Dunkin Donuts Giving Out Free Coffee To Foxboro Residents Who Still Don't Have Power

FOXBORO (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Hurricane Irene left millions without electricity across New England. Many in Massachusetts are still in the dark. Tomorrow, Dunkin’ Donuts is doing its small part to give back to those who still have no power. The coffee chain, a New England favorite, sent out a tweet Wednesday afternoon to its followers saying. “Tell us if your town still has no power 4 a chance 2 receive a visit from a DD sampling truck 2mrw.” Later that night they tweeted, “Foxboro has spoken - @DunkinBoston will give free coffee tmrw at 16 Wash St. in Foxboro for residents w/out #DDpower 7-11am!” To those who have been without power for four days, this may be a small consolation. Nonetheless, it’s a free cup of coffee! Getting free stuff has a surprising power to boost spirits. If you’ll be in Foxboro tomorrow morning go grab yourself a cup between 7 and 11 a.m.!

Hey Dunks, thanks, it's nice that you're doing  your part, but seriously? Coffee is the last thing I need when I've had no power for days on end.  Like, America may run on Dunkin, but my tv, computer, lights, and video game systems don't. But that’s what I want, Coffee. I want to be wired when I’m bored out of my fucking mind. I drink coffee so I can get the most out of electricity, not to pass the time. Hell the only reason twitter exists is because of over caffeinated people trying to squeeze in a few more seconds of senseless communication and self promotion (guilty) into an already jam packed day.

Aftermath of Hurricane Irene: Are People Going to Work Without Showering?

REHOBOTH (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Tropical Storm Irene tore through Massachusetts on Sunday, but days later residents of Rehoboth find themselves without running water. Rehoboth is a well town and without electricity, they haven't been able to get running water. 92% of the town lost power during the storm and the first utility and tree crews arrived today. Town leaders tell FOX 25 that they feel ignored by National Grid.

So I keep seeing all these stories about people still without power and running water, and it got me thinking, what are these people doing for showers? Nothing, right? Like unless you happen to belong to a gym or something you're ass is just straight stank right now? Maybe cleansed yourself in a lake or at the beach or something, but that's about it?

I've never been in that situation myself, but I can guarantee that I wouldn't be rolling into work with swamp ass and days worth of build up in my hair, no way jose. FEMA would be paying my ass for my lost hours at work. I mean, it's a two fold problem. 1) The obvious, you're gonna smell like shit, no one can be productive worrying about what their co-workers are saying about them when you roll into work smelling like an old hockey bag.

And, 2) I just cannot start my day without a shower. Can't do it. I know some people shower the night before so they can sleep in a few more minutes in the morning or whatever, but those people must be psychotics in my mind because there is simply no way to start your day with out a hot shower.  More than coffee, I need 5 minutes of hot water for brain functionality to kick in, otherwise I'm borderline sleep walking and liable to just pass out at the drop of a hat like a narcoleptic, just spash face first into my bowl of cereal.  There's a reason I can usually sleep all day on the couch Saturday and Sunday if nothing is going on, and that's because I put off showering until the last possible moment before going out.  My body just doesn't know I've gotten out of bed without the shower and I'll sleep comfortably just about anywhere.  

The more I think about it the more I realize this would be my number one concern during a natural disaster.  Like they next time we're on hurricane watch I might sign up for 3 or 4 gyms just to cover my bases.

Cape Cod Woman Raking $100K A Year with Upscale Porta Potty's

- Name: Eliza Kendall
Job: Luxury porta-potty business owner
Salary: $100,000 to $120,000
Age: 54
Hometown: Harwich, Mass.

CNN - I never thought I would end up in septic. I started out working as an event organizer for a lot of top companies, until I saw a little porta-potty business for sale. I realized that there was really nothing out there that combined porta potties with upscale events. So I bought the business, which came with six porta potties and a little trailer with a men's and women's room in it. Being brought up in a wealthier area, I understand understated elegance. It's not shag red rugs and plastic flowers -- it's cleanliness and things like fresh water in the toilets, lattice work, fresh flower sprays to keep it smelling nice and motion-activated lighting. I even have my own line of amenities like lip balm and lotion that I put next to the sinks. I started going into Ritz-Carlton bathrooms to see what they do different from a Motel 6 and that's what I would do with my porta potties.

The fact that this lady shelling luxury shit houses makes more money than me has seriously forced me to reconsider my line of work...and yea, I know I've said this before, but those were just empty threats, this time I've been pushed over the edge. Like I didn't waste 4 years in college hoping for a profitable career only to watch some upper class wasp get rich pushing her hoity-toity porta potty's on her pretentious Cape Cod friends, its ridiculous.

Like how does that even work? Do rich peoples shits really stink less than us commoners? Gotta be it. Because you can paint the shitter whatever color you please, change the air fresheners hourly, and play soothing music for ambience, at the end of the day its a plastic carton that multiple people have pissed and shit in while baking all day in the sun. It's going to smell, and it's going to smell bad.

Bottom line, if this lady can trick her rich friends into shelling out a few extra bucks for a 4x6 room to poop in, I'm sure I can come up with something to swindle a few bucks out of those tight asses.

Communist AOL Writer Thinks Banks Should Write Down Amount Owed on Mortgages

AOL - The loan modification programs have been a joke. You have a house that has tanked in value and the best the banks can come up with is a plan where they sort of delay what you owe long enough for you to get back on your financial feet -- if that -- based on the flawed logic that the housing market is certain to improve in just a matter of months. The real answer for what ails us is a Third Rail solution that banks don't want to touch: Erase some of the amount we borrowed, a process known as a principal reduction. To do so would share the burden of the housing crash with the lenders who helped create it. It would also allow us to get on with our lives, and, according to The New Bottom Line, save the economy in the process. Got your attention now, didn't we? The report adds: "Writing down the principals and interest rates on all underwater mortgages to market value would serve as the second stimulus that America so desperately needs, only without added costs to taxpayers." Amen to that part.

Look, I feel bad for anyone who's forced to foreclose on their house, and I'm sure being underwater on your loan is an absolute nightmare in this uncertain economy, but if banks just start giving away portions of houses for free, I, as a non-home owner, am going to throw a shit fit. I'll straight up be forced to leave the country. 

Because that would be just a nice "Fuck You" to everyone who A) Has rented until they feel they're fiscally ready to take on a mortgage, B) Bought a place with a mortgage they could reasonably afford, C)Has already been foreclosed on.  I'm guessing those groups make up a solid majority of the country, no?

Like if this is going down I want a bit of a heads up, I'll rush out there and buy the first half a million dollar house I see and just default on it a few months down the road claiming I can't keep up with my "recession era salary."  I mean if everyone in this country is just going to start giving up I might as well jump on-board as well.

I get that the banks take some of the blame here for pushing mortgages on people they may or may not have been able to afford in the first place, but I still maintain that if you're not smart enough to figure out and budget for what you can afford on your own, you're probably not fit to be in the housing market anyway.

I mean you wouldn't roll into the supermarket and ask the butcher how much you can afford to pay for salami and then blindly pay it, would you? You'd be walking out of there paying $10 a pound for something worth a fraction of that, and if you're too dumb, naivie, or unwilling to figure that out on your own, then hey, that's your problem.

Same with housing.

Man Who Does Logging for Fun Forced to Cut His Own Toes Off

Hey James Franco, Your Next Movie Role!

DENVER — Jon Hutt was doing logging work all alone in a remote Colorado forest when his six-ton trailer fell onto his right foot. The pain was excruciating, no one was around to hear his cries for help and he couldn't free himself from the big piece of equipment. So he pulled out his 3-inch pocket knife and cut off his toes to get free. "It hurt so bad," the 61-year-old Hutt said, "I would cut for a while and then I had to rest." Hutt, who runs a crane business and does logging "for fun," had gone into the woods by himself on Aug. 19 to retrieve a pile of fallen aspen trees to cut for winter firewood. A trailer that was attached to his truck slipped and landed on his foot. Hutt said authorities retrieved his severed toes and took them to the hospital, but doctors said the toes couldn't be re-attached because they were too badly mangled. "They told me there was no hope for them. They said there was nothing to attach the toes to," he said. Hutt, who has also worked as a miner, ran a saw mill, built log houses and grew up on a ranch, said his wife met him at the hospital and asked him if he was OK. "There was no crying or whining," he said.

What the hell does this guy mean there was no crying or whining? Bro, you just chopped your toes off, this is the time to cry and whine. Like I get that you're a tough guy, you do logging for "fun" (i.e. you exercise your violent streak on trees instead of people, which we're all thankful for, by the way), but still it's your toes! How could you not have shed even the slightest tear after taking off the baby toe, how?!

You've got no one left to go to the market, no one left to stay home, no one left to get roast beef, and no one left to have none. And when that baby toe went, you gave up on ever having anyone cry "wee, wee, wee," all the way home. 

Yea, powerful stuff, right? Tell me you're not a bit emotional over those toes now.

A Good Old Fashioned Batch of Links

I'll be honest, I got a lot of shit to do at work today and just don't have time to babysit the blog, so here's a lazy batch of links:

Man Arrested for Stealing $60,000 Worth of Toilet Paper - And I feel ashamed buying the 24 pack...How do you fence that much TP? I can't imagine you just roll up back of a Target and give a shady whistle to the guys on the loading dock and ask them if they'd like to make a deal...and more importantly perhaps, what percentage of toilet paper I buy is from the black market? I want my TP pure, the last thing I need is to be thinking about the organized crime I may be funding while I'm wiping my ass.


Chicago Sausage Sellers Bicker Over Who's More Original - All do respect to Jim's Original Chicago Sausages, but your last name is Husain. Based on that alone, I'm inclined to believe that: 1) You don't have a friend named Jim, and 2) Your sausages are derivative and mediocre at best. Sorry, in general I'm not a picky food guy but I have two hard rules for myself: A) Don't buy Sausages from guys named Husain, and B) Don't buy burgers from guys named Bin Laden.

Beyonce's Baby Bigger Twitter News Than Bin Laden - Which comes as a surprise to absolutely no one who has ever clicked on a trending hash-tag on twitter...if you don't know what I mean click on any of the following trending topics for today: #whyyobaby , #schoolflow , "A Bag of Weed."

Cause: Boy Throwing Rocks At Passing Cars, Effect: Passenger Fires Cross Bow At Boy -No one has been arrested, and that's the way it should remain, Cops shouldn't even waste their time...Also, cross bows can't easily be concealed under the seat or anything, where the hell are they storing that thing?

Smarmy High School Kid Builds Tiny House in Parents Back Yard

NY Daily News - Like many other teenagers, 16-year-old Austin Hay was sick of living at home. Unlike other kids, he started building his own – from scratch. In a video posted on Faircompanies.com, the high school junior from Sonoma County, Calif., gives a tour of his progress. He's built the home on a trailer, which he bought used for $2,000, so he can take it with him when he goes to college – and beyond. Sonoma County is home to many of the pioneers of the small house movement, according to Faircompanies.com, and before he started construction, Austin attended a tiny house open house led by Jay Shafer of Tumbleweed Tiny House Company, who gave him plans to build his own tiny home. Austin has been working on the project behind his parents' much larger (1,800-square-foot) home, financing it with money from jobs at a summer camp and a snack bar. Tiny homes typically cost about $23,000 to build, but Austin thinks he will get the cost down to about $12,000 because he's been able to find materials at salvage yards plus some have been donated.

Austin, Austin, Austin. I get it, I see what you're doing.  Parents have a "no girls in  your room" policy that you're chafing under. Simple solution, build your own house in their backyard, right? Wrong. Sure it'll work in the short term, got your own Little Rascals clubhouse in the backyard, you'll probably be able to lure a couple of naive high school girls over after school, but what's best case scenario? Making out with some heavy petting? You're not hitting a home run in a glorified tree house, and while 2nd base might hold you over through high school, you're looking very shortsighted. Because soon enough you're going to be off to college. College girls hook up, you have your own room, with heat, electricity, and plumbing across the hall. But soon as the girls hear you're kind of a weirdo who camped out in a children's play house in your parents backyard for the past two years? Good luck.

Sheets Energy: Where Do You Take A Sheet

"I take a sheet on the second floor at work...for privacy" - CW

 Is it just me or did the plummer look like he had to take a "sheet" as they were filming this thing? 

Empty Nester Is Depressed About Not Having Nagging, Needy Children Anymore

Boston - I wasn’t wrong about their leaving. My husband kept telling me I was. That it wasn’t the end of the world when first one child, then another, and then the last packed their bags and left for college. But it was the end of something. “Can you pick me up, Mom?’’ “What’s for dinner?’’ “What do you think?’’ I was the sun and they were the planets. And there was life on those planets, whirling, nonstop plans and parties and friends coming and going, and ideas and dreams and the phone ringing and doors slamming.And I got to beam down on them. To watch. To glow. And then they were gone, one after the other. “They’ll be back,’’ my husband said. And he was right. They came back. But he was wrong, too, because they came back for intervals, not for always, not planets anymore, making their predictable orbits, but unpredictable, like shooting stars. Always is what you miss. Always knowing where they are. At school. At play practice. At a ballgame. At a friend’s. Always looking at the clock midday and anticipating the door opening, the sigh, the smile, the laugh, the shrug. “How was school?’’ answered for years in too much detail. “And then he said … and then I said to him… .’’ Then hardly answered at all... “I don’t know what I’m going to do without them,’’ she has said every day for months. And I have said nothing, because, really, what is there to say?

Hey Lady- Take a vacation or something. Sleep in instead of getting up to pack brown bag lunches, make selfish plans for just you and your husband, but for the love of god stop complaining.  "Oh poor me, I've got so much free time as a stay at home mom with no kids left living at home." Come on lady, that's the dream.  I spent an hour and a half Sunday night trying to think of ways I could make a living doing just that, just sitting around the house, eating leftover pizza and calzones, watching tv, surfing the net, prepare the occasional dinner and clean up once a week or so. I'd be content as a pig in shit. You know the first thing I would do? Buy two cast iron bathtubs and slap them down in the backyard Cialis style.

Now granted I'm not a parent, but even I know the goal from the minute child number one is brought home and messes up his parent's sleeping schedule, is to get that kid to a point where he can live outside of the house. I mean that's it. All that nostalgia after the fact that they're gone is just that, nostalgia. Sure you'll miss them, they're your kid. But think of the diapers, the sleepless nights, the calls from school, the yelling between siblings, having to cook every day, all the laundry, rides to school, rides to sports, rides to friends...it's like bringing up an complete invalid for the first 15-16 years. Why wouldn't you want that out of your house? I'd throw myself a "My Kids Are All Out of the House Party!" The second they backed out of the driveway. Other empty-nesters only.  Get back to being yourselves, laugh at the same jokes you used to without saying things like earmuffs, have a couple of more drinks than you'd usually allow, less you wake up with a terrific hangover and a kid that can't figure out how to make a bowl of cereal for himself, and watch the R-rated moves that you missed out on for the last 20 years.

Anything but complain about your new-found freedom...that's just annoying.