If There's One Disease I don't Want to Get Based on Name Alone, It's The Gout

Even the Gout commercials are funny

(BOSTON) -- Gout, a type of inflammatory arthritis that is caused by the formation of uric acid crystals in the joints, causing pain and swelling, appears to be on the rise, according to a new study published Thursday in Arthritis & Rheumatism. By comparing data from two national surveys -- one from 1988-1994 and the other from 2007-2008, researchers at Boston University School of Medicine found that about 4 percent of the U.S. population, or some 8.3 million adults, now suffer from gout, with the condition being more common in men than in women. This latest rate is a 1.2 percent increase from 20 years ago. The authors of the study also found that this rise in gout rates is linked to the rise in obesity and hypertension among U.S. adults, and so they conclude that “improvements in managing modifiable risk factors, such as obesity and hypertension, could help prevent further escalation of gout...among Americans.”

Ya, I don’t want any diseases or cancers or shit, but I especially don’t want one that caters to juvenile jokes. I'm sure it's a horrible thing to deal with, but I cannot help but chuckle just a little, even if its to myself, whenever I hear someone refer to "The Gout."  I mean come on, it's a funny name. 

It's not my fault, I don't even think I'm being an asshole, I'm pretty sure whoever came up with the name was going for comedy...Use the name as a way to diffuse the usual pity and sad stares people give you when you tell them you have some kind of affliction...Like you're not getting any sympathetic eyes, or get well cards with the Gout..."Guys I have some bad news, I've been diagnosed today...I have the Gout."  The room would be in hysterics, yes they'd feel bad for you, but mostly they'd be laughing and thinking of Gout related jokes...Probably get a gigantic beaker of green fluid on your next birthday so you can be just like my man the Gout tv commercial guy above.

PS: Chrones would be a close second...not because of the name but more because of the implications.

Double PS: WHOA! Do not goole image search gout...you will throw up whatever you just ate guaranteed.

Debt Ceiling Compromise Reached, Government Cube Workers and Staffers Held Hostage During Debate Released

Fox News - President Obama announced Sunday night that leaders of both parties in both chambers have reached an agreement on a debt-reduction deal that will "lift the cloud of uncertainty that hangs over our economy" and prevent the nation from potentially defaulting on the nation's financial obligations.

Thank god. To the relief of hundreds, if not thousands of fellow common people, our long national nighmare is over...I'm of course talking about the poor interns and congressional office staffers who were basically held hostage over this debt ceiling issue. Cube life at its absolute worst, working non-stop through the weekends, developing carpel tunnel typing, and re-typing dozens of drafts of the same 1,000 + page bill, all to come to the conclusion that any sane minded person could have come to last week.

Talk about government waste and inefficiency...you mean to tell me they couldn't have struck that compromise Friday afternoon and let these people go home for the weekend, enjoy a BBQ or two, maybe play a little Polish horseshoes? I mean have you read the details? They agreed to basically: A) Raise the debt ceiling, ending fear of default, and B) Agreed to deal with issues like spending cuts and revenue increases at a later date...So it took them all freaking weekend to agree to procrastinate some more? And then they wanna get up on tv and pat each others backs? An outrage and a travesty for the common cube worker.  And I thought I had it bad eating at my desk every day.

Dozens of Bikes Create Traffic Jam in Boston: Reason 1A Why Normal People Hate Cyclists

Universal Hub - BostonTweet captured a little corking or something this evening at Harvard and Brighton in Allston. Via Allston Rat City, who wonders: Was anyone there at the corner of Comm and Harvard when some dude in a Honda got pissed off at the people on bikes blocking traffic and literally drove through them? UPDATE: JC tweets: Yep, gray Civic plowed right through them. Don't think anyone was seriously hurt.

This is why normal people hate bicyclists, and by association, hipsters.

While everyone’s all outraged about some dude in a Honda plowing through some cyclists pulling a stunt this weekend, I applaud him.  How about instead of the cops wasting their time to chase down one practical minded person in a car they round up some of these assholes, starting with this guy:

I see you bro, and I hate you.

Week 1 of the Hubway's Bike Sharing Program going well...

51 Year Old Husband Ingores 16 Year Old Wife to Watch Movie Trailer on Pay Per Minute Internet Kiosk

Fox News - Former “Lost” actor Doug Hutchinson, 51, recently hit headlines when he married 16-year-old Courtney Stodden, and it looks as though that 35-year age gap may be rearing its head in the relationship. Sources spotted the newlyweds at a Fed Ex store in Hollywood on Tuesday, accompanied by Stodden’s mom, Krista. They appeared to be using the pay-per-minute Internet station. However, Hutchinson had little patience for his young wife’s chatter. “Doug was really, really engrossed watching a movie trailer and he was becoming increasingly irritated when Courtney tried to talk him. He kept shutting her down and at one point said to her, ‘Can you go take a walk or something? I really need to watch this,’” an eyewitness told FOX411’s Pop Tarts. “It really was like an adult reprimanding his child. But Courtney and her mother remained seated and quieted down as Doug leaned in to the computer, ignoring her.”

What the fuck is a pay per minute internet kiosk? Like, is the couple more whacked out than I was giving them credit for?

Bro, you’re a tv actor, you married a 16 year old floozy/freak show aspiring country singer, you telling me you can’t afford at least DSL? Sell your story to a tabloid or something, this is embarrassing as shit. No kidding she wanted to get him away from that thing, prob didn’t want to be known as the wife of guy who’s too cheap to buy a computer and pay for the internet so he plants himself at pay per minute internet stations…its like its 1995 with internet café’s all over again, except even more hobo-ish because they're at Fedex.

I'm Shocked the Internet is still Around after Watching 1995 MTV Doc On the Net

Frankly, I’m shocked the internet made it, I mean congressman had to be scared shitless proposing legislation left and right to ban this, celebrities like Coolio endorising the “information super highway”, mtv docs, these things couldn’t have helped the internet’s credibility during the early days. I’m lucky I have this blog now.

PS: I’d have killed to jumped on the whole internet thing right away, like you hear when they referenced the "legendary" godzilla site? You kidding me? Site is dogshit. Must have been easy when there was like 10 other sites to compete with.

Double PS: The internet has never looked as cool as early movies like hackers, the net, wasteland made it look. Like where is all that virtual reality, and all those 3-d shapes people always seemed to be manipulating on screen. Fuck twitter, that’s what I want.

Meet Your Newest Patriot...Albert Haynesworth, He Seems Like A Good Guy

Meet Albert Haynesworth, one of your newest Patriots. He's been characterized as everything from the best D-lineman in football, to a team cancer, to the worst person in football, and, I'm just assuming, he's in the running for worst human being in America...He better be damn good at football.

-Albert Haynesworth on being a multi-millionaire: Fresh of signing a $100 mm contract and receiving a $21 million signing bonus: "I guess in this world we don't have a lot of people with, like, backbones," Haynesworth said. "Just because somebody pay you money don't mean they'll make you do whatever they want or whatever. I mean, does that mean everything is for sale? "I mean, I'm not for sale. Yeah, I signed the contract and got paid a lot of money, but ... that don't mean I'm for sale or a slave or whatever."

Very good Albert, that doesn't make you a slave. It does make you an employee though, and I have a feeling you don't quite grasp the employee-employer relationship.

-Albert on His Pending Sexual Assault Charge: After a waitress accuses him of grabbing her boob in February... “I didn’t touch her,” Haynesworth responded, according to the document, adding that he doesn’t “even like black girls.”...“I know what this is about, she is just upset I have a white girlfriend. I couldn’t tell you the last time I dated a black girl. She was trying to get with me.”

Frankly I'm inclined to believe him, you'd have to be an absolute moron to offer that up as your legal defense unless it's the honest to goodness truth. 

Yea...He'd better be veerrryy good at football.

Boston.Com...Warning You About Online Scams Dating Back to AOL

Boston - These days it seems no computer is safe. Countless people have fallen into scammers' traps, and it's easier than ever to be deceived now that everything is online...Here's what to look for, as well as how you can keep your money and identity safe.

Some of the brain busters include:

1. Paying for someone to find you a job upfront.

2. Eliminate all of your debt by paying us a fractional fee!

3. Work at home, make millions!

4. You've Won Our Sweepstakes! Please send us money to claim your prize

5. "Hey I accidentally sent you too much money, please send some back." (Anyone that falls for this deserves it)

6. "Hi we're a very reputable company and just need some background information on yourself"

What, no Nigerian Princesses were held hostage this year?

Gee, Thanks Boston.com! If it weren't for you and your safety tips the internet wouldn't be a safe place for me! Never mind the fact that these are the same scams my parents were worried about like 15 years ago when I was trolling the AOL chatrooms and battling it out with my punters.

Seriously though, this article could have been summarized with the simple statement of "never send money ahead of time for services or goods unsolicited." Pretty much covers it, or even simpler, "don't be a moron." In general if it's something you'd be leery of in real life, be leery of it on the internet.

Hugh Hefner in Desperate Need of a PR Twitter Professional

(NewsCore) - Octogenarian Hugh Hefner defended his libido after his ex-fiancee said sex with the Playboy founder lasted a mere "two seconds," Us Weekly reported Wednesday. Former Playboy Playmate Crystal Harris, who dumped Hefner just days before they planned to wed in June, dropped the bombshell about Hefner's sexual performance on Howard Stern's radio show Tuesday. "He doesn't really take off his clothes. I've never seen Hef naked. I don't know if I want to," she told Stern, adding she only had sex with Hefner once during their relationship and it "lasted like two seconds." Hefner then took to Twitter to dispute Harris' remarks. "Crystal lied about our relationship on Howard Stern, but I don't know why. Maybe a new boyfriend?" Hefner, 85, wrote on Twitter -- in a post he has since deleted. "I feel sorry for Crystal. She seems lost," he added. Harris, 25, has attributed her break-up with Hefner to his extravagant lifestyle -- complete with numerous girlfriends and non-stop partying. "Hef's lifestyle isn't the most normal lifestyle," Harris has said, adding "This isn't the lifestyle for me, multiple girls around all the time, the Playboy lifestyle. I don't know. I just wanted to be true to myself."

Hate to say I told you so, but I totally did. Hugh Hefner, as we all knew and loved him, really is dead. Would classy, banging a different broad every night Hugh, have even dignified this money grubbing whore's comments on the Howard Stern Show?  Hell no. Why would he? He's got a gaggle of girls living in his house on any given night, there's no need to defend yourself against these ridiculous accusations. 

I mean look, on the one hand she's calling him a two pump-chump, and then on the other she's saying she coudln't keep up with his swinging lifestyle. Well which one is it hunny? Ever think he might have been a two pump chump because he was just dipping in to your BFF two seconds before? You just happened to be the lucky girl who won the prize?

That's the kind of response Hugh should have came with if he was going to come at all. And that's the kind of response he'd get if he hired a mid 20's self-made thousandaire blogger from Boston to handle his social media communications.  Come on Hugh, 80 year olds can't be Twittering, it's a young man's game, by the time you've found the # symbol the topic probably isn't even trending anymore.

Most Un-American Billboard Ever? Comparing Hotdogs to Cigarettes

Fox News - Race fans who attend the Indianapolis Motor Speedway – and residents who live near the track – are being warned of a possible link between hot dogs and cancer, Fox 59 reported. A billboard on West 16th Street shows hot dogs inside of a cigarette pack. “Hot dogs can wreck your health,” it reads. The cigarette package has a picture of a skull and crossbones. The American Institute for Cancer research says one, 50-gram piece of processed meat – such as a hot dog – can increase the risk of colorectal cancer by 21 percent. Colorectal cancer is the third most common cancer in the U.S., according to the American Cancer Society.

Wait, what?...I'm pretty sure someone at the American Cancer Society needs to check their math, because by those figures I should have had colorectal cancer, like, 1000x over by now.  Just this past weekend I had three absolutely delicious hotdogs, as an appetizer for burgers later in the cookout.  Are you telling me that on just one Sunday afternoon I caused myself a 63% chance of colon cancer?  Someone better warn Joey Chestnut, guy's probably walking around with tumor the size of a beachball in his colon right now. 

And what is this shit with comparing Hotdogs to Cigarettes? Never before have I seen such an un-American billboard. This country has gone straight to hell.  I don't want to be picked on for enjoying a glorified rolled up piece of bologna from time to time.  I'm not some gross and disgusting smelling person spreading the risk of cancer to others, I don't need to be treated like those degenerates (Though it would be awesome if you could buy packs of hotdogs like that at ball games, they might have just revolutionized the hotdog game without even knowing it).