Tuesday, November 20, 2012

So Hostess Might Not Be Really Shutting Down? Well Don't You All Look Like Idiots


CNN - WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. (CNNMoney) -- Hostess Brands and a key union agreed Monday to try to mediate their dispute -- an unexpected development that could spare the company from permanently shutting down... On Friday, management announced a shutdown of Hostess and appeared before U.S. Bankruptcy Judge Robert Drain on Monday afternoon seeking approval to liquidate. But Drain said he wanted the parties to try one last time to reach agreement. Drain will serve as the mediator at a session scheduled for Tuesday afternoon. Only one day of talks is set for now. Hostess CEO Greg Rayburn said the company needs a final decision on Tuesday. Monday's hearing on the liquidation motion was rescheduled for Wednesday at 11 a.m..Hostess has announced its intention to sell its brands and recipes for various products and other assets as a way to generate cash for its creditors. Even if the products are purchased by other companies and once again sold to consumers, most potential buyers are unlikely to rehire Hostess employees to produce or deliver those products.

You see? You see what just happened, crazy internet people? You all went ham, buying up up Twinkies (arguably the WORST Hostess treat) hoarding pallets of those damn things, selling for upwards of $5,000, on Ebay, and for what? Absolutely nothing. Just a bunch of idiots overreacting. Just fucking nuts.

Sometimes I can't help but chuckle when I hear about people blaming the government, Wall Street, the mortgage companies, Obama, etc...for our countries fiscal problems...Please. Those institutions may not have helped, but I'm pretty sure our biggest problem is that as a society we're a bunch of assholes who you can literally sell anything to with the right advertising...and that's what this is shaping up to be...the biggest unconventional marketing ploy in history. Twinkies just made their nut over this whole shutdown rumor. Probably sold more gross pastries in a week than they do in a typical year.

What makes it even more laughable is that Twinkies, Ring-Dings, etc...those were never going anywhere anyway. If we didn't read in a society where people overreact to sensational headlines, everyone would have read the actual articles, saw that, yes, Hostess is closing, but also that they're selling their assets and recipes. You don't honestly think that all those iconic treats were just going to disappear did you? That's like half an aisle in the Supermarket, of course someone was going to pick those things up. Meanwhile you'd have these morons just going into debt for hundreds of twinkies that'll end up just getting packed away and going to waste with all their old Y2K supplies. Absolutely nuts.


PS: My biggest problem with Twinkies? That I don't think I referenced in my earlier post...They don't taste like anything that exists anywhere else in the world. I mean, maybe, MAYBE, vaguely like pecan pie filling, but that's just a hint. The overwhelming Twinkie taste is Twinkie. Twinkies taste like Twinkies. And that's fucking weird. I had more of a handle on what the white mystery flavor of Airheads was than I did for what flavor a twinkie was supposed to be.

Double PS: I'm sure the 18,500 people who's jobs were/are reportedly on the line appreciate all the attention going to their shitty cakes and pastries...No outrage over more unemployed Americans, just that we can get our fill of high calorie treats.