Former NFL QB Mark Rypien's Daughter Makes QB Debute in Lingerie League

She certainly has the looks, but does she have her Dad's legendary QB skills? And I'm not talking about his Super Bowl MVP trophy or the couple of pro bowl appearances Daddy made, I'm talking about his unparalled skills in perhaps the greatest original GameBoy game of all time... 

The NFL Quarterback Club.

10 of the leagues best battling it out in the three categories all NFL QB's must excel at: Accuracy, Obstacle Course, and Read and Recognition. 

Let me tell you folks, Mark Rypien was the king of this game, and I should know. I played this game so often I basically wore down the A and B buttons on my Gameboy to the nub.  Had blisters on my thump from rapidly alternating between both as fast as I could to get my obstacle course times down. 

This is no small accomplishment for Mark either...at face value, he's easily the worst of the bunch on that cover. I mean look,  you've got absolute NFL greats, Aikman, Young, and Elway. Statistical Freaks in Moon, Cunningham and Kelly. Beloved TV announcers in Simms and Esiason. And then you've got Kosar and Rypien. But none of that matters (except in the case of Kosar, much like in real life, he sucked in this game).  Rypien tore those others' asses up in this game. Just the perfect blend of speed, accuracy and power.  Sure he could never keep up with Cunningham through the obstacle course, and Elway could out throw him by a country mile, but all combined? In Mark Rypien, you're looking at the perfect quarterback...Or at least what the Japanese programmers who made the game assumed was a perfect quarterback.

That's a lot to live up to for his daughter. Luckily she has other...skills? Yea skill. Lukcily she has other skills to fall back on.

Struggling To Pay for College? The Spearmint Rhino Wants You!

Yep, from one socially conscious blog about child hunger and Sesame Street to the Spearmint Rhino and strippers, that's how the 'Tab rolls.

Daily Mail - Hard-up students anxious about spiralling debt should consider working as lap dancers, says a boss Spearmint Rhino. John Specht, UK vice president of the lap-dancing chain, said: 'These girls earn a lot. Some of these girls are on their own and their parents can’t help them or are unable to help them. 'With the rising student fees the students know that they can come in and earn the money they need to survive. One Sheffield student, Jilly, who is studying for a law degree with hopes of becoming a corporate lawyer, started work at the club in the city two years ago. She said : 'I came to Spearmint Rhino because it was a way for me to cover most of my bills whilst working at the university. I am studying Law and I want to be a corporate lawyer. 'I worry massively that somebody might find out that I’ve done this and it might affect my career but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. 'Hopefully if it does happen I’ve got the necessary skills to explain that I am a student at university and I’ve got overheads ask what would you do if you were in my shoes?.”

I don't know who John Specht is trying to convince here, haven't strippers been "just working their way through college" for years now? Or at least paying for classes at Community College. In my limited experience I can't ever remember a "dancer" passing her story off as a high school drop out just looking for easy cash, or "I dance to support my 5 children while my baby-daddy gets drunk over there at the bar."

No, quite the contrary. If you took a quick poll while in a strip club asking what all the girls are using stripping to pay for you'd come away thinking you'd just hung out with one of the brightest collection of minds this side of a MENSA convention. Just Rhodes Scholars, law students, and pre-med naughty nurses in every direction.  Hell, I once saw a legit 40 year old sad sack of a woman who I'm pretty sure was trying to pass off a story that she was just paying for her ph.d in physics.

So what I'm saying is, no need to recruit these college girls bro, the smart girls have been making the right choice for years. A few years of stripping to pay for a degree and a lifetime of respect and adoration as a well schooled and skilled politician/doctor/professional afterwards...right ladies?

Sesame Street Creates Cute Loveable Girl Character as Face of Child Hunger...Oscar is Pissed

NY Times - The familiar address of Sesame Street is about to get a new visitor, one who could surely benefit from the sunny days and friendly neighbors there. For a prime-time special to raise awareness about hunger faced by American families, Sesame Workshop, the nonprofit organization that produces “Sesame Street,” has created a new Muppet character named Lily, a 7-year-old girl representing one of the 17 million American children that the Department of Agriculture estimates are “food insecure,” meaning their access to food is limited or uncertain. “We thought long and hard about how do we really represent this from a child’s point of view?” Jeanette Betancourt, Sesame Workshop’s senior vice president for outreach and educational practices, said on Monday morning in a telephone interview. “We felt it was best to have this new Muppet take this on in a positive way and a healthy way.”

Boy, this is going to stick right in Oscar's craw, just ruin his day.  He's Oscar the Freaking Grouch. He lives in a trash can on the side of the street and as far as I can tell, has been surviving on pizza crust and half eaten donut sticks for like 40 years. He's so malnourished he's turned green, he's never gotten a special on hunger.  But then a cute faced little girl comes along and all of a sudden starvation is a big deal. Like Grouches that live in trash cans don't gotta eat either.

And frankly, the Sesame Workshop writers are going about this all wrong. Sorry, but all wrong. Giving this Lily bright colors, a decent outfit and taking on the problem in a "positive and healthy way." That's not going to do anything, sure its nice for children watching the show, but children aren't funding soup kitchens and volunteering time and non-perishables. 4 and 5 year olds watching this can't do squadoosh to help the situation, and parents are just going to assume Dora the Explorer moved to Sesame Street for some reason.

You want to urge change, make it real. Make that child die from starvation on screen. Sure it'll probably scar little kids, but then parents will have to tune in, figure out what's going on, and you can be damn sure they're not going to sit idly by while kids are bawling their eyes out urging mom and dad to bring a 10-pack of Spaghetti O's down to the neighborhood food pantry.

Or you can do it your way and have the face of child hunger be some cutesy colorful muppet who I'm sure everything works out for. I guess I didn't really expect anything less when we're at the point in society where instead of calling a kid homeless or starving we said they're food or shelter "insecure." Yea they're insecure because they have none. Lets be real about this. It's a lot easier to ignore someone's problems when they're characterized as "insecure." A lot harder to ignore something when you say that 7 year old kid will be sleeping in a cardboard box with his Mom tonight and might not eat until Thursday.

Worst Or Best Magic Trick of All Time?

Best, definitely the best. Flawless execution, and the diversion is impeccable. Get the audience all distracted with the standard "pull the sheet out from under this Tea Pot set," taking our attention away from the coming "evaporating child under a TV Entertainment Center" trick. Brilliant.

PS: Kid is definitely dead.

Double PS: Grandma.is.going.to.be.pissed. I've never seen a more Grandma dining room before in my life. Just old school tea set, wall paper that for sure matches her good dinnerware set, and some random bird artwork that she 100% picked up on the cheap at Building 19.

Airlines Selling Plane Crash Survival Classes To Stupid Rich People

Fox News - Frequent flyers with British Airways will soon be able to cash in their air miles for lessons on how to survive plane crashes. The airline is offering members of its Executive Club places in its new four-hour air safety course from next year for roughly the same price return flight from London to Rome -- about $195, The Independent reported Monday. Andy Clubb, who is running the course, said, "It makes passengers safer when traveling by giving additional skills and information, it dispels all those internet theories about the brace position, and it just gives people so much more confidence in flying."

Just another case of rich people being dumb as bricks. I have no idea how they manage to get rich and hold on to their money, it’s astounding.

Plane crash survival classes? That’s almost as crafty an idea as upscale luxury port a pottys. Newsflash, if that plane crashes you’re one dead Wasp. Maybe a prepared dead wasp, but dead all the same.

Like ya, your body will be the one they discover in the proper impact position, probably clutching the seat like a flotation device, oxygen mask on and working (even though it doesn’t inflate oxygen is flowing) while your neighbors just dangles there because you paid attention and administered yours before helping your neighbors like you're instructed…only when it came time to administer your neighbors your plane was already fried to a crisp after smashing into the ground.

But hey, it aint my money. Spend it how you see fit I guess.

Shocking Study: Most American's Lie About How Healthy Their Diet Is.

NEW YORK (AP) - Americans talk skinny but eat fat. No matter that First Lady Michelle Obama has been on a crusade for a year and a half to slim down the country. Never mind that some restaurants have started listing calories on their menus. Forget even that we keep saying we want to eat healthy. When Americans eat out, we order burgers and fries anyway. "If I wanted something healthy, I would not even stop in at McDonald's," says Jonathan Ryfiak, 24, a New York trapeze instructor who watches his diet at home but orders comfort foods like chicken nuggets and fries when he hits a fast-food joint.

Of course we lie about what we eat, who's going to admit to pounding a small McDonalds #10 as an appetizer when you're driving to someones house for dinner? No one. And I'm going to tell you I had a healthy chicken and veggies dinner, not going to mention that I had such a healthy dinner to leave room for a brownie and two cookies after dinner, just going to ignore that completely.

I lie on annonymous surveys at work. Seriously. Every year we have this health survey at work to gauge just how quickly everyones fat asses are expanding, and every year I lie on it. How many servings of fruit do you have a week? Without a doubt I'll answer 3-6...I haven't had 3 servings of fruit this month unless you count the couple off bowls of raisin bran I've had. On average how much physical activity do you get a day? No question I'm answering 30 minutes, which is only true if you add up all the walks back and forth to the printer and my car in the parking lot, but I'm pretty sure that's not what they're looking for.

I signed up for a second gym membership (that's right two!) this past week, just so I can casually toss that into conversation and save some face about my health. Nevermind that I haven't been to the first gym in probably 5 months.  I walked to that gym last night, got on the treadmill and did 15 minutes of cardio and was legit exhausted. 15 minutes. I rationalized it because I'd walked a quarter of a mile to get there. 

I got home and had every intention of eating healthy, was going to get steamed chinese chicken and brown rice, but when I got on the phone it was like I was autoprogrammed: Teriyaki chicken, white rice and a side of fried crab rangoon.

I'll probably do it all over again today.

A Few Thoughts on Occupy Boston

As a "dried up old geezer" who cares about random social and economic things, I figured I'd share my thoughts (read: sarcastic and snarky comments) on Occupy Boston. God knows Seanny isn't going to, still busy living in the fantasy land that is college, preoccupied with making it through a day without coffee, completely unaware that shortly after graduation day he'll in all likelihood be living in a tent-town himself...hope they have Wifi, Sean, I'm still going to expect a few blogs out of you.

- How come every "liberal" gathering or rally ends up looking like a hemp-fest/earth day celebration? I'm a young and liberal leaning voter. I don't have mutton chops, I've never had dreads, don't wear drug rugs or crochet caps. I have a job, a decent apartment, and don't steal cable or internet from my neighbors. I really wish these people would stop going out and pretending they represent me or my fellow young working class professionals (or yuppies, yea, I'm a yuppie). You're making us look bad.

- Not for nothing, but it doesn't exactly look like these guys are roughing it, in fact, it looks like most of them spent a day or two stocking up at REI or Dicks Sporting Goods before heading down there...I see a few tents that probably cost half a months rent in that crowd. It borderline looks like a base camp for Mt. Everest. What I don't see is any truly poor people with make shift tents made out of newspapers and blankets strewn over a piece of rope like the tent towns of yesteryear.

- Did you really have to pick the Greenway? I want to like what you're doing here but you're making it awfully hard when you've literally picked my favorite spot in Boston to turn into a smelly campground. Can't you move this to Boston Common? All the decision makers live over by Beacon Hill anyway, just go camp out on that side of the common. The only people you're hassling there are hard working financial district people walking to work. I'm sure 23 year olds just out of college making 35k a year as entry level fund accountants aren't exactly sympathetic to a bunch of people who have enough time to camp out in tents and roast marshmallows and sing koombayah all day long. 

- Speaking of...what is your message? Like I hate to say this, goes against every bone in my body, but at least the Tea Party organized and formed a few general messages early on, what are you guys doing? You're embarrasing the democratic base. Get.Your.Shit.Together. And fast. Pick a few leaders who will stay on message, preferably ones that look like they've showered and don't smoke pot out of 5 foot bongs in their tent, and have them get the message out. No one's reading your card board signs.

- Speaking of cardboard signs, what happened to the homeless people that used to hangout there? That was one of the primo-high rent spots for pan handlers, hitting up every yuppie leaving their job from the financial district after work, and every car spilling out from the highway to their apartments in Southie. I know you're trying to help the lower and middle class, but you've just put those people right out of business.

-Hold actual, scheduled events, and hold them on the weekends too. I'd love to show my support at a rally...but I'm not coming down on a Tuesday afternoon for a walk through a park. Again, get a few speakers, get a podium and a megaphone, announce a Saturday rally, and get your message out. And yes, it has to be Saturday. Pick a time when the majority of working middle class Bostonians can actually show up without having to take time off from work. And no, you can't pick Sunday. You know what your average young middle-lower class working stiff is doing on Sunday? Tracking his Yahoo! Fantasy Football team, not attending rallies with loose agendas.

Father Arrested After Refusing to Take Son to Dentist So he Yanked Out his Own Teeth

EASTON, Pa. – A Pennsylvania man has pleaded guilty to reckless endangerment after his teenage son tried to pull out his own teeth because he hadn't been taken to a dentist. The Express-Times of Easton reports that 40-year-old Francisco Torres told a Northampton County judge Monday that he "procrastinated" about get the boy dental care. Police say the boy tried to pull out his teeth after complaining of pain for several months. He broke two teeth and needed emergency surgery to have the fragments removed. He is now 14. The Express-Times report says Torres told the court he had insurance problems that contributed to the delay.

 

Arrest the kid, and throw away the key. Your dad doesn’t take you to the dentist and you pay him back buy ripping your own teeth out? Are you fucking insane. You know how many kids would kill for this? Nobody wants to go to the dentist, your dad was giving you a get out of jail free card (which, ironically, he could use right about now).

My dentist died a few years ago, legit died, and I haven’t been back to a dentists office since. I just figure the dentist/patient relationship is one of those mating for life things, like the penguins or something.  You don’t just mourn and move on, pick out some schmuck from the yellow pages and let him start hammering away at your gums with that miniature pitchfork. You go without, you honor your dentist with daily brushings, a mouth wash here and there, and the occasional flossing/paper plate picking to get lunch out from between your teeth.

What you don’t do is pull your teeth out because they were hurting a little bit. You know what hurts, kid? Bloody sockets and teeth ripped in half because someone tried to yank their upper incisor out with a pair of channel locks, that hurts. Know what else is gonna hurt? Living in a foster family because your Dad got locked up for not taking you for regular fluoride treatments, so good luck with that.

Nikki Minaj and Her Pink Fried Chicken Necklace...Am I Allowed to Comment on This?

HuffPo - Nicki Minaj has done it again...This time, the look consisted of a pink fried chicken necklace.

Yea, its friend chicken and its dyed pink. Fucking crazy, right?

Is it cool if I make fun of this? I just don’t know where I stand, I mean on the one hand, I’m white, so I’m constantly afraid of saying something that’ll vilify me to the black community by accident. On the other hand, Nicki is wearing fried chicken around her neck. The hard hitting investigative blogger inside of me tells me to hammer away, but my gut just says let it go, there’ll be other jokes to tell.

In other discussions, what the hell is Nicki Minaj’s game? It’s not enough that you’ve stolen Lil Kim’s fire as the best female rapper alive, you’ve got to encroach Katy Perry/Lady Gaga territory with bizarro fucking outfits as well? That’s just selfish, and frankly, a little disorienting. Like, I know white people like a little bit of zany “artistic-ness” to their artists, so maybe she’s playing to that crowd, but do black people? I just can’t see this being something going over well at Big Momma’s dinner table, and I can't remember the last time I was by the Berkley School of Music area of Boston and saw any minorities looking like this...this kind of crazy is usually strictly reserved for white people with nothing better to do o r worry about. I'm just so confused.

Borderine going to draft an e-mail to my guy Dub J to get a proper scoop on this.