Best of the Blogs

Spongebob Definitely Having a Good Valentines Day - Pimp's in all walks of life I guess.

5 Amazing Things Invented by Donald Duck - These frigen ducks have had the jump on all of us for years. Just pure renaissance fowls.

Biggest Internet Traffic Scammer Out There Is...? - Nope, it's not a porn site, which is hard to believe on its own.  Even harder to believe? It's retail giant JC Penney. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to run over to the mall and see if I can convince the day shift floor manager to throw some traffic my way.

Top 5 Worst Game Endings on NES -  I know it's not on NES but how can any video game top the original Simpsons arcade game for worst ending. I've never been so dissapointed in my life, wasting a couple hours of my life at the roller rink, feet killing because I've been rocking a video game in my roller blades the entire time.  Total let down.

Dog Destroys Annoying Girl on Sled - This one's to my brother. Same shit happened when we were kids, two weeks later we had to give the dog away.  I've never been sure how that was fair, kid got his nose bitten when he was like 3 years old, cant even remember it.  Mean while I'm scarred for life because my dog got taken away. Yes I hold grudges.

The Old Marriage Proposal on the Side of a Bus

Boston Globe - Laura Kalamets looked out a Canton restaurant window during a Valentine's Day lunch with her boyfriend and saw a public bus with an ad on its side that read: "Laura, Will You Marry Me?" It was signed "Mark" and included in smaller letters the words "and make me the happiest man in the world."

Kalamets says she thought she'd have a heart attack. Mark Rose paid the transit agency $300 for the special ad and arranged for the bus to be parked in the right spot around noon on Monday.


Son of a bitch stole my move, back to the drawing board I guess.

Just a timeless, classy proposal few woman (or at least woman of Ohio) can resist. Ranks right up there with jumbotron proposals, 7th inning stretch proposals, co-ed cellmate proposals, and the always popular, "oh shit you're pregnant" proposal in the history books. Just shy of the "so what if we're cousins, when you know, you know" proposal.

PS: Anyone else get the feeling that the $300 dollars for the add space was more than double the cost of the ring he got her?

New Study: Woman Are Lightweights When it Comes to Alcohol (vid inside)

You’re watching Sleep it Off - 'Morning Express'. See the Web's top videos on AOL Video

AOL Video - A study finds that women who drink have a harder time sleeping well, while men stay the same.

Wow, riveting, impfactful stuff right there. What blatantly obvious report is next? Woman are worse at driving than men?

I guess some good does come of this, scrubby men (in the TLC sense of the word)  unwilling to buy their ladies a drink now have a confirmed scientific reason why they shouldn't pony up the 8 bucks to get her a goose and juice. 

This is how People Used to Fly?

Guessing these passengers didn't get felt up at the security gate either.

Gadling - Flying nowadays means being packed together in seats with barely enough legroom to stretch - but it wasn't always like that. Back in the early days of aviation, flying meant putting on your good suit, and enjoying fine dining in a luxurious lounge before spending the night in your private sleeping accomodations.

Sure, the trip took considerably longer than it does nowadays, but with this kind of luxury, there was no real desire to get anywhere quick.

The photo you see above is from the dining room of the Boeing 314 Clipper, which flew up to 74 passengers from the U.S. to Hawaii and China "in a matter of days". The plane flew during the 1930's and 40's before being replaced by even larger planes.

After dinner, guests could enjoy board games in the main lounge, or retreat to their private cabin. The pinnacle of luxury was in the rear of the aircraft, where you'd find the De Luxe Honeymoon compartment.

Yea safe to say things have changed.  These days you pony up $350-400 for a two hour round trip flight, and from the moment you step in the airport to the moment you exit the terminal at your destination you're treated to the Con-Air personal experience.Harrassed at the counter as some over-stressed minimum wage clerk checks 8 different forms of ID, weighs all your bags and gives you the evil eye if you god forbid have a question to ask.  Next up is the security terminal, where you have a choice of having some tasteful pornographic pictures of yourself taken, or you get the kid fresh of his Panda Express lunch break getting a cheap thrill massaging around on your junk (oh and all the while, you're standing there with your shoes off with about 100 other strangers and their gross feet just hanging out in the open, fucking gross).  On the plane you have government assigned seats that are comfortable to precisely no one, food options if you're hungry include 6 oz.' of liquid and a bag of pretzels, I'm fairly certain prisoners actually get better food options than that.

Airlines are always complaining about going broke, how about not treating your customers like shitty criminal convicts.  Honestly, the Fungwha Bus has a better business model than most airlines these days. 

At the very, very least, ditch the assigned seats, what the hell is the point unless you're buying first class? If I've got my shit together and am ready to board the plane in a timely manner then I want one of those first row seats. Yes it is a big deal, because if I don't get that first row, now I'm stuck when we land behind 83 tards who can't figure out how to single file off the plane in under 10 minutes.  I'm not quite sure why, but for some reason human stupidity puts on its greatest display of ineptitude and clueless-ness when trying to exit a plane.  And it's not just the passengers, hey guys how about an exit back here for those of us 70 rows back? Again something that Asian deathtrap bus lines figured out a while ago.

Fix it guys, I'm not asking for that much.  I'm not looking for my flight to look like something straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting like the picture above (though that would be sweet and should be the goal).  I'm just looking for my travel experience to not leave me feeling like a second class citizen. I'm just looking for the same level of freedom  the old Asian lady at the back of the bus from New York to Boston with the live caged chicken on her lap has.

TV Doctor Toss-Up: It’s a White Couples Showdown

Dr. Jack has seen two shows premiere over the past month that struck me as very similar. NBC’s “Perfect Couples” and Fox’s “Traffic Light” are essentially about the same thing: white people in relationships. Now of course there are differences.  “TL” is more of a show skewed from the male perspective, and the couples in “PC” are all married or engaged. But for the most part the shows seem pretty similar. So that leaves the question for you, the Dr.’s TV patient masses, of which one to watch. Let’s take it to a showdown!

ROUND 1: CAST LOOKS

If you’re like me, you like watching attractive people. Whether it is porn, sitcoms or only getting my news from Anderson Cooper, I like to watch the beautiful. The cast of “TL” is severely lacking in this category. Sure, the women are probably “work hot” but neither is “TV hot”. Two of the women on “PC” are nothing special either, but Olivia Munn is straight up where it's at. She’s in a special class of hot. Like if all the actresses in Hollywood were put on a college campus, she’d be in the “hot sorority” and hopefully for our sake, it would also be the “slutty sorority”.

And I’m not being sexist, the men of “TL” aren’t cutting it for me either. The main character is just offputting to look at, and the other two are Roy from "The Office" and the sketchy British guy in “Love Actually” who goes to Wisconsin and scores with Elisha Cuthbert and January Jones. A few episodes ago on “PC”, there was a sequence of all the guys with their shirts off and let’s just say Dr. Jack’s Nurse wasn’t complaining.

ROUND 2: STORYLINES

There have only been two episodes that have aired of “TL” so far, but both have been kind of all about deceiving your wife/girlfriend. I get that the show is more geared towards men, and I also understand gentle lying to a significant other is an age old sitcom go to device. However, these guys just spend all of their time coming up with misleading stories for their ladies, and they’re not even clever.

“PC” has at least been able to mix in plots about the characters dealing with getting older. They’ve also examined, and done it in funnier ways than “TL” does anything, more serious issues like money squabbles. It’s just a more developed show in terms of different topics that are covered.

ROUND 3: ROLE of the FEMALE CAST

The two chicks on “TL” virtually do jack shit. I’m sorry to be crass when discussing ladies, but dammit have some self respect. There’s a bulldog and the show too, and I kid you not, he’s just as integral as these two women. They do virtually nothing except pretty much be part of the scenery for the guys on the show to interact with.

The women of “PC” however, actually are given funny things to do. Especially our girl Olivia, whose performance in the episode with the man cave was one of the best moments of the show so far. The Waitress from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” plays another one of the female characters and is enjoyable as well. Her character is kind of crazy, she is a woman after all, but it’s the entertaining kind of crazy that makes you laugh and glad she’s not your girlfriend.

Well if you haven’t figured it out by now, I can’t stand “TL” and only watched it because CW told me I had to. I am rewarding all three rounds to “Perfect Couples” as this was a KO before the gloves even went on! The Dr. Jack recommendation of which to watch goes to “Perfect Couples” on NBC, Thursdays at 8:30pm. Sadly, neither show is doing well in the ratings and look to both be heading towards cancellation, so you might want to hurry.

-Dr. Jack Shephard

I Want to Party With Russian Customs Officers (music video inside)

MOSCOW — Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin Wednesday criticized a group of customs officers for a YouTube video celebrating the lavish lifestyle they say comes with their government jobs.

The mock rap video made in the Pacific port city of Vladivostok shows customs officials in sunglasses driving a Rolls Royce and drinking champagne surrounded by scantily clad women...No disciplinary action has been taken to date against the officers who posted the video, but Putin, Russia's paramount leader, condemned the bling-filled video's tongue-in-cheek look at corruption..."I like to joke and laugh a little myself, but this kind of creativity should be saved for a talent show," said Putin, who has hinted he may run for president in 2012...The average monthly salary for customs officials — $1,000 — is also the size of the average bribe in Russia, according to a recent report in financial daily Vedomosti...Russians lament corruption and bribe-taking by government officials to carry out standard procedures and the customs service is perceived as a major offender.

Didn't understand a word, but I know it was awesome. Something tells me if our TSA and customs people were allowed to accept bribes everyone would be a whole lot happier. And Putin can cut the shit with his lip service punishment to these guys.  He know's this video was the bomb, he's just upset he wasn't invited for a cameo role. You don't put out the best music video of all time in Russia without at least throwing Putin in a background shot somewhere.  

 The slow motion scene from like 4:05 on made the video for me but really the whole thing start to finish was better than any video I've seen on MTV since 1998.  American hip-hop artists should just be hanging their heads in shame here.  Stamp-Sluts (chicks that get off on the authority of a man in control of a rubber stamp), bottles of alcohol, jewelry and cars, that was your territory at one point.  Look at the class these guys exude, not one asshole in a baggy t-shirt or a wife beater.  Straight high fashion apparel all around.  Better pick your game up Young Money or the Rap VMA of the year is going home to Mother Russia this year.

PS, am I the only one who kinda likes the Russian payment system? Seems perfectly fair to me.  Low base salary and unlimited bribes based on performance.  It's about as pure a form of capitalism as I've ever heard of.  Shitty ass workers with no power aren't going to get the bribes and that's the way it should be. Pay for performance at it's purest forms.  The Russians might actually be on to something here. 

$50,000 Puck Shot Overturned Due to Line Violation

So I guess the deal here if you followed the captions is the old timer was supposed to be behind the red line for the shot, but clearly was well past the line when he took the shot.  As a result the insurance company voided the shot and isn't paying the prize. End of story, fair enough, right?

Wrong.  People were apparently in uproar, hunting for scapegoats, blaming wrong insurance companies for finding loop holes to get out paying the 50K prize and causing all out mayhem to the point that the teams owners ponied up the 50g's.

Loop holes? Are you people shitting me? The guy was over the line by feet, not inches. In fact he started over the line, he was so far over that in no point in time was the guy behind the line.  We're not talking about some cheap-o foot foul here.  And even if we were, in the words of Walter Sobchak in The Big Lebowski,  "Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules."

People understand rules right? Without rules society ceases to exist. Let this guy cheat his way to 50k and all of a sudden you've got an entire nation of ass bags looking for handouts (and we're close enough to that state as it is right now).  If the old geezer wanted a shot at that 50k he should have adhered to the rules, but we can't just go giving out cash because he's old, senile, and pledged the money to some needy charity.

Luck maybe a lady but sometimes she's a bitch, deal with it.  If the fans want a scape goat blame Old Man Rivers for cheating you out of a truly magical experience. 

And for your viewing pleasure:

"Over the line!!!" - watch more funny videos

Jeff Jacoby Supports Public Smoking in Boston

Yea, this is what I want to see around park benches

Boston Globe - Many cities now prohibit smoking in outdoor parks, beaches, or public squares, so there is nothing surprising or original about a proposal to impose a similar ban in Boston.“We want these public places to be smoke-free so that everyone can enjoy...
It’s an asinine proposal. Anyone who is sensitive to secondhand smoke can easily avoid it outdoors. Moving to another park bench or stretch of beach to get away from a cigarette may be annoying, but it isn’t the purpose of law — or the City Council’s job — to protect us from every conceivable annoyance. If the councilors were proposing to ban noisy children or trashy dress from public parks, who would take them seriously? But come up with another way to crack down on smoking, and virtually no restriction is beyond the pale. Why?...
What explains this? No other personal habit is demonized as incessantly or banned as avidly as smoking. Americans who like to drink aren’t stigmatized in this way; why are those who like to smoke? Many of the same people who support every proposal to restrict tobacco would roll their eyes at anyone who called for reinstating the prohibition of alcohol. Why the difference? Alcohol has wrecked more marriages, caused more accidents, and fueled more crime than smoking ever has. Cigarettes may make you ill, but they won’t ruin your character or debauch your lifestyle.


Wow, Jeff Jacoby comes off as quite the asshole huh?  I'm shocked and appalled that the Boston Globe would run such an ill-thought out piece. What an absolute piece of garbage, published by one of the premier print newspapers in the country.

Really Jeff? You're ok with hanging out at a public park with your kids while some asshole doesn't have the common courtesy to not light up while on the same bench as you? Seems like common sense that the person causing pollution and ilness should be the one that makes concessions.  Why the hell should I have to uproot or avoid certain public areas all together so that a disgusting group of individuals can have a place to inhale burnt paper, tar, and leaves?

And by the way, the city does have noise ordinances and other behavioral rules for conducting one's self in public, even public indecency laws that deal with how we dress. There are also laws on the books that prevent drinking in public. So yes, laws preventing smoking in certain public arenas seems perfrectly reasonable, and I would assume anyone capable of rational thought would think so as well.
And all of this is without even touching upon the litter cigarette smokers leave behind.  

Oh, and by the way Jeff, I'm not sure if you can produce statistics backing up the "alcohol wrecking marriages etc...," but there are plenty of statistics readily available showing just how deadly first and second hand smoke can be. 

If you were just attempting to stir the pot, then mission accomplished, but its a sad statement that the Boston Globe would allow such a juvenile piece to be published. I mean if this is their example of a newsworthy Op-Ed piece, I don't see what's stopping half the opinions I toss out from being published.

My Worst Nightmare, Lady Drops Dead In Her Cube, No One Notices

DOWNEY (KTLA) -- An L.A. County employee apparently died while working in her cubicle on Friday, but no one noticed for quite some time.  51-year-old Rebecca Wells was found by a security guard on Saturday afternoon.  She was slumped over on her desk in the L.A. County Department of Internal Services.  The last time a co-worker saw her alive was Friday morning around 9:00 a.m., according to Downy police detectives.

This is what I keep telling everyone, life on the cube farm is serious. It's life and death in here every single day. One day you're checking in Friday morning, dreams of the weekend ahead of you, the next you're found dead by the illegal cleaning crew without anyone even noticing.  And obviously the office didn't even skip a beat, didn't notice she wasn't at lunch for god sakes. What kind of animals do we work with that don't even check to see if you want to come to lunch with them. It's a hard life being a desk donkey, for real.

And the hell if her boss was going to notice. Probably just figured she was swamped when she never checked in throughout the day and passed on her work to the next interchangeable pawn.  No sweat off his back, and nor should their be. He paid his dues at one time or another, made his way through the cutthroat cubicle wars all the way to an office with no windows. The hell if he's going to look back and take sympathy on any pathetic underlings when no one took an interest in him coming up. 

So let this serve in a lesson to all of you who think I'm joking when I talk about how much working every day in a corporate cube sucks.  Don't let Rebecca die in vain, for you college seniors, think of her every time you're tempted to just take that boring desk job "until you find out what you really want to do." You'll regret it when you end up dead, facedown on your keyboard as some Spanish lady tries to dust around your body.