NEW YORK – Law enforcement officials across the US have been left baffled by a crime wave targeting an unlikely item -- Tide laundry detergent. Theft of Tide detergent has become so rampant that some cities are setting up special task forces to stop it and retailers like CVS are taking special security precautions to lock down the liquid. One Tide thief in West St. Paul, Minn., stole $25,000 of the product over 15 months before he was arrested last year. "That was unique that he stole so much soap," said West St. Paul Police Chief Bud Shaver. "The name brand is [all] Tide. Amazing, huh?" Tide has become a form of currency on the streets. The retail price is steadily high -- roughly $10 to $20 a bottle -- and it's a staple in households across socioeconomic classes. Tide can go for $5 to $10 a bottle on the black market, authorities say, and some thieves even resell it to stores.
You know who is really going to have egg on their face after this story, the CEO's of rival detergent companies like "All" and "Cheer." I can just picture the executives at these companies being called into board meetings or shareholder meetings and having to answer to questions like;
"Tide's shit is so good hoodrats and junkies are stealing it just to resell it, meanwhile our product is just left sitting there on the shelf. What's your 5 point plan for raising our street cred and becoming a form of ghetto currency?"
And there's just no answer to that, Tide has just got the game on lock. Yuppie housewives and maids with the family credit card just stocking up on Tide, raising the price, forcing the rest of us to either steal it or make the tough decision between eating dinner or washing our clothes (seriously, $20 for detergent fellas? Is the main ingredient regular unleaded gasoline?).
But seriously for one second, are there any black market Tide dealers in the Boston area? I'm definitely interested.
