had purchased a box of thin mints from a third co-worker nearly came to fisticuffs over the cookies when both girls began claiming that they both were eating from eachothers boxes.  Things got so heated right out in the open on the floor that the guy who would get fired like two weeks later for taking illegal perscription drugs and running a gambling ring at work was the voice of reason in trying to calm these two banshees down (we all figured they both went to town on their own box of cookies and were too ashamed to admit they housed an entire box each so they blamed eachother, seems reasonable enough). 

So moral of the story, someone needs to talk the Girl Scouts into selling these things year round, if only to keep a certain level of decency in our society.

MBTA gives $650 Bill to Girl Who Lost Snake on Subway

I'd rather find a snake on the subway than this woman spaying shrapnel.

BOSTON - It is a hefty cleaning bill for a Massachusetts woman whose 3-foot long boa constrictor slithered away from her on a Red Line subway car in Boston and hid in the car for nearly a month. Transit officials want 30-year-old Melissa Moorhouse of Allston to pay $650 to cover the costs of disinfecting and sanitizing the train to protect passengers from germs such as salmonella that may have been left by the Penelope the snake.


Who is the MBTA kidding here, anyone who's ever been on the subway is aware that $650 is probably the equivalent of their entire cleaning budget for the year.  I'm not siding with this girl, I still think anyone that needs the comfort of their pet snake with them when they're traveling on the subway  needs a mental eval, but $650 to clean up after a snake is an absolute joke.

On any given day 1 out of 5 subway cars in Boston smells like piss. You know why? Because someone pissed in them.  There are old food wrappers, half drank cups of soda and alcohol, countless newspapers, bums taking naps, junkies taking rides just to stay warm, and old Asian ladies carting around live produce from what I can tell.  You want to talk about Salmonella? Lets talk about the people who smell like they just got off their shift at the hen slaughtering house. 

And to top off the hypocrisy, dogs are allowed on the subway.  I have no problem with this, but it seems like an asshole move to charge one lady for cleanup of a pet snake and to just turn a blind eye towards the dog that earlier that day probably ate his own shit and is now just chumming it up in the seat, licking its surroundings.  That's gotta be a health violation.