My Only Real Goal in Life

A candid inside look at Barstool Sports headquarters...and my ultimate goal in life.

I have to be one of the few people on earth that can look a desk littered with junk and a grown man eating a loaf of bread while surfing the internet who thinks "I want that," who actually make a moderate attempt at it, but just can't make it happen.

This picture literally ruined my afternoon yesterday because I realized the chances of me ever being that old man, eating a baguette in a sea of filth, coffee, and the far reaches of the internet, is the slimmest of slim.

Just destined to a life of fluorescent lights and overhearing annoying co-worker chatter from my depressing cube.

And my day is shot once again. 

A Brief Run Down of the Most Unhealthy Weekend Ever

Let me state by saying that the results of this weekend are no surprise, for years now the first week of March Madness coupled with St. Patty's day has been a beacon of un-health for me.  There's just something about the Spring time air, the sunshine, and the general fantastic weather after a grey and dreary winter that make me want to spend anywhere between 36-48 straight hours in dark pubs or basement bars, drinking as much as I can and staring at 24 hour coverage of college basketball...It's a magical time of the year. 

But this year took it to a whole 'nother level, a level that I'm sincerely hoping will never be topped. What follows below is a run down of my diet from Friday morning through Sunday morning. It will shock, disgust, and amaze you. Hell, it forced me to actually pack my bag for the gym tonight, an incredibly rare event. Looking back you'd assume I was in some state of depression the entire weekend, but honestly, it couldn't have been more fun. With the highlight being this, probably my proudest moment of the year:

Yes, I'm bragging, no I'm not humble, so please don't call it a humblebrag. It's the opposite of a humblebrag, its an arrogant brag. 

Anyway, back on topic, below is a run down of my 48 hour diet (strictly food consumption, but for informational purposes I began drinking at 11:15 Friday morning, and aside from sleeping for 8 hours into Saturday, there wasn't much of a break elsewhere).

 Friday:

10:30 AM - Sausage Egg and Cheese on a Cinnamon Raisin Bagel

3:00 PM - Loaded Nachos

7:00 PM - Loaded Nachos with chicken (for health purposes, obviously)

9:00 PM - Wendy's Spicy Chix Sandwich and a Large Fry

Saturday:

10:00 - Sausage Egg and Cheese on a Cinnamon Raisin Bagel (sensing a trend). 

3:00 PM - Half of a Stuffed Pepper (by far the oddest thing on this list)

8:30 PM - Two McD's Cheeseburgers, Large Fry, Bucket of Orange flavored Hi-C

11:30 PM - 4 Slices of Regina's Cheese Pizza that improbably showed up at my apartment. 

Sunday Morning:

11:30 AM - Supreme Omelet with Home Fries (A supreme consists of 3 eggs, cheese, bacon, sausage, and Ham). 

I ate healthy the rest of the day, which is probably the only reason I was able to stave off what was sure to be a massive coronary.