Went to the Toppsfield Fair this weekend, expecting all the amusement of an afternoon spent pumpkin picking, and was pleasantly shocked. I went in basing my expectations from memories as a child (the last time I went was probably the 3rd or 4th grade) when we took educational trips to the fair as kids, or as I like to think of them, days when teachers were too lazy to prepare lesson plans so we all got on a bus and went somewhere under the guise of education.
This means I was expecting Elephant rides, goats, guinea pigs and rabbits as far as the eyes can see, a few prize winning hogs, honey sticks and gigantic horse dongs to amuse my childish friends and I...Don't get me wrong, all that was still there, and I still cracked a couple gigantic horse dick jokes, but there was so much more there that I have no memory of, it makes me feel like my school was concealing all the fun we could have been having, like I was robbed of a part of my childhood in a way.
There were unsafe rides for people to throw up on, cheesy haunted houses where not one person popped out to scare you (legit, we walked through the entire thing, no one popped out once), swindling carnies and their fixed games (which I still think I can beat despite ample knowledge that I can't), hilarious people watching as far as the eyes can see, and a Mike Posner concert that brought out teenage hoochies to this patch of farmland from miles away. Never before would I have imagined I'd see so many underrage girls in bedazzled shirts, skirts way to short, and to top off the fashion statement, a nice pair of uggs. Ladies, you're at a farm that smells like Cow shit, there are horses taking pisses 20 feet behind the stands for the concert, maybe tone it down a bit?
