US Women's Track Runoff Cancelled Due to Feelings

EUGENE, Ore. – Jeneba Tarmoh changed her mind after listening to her heart. Choosing inner peace over a shot at Olympic glory, the 22-year-old sprinter withdrew from a runoff for the final Olympic spot in the 100 meters, deciding to concede it rather than meet training partner Allyson Felix at the starting line to break a third-place tie...Tarmoh notified USA Track and Field early in the day of her intention to withdraw from the Monday night race. Her heart, she explained, wasn't into competing again. "Running in this (runoff) came down to how I felt internally. Would my heart be at peace running or would I not be at peace? If I was at peace, I would have run," Tarmoh told The Associated Press on Monday night. "My heart was not at peace with running."...On Sunday, Tarmoh said she felt "like I was kind of robbed." 

Way to celebrate 40 years of Title IX though, huh? Few other moments in the past 40 years have captured the incredible drive, ambition, and competitive spirit in womens athletics like this has...oh wait...

Ummm....WHAT?!? You feel like you were robbed? By who? Because as far as I can tell the only person who is robbing you of this chance is yourself. Like, way to train and dedicate the larger part of your life towards this one goal and then quit because you're afraid of hurt feelings. Bravo. Glad you have inner peace now because it's not like you'll regret this decision for the rest of your life.

What a joke.

Colorado Easter Egg Hunt Cancelled Due to Aggressive Parents

COLORADO SPRINGS – The children of one Colorado town will miss out on their annual Easter Egg hunt in a local park this year after the event was cancelled due to parents getting "too aggressive" at last year's event. "It's sort of got out of hand," said Dave Van Ness, executive director for the Old Colorado City Associates. Hundreds of parents reportedly jumped over ropes into a kids-only section of the hunt to ensure their kids got as many eggs as possible. Their actions caused the hunt to be over in seconds, to the dismay of egg-less children and their parents.

First off, lets just pump the breaks on call this even a "hunt." A hunt implies tracking and searching, those eggs were just laid out in the middle of the lawn, if your kids aren't able to track down a few fluorescent and pastel colored eggs in the middle of a taped off lawn, then you've probably got bigger things to worry about.

Secondly, quitting is not the answer here. The answer is adult aged easter egg hunts, Hunger Games Style.

Look, this issue isn't going to go away. As more and more people from my generation have kids, its only going to get worse. We're the first batch of children raised by "helicopter parents." We're hardwired to believe we're entitled to anything we want. It's encoded in our DNA, just like the lion knows to tackle the gazelle, you toss out some easter eggs onto a lawn, Generation Y adults are going to race to gather them. It's genetics.

There's no fighting it. I'm the oldest of three children, meaning Easter egg hunts went on long after the idea of some minimum wage worker in a gigantic bunny costume breaking into my house at night and hiding plastic eggs full of nickels and quarters without robbing us was believable. Did that mean I let my younger siblings win? Hell no. I raced around the house like a mad man...I pushed them out of the way when I had to, sometimes my parents restrained me, which infuriated me to no end. Bottom line, you tell me there's an egg hidden in the house, I'm going to be the one to find it, god help whoever gets in my way. 

Which brings me back to my proposal...Why not just start having adult Easter egg hunts on town lawns and playgrounds? Just a once a year break for us adults trying to move on to regular adulthood, but who also need an escape once a year. Just lock us into some school yard, hide a ton of eggs, no ground rules, gates open at sundown, whoever survives, survives (and I don't doubt for a second that there would be some casualties).