Tired of Holiday Car Commercials

So tired of these "Buy your spouse or significant other a luxury vehicle this holiday season" commercials.  Every frigen year, how do these ridiculous gift wrapped cars manage to live on each Christmas, yet a classic like the Salad Shooter hasn't been seen in years? Its just not right, because I can guarantee more Salad Shooters get sold during the Thanksgiving-Christmas shopping marathon than cars as Christmas presents, that's just unrealistic.  Give us a break will ya? Guys have a hard enough time measuring up to the expectations of woman without advertising execs promising them a $60,000 car, damn.  

PS: What is funny though, is companies like Hyundai getting in on the Christmas spirit.  Could there be a worse gift?  Your wife walks out blindfolded to find a compact economy car for Christmas, and looks next door to see Mrs. Jones' ribbon wrapped BMW?   The ink on the divorce papers would be dry by New Years Eve, because the odds are the only schmucks buying their women cars for Christmas are doing it as a last ditch effort to save the marriage, or because they're dating a gold digger wayyy younger than they are, either way a Hyundai aint cutting it..  Here's a hint Hyundai, if I'm going to do something ridiculous like sign up for a 5 year payment plan for a Christmas gift, I'm not springing for the practical car with good gas mileage.

Password Day At Work

Password day, the antithesis of pay day at work.  Just a miserable day of trying to synchronize all 83 or so of your log-on's you've accumulated on one single day per month (or in my case every 45 days, which makes no sense).  Perils abound at every turn.  

What if you forgot to change one of your passwords the previous month? That access is probably now locked, big decision to make there.  Do you call the help desk (India) and wait an hour to have your account unlocked? Or do you decide to go on with out it, you obviously didn't need it for the last month, maybe you won't this month either?

Then there is always that one access point that changed their security parameters on you to something ridiculous like "need two upper case, one lower case, three symbols, and a six digit number."  This always throws me off, especially when this happens after you've already changed a couple of passwords.  Now I've got to go back and change all of those again to match this phrase that I have no chance of remembering and will undoubtedly tack onto my cube wall, thus defeating the purpose.

Password day also leads to more lockouts than any other day.  Once I change my desktop's password for the day I'm guaranteed to lock myself out a minimum 2.6 times.  No one remembers on the first day.  I'll sit there punching in my old password a couple times then it'll dawn on me that I changed it, except I had to change it to some overly complicated Morse code like sequence and I miss type it on the third frigen time.  

Now I'm stuck calling India again, answering things like "what street did I grow up on" and "who was your childhood best friend."  Who came up with these standard security questions a pedophile?  Why not "do you like candy little boy?" or "do you want a ride in my windowless van"?  Before you know it I've wasted an entire day on the phone with Mumbai and haven't gotten to type one blog, never mind do my real work.  Exhausting. 

Color Terror Alerts Going Away?

WASHINGTON -- The Homeland Security Department is proposing to discontinue the color-coded terror alert system that became a symbol of the country's post-9/11 jitters and the butt of late-night talk show jokes. The 8-year-old system, with its rainbow of five colors -- from green, signifying a low threat, to red, meaning severe -- became a fixture in airports, government buildings and on newscasts.

Finally. We've been stuck at yellow for like a decade, yet every time I step in an airport they sound an alert letting us know the status and to be on the look out.  And every time there is that one jittery flier who starts freaking out in the terminal because they don't realize we've been living at threat level yellow basically since September 12th.  Causes more havoc and concern than anything.  

How about a new system, no colors, because really, unless you're trying to appeal to kindergarten teachers and their pupils there was never a need to color code this thing, just tell us the level and we're good.  And we can skip the basement level "low threat." I'm pretty sure we won't be needing that any time soon, with two wars on going and one about to break out.  Just three levels, A) Be on alert, B) Shit might be going down, C)GTFUG (Get The Fuck Underground).  Simple, to the point, no one will ever be confused.  Just another case of The Alt-Tab solving our countries problems. 

Antoine Walker Is Back!

Boston.com - Former Celtics All-Star Antoine Walker will attempt a comeback with the D-League's Idaho Stampede, sources close to the situation told ESPN's Marc Stein. All that stands in the way of the 34-year-old Walker's comeback is a routine background check all D-Leaguers are subject to.  Walker's background, of course, is littered with personal and financial trouble. The Globe's Shira Springer reported last year that Walker has squandered most of his $110 million-plus in career earnings and has been pursued by creditors. Walker was arrested on criminal charges in July 2009 in a case involving an $822,500 gambling debt.  According to the ESPN report, Walker showed up before the start of Bobcats training camp this season in the hopes of pursuing Michael Jordan to give him a shot with the team, but Walker couldn't convince Jordan -- his close friend -- to sign him. Last year, Walker lasted only eight games in the Puerto Rican league with the Guaynabo Mets, averaging 12.4 points and 8.6 rebounds. Walker is reportedly in better shape now, but he hasn't played in the NBA since the 2007-2008 season.  Scott Schroeder of AOL FanHouse first reported Walker's intention to sign with the D-League. The maximum salary for a player in the league is $25,500. The Stampede are affiliated with the NBA's Denver Nuggets and Portland Trailblazers.

Best news of the day, nay the year.  I loved Antoine growing up, still ranks as my favorite Celtic.  Let that sink in for a second.

Yes 'Toine basically represented everything that sucked about the NBA from the early-mid nineties to 2002ish.  No defense, submarined close games with poor 3 point shooting, got about 65% out of his talent because he didn't need to play for a living after the outrageous contracts he was given, somehow blew well over $100 million on a size-able posse, and was always willing to celebrate a highlight even if the team was down 15 and losing for its 5th straight night.  But I loved him, he was the fans player and that's all that mattered. 

You only get a few sports heroes growing up, the window is brief (have to be old enough to know whats going on but young enough not to understand the business side of sports), my list included Antoine, Nomar, Pedro, and Curtis Martin (even if his stay was way too short).  That's really it.  Those were my idols during the 10 years old-15 year old stretch. 

I wasn't quite old enough to really enjoy Bird or any of the other greats of the 80's, they're more legends to me than anything, passed on to me by my Dad and gushing Boston sports writers.  And while I love that the current crop of Celts has made the Celts relevant again I'm a bit past the age where you can idolize players.  If I was a 12 year old I'm sure I'd love Rondo, but once you hit your 20's you're a bit to jaded to love a player. One too many contract negotiations gone bad, you come to realize that you're rooting for laundry and that's it. 

Really my two Celtics choices growing up where Toine or Pierce.  And I hated Paul Pierce up until the first day of the 2007 season, and I won't apologize for it.  It's frowned upon for sports media to talk about it now, but Toine was "the Celtic" from all those horrible teams. Toine was definitely the guy that won the building over during the few good times of the mid 90's-early 00's.  He'd shimmy, smile, and relish the good games.  Pierce seemed to have a constant scowl and his game consisted of nothing more than running into the lane, throwing his hands up and hoping to be bailed out.  Countless isolation plays from the top of the key wore me down and turned me against him.  I'm not sure if I was wrong all along about him, or if winning just finally changed him, but he has changed and for that I'm glad.  He's still fairly ugly to watch but at least for the last few years I've known that he gives a shit, but he'll always be behind Antoine Walker to me.

PS: What kind of background check could the NBA or its affiliates possibly be running? Have you seen some of the people in this league?  You're telling me some of the Euros aren't human traffickers? 

Working from Home Today

So the CW (no thats not me, I wouldn't be caught dead with a mustache, and my hair is much better looking, the rest is pretty accurate though) decided to take his talents home today around lunch time and work the rest of the day from the couch.  Being that I've never done this before (seems impossible but I was always too lazy to get the access set up, which when I explain it that way doesn't seem so impossible), I had no idea what to expect.  Early review? AWESOME.

I have two laptops going, sportscenter on  a 50 inch HiDef TV, and all the Turkey Day leftovers you can imagine for lunch.  Hard as it is to believe I think I actually did more real work today than I did all of last week.  I sort of felt motivated to prove that I could (that and I love technology, so the idea of trying out all the work related functions that I usually ignore really appealed to me).  I'm sure that feeling would eventually go away.

I can definitely understand why people that work at home set up offices with desks and shit.  I've almost taken a nap 3 times in the last two hours.  With Sportscenter on and my laptop open it feels distinctly like a Sunday watching football over here (except work e-mail subbed for my fantasy football page).  I think I'd need a pet if I did this full time too.  Its driving me crazy not being able to talk to anyone.  I could easily become a crazy cat-person if I worked from home.  I haven't spoken in 3 hours.  I've gone to speak several times but realized it would be pointless.  Its at the point now where I'm holding back from talking to myself just to see how long I can go without hearing my own voice. 

Has anyone else worked at home before? Any advice on working through the boredom?

Is Wikipedia Broke?

Wikipedia is literally begging its users for money these days (no really, look). Web sites can do that? Just ask people to make a donation?  If I put up a paypal request for cash would you guys even give me a nickel? It can't be that easy.  I think at this point the 'Tabs (thats us for short) is more likely to be paying people to visit the site than the other way around.


 So can the people who own wikipedia really be that terrible as businessmen, it is the 5th most popular site on the entire internet.  If these guys can't spin a profit how can an underdog like The Alt-Tab survive (we probably can't be we're riding this out for all its worth)?  No, clearly that can't be it.  I know they stubbornly don't use advertising (why not? just have some of your more popular searched items sponsored) but they must have some venture capitalists contributing something. 


I have a feeling they're just crying poor like the guy who pan handles and then drives home in his Mercedes at the end of the night, just bullshit (though I will be saddened if they go under, thats like 1/3 of my daily browsing). 

Weekend Musings

A quick insight into the musings of the curious mind of CW:

 Has anyone actually been a snake oil salesman? - I'd never understood this phrase.  I got that it was a term for a sleazeball salesman but I wasn't sure what to make of the origin.  Was there some Oil salesman back in the 1800's that would pull the old switcheroo on his customers and give them snake oil instead of real oil? And just how many snakes would he need to pull this feat off? How much oil can one snake possibly produce?  Well turns out I was way off, and yes there were actual snake oil salesman back in the day. It was sold presumably by  gypsies and schemers as a sort of Robitussin of the day.

Why is February so short? - It took me 26 years to get to pondering this but how come no one has rectified this situation yet?  The only explanation I can find is it had something to do with the Caesars shortening the month of February because of some unpleasant religious holiday, but that clearly has no bearing today, or for that matter for the past 2000-3000 years.  There are more than enough months that have an extra day that we could redistribute evenly.  It just seems odd that the whole world has been willing to go along with this fairly bizarre system for so long.  Remember the debate between the Metric System and the US system of measurement? How is that a more pressing issue that the way we keep track of time?  February needs to have 30 days if only so it fits into that song we all learn as kids (30 Days has September, April, June, and November, all the rest have 31, except for February which has 28), the February line doesn't rhyme or fit in at all, it has no rhythm. 

Remember when George Bush changed Day Light Savings Time - All by himself.  Probably the single biggest feat of his Presidency. In 2005 Bush and his Republican government were so unwilling to accept global warming and the need for green initiatives, carbon caps, and stricter emissions laws (not to mention all of these initiatives would have presumably harmed their deep pocketed supporters) that they decided it would be easier to appease us by changing time!  Read that again, they'd rather have changed the way we keep time, than push laws and agendas that would create a healthier planet (and incidentally the whole time change thing did nothing to help conserve energy according to recent studies, so failure all around).  Couldn't they have at least addressed the whole February issue while they were at it?

Longest Rube Goldberg Machine

Amazing Rube Goldberg - Watch more Funny Videos

Don't these things usually have a point?  Like I kept expecting the perfect pot of coffee to be made at the end of the ruse or something.  A frigen curtain opening to your credits rolling? Wow, good one.

What's more amazing, I went back and watched it again and you literally can't see dead hookers anywhere in the apartment.  I have no idea where they're hiding them but that might be their biggest accomplishment, because guys that have enough time to set up an overly complicated pat-myself-on-the-back machine definitely have dead hookers somewhere in their apartment.  I'd love to see the apparatus they used to hide the bodies.

Alt-Tabs

Bush on Family, "We're no Political Dynasty" -In the hour-long interview, Bush and his wife, Barbara, discussed their lives and their relationship with another son -- former President George W. Bush. While the Bushes spoke with obvious pride of their family and accomplishments, they rejected talk of a Bush political dynasty, even when reminded that they are one of only two father-son presidential families in American history.


Well thanks for clearing that up, I didn't know people were debating this.  If the 2000's Patriots can't definitively be called a dynasty then I don't think the Bush's are even in the discussion.  No offense to the first Bush, but your son's Presidency comes down to the assasination of Saddam (which you couldn't handle on your own), two lingering wars, and whole scale invasion of US citizens privacy.  Yeah, we'll have to get back to you on that whole dynasty thing.


Under Takers Offering Coffins with Gay Flair - Two undertakers in the northwestern German city of Cologne are trying to tap into the gay market by selling coffins adorned with images of male nudes.
The prize piece in their display window is a coffin decorated with images of mostly naked, muscular young men in athletic poses inspired by Italian Renaissance paintings.


Imagine if someone came out to their family this way, posthumously?  That would be wild. Poor grieving family reading through their sons Last Will and Testament only to find out that he wished to be buried in a Versace styled Paisley coffin and he'd never told anyone he was into dudes? At the very least this needs to be an episode of Punk'd


Mark Whalberg says "The Happening Was Pretty Bad" - Again, thanks for clearing that up, but we knew that once M Night Sham-ICantTellAStoryWithoutAGiganticTwistThatDoesn'tReallyMakeSense-alan was named the director. 


Axl Rose Sues Guitar Hero - Guns N’ Roses lead singer Axl Rose is suing video game maker Activision Blizzard Inc. for $20 million over the company’s use of the song "Welcome to the Jungle" in the game "Guitar Hero III." In a lawsuit filed in Los Angeles on Tuesday, the singer rails against Activision executives for guaranteeing the song would not be used alongside anything to do with estranged former band mate Slash — and then putting the guitar player’s likeness in the game anyway.


Because you've done so well since leaving the band?  Sad thing is you know Axl is probably holding livingroom concerts every night using Guitar Hero with his neighbors, trying to convince them that he was a famous rockstar once upon a time.  No ones buying it.


FDA's Caffeine and Alcohol Ban Forces Local Brewer Off the Shelves - A Hingham brewer is fighting the abrupt ban on caffeinated malt beverages, saying her low-caffeine craft beer Moonshot 69 was unfairly lumped in with turbo-charged, high-booze drinks aimed at young partiers.Moonshot 69, brewed in Pennsylvania by the Hingham-based New Century, has been out since 2004, has 69 milligrams of caffeine and a 4 percent alcohol content, and comes in 12-ounce bottles.


Spare me the high and mighty act lady, you're just lucky Drew Carey isn't as litigious as Axl Rose and didn't sue you years ago for ripping off Buzz Beer.


South Korea on High Alert, But Ultimately Doing Nothing - South Korea vowed massive retaliation should North Korea attack again, and said Wednesday it would strengthen military forces in the disputed western waters near the island of Yeonpyeong and halt aid to the communist North. The North warned of more military strikes if the South encroaches on the maritime border by "even 0.001 millimeter."


Show some self respect South Korea, in the past 6 months the North has sunk one of your ships and fired on your land killing civilians.  Barrack better not give these panzy's an ounce of support until they at least throw a punch of something.  How defenseless are you? S. Korea is like the little redheaded kid on the playground telling the bullies to watch out if they pick on him one more time, except they all know he's just going to run to the principals office like a little bitch. I wish we weren't their allies.  I'll take a country like the North that has the gumption to take what they think is theirs any day of the week.