How does an aspiring media mogul, potential Tony Award winning off-broadway accredited writer, and all all around man of class spend his Sunday night of Labor Day weekend? Why at the Boathouse in Dracut of course, only the worlds biggest shit-hole of a bar.
Actually, shit-hole doesn't quite do this place justice. There are dive bars, shit-holes, and potentially murderous shit holes beloved by the lowest dregs acceptable in our society...That's the Boathouse crowd, no joke. Even now, reading that back, I'm not sure it's worded strongly enough, but it'll have to do, because how else do you describe a place inhabited by likely murder suspects, black mold, and asbestos?
The staff was literally changing out the air filters in the ceiling vents at 11:45 pm in a fairly packed bar, and our table seemed to be the only people thrown by this, like the regulars were like "oh, the air quality level must've just gotten to a dangerous level again" (which would explain the scratch in my throat and nasal issues I'm experiencing two days later).
There were dudes dancing in cut-off shirts and logger boots, an un-ending stream of bros wearing socks with sandals, some guy wearing a knock-off Ed Hardy shirt just dominating the Karaoke machine (and by dominating I mean just screaming heavy metal songs as loud as he could while his legions of lackeys, 2 people, stood watching in admiration), and a dance pole so filthy that one of the regulars told us they don't usually touch it without gloves on.
To top off all the weirdness our DJ in charge of our entertainment for the night, a 270 pound man with a shaved head and goatee, bumped out an impressive array of top 40 hits, sprinkled with the occasional death metal song, the guy was actually a sweet heart with a fairly soothing voice, easily the only bright spot in the place.
Needless to say the only way I'm ever returning to this gateway to hell is to burn it down, though I have to admit, their entertainment calendar is pretty compelling, I mean, Wednesday night is Buckhunter Challenge night, how do you say no to that?
