As with anyone who works in an office in close proximity to their peers I hear a wide range of ludicrous thoughts, opinions, and musings that continue to shock me for either their stupidity, grossness, or for the speakers sheer lack of shame in discussing personal matters. I mention this today because yesterday I heard a comment that instantly vaulted into my top five favorite quotes heard in the office (not quite challenging number one which I'll also share with you today). Now that you're all salivating...
Obviously the talk of the office yesterday was all about the Chilean miners rescue (the same one that I'm investigating to ensure it was not an elaborate hoax), an unbelievable story that I fully expected and prepared myself for hearing people discussing and regurgitating the same stories everyone heard on the news the night before without end (when I say prepare I mean practicing my patented "I think what you have to say is interesting face" coupled with the occasional head bob and slight smile to make you think I'm not day dreaming of anything but talking to you). What I couldn't possibly prepare myself for was this dandy of a quote: "I heard that they didn't have anything to eat the whole time they were down there." My pretend interested face turned to visually stunned in .003 seconds, there was no hiding it. Air was gasped, my gaping mouth immediately covered by my hand, and I high tailed it out of there so I wouldn't laugh right in this persons face. They were underground for 60+ days! Of course they ate food. This was from a fairly senior ranking person in our office. The more I think about it that has to rank second only to the number one overheard quote of all time.
The number one came from an employee who no longer works here (which is a good thing work wise, but a horrible thing for fans of unintentional comedy). Anytime he picked the phone to make a call it was appointment eavesdropping. There are countless stories I could rehash, but only one truly legendary story.
He was calling a support number for his recently purchased Comcast television service (he made more calls to support lines than anyone I've ever known) for help setting up his online account. After a string of mind numbingly dumb questions he finally got down to setting up his user name and password (he absolutely tortured phone support people, to say he wasn't bright is a drastic understatement). As the tech support person on the other end of the line was giving him his temporary password my former employee would repeat each letter followed by a word that began with the letter (C as in Charlie, B as in Boy etc...). And that's when he uttered the following; "Ok, G as in July." Take a minute and re-read that if you didn't catch the absurdity the first time through. The sad thing is I'm pretty sure the dude on the other end of the line didn't even correct him because he just kept rolling on with the call without hesitating or realizing his mistake. I'm not exagerating when I say that I received a flurry of e-mails from the 5 or 6 cubes within earshot asking if they heard him correctly. All you could hear were muffled laughs in our area that day. He may have sucked at his job, but he provided ample comedic value.
So here's the deal, I'd like to start this as a semi-running feature every week or two, but in order to do that I'll need input from you guys. Feel free to send in snippets of comments or conversations you've over heard in the office, place of work, gym etc... and I'll work on compiling everything into a featured blog. You can reach me at Thealttab@gmail.com .
