Why You Shouldn’t Gamble: Volume 36

Like a true degenerate, I subscribe to the cable package that has ESPNU, so last night I monitored my 2 posted wagers by watching the Georgia/Tennessee game on TV and following the Georgetown/Seton Hall game online. As the 2nd halves progressed, UGA and the Vols were going back and forth, while The Hall (getting 4) started to take control and led for most of the 2nd half. At this point I figured I was looking at a split, at worst, with the shot that Georgia covered in regulation or OT…especially with Tennessee having some crucial players in foul trouble.

Well, a few minutes later that picture above happened. That Bison Dele look-alike got away with a blatant over the back (which would have fouled him out), ripped a rebound away from a Georgia player, and hit a jumper as time expired…all in one motion and probably the most athletic thing he’s ever done in his life (look, #3 on Georgia agrees). A crushing buzzer-beating loss, but The Hall was looking good so I still had a chance to save face. After all the postgame reaction, The U took us to that game, where lo-and-behold Seton Hall was no longer up 5 as they had been with just 3 minutes left…they were now down 1 with under a minute to go. Obviously I knew where this was heading, and after missing a 3 pointer they fouled (!) with 0.6 seconds left. Chris Wright steps to the line, and calmly rips out my heart by hitting both FTs

The night ended in the always unpopular “lose-lose-lose-lose” scenario because the 2 additional bets that I wanted to make (Illinois and Alabama) ended up winning, including one underdog wining outright. In my performance review today when I asked for a raise, I neglected to mention that I would just blow it on Tuesday night college basketball, but he probably figured that anyway. Oh well, its only January 19th...many bad beats still to come, which is part of the fun.

Man Says It Was Big Misunderstanding After Girlfriend Lightes His Crotch On Fire

OCALA, Fla. — An Ocala man says he is staying with his girlfriend even after she was arrested for pouring gasoline on his genitals and setting him on fire.  Forty-two-year-old Andrew Williams suffered serious burns and was taken to Shands Hospital in Gainesville last week after police say his 29-year-old girlfriend, Victoria Bynes, set him on fire. Witnesses called police after seeing the couple arguing, and then Bynes pouring gas on her boyfriend and lighting him on fire. Williams told reporters that the whole incident was a big misunderstanding. Bynes told detectives that she saw her boyfriend drop to the ground and roll to put out the flames. She says she left the scene because she thought he wasn't injured. Family members say they are worried about the couple's relationship. It is not known if the couple will seek counseling or take a fire safety class.

I don't see what their families are all alarmed about.  Everyone acting like this never happens to them.  You've never been hanging out with your girlfriend or wife and decided to spice it up with a little scorched junk? Like they aren't at home messing around, flirting with third degree burns and the scents of melted pubic hair.  Please, everyone does it.

Besides, the guy told ya'll it was just a misunderstanding.  Hell, even the girlfriend went back inside once he'd rolled around in the grass long enough to quelch the fire on his roasted nuts.  Nothing to see here.

By the way, googling crotch fire for pictures leads to a comical amount of Lindsay Lohan pics.

High Speed Chase Thru Cow Pasture

Would You Choose Self-Esteem Boost Over Money or Sex? Didn't Think So

Corporate Retreats and Wellness Programs = Kumbaya Bullshit

Time Magazine - It's hard to imagine anything young people might value more than food, getting an extra paycheck or even having sex, but according to the results of a recent study in the Journal of Personality there is one thing prized most among college students: a boost to their self-esteem. In two consecutive studies of a total 282 students, researchers at Ohio State University showed that the majority of students chose kudos over more primal rewards like food, alcohol and sex as well as more sentimental rewards, like seeing a close friend. They even chose accolades over cold, hard cash.

Seems like these stories come out about once a year (coincidence this was printed around the new year, right when companies are handing out their yearly raises?), always with the same results.  People apparently like pats on the back and "atta boys" better than cold hard cash, or apparently in this case, sex too.  Bull shit. 

And it's not just academia that studies this "phenomenon."  I literally can't go three months without some kind of corporate wellness event shoving this crap down my throat.  "Be kind to the people who report to you, tell them when they've done a good job, taken them out for lunch to show your appreciation, don't beat them with belts for being late, and publicly acknowledge them to your team via email."   Umm yea, you know what I bet they'd like even better? A raise or a bonus to acknowledge their hard work.  I'm sure a friendly smile and "great work" today is all its going to take to keep my employees around when they get tired of struggling to pay Boston area rent prices on an entry level job salary.  Yea, that's it.

Seems to me its always self serving hippies and spiritual quacks talking in soft pleasant voices that push this bologna too.  Yea, maybe a 10% raise isn't important to you, but for the rest of us who don't wear birkenstocks, eat granola, and shower more than once a week, we need cash. 

And that's not even mentioning the hypocrisy of these "Corporate Leadership Counselors" telling us its not all about money.  Umm how much did you just collect as a private consulting fee to put on this class in common sense horse shit?  Would you take a pay cut for a few more glad hands and "nice jobs?"  Didn't think so.  

Take a Long, Hard Look at this Picture

 

Kind of reminds me of those old Image Art things.  You remember those?  People just used to be lining up in book stores to stare all dumbfound with their mouths agape, or eating 10 boxes of Captain Crunch in a week just to win the free image art prize.  All to catch the glimpse of a blurry outline of a spaceship or a castle or some other lame shit.  I'm willing to bet those things would still be popular today if this was the kinda thing popping out those books.

Tuesday Hoops With The Maestro

The Maestro went 1-2 in his posting debut this weekend, which is unfortunate. Allegedly the Pats scored a garbage time touchdown to push that total over, but I think I was in a gutter somewhere at that point. Anyways, no rest for the weary, despite CW’s shots at me…hey, haters gonna hate, as I always say.

I love betting college hoops, and we hit on Pitt last night to start the week off right…I know, I know, “Hey Maestro, thanks again for telling us after the game!”. Well remember that gutter? Yeah, well regardless, I’m back today:

Georgetown @ Seton Hall (+4) – I’m a Georgetown fan, lets get that out there right away. However, I’m not above betting against my favorite team in a college hoops season…its too long and I like money too much not to. After starting the season off strong, Georgetown is having some major offensive issues. Seton Hall, on the other hand, is just getting their best player Jeremy Hazell back after, wait for it…he was shot in a robbery attempt. I can’t tell you how many games I missed in high school after being shot in robberies, but I digress. Anyways, I like the Pirates at home tonight to cover the 4 and possibly get a win against the struggling Hoyas. Pick: Seton Hall +4

Tennessee @ Georgia (-4) – Georgia is a team I’ve made some money on this year, especially at home, and I think that continues tonight. Tennessee just had a big comeback win on ESPN over rival Vanderbilt, and I expect a huge letdown here as they go down to Athens. The team has been kind of schizophrenic this year, and this is certainly not a good spot for them. I think the Dawgs continue their under the radar season here with a nice home win. If You Like Money: Georgia -4

Andre Agassi is Into Some Kinky Stuff: Shows off Nude Photos of Wife for Auction

TAIPEI, Taiwan -- The man who won an auction to buy a plate from Andre Agassi and see a naked picture of the tennis great's wife said Tuesday he is not 100 percent sure the nude back in the photo belonged to Steffi Graf.

Agassi took part in the auction while he was in Taiwan earlier this month for an exhibition tennis match. Standing on stage holding up the plate, Agassi said: "You pay more than $4,000, and I will show you a picture of my wife -- on my phone -- naked." Franz Chen, CEO of Taiwanese porcelain manufacturer Franz Collection Inc., says he won the auction and that in exchange for the equivalent of $7,000 Agassi showed him a photo of the naked back of a blonde-haired woman.

First off, I'll believe it was her in the photo.  If you're bold enough as a public figure to make that offer then you have to follow through, after all, as Andre always said in his commercials, "Image is Everything."

Now to the important question, why throw in the plate? Did thing thing add any value or was it one of the standard run of the mill Crate and Barrel Plates? Nice plates? Sure,  but I'm guessing this guy didn't drop seven grand for a nice piece of ceramics.  Why not save the plate so you and your exhibitionist wife still have a full set when you're entertaining guests

PS: I feel like if you just mention the word nude to a foreign asian business man he'll automatically start giggling childishly while emptying the contents of his wallet.  The guys are like sexually repressed teenagers. 

What is Everyone Doing With Their Social Security Raise?

For those of you who have no clue what that title is about, have no fear.  CW does enough reading and browsing of the news during his slack time at work for his entire readership. 


Basically for 2011 the social security deductions, previously at 6.2% annually, have been cut to 4.2%.  That's essentially a 2% raise for everyone (or at least everyone earning below $106K per year, so 99.99% of my readership).  So my question is, what are ya'll gonna do with that cash? A few thoughts for the Americans amongst you (I have no clue what kind of crazy shit foreigners spend their money on):


 Jet ski - Don't think 2% is a lot of cake? Assume you make ~$50k, that two percent difference is a cool Grand.  That's money to burn. Coupled with the fact that if you live up in the northeast like I do jetski salesmen would practically fall over themselves to sell a Seadoo right now (its snowing for what feels like the 17th consecutive day). Plus, Kenny Fucking Powers rides a Jet ski, you'd be in good company.

Gamble with maestro-  I know, I know.  He let you down, he let himself down. But you know what the thing is about gamblers?  You're never really up, sure you win once in a while, but all in all you're going to lose.  Might as well do it with the Maestro, right? A guy to share your pain with and trade war stories about times you were this close (If you're reading this Maestro, you're going to have to make me eat my words before I stop, CW may not be "constantly winning" but he definitely wasn't losing this weekend either).

Tighty-whitey fiscally conservative method of "saving it"- Definitely the chosen method of our other new blogger set to debut this week (fittingly he's chosen to go by H.E. Pennypacker). Consumate logical thinker, presenting essentially the complete opposite of my loosely held opinions.  Enjoy collecting that .75% interest, I'm sure those $3 bucks will come in handy at the end of the year.

Buy an I-Product - Seems to be the standard these days, everyone running around wasting their money on overpriced gadgets that have an apple logo.  Shits ridiculous.  Apple is about to announce record breaking earnings for the 4th quarter of 2010 and supposedly everyone and their freaken uncle is in debt.  Gee, I wonder why.

Donate it to a blogger- We're poor and advertising free.  Plus now we have to make up for the Maestros losings. 

Most likely blowing on acohol- I assume most of my readers are chooing this method, so am I.

The Perversion of the US Constitution

LA Times - Now it is faced with another controversial test of free speech. The question is: Does the Constitution ? boobies?...In the five years since the Keep A Breast Foundation began its campaign to make young people aware of breast cancer, it has sold more than 2 million rubber wristbands inscribed with the words: "I ? boobies." It would appear that many of those wristbands have turned up where there is maximum potential for adolescent interest in boobies: middle school...Some students and teachers had found them offensive, and some boys had been overly enthusiastic about them, telling girls, "I love your boobies."  That development, in turn, has incited the wrath of a group of adults that decidedly does not love the wristbands: middle-school administrators.

You're god damn right the Constitution was set up to protect speech like this.  Kids in middle schools are interested in boobies? There's a shock.  Everyone knows the 6th and 7th grade is when girls stop having cooties, its just science, so it's only natural that these 10-13 year old's would wear bracelets to celebrate this scientific break through.

And on a more serious note, Yes, I'd rather our constitution protect fluky cases of free speech such as that than stick to a hard line view that some Supreme Court Justices have recently expressed preference for;

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia: said in a recently published interview that the equal protection clause of the 14th Amendment does not prohibit discrimination based on gender or sexual orientation."Certainly the Constitution does not require discrimination on the basis of sex," Scalia told California Lawyer. "The only issue is whether it prohibits it. It doesn't. Nobody ever thought that that's what it meant. Nobody ever voted for that. If the current society wants to outlaw discrimination by sex, hey we have things called legislatures, and they enact things called laws." 

Interesting, that from one of the 9 most powerful Judges in our American, conveniently appointed for life, I might add.   FYI ladies, he's looking right at you.  Apparently because our founding fathers didn't believe discriminating against woman was a big deal, nor should we today.  

Here's my big problem with these "Constitutional Conservatives." If we were supposed to follow the constitution by the exact words it was written, we'd still have slavery, and woman couldn't vote.  We'd also live in a world of limited interstate commerce, no national drug laws, and presumably we'd all be getting around by horse and buggy.  We'd just be stuck in the past adhering to hard set laws and rules set forth by a bunch of whig wearing old men from hundreds of years ago...we'd be Iran, Morocco, Pakistan and Indonesia.  Countries governed by unbending rules and laws set forth ages ago.  We'd be stuck in the stone age with these backwards ass countries.  The fact is that our wise old Bastard Founding Fathers left open the ability to ammend and adapt our governing law because they understood society will change and there will be situations they could have never foreseen.  People who want to live in a simpler, more archaic time should move to Amish Country or go live on an FLDS reservation.  You'll get all the simplicity you could ever want.

How lunatics, and yes Justice Antonin Scalia is a lunatic, fancy title aside, can be appointed to such a prestigious and powerful post is beyond my understanding.  You may not like the ways of modern life, but any clear headed thinker can see that most change is all in the name of progress. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but freedom of change is never done in hopes of bringing about the self depreciation for the rest of society, unlike expressing ideas that woman, gays, and transgenders aren't constitutionally protected.