EDMONTON, AB—Local husband and father of two, Richard Poitras, 42, announced today that there is a perfectly logical explanation for the long list of raunchy Google searches that recently appeared out of nowhere on his internet browser’s search history. In a response to questioning from his wife, which began yesterday, Poitras said, “Listen, I’m no computer whiz, but I think I have an idea how this could have happened.” He went on to describe a spam email he vaguely remembers opening, completely on accident. “That email must have linked my system up with some kind of hacker.” When asked why a computer hacker would take the time to plant “anal ass butt female” into his search history, Poitras responded, “I’ve thought about that, and it makes no sense to me, either.” “People spend their time doing strange things these days,” he added. Poitras immediately took his laptop back from his wife and initiated an anti-virus scan. He says he has learned his lesson about being careful when clicking through his emails.
Nice try buddy, nice try. Unless you're still rocking AOL 5.0 there's just no way that story is true. No one's gotten unfiltered porn e-mails since 'Nam. That's just a ridiculous excuse, hackers ruining peoples relationships with key words like anal ass butt female and booty popping, like they've got nothing better to do. Haven't you seen the movie Hackers? They've got to save the world from evil heads of corporations and something to do with an oil tanker of some sort (I can't remember, it was a confusing plot, somehow they used their laptops connected to payphones, you tell me how the hell that worked).
But as an aside, congrats on having the single dumbest wife alive, if this were to be true. If she'll buy excuses like Anal Porn Viruses then she's definitely a keeper.
