MINNEAPOLIS (WCCO) — Police discovered a half-naked man sleeping in a restroom stall with pornographic magazines at a Panera Bread in Minneapolis, according to the Hennepin County Sheriff’s Office. Minneapolis Police were dispatched Wednesday at 2:12 p.m. to the Panera, located at 809 Nicollet Mall, on the report of indecent exposure. When they arrived, they found the man sleeping on his back in the stall with his pants and underwear pulled down around his ankles. Police noticed that there were pornographic pictures spread out and some affixed to the stall walls. The man had apparently fallen asleep while masturbating, according to the criminal complaint.
The lesson in all this? That Bacon Turkey Bravo is a legit beast of a sandwhich. Enough Turkey to knock out even the heftiest of dudes. Something to keep in mind when contemplating a post lunch spank.
The bigger issue here, how about the complete lack to privacy in public bathrooms these days. I think it's safe to assume that this guy would have closed the stall door before turning the bathroom into his own little porn cave, and if that's the case, how in the hell did anyone discover this? Who's to assume that he's not in there just working on a serious deuce or maybe just using a little quiet time to catch up on his favorite magazine.
In fact, who's to say the man was even masturbating? He doesn't look like a bright, educated guy. What if his favorite magazine just happens to be Jugs and he happened to pass out due to extreme relaxation and a large turkey sandwhich. For all we know those 15 minutes a day this guy spends leisurely reading in peace on the throne after lunch is just a relaxing break in an otherwise miserable existance. Can you really arrest a guy for accidentally nodding off while reading his favorite periodical on the shitter? I'd be arrested 2x-3x a year. May not be reading porn, but hey, to each his own, right? This is America after all.
