Alt-Tabs

Slumdog Soldier - A reality television series that offers the winner the chance to serve as an Indian army peacekeeper is attracting huge numbers of aspiring soldiers, The Australian reported Friday.

Sounds thrilling. Whats second prize? A chance to live in a real life Haitian village?


Don't forget to update your status - A Florida teenager was arrested late Sunday after burglarizing a home and forgetting to log off of his MySpace account on one of the home’s computers, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported.

Why can't anyone go about their daily business these days without updating the rest of us to their status? You're not that interesting. What could he possibly have had to say? "Just committed a first class  B&E, LOL."  I just hope for his sake they get wifi or at least 3g service in prison. Wouldn't want to miss out on any potential updates or tweets from the big house like, "Mush again for dinner" or "anal rape is the worst."


Google Starts War (no really, a real one) - First, Google Search. Then, Google News. Now . . . Google Wars? Google Maps is fixing an error in its map of Central America that gave Nicaraguan commanders an excuse to invade a disputed area also claimed by Costa Rica.

The bigger question, does anyone actually care what goes on in Nicaragua and Costa Rica? Apparently not since we've just collectively decided that it can be the Beta testing ground for viral web wars.  And who knew Nicaragua would take the internet so seriously?  Most people just sound off on message boards and comment sections annonymously when they're instigated, apparenly Nicaraguans are just more cutthroat than the rest of us.


Fired over Facebook - In what labor officials and lawyers view as a ground-breaking case involving workers and social media, the National Labor Relations Board has accused a company of illegally firing an employee after she criticized her supervisor on her Facebook page.

Shit you can get fired for that?  Good thing I only gripe about my job on my personal blog. I'd be in some serious trouble.



Hate Waiting? - A nation renowned for the art of queuing may be losing its patience, a survey has shown, with the average British adult able to stand in line for only 10 minutes and 42 seconds before tempers start to fray.  The most loathed lines were in supermarkets, followed by the Post Office and airport check-in and security.

10 minutes?! My temper flares if I'm forced to come to a complete stop at an intersection.  And forget the post office (my views on that here), I can't even wait for the ATM.  If I see a person in line at the ATM I just drive off or walk out.  I'm not waiting 30 seconds for you to conduct your transaction.


OH YEA, TANNING BEDS, YEA - One of Russia's most notorious prisons will soon install sunbeds to improve the health of its inmates, its head said on Tuesday.  Styled as a brick fortress, the 19th century Butyrka prison in central Moscow has held a slew of notable figures behind its bars, from persecuted Soviet-era writers Alexander Solzhenitsyn and Isaak Babel to Adolf Hitler's nephew Heinrich.

What happened to the Russia I knew and Loved? Where is the Steel Curtain, the Iron Fist.  The Russia I knew didn't even have jails, they just shipped out prisoners to the cold woods of Siberia, by the time the inmates were able to walk back to civilization their time was up.  Death sentences were for those too weak to make the journey home.  Now they're providing tanning beds?  Crazy world we live in.

Today's Inspirational Video

Actually, more like today's evidence that hurdles probably shouldn't be an option for girls. 

Gripes of the Week

What better blog for a Friday than a list of gripes I've accumulated over the last week or so.  I'd title it Grinds My Gears but I'm guessing I'd get hit with a lawsuit from Seth McFarlane (If he could find my site), and we here at The Alt-Tab couldn't handle that at this point.

-Why are there so many check out aisles at Target?  Seriously, there are at least 20 at any Target I've been to yet I've never seen more than three open.  Doesn't matter the time of day or how busy the store is, three is the best you're going to do.  And you just know this means you're getting stuck behind someone that decided Target was a good place to buy their entire wardrobe for the year.  Don't even bother trying to change lanes, the other two are just as bad, probably someone haggling over a price check and the final one buying back to school items (it doesn't matter the time of year in Target, they are always running deals on back to school items and dorm furniture, it's one of the bigger mysteries in retail sales out there).

-Why don't car washes advertise half off specials on rainy days?  Their current options are close or open with no business, why not get some customers in at half price?  Its not like it costs them anything.  I'd dare say car washes have the biggest mark-up of any car related service, its just an intricate hose and some dish soap, you could charge $2 a car and probably turn a profit.  I'd take them up on the offer.  Sure rain appears to clean your car, your hood, trunk and windows all look clean, but 9 times out of 10 the sides still look like shit.

-Does any other kind of store cause more arguments between couples and cause more heartburn in general than supermarkets?  Between the crowds, the people with carriages stuffed so high they can't see around them, the insane lines at the deli, and the fact that the aisles are wide enough for exactly 1.5 carriages causing chaos all over the store, its enough to stress anyone out.  Couples arguing over what to get, how much to get, and the most efficient way to get the hell of out their quickly.  And finally the checkout clerks who ask if I have a stop n' shop card like its some kind of exclusive club. No I don't have the stupid card, now just swipe the store copy and give me the discount like you always do. Damn.

-Parents bringing their kids to the store and letting them run free like its a playground or day care.  This applies mainly to Walmart but can be applied to grocery stores and Target as well.  The offenders tend to be of foreign descent, but there is also a smattering of white trash hillbillies that do this too, depending on your location.  How about doing some parenting? Or at the very least leave them at home, turn on the TV or XBox, or even tell your fat 10 year old son to go outside and get some real exercise for an hour or so while you run to the store.  I'm stressed enough that I have to pay something ridiculous like $50 for a pack of razors, I don't want to have to bob-and-weave around all of your unruly children so you can wander the store looking for roll back prices.  

-Finally, day light savings doesn't save shit.  The sun is glaring into my cube from 3-3:30 every day and its dark by 4pm.  That shit is depressing.  I literally spend an hour a night just thinking about how much it sucks to get out of work in the dark.  It's one of the more unproductive hours of my day, all due to day light savings time.

What are your gripes? Leave some in the comments section.

Wake Up With Family Feud

Anyone else as shocked as me? I didn't know Family Feud had a black host. Thought this was as white an institution in America as NASCAR.  Must have lost half their viewers when this change was made.  Not me, I'm going to make it a point to tune in now just to learn some new 5 step hand shakes.

What? You thought I was going to blog about his naked grandma answer? Why? I wouldn't want to see that shit either, seems reasonable to me.

Indoor Soccer Wrap Up, Week 2

Yep, its that time of the week again.  Team B-8 (or gold) was in action again last night, hopeful and optimistic coming off of last weeks mildly good performance.  The team played well and lived up to expectations for about 45 minutes, clearly the better team on the pitch.  But as is always said about indoor soccer, you have to play the full 50 minutes. 

B8 fell asleep at the wheel for about 5 minutes and the result was a scoring barrage by the Green Monsters that will likely be talked about for years.  By the end there was nothing the good guys could do but hang their heads in defeat and look to next week.

B8's feared striker Pascal played exceptionally well even in defeat, tallying multiple goals on his way to earning this weeks game ball.

Also, we're still struggling for a name.  Feel free to drop a suggestion in the comment section.  Last week's suggestions sucked, fyi. Gloucester's Child Stars? Really? Wasn't the pregnancy pact like two years ago? Way to stay topical.

Stranded Cruise Ship Docks

(CNN) -- The disabled Carnival cruise ship that lost power at sea is docking in San Diego, California, on Thursday, aided by tugboats that are pushing it into place. The passengers -- all 3,300 of them -- will disembark with tales from the three-day ordeal that began with a fire in the ship's engine room. Engineers were unable to restore power to the ship after the fire was extinguished, leaving passengers without air conditioning, hot showers or decent meals. Instead, they had to settle for Spam and Pop-Tarts dropped off by the USS Ronald Reagan, which came to assist...Cahill said the crew has done the best it can in making the passengers comfortable, including offering free drinks.


Am I the only one who thinks this sounds awesome? Even without power, being stranded on a cruise ship sounds like a great time.  Free booze, pop-tarts and spam, sounds like weekends in college except better because of the free alcohol (I'll admit I didn't eat spam in college, but I had a lot of bologna sandwiches, and lets be honest, we're just splitting hairs here if we're comparing spam to bologna).  Plus you know everyone is hooking up all over the place, its a cruise without power, what else are they all going to do (I really hope it isn't one of those Single Senior Citizens cruises though, thats an awful mental image).  So yea, the customers can spare me the high-falluting nonsense that they won't be taking Carnival up on their offer for a free cruise.  These people probably just had the time of their lives and now they're trying to milk it for freebies.  Cry me a river.

Chilean miners at it again

Fox Sports - A Chilean miner ran, walked and hobbled his way to the finish line of the New York City Marathon on Sunday, showing the passionate grit that helped him survive more than two months trapped underground.  Edison Pena crossed the Central Park finish line at 3:24 p.m., with a time of 5 hours, 40 minutes, 51 seconds. He was draped in a Chilean flag as Elvis music played over the speakers...The miner cut his steel-tipped electrician's boots down to ankle height so he could train each morning and afternoon along the rocky, muddy 1,000-yard corridor where the men were trapped.  He built up strength by dragging a large wooden pallet that was attached to a cord tied to his waist.

Oh come on people! We're still believing this? Really? If you jogged around your apartment hallway each day in sawed off steel toed boots do you think that would prepare you for running 26.5 miles?  That's an outrageous claim.  It's like these guys are testing just how much we'll believe at this point.  If any gringo made a claim half as preposterous there'd be an ESPN Outside the Lines report on cheating and lying amongst American Distance Runners.  This is an outrage.  I could settle for a few "celebrity" appearances here and there, that's fine.  But when you start showing just how dumb my fellow country men (not to mention our media outlets who continue to fall for this story) are that's where I draw the line.  Frigen Chile, you've made an enemy for life.

Axe Makes Commercial of the Year

You can stop the balloting, it's not even a contest (here's the link if the video goes dead on my site).  The best part about it, it's not even the least bit subtle yet there is really nothing the tight-wads at the FCC can do about it.  But my question, why don't they put this baby on prime-time? Really push their luck.  I've only caught this commercial after midnight while I'm falling asleep (which is why I kept forgetting to blog it).  I wonder if that dork Kevin Nealon can even include this in his funniest commercials of the year show.  They always seem to make him tone it down and pick the safe commercials.  Guy must hate what his career has turned into.

PS: How many cuts do you think this took to film? 20? I can tell you for sure I would have been kicked off the set.  Would have just kept saying Nuts instead of Balls just to mess with everyone.  Probably would have been funny the first 3 or 4 times but I'm pretty sure they'd escort me out after that. 

Powerball Winner Bought Ticket at Porn Shop

Fox News - An adult bookstore in Michigan that offers pornographic movies and sex toys has also sold a winning lottery ticket worth $128 million, MyFoxDetroit.com reports...The winner has not yet come forward. According to Powerball rules in Michigan, winners cannot remain anonymous when they claim their win. Residents in the area say the ticket sale will likely boost sales at the shop. "Maybe it's a lucky spot," one resident told the station.

There are going to be a couple of very lucky divorce laywers in Michigan very soon. Make no mistake about it, the winner hasn't come forward because he's married and trying to figure out a way not to give his wife half after she divorces his ass for hanging out down at the porn shop.  I mean this is just the break I'd imagine any unhappy housewife is looking for.  Chance to split with deadbeat, skeevy husband (presumably) and come away with millions and self-respect.  Smells like another Lifetime Original!  

Only question is which way they'll go when casting the husband.  Is he the up-tight, church going, t-shirt tucking in guy who you'd never expect is some kind of closet perv?  Or the sloppy, alcoholic, wife abusing degenerate that's kept his wife living in fear for years?  I'd go with the up-tight guy.  Probably cast Kip from Napoleon Dynamite.