I'm So Jealous of the Revolution and Partying Going on In Egypt Right Now.

Does anyone else living in American feel robbed just a little bit watching the uprisings in Egypt? Don't get me wrong, I like living in America, knowing that I'm not going to get on the train in the morning to find men with AK-47's demanding transportation payment, knowing that the next time I go to the grocery store I'm not going to be assaulted by some drug war lord, you know, the simple things in life.

But at the same time a part of me desparetly wishes we'd handle political upheaval the same way these 3rd world countries do. The closest I've came to that kind of excitement was the Redsox playoff series' while I was still in college, but even that was just a few local cops with bean bag guns dispersing crowds. No tear gas or baton beatings, none of the good stuff.

Instead of peaceful elections in which more than 50% of our residents don't participate anyway, how about a couple weeks of demonstrations, violent riots, looting, and open street fires?  How much more awesome would it be to run down to your local town hall or state house and whip rocks at the windows when you felt it was time for a change, rather than enter a boring booth and punch out a few chads?  I'd be all about the democratic process if that were the case. 

Plus we'd see some real change. The last two congressional elections have seen huge swings in the majority parties in the house and senate. Have you noticed a change? No. When the biggest threat you have against you is you might lose your office but can still collect thousands of dollars in appearance fees there is very little incentive to make some real changes.  Angry citizens armed with molotov cocktails? Thats a different story. You bet your frigen ass congress would get some work done instead of all the petty bitching that's been going on lately. 

And yea, I'm fully aware that I'm probably going to end up on some governement watch list after this post. I know none of this stuff is gonna happen, but I can't help but sit here and read stories about these riots and protests going on and wish for the same level of excitement.  Look at the passion in those people's eyes, they're raving lunatics and that is frigen awesome.  They're having the time of their lives. The last time America experienced anything like that we were tossing tea bags into the ocean and freeing black people from their chains of bondage (yes I know those were two different time periods).  Its been almost 200 years since Americans have banded together and thrown a national party, excuse me for wishing for a little excitement around here.

George Lopez Isn't Funny, How the Hell is he still on TV?

Jorge Lopez has a television show that hasn't been cancelled as of yet. Think about that for a second. Have you watched more than 5 consecutive mintutes of the Jorge Lopez show on purpose?  Guy doesn't have a funny bone in his body. It's not his fault, its genetic, he's of Latin blood. 

Carlos Mencia had a television show. Was Carlos funny? No, no he wasn't. I mean this guy is so un-funny that he actually stole about 20 minutes of Jorge Lopez's act.  But again, it just wasn't his fault. Mexican and Latino culture just don't play well on the American comedy scene.

Blacks have their oppressed history, hatred and distrust of white people to make light of.  Whites fall back on white trash humor, self depreciation, and wealthy guilt.  Jews? They're just naturally hysterical. Gay comedians have been barrels of laughs in recent years, apparently there is a huge market for Brokeback Mountain jokes,  hell I've even seen a few funny Indians, but never a Latino.  

Latin culture just doesn't play well to an American audience, there just isn't that much that we relate to or care to understand going on there. Big families, loud fiestas, funny mustache's, and multiple variations of tortilla/beef/cheese/and salsa foods.  Love your tacos, hate your parades and loud voices, ambivalent to your "comedy." Sorry, it just doesn't work like other cultural comedy.

Now excuse me while I go start canceljorgelopez.com. It's going to be a traffic giant.

Life Time Presents: The Amanda Knox Story

Fox - The actress playing the killer of British sex-murder victim Meredith Kercher in a gruesome TV movie has sparked further outrage with some crassly insensitive comments.  Hayden Panettiere, 21 -- best known as cheerleader Claire Bennet in the hit TV show "Heroes" -- robustly defended her real-life role and even questioned Knox's guilt. This as Knox's family and the family of her Italian boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito try to block the film from being broadcast on Lifetime on February 21 until after the appeal of their convictions.

Lifetime is on FIRE lately.  Like if they have me this pumped about their specials then you know they're onto something big here.  I've been the biggest Lifetime basher I know for pretty much as long as I remember.  Just about as sexist a network as there is, male bashing all the live long day. But this is the second special in a row that I'm really jacked up to see (the first being the Craigslist Killer special).

And you know what, it looks like Lifetime may be growing up, maturing a bit, opening their eyes to see that it's not always the dudes doing all the raping, pillaging, and killing.  With Amanda Knox you have the timeless case of foxy young college chic dabbling in violent sex and threesomes with her roommate, ending with results no one involved could have forseen. 

So yea, you know where CW's going to be next Monday.  Glued to Lifetime with a bowl of Orville Reddenbacher and a case of Bud Light Lime.  Lifetime has suddenly become Guy-Time TV.

Family Feud Reaction (vid inside)

You can almost see Steve Harvey calculating how much time he has left before he gets canned after this little stunt.  I mean did you see the deadness in his eyes when the contestant said "a joint."

Had to just be thinking, Motherfucker, I'm black! Do you know how hard it was to convince the producers to let me host this honky-tonk show? I need this job man. Do you know how quickly I'm going to get blamed for this?

I mean he knows it right at the end of the skit "this is not good." No, no it's not.  It was a good run Steve, but it's time to move on.  I hear they need a host to replace Regis, maybe go ahead and give that a shot because you're time here has run out.  It aint my decision, blame the old white ladies that run the day time TV cartel.

Hostage Taking Bank Robber Killed In North Carolina

NY Times - A man who took several hostages at a bank in Cary was shot to death Thursday as he tried to leave with a woman at gunpoint, the authorities said. The Cary police chief, Pat Bazemore, said no hostages were injured during the three-hour standoff at the Wachovia branch in the Raleigh suburb. She said that seven people were inside the bank and that six of them were taken hostage. The seventh hid and gave information to the police about what was happening in the bank. Police identified the dead man as 19-year-old Devon Mitchell. “This is absolutely not how we wanted this to end,” Chief Bazemore said. 

Talk about getting jacked up over a news story.  I was popping pop-corn and on the edge of my seat like 12 year old girl watching the results show on Idol watching this play out on the evening news. I was rivetet. 

I thought scenes like this only played out in Denzel Washington movies (who I assume was frantically on the phone buying the movie rights as this shit played itself out). It had everything hostages, cops with awesome assault rifles, and a crazy ass robber trying to make his last stand by walking out with a hostage at gun point. 

Gotta question the robbers decision to come out though, I know he tried to use the hostage as a human shield and all, but he's gotta understand these cops have been fantasizing about this situation all their lives, Chief Bazemore's "not how we wanted this to end" quote be damned. This is North Carolina.  While you and I were out back pretending to be John Elway or Nomar Garciaparra, these gun toting rednecks were running around dreaming of exactly this, a robber using a human a shield and squeezing off that perfect shot to kill the robber and free the hostage.  This was their game winning home run.  

A guys dream came true today. And that's a pretty special thing.

Best of the Blogs

Well How Did That Work Out For You - Communist propoganda poster seen above.  Did these guys learn nothing from Uncle Sam? You sprinkle that photo with a few patriotic colors and America would be very different right now.  Obama would look like a borderline conservative.

7 Best TV Characters that are Technically Alcoholics - I don't know how they missed the entire cast of the Jersey Shore, seems like a glaring editorial oversight.  Hilarious list none the less.

Study Shows Porn More Popular Than Music - Ahh the internet, infinite possibilities, and infinite porn.

Man Avoids Wife for Three Years By Labeling Her A Terrorist - Men, this is how you end a marriage the right way.  This guy should be auctioning his services to the highest bidder.  Wife giving you hell about the splitting of the assets, for a fraction of the price of divorce this guy can have her deported, problem solved.

That's all for today, tune back in tomorrow, Pennypacker swears he'll meet his deadline before I'm forced to give him the boot. I'm not convinced...

Best Dating Profile Ever?

Pic from Steven Humour

No, no it's not the best dating profile ever. Because while I appreciate the fact that he's blunt and to the point about his lack of enthusiasm for murder, maiming and torture, I can't help but get hung up on the "trying to quit" smoking status.

You either smoke or you don't bro. Every smoker is "trying to quit." It's a disgusting, and frankly contradictory habit.  Second hand smoke is a real killer. For someone that has gone so far out of their way to establish their pacifist ways I've got to question the logic in lighting up biological weapons like its no big deal.

That said, I note you're interested in digging and shoveling. Perhaps you'd be interested in joining team Alt-Tab in this springs Great American Hole Digging Competition?  Get back at me.

Sweet Prius Bro

The Japanese equivalent of the American Douchebag.

Pic from Twitpic

NY State Rep Resigns Over Shirtless Photos on Craigslist

Fox News - Rep. Christopher Lee resigned from office Wednesday just hours after a report claimed the married Republican congressman sent a shirtless photo of himself to a woman on Craigslist. "The challenges we face in Western New York and across the country are too serious for me to allow this distraction to continue, and so I am announcing that I have resigned my seat in Congress effective immediately.".."It's unfortunate. He did the right thing," he said. "This is one of the things my wife and I talked about during the campaign. If someone is willing to lead a secret life away from their spouse, how can the general public trust you?"

This is ridiculous. We're getting to the point where we're literally going to run out of qualified people for office if we keep holding them to these ridiculous Puritanical standards.  There just aren't that many losers out there these days who don't have some skeleton in their closet or fetish that the Tea Party Unichs won't find morally reprehensible.  And with the advent of the internet, even those too shy or mentally fragile to make waves in the real world are letting their inner freak flag fly annonymously (or so they assume) on the internet.

Just think about everyone you knew in high school and then in college for a second.  Can you honestly think of one squeaky clean person who could do  no wrong at one time or another.  And if you can, can you be sure that they weren't going back to their dorm at night trolling sexually deviant message boards or exposing their genetalia via webcam? I can't.

Shouldn't our government be representative of the make up of our citizens?  Creepy Craigslist people, guys who engage in man-on-man sex in bathroom stalls, and men who cheat on their wives and get engaged to their mistress shortly after their late wife's death, they all deserve representation too, doesn't matter if you agree with their lifestyles.  That's what this nation was founded on, and that's the America I want to live in.