Still Kind of Upset About Tim Burton's Version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Hey Tim, Willy is not supposed to look like a gay-euro hipster, he's just not.

I thought I was over it, I really did. Yes the movie sucked on such an epic scale that my eyes borderline had to be pried open Clockwork Orange style, and yes the movie forever tainted Johnny Depp for me (I don't care how much I love Fear and Loathing, you played an active part in ruining a childhood memory), but I thought I'd put it behind me.

Turns out nope, I hadn't. I've got some kinda deep seeded emotional issues about this movie.  Here I was, Thanksgiving Eve, pounding a few Harpoon Cranberry Ale's (pleasantly delicious, but you have to let them open up...ok I sound a bit too beer snobby now), and watching the original, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory with my girlfriend (yea, I felt old), who unbeknownst to me has never sat through the entire movie, how that nugget had slipped by me to this point, I don't know, my jaw is still on the floor, and I can't even enjoy it because the entire time I was just thinking about how much I HATED the Tim Burton version.

I feel the same way Willy, the same way.

So here's a big "Screw You" Tim Burton. Screw you for ruining my already wicked lame old person's Thanksgiving Eve by making a film like 6 years ago, that still gets my blood pressure boiling today, even when I'm not watching it. You may not be the creative genius that everyone thinks you are, but you sure know how to get under someone's skin and ruin a classic, I guess that's a skill. It's impressive asshattery, at any rate.

PS: The single most douchey thing Tim Burton did here, and it's a long list, was changing the name from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory...Really Tim, you can rip off and ruin a classic, but the title isn't good enough for you?