Who Knew the Mayans Would be Wrong? Ohhh Right, Sane People.

You mean to tell me a civilization that all but went extinct hundreds of years ago wasn't able to accurately predict the end of the world? That's weird.

On a more serious note, how dumb to the people who shelled out for these super bunkers have to feel? Would it kill CNN or Fox to get a news crew out to one of these things to catch a first glimpse of all these "survivalists" turtleheading out of their bunkers and seeing that all their years of preparation and money they forked over was for nothing.  The look on their faces will be priceless.

This is the closest I was able to find by googling "Coming out of doomsday bunker"

My Favorite Commercial of the Year: "Just 99 Cents Any Size"

Gets me every time. When that giant man-garoo zips his little Joey back up, I lose it.

PS: This is the exact reason I won't drink gas station coffee. 99 Cents or not. Just a string of freakshows coming in and handling that shit all day long. I mean Frankenstein and Igor over here were probably just the most photogenic people of the day to grab a Cumby's coffee and that's how they were selected...imagine the other cretins.

Brookline Cops Will Address Gangster Turkeys

That's a real graph folks, I didn't even make it up.

Boston - Karen Halvorson was walking down Tappan Street in Brookline about a month ago when she spotted three turkeys flying up against passing cars. Then she said the turkeys turned on her. Halvorson, who is 64 and five-feet tall, said three turkeys surrounded her and the dominant turkey flew up at her head and scratched her neck, breaking the skin, when she tried to duck. Halvorson said she didn’t know what to do, until finally a passing motorist stopped, threw open a car door and let her jump in. “I’m not sure what would have happened to me had she not stopped,” Halvorson said.While some voiced their support for protecting the birds and just trying to scare away the trouble makers, other neighbors are asked police to shoot the aggressive birds. One man in the audience even requested if he could spray-paint the problem birds so police can identify them. Brookline Police Chief Daniel O’Leary said firing guns in the neighborhood is not an alternative, but the chief vowed the department will find a way to address the aggressive turkeys, and especially the three trouble-making tom turkeys.

Jesus, I mean, people of Dorchester are probably just counting their lucky stars every day they don't run into one of these mean mugging dinner fowls, huh? The worst they have to deal with is guns and murderers and shit...

Can I ask a question, just how soft are you, Brookline? I mean really? We're talking about turkeys here...to quote Urban Dictionary, to refer to someone as a turkey is to imply that: the person is a loser, uncoordinated, inept, and clumsy; a tool.

Is that what you guys are afraid of? Like you Karen, apparently a 6'5 woman just strolling the streets of Brookline, I'd think you can take care of yourself...just kick the damn things, PETA be damned. The minute these things cross the line from something that would look good on my dinner table, to an Alfred Hitchcock scenario, you're allowed to fight back. One or two punts to the breast bone and I think they'll get the message. 

PS: The thought of the police "addressing troublesome turkeys" just makes me thing of scared straight...like the cops are gonna round up all these badass Turks, get in their face, and then show them a slide show of this:

"YEA, you street turkeys aint gonna be so tough when you've got a buttload of stuffing and pecans on some folks dinner table, are you? ARE YOU!?"

Cracks me up.

Guys, John Travolta Couldn't Possibly By Gay

I mean look at that, he's line dancing with Olivia Newton John guys...It's just ridiculous that anyone would think he'd do those things to all those masseuses and bus boys, just utterly ridiculous.

Two Additional Things:

1. Bro, you're bald. You've been thinning since the 70's, we all know you're bald by now. Dancing around with a chia pet slapped on your head does nothing to change that.

2.  Don't both of you guys have like, lots of money? No offense, but this looks more like a high school A/V project than two Hollywood stars filming a music video from their album. What was the production budget for this thing? Three iPhone 5's and an old Macbook for editing? Clean it up guys.

Pineapple Upside-Down Cake Makes Absolutely Zero Sense

Looks right side up to me.

I mean look at it...It's not upside down. Full disclosure I had my first encounter with this cake thing a few weeks ago at Thanksgiving, having never had one or really seen one before I was fairly curious as to what I would be dealing with, so I sneaked a peak...Ummm, guys? Someone forgot to flip the cake upside down.

I mean that's not upside down, no way around it. Yes, it was explained to me that it's baked upside down, but you know what, I'm the guy eating it, when it's presented to me, it's right side up. I've never cared to ask what steps the chef was taking with my food before it gets to me previously, and I don't care now. All I care is that it tastes good, and it's labeled appropriately.

And with that in mind, from this day forth, the pastry formerly known as pineapple upside-down cake, is just going to be known as pineapple cake. Now go forth and let the name ring from the mountainside.