Continuing my series of lectures for upwardly mobile cubicle workers, today we'll talk about how to get by with doing the bare minimum at work.
First off, it helps to be intellectually gifted and exceedingly charming, like myself. Coupled with these intangibles, this guide will not only help you get by, but succeed while doing less work than you ever did before. Lacking the afforementioned gifts it will at least let you get by without being fired.
Don't Suck Up - This may seem counter-intuitive, but you must know that nothing is more annoying to your boss than a suck up. Trust me, I may only be a lower level leader but people still suck up to me. It takes every ounce of strength not to tell these people to shut the fuck up. Nevermind the fact that they're sucking up to a person with the littlest amount of power someone can have at my company.
What you want to do is find a common ground you can tread on comfortably. Think of it as if you were a predator luring in little kids. You don't want to come on too strong or creepy, just enough to make your victim (or your boss in this case) feel at ease. To take the analogy one step further (if I didn't cross the line already), you also want to get in and out quickly. Don't linger around past your welcome. I prefer the one foot in, one foot out approach when standing in someones doorway, it lets them know that I'm on the verge of leaving any second and that way they're not bothered by the length of time I'm chatting them up.
Do the Important Work - Little secret, its okay to let shit slide. But you have to know what you can ignore. This takes a certain comfort level with your daily tasks. You want to complete high visibility tasks and projects and push off the remedial work to those dumb enough to think hard work is the key to success.
Take Meetings and Ask Questions - This should be obvious. They kill time that you'd otherwise have to fill with work and make you appear more important than you really are. Some people bitch about having to go to meetings, you should too, don't let people know that you secretly embrace these wastes of time. It's equally important when you're in the meeting to contribute by asking questions. No one likes the deaf-mute that just takes up space at a meeting, I know you're just trying to blend in but you end up sticking out like a sore thumb. Asking questions allows you to contribute without actually having to display any knowledge of the subject that the meeting is on.
