How come this shit can never happens to me? Every time I go digging around in an attic or a basement I find Bat Turd, and a bunch of junk...Hilariously dated clothes, old Pogs, my brothers stupid pet Tamagotchi that I told him was stupid at the time but he didn't believe me but I bet he does now that I've told everyone on the internet that he at one point owned a Tamagotchi...But never millions of dollars worth of baseball cards. That has literally never happened to me.
Which is why I'm writing this now...for my future grandkids...Guys...go up to the old attic, locate the GIGANTIC green Rubbermade tub, open it, GO NUTS. I've got everything in there. Rookie cards from all our favorite juicers who may or may not ever make the hall of fame as a result. There's a Jacoby Ellsbury card signed with a piece of his jersey inserted in it, so if by chance he ever hits the field again that'll be worth something. There's even a shitload of basketball cards, like Kenny Anderson rookies, and a very shiny Scottie Pippen insert...it's all there, and it's way more than 700 cards, so you'll for sure get more than $3 MM, even if I don't have a Christy Matthewson and Honus Wagner.
